| You Know You're Addicted To...when...
Posted: 03-Oct-2006, 03:36 PM
Madman with a box
Realm: Midlothian, IL
You Know You're Addicted to Caffeine When...
You haven't slept since the Clinton Administration.
Your next-door neighbors often call to complain about the sound of your chattering teeth.
Instead of Tic Tacs, you suck on Vivarin.
You plan to name your twins "Cappuccino" and "Espresso."
On the way to work you get pulled over for speeding and you don't even have your car.
You kill a guy for trying to switch your regular coffee to decaffeinated Folgers.
You wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Pepsi! For the love of God, I need Pepsi!"
When a Maxwell House commercial comes on, you actually lick the TV screen.
You drink so much coffee it starts shooting out your ears.
You're shaking like Michael Jackson on his wedding night.
You think sleep is for the weak.
You've just had your 20th cup of coffee within 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon, at 4 o'clock, just so "the milk doesn't go bad over the weekend"
You believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.
You know from experience caffeine tablets don't dissolve in cola.
You wake up to Mountain Dew, before switching to JOLT.
You can name five flavors of JOLT.
You have a mini-fridge under your desk... and a catheter.
You drink decaf by accident and slip into a coma.
Mountain Dew is the stuff great decisions are made of.
You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign.
You have tattooed across the knuckles of your hands "JOLT" and "COLA"
Your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia.
You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee.
Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.
You've ever an airplane's call button just to get a coffee refill.
You've knelt and prayed before a Starbuck's logo.
Your web page has the Mountain Dew color scheme.
You have distilled Jolt Cola to make it more potent.
The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.
You see nothing wrong with using water joe (caffeinated water) to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.
You believe that sleep is simply a poor substitute for sleep
It's 6:09 AM and you're on your 2nd 20oz. cup of coffee.
You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
You'd rather be beaten over the head with a sledgehammer than give up that first cup of coffee in the morning.
You've given up sex, TV, or all forms of meat for Lent before, but can't make it 40 days without caffeine.
You suck on a used coffee filter (full of coffee grounds) whenever the can runs out of coffee.
You dip espresso beans.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to caffeine.
This is mostly true. I'll never darken the doorstep of a Starbucks. I support local coffee shops (and Dunkin' Donuts ).
Posted: 04-Oct-2006, 04:46 PM
Madman with a box
Realm: Midlothian, IL
You Know You're Addicted to Star Wars When...
You can recite *all* the dialogue from the trilogy.
You watch the entire trilogy at least once a month.
You wonder why the SW theme never makes it into those "clasical collections."
Any time you pick up a walkie-talkie or two-way radio, the first thing you say is "TK-421, why aren't you at your post?"
Whenever you went anywhere outside with your friends, you always walked single file, to hide your numbers.
You've written several letters to the President recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line.
In college, after several hours of poker, you got thrown our of the game for suggesting, "How about some sabacc?"
When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one."
On Halloween, you would never dress as: Luke, Han Solo, Leia, Vader, Chewie, Threepio, Artoo
However, you would dress as: Wedge, Porkins, Crix Madine, that spider droid from Jabba's palace that fat dancer from Jabba's palace, Sy Snootles, the Cantina bartender. The monster in the trash compactor, Boba Fett, An Imperial probe droid
You've been pulled over by a policeman, and when asked to see your driver's license you replied, "You don't need to see my identification."
And when he asks about your two friends in the back "They're for sale, if you want them."
You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spellied Wookiee with only one "e."
You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir...droids!"
You've referred to Wedge Antilles or Boba Fett as "The Man."
You've bought a white Isuzu Trooper, strictly because of the name.
While sitting on the couch with your girlfriend, she comments about being cold. So, naturally, you slice open the side of the cushion and stuff her in.
You insist on spelling Pizza Hut "Pizza Hutt."
You dropped your religion and now live the way Yoda taught you.
You recorded all the new Star Wars comercials.
You frequently experience insomnia and, to counter this, begin counting nerfs.
You answer the phone "Die wanna wanga?"
Whenever you buy a new appliance, you make sure to get one that speaks Bacchi.
You call your aunt and uncle Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen.
Whenever you catch sight of cars behind yours, you say "Fighters, coming in, point three five."
Someone else in your car says "What about that tower?"
You respond, "You worry about those fighters, I'll worry about the tower", and moments later your car slams into the water tower the passenger was referring to.
When a cop catches you speeding, you floor it, saying "I've outrun Imperial starships, and not the local bulk cruisers..."
When someone apologizes to you, you choke him and tell him that you accept his apology.
You ride your motorbike through the forest at top speed, and survive after throwing yourself off just before it hits a tree.
You've 'wielded' a flashlight and made humming sounds.
You wave your hand purposefully and 'use the force' to open and close automatic doors or elevator doors.
You go over to a friends, go to his refrigerator, and crawl in throwing food and stuff over your shoulder and grunting.
You walk into an optometrist's office and shout: You will PAY for your lack of vision!
