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Posted: 28-Aug-2006, 02:11 PM
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NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
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Posted: 28-Aug-2006, 05:26 PM
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I moved this thread to the Jester's Court as it does not appear to be a real piece of news. Nice try! biggrin.gif

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Posted: 28-Aug-2006, 09:30 PM
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Good one. Gotta print it out for my kids. Daughter's taking Al-gebra this year.

Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it is like inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.
- Frederick Buechner

If society prospers at the expense of the intangibles,
how can it be called progress?

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