Kids, They say the darnest things

[Tatanka]

Kids Are Quick 
____________________________________ 
TEACHER:   Maria, go to the map and find  North America . 
MARIA:         Here it is. 
TEACHER:  Correct. Now class, who discovered  America ? 
CLASS:         Maria. 
____________________________________ 
TEACHER:  David, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? 
DAVID:           You told me to do it without using tables. 
__________________________________________ 
TEACHER: Dana, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 
DANA:         K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'                                             
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong 
DANA:         Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 
(I Love this kid) 
____________________________________________ 
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O. 
TEACHER:  What are you talking about? 
DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O. 
__________________________________ 
TEACHER:  Betsy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 
Betsy:       Me! 
__________________________________________ 
TEACHER:  Paige, why do you always get so dirty? 
PAIGE:   & nbsp;       Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. 
_______________________________________ 
TEACHER:    Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' 
MILLIE:           I is.. 
TEACHER:    No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' 
MILLIE:           All right...  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'     
________________________________ 
TEACHER:   George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? 
LOUIS:          Because George still had the axe in his hand.     
______________________________________ 
TEACHER:     Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? 
SIMON:        No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. 
______________________________ 
TEACHER:    Rhonda, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? 
RHONDA:       No, sir. It's the same dog. 
___________________________________ 
TEACHER:  Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? 
HAROLD:   A teacher 
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND 
AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!   
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE

[nbailey]

I can just see a child doing this.
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an Urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the
  employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
  "Hello."
  "Is your daddy home?" he asked.
  "Yes," whispered the small voice.
  "May I talk with him?"
  The child whispered, "No."
  Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
  "Yes."
  "May I talk with her?"
  Again the small voice whispered, "No."
  Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
  "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
  Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
  "No, he's busy," whispered the child.
  "Busy doing what?"
  "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
  Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What
is
 that noise?"
  "A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
  "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.
  In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
  landed the hello-copper."
  Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
  Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
  "ME."

[Faerydreamer]

I can just imagine my son doing something like that. It is amazing what some kids will say at the most inopportune moment.

A totally embarrassing moment:

We were having lunch with my aunt and great aunt (in her 80's) and we were talking about getting my cousin (a state trooper) to get me a pair of handcuffs. Well, my loving 11 year old son, said, 'But Mommy, you don't need any others, you have that furry set!"

Needless to say, I was red faced for a bit.

[togo]

My 6 year old daughter said this to me the other night:

Jilly:
"Dad I have a stain on my shirt. I need to get something to wash it out."
Me:
"Well it' almost time for bed. Why don't you put it in the hamper and just get your pj's on?"
Jilly:
"Dad it's summer!! You can't tell me what to do!!"

Where did I go wrong???

[Faerydreamer]

I had to put my son in the hospital on Friday. We have been having issues with him due to his diagnoses of ADD and ODD. I had to trick him a bit and I feel horrible about that but what made it even harder was what he kept saying to me.

After I signed the admission papers, he kept telling me, "You have the power, Mommy. You have the power to tell them to let me go home." I had to tell him that it was out of my hands.

But I will always remember him saying, "You have the power."

[Patch]

That has to be a really rough situation for a parent.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

[Faerydreamer]

It was a very tough situation but tough love is sometimes the best medicine. He is home now. They did adjust his medications but I told him the same behavior will cause the same consequence. The nurse told him that the next time they will be tougher on him and he will stay longer.

[MelissaDawn7]

The other day we were watching my husband's niece (2 1/2 yrs), when he burped. My niece turned to him and said "You tooted out of your mouth!" Ever since then all burps have been "mouth toots" lol

This post has been edited by MelissaDawn7 on 29-May-2014, 12:02 PM

[Grace2302]

These aren't jokes, but some cute things my niece said recently.

About a month ago, I was walking with my 5 year old niece down a long hallway at church to take her to the worship service. On the walls are some murals painted by members of the church. There is a mural of Noah's ark and some animals, a mural of a lighthouse, a large tree with hand print leaves and a one of Jesus with children. Passing the one of Jesus she says "That's not what Jesus looks like." I said, " It's not? What does he look like?" She replied, "I don't know but he doesn't look like that."

Another day we were leaving church in the evening and she was with me again. As we were in the car I was commenting on how beautiful the sky was. It was all pink and purple swirly and puffy clouds. She says from the backseat, "I wish I was Jesus so I could touch it."

She says funny/crazy stuff all of the time, but those are the two that have stuck in my mind this summer.

[Shadows]

My eldest daughter , who is now in her 30's, when at the store with my wife heard the pager ( yes it was that long ago ) on the heavy set women in front of them go off and said " look out mom she is backing up! ". Out of the mouths of kids !

[five4]

I got separated from my grand children at the fair once and they asked a Deputy to help them find me. The officer asked them "What's your grandpa like" and the oldest on said, " Jameson's and ladies with big boobs"...