You have a Yoda figurine replacing the brand symbol on the hood of your car.
When accelerating your car to enter the freeway, you tell your passengers to strap in and prepare for light speed.
Your significant other dumps you because everytime she/he says, "I love you" you always respond, "I know."
You quote Yoda to defend your political beliefs.
You have so many SW Trilogy GIF's, JPG's, MIDI's, AVI's, WAV's, MPG's, icons and text files that you're rapidly running out of disk space and have to buy a bigger hard drive just to hold them all.
You have so many SW posters that you can't see your ceiling or floor, either.
You have so many SW toys that you can't see your SW posters anyway.
When leaving a restaurant, you can't resist signing Boba Fett or Darth Vader in the guestbook.
You went through a state of depression when Chewie died.
You look at "big hairy carpets" with more respect than before.
You speak Rodian.
You punch out trekkies who say "Death star my ass, I'd like to see those losers take out DS9."
With a blue-tinted plastic tube, a flashlight, two hours of a Saturday night, and 4 rolls of blue electrical tape, you finally complete your own working "Light-saber"
You listen for Obi-Wan while attempting to parallel park
1Your father asks you how fast your car is, and you reply, "Fast enough for you, old man!"
You could have sworn you saw bantha tracks during your trip to the grand canyon.
Every time somebody sneezes, you say, "May the force be with you."
The cinnamon buns in your hair start to grow mold.
You call your friend who is a midget Wicket.
You refer to money as credits without trying to.
You respond to any mention of the legality of something with "I will make it legal."
You start reliving the speeder bike chase on your motorbike.
Someone tells you your car is old and beat-up, you reply "She'll do .5 past light speed..."
You refer to getting off the freeway as coming out of hyperspace.
You are POSITIVE you are force-sensitive and only lack the proper training.
Someone says they will try to do something you automatically respond "Do or do not. There is no try."
By intense study you have actually figured out the location of every gun implacement on a star destroyer.
Your house robe is brown and extra large.
You type in the terms for a search engine as if entering coordinates, then shout "Punch it, Chewie!" as you click on search.
You argue about whether Star Wars is space fantasy or space opera.
You're out looking for a Wookie for your school's wrestling team.
You nickname your car the Millennium Falcon.
The last time a cute guy tried to hug you, your hands were dirty.
When your mom asks you to clean your room, you say "Leave that to me."
Your friends share recipes for cooking Ewok.
You have a long braid in you hair like Obi-Wan in E1.
You call your boss/teacher "Master"
You went to the nearest recruiting center and asked to be assigned to the 121st TIE squadren
When asked if you want to be buried or creamated you say "I'll just vanish like the rest of the Jedi"
You have a bad feeling about everything.
While partying with friends, you do your Darth Vader impression.
You try to get your car up to .5 beyond lightspeed, in a parking lot.
You call your girlfriend, "your Highness."
You keep calling your boyfriend, "Luke," "Han," or "Lando" by mistake.
You believe John Williams is the best composer ever (which, of course, he is!), and George Lucas is a god (which, too, is pretty much true!)
While listening to the soundtrack without knowing the name of the song you are listening to, you know exactly what's happening while it's playing.
In foreign language class, you tell the teacher, "Hey! If I'm fluent in over six million forms of communication, then how come I'm getting such a bad grade in this class?"
When your friends confide in you and tell you their deepest, darkest secrets, you say, "You are far too trusting."
When your dad says, "I am your father," you begin to scream uncontrollably and shout, "NOOOO! It's not true!" at the top of your lungs.
You have ever thought the world would be a better place if it were like the Rebel Alliance/New Republic.
You now want to become an astronaut to see if there really is a Lando system.
Obiwan Kenobi and Yoda come to you in your dreams and give you advice about tough situations you're dealing with.
Yoda's little sayings have had a profound impact on your life, and you abide by them religiously.
You've created lyrics to the songs in Star Wars.
Instead of saving for college, you save up for Star Wars stuff you plan to buy.
Anyone who doesn't like Star Wars you proclaim is an Imperial.
When you are ticked off at somebody, you send bounty hunters all over the place to find them and then you encase him in carbonite for a new wall decoration.
When your alarm clock goes off in the morning, your reply is, "Unexpected this is... and unfortunate!"
When riding your bike, you look behind you and accelerate wildly by pressing down on the petal with your right toe.
You've kept the "good" action figures stored separately from the "bad" ones.
As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always, "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard."
You've refused to enter a cave/cavern/tunnel without a handgun and a large stick.
When you waited for a friend to catch up with you, you told him to hurry up or he'd be a permanent resident.
You've ever found yourself in a chat room, training Jedi.
You've ever told your younger brother at the dinner table, "Use the fork, Luke."
You've ever roped off your Star Wars Action Figure collection, claiming it to be an independent nation.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Star Wars.
Here's another one: You're laughing just a little too hard at this list !
I admit I'm guilty as charged for some of these !
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