::panic::, y'all ain't gonna believe this one...

I.

Am so.

Pissed off.

Right now.

Do we want to know why?

I'll get into more detail later, but here's the gist of it:

Couple and family drama combine in this rip-roaring comedy of errors in which the high priestess is set in the middle and made the scapegoat.

Honestly, I don't know why I was there. Heh.

Ok, since you guys really deserve a fuller story than that:

I called on Friday and we agreed that either lunch or dinner was in order for us to sit down, get to know each other a little, and get this ceremony worked out the way they wanted it to be. They said they'd call when they got home from work and tell me where to meet them and when. No call.

So I called Saturday morning, hoping to at least get there a little early, run their choices past them, get the go-ahead on one, and make this look like we had all the time in the world and that I'm really a professional. No answer. And they aren't at the site. No answer to either cell phone. I'm stuck.

I don't want to go knocking on their door, because that's...creepy. Besides, I wasn't laying any money on them being home anyway. So I went to a coffee shop to sit down and wait for my cell phone to ring, which it never did. Meanwhile I was memorizing two different ceremonies and writing quick notes down on a couple of alternates. I had them set up so that in all reality, they had to answer the ultimate yes/no question and repeat after me. I did the rest.

I finally go back around 4:30. All the relatives are there, no bridal couple. Let me just say right here and now...don't *ever* be the one to announce to two sets of upright Catholic parents that not only are their daughters lesbians and they're getting married, but it's gonna be a Pagan wedding. Just a tip.

I got harangued, lectured, insulted, browbeaten, snubbed, condescended to, and outright asked to leave. I was getting ready to do just that when the couple arrived. It's now less than a half an hour till the ceremony was supposed to take place and I have no idea what the hell's going on. I got promised that when they took care of this "one more little thing", they'd both huddle with me and let me know which ceremony to use and I could start getting ready. It's now quarter till six and people are starting to show up. This is going from awkward to painful.

They finally dash into the room I'm holed up in, I sit the choices in front of them, they both get that look that says their wedding day is ruined and it's all my fault. One of them smiles without making eye contact and says whatever one I want to use is fine, the other one just said "whatever". That was it. Whatever.

The parents refused to get in the circle. Half of the other relatives didn't know what was going on and kept wandering out to get this or that. The DJ started early and I had to scream to make myself heard. But they're married dammit.

After the ceremony, I didn't exist anymore. No thanks, no weak attempts at conversation, no "do stay and have something to eat", just...nothing. So I left.

...needless to say, I'm not doing another wedding anytime soon...

Sekhmet, they're really off to a spectacular start. Sounds almost like they were hoping you wouldn't show up so they could back out of the whole thing.

Wanna know the really frightening part?

This was their renewal of vows. From what I understand the first wedding got thrown off kilter for whatever reason and this was their do-over. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Yes, it really does make you wonder if they should be together.

That's absolutely horrible what happened to you.