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> Pub humour, Jokes o'plenty
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Leelee 
Posted: 11-Oct-2013, 11:52 AM
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Lady Leleanda - Mystic Dreamer
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ZodiacIvy

Realm: Alberta, Canada

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The best answer to the question asked in an interview, "where do you see yourself in 5 years time?"..... "In the mirror as always".


--------------------
Slàinte!

Truth in our hearts. Strength in our hands. Consistency in our tongues.

Beauty is not just all around us, but within us....

"Mo nighean donn," he whispered, "Mo chridhe. My brown lass, my heart. Come to me. Cover me. Shelter me, a bhean, heal me. Burn with me, as I burn for you."(Fiery Cross Quote)
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Leelee 
Posted: 11-Oct-2013, 12:11 PM
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Lady Leleanda - Mystic Dreamer
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Group: Fellowship of the Ring
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ZodiacIvy

Realm: Alberta, Canada

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Holidays around the precinct are always lively, especially in the 911 areas. One particular night, a drunk calls in and the following communication began:

"911 what is your emergency?"

"Osifer, I've been robbed!"

"Can you be more specific Sir?"

"Osifer, someone stole my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal"

"Could you please repeat that Sir?" By now there's a crowd gathering around the dispatcher's chair.

"Yes Shur. Someone stole my gas pedal, my steering wheel and my brake pedal"

"Sir, what is your location?"

"I'm in my car"

"Sir, could you explain exactly where your car is located?"

"Yes Shur. I'm on Baker Street. Uh, 488 Baker!!"

"Alright, Sir. We'll send officers out to investigate it. Try to stay calm"

The phone call ends at this point but not five minutes after another call comes in.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Osifer?"

"Yes, what is your emergency please?"

"Osifer, this is me again, I just found my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal"

"Okay, sir. Are you still needing assistance?"

"No Shur, I was just in the back seat........."



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Shadows 
Posted: 17-Mar-2014, 12:40 PM
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Reader of souls, vision seeker, TROLL
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ZodiacHolly

Realm: The frontier of Penn's Woods

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GOT MILK
In a convent in Ireland , the 98-year-old Mother Superior
lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to
make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her
warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that
had been received as a gift the previous Christmas,
she opened it and poured a generous amount into
the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass
to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little
more and before they knew it, she had finished
the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be
a good opportunity to have one last talk with their
spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us
some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at
them and said, "DON'T SELL THAT COW."

A smile - is a sign of joy.
A hug - is a sign of love.
A laugh - is a sign of happiness.
And a friend like me? - Well that's just a sign of good taste!!
We'll be friends until I am senile.
Then we'll be new friends.


--------------------
I support the separation of church and hate!

IMAGINATION - the freest and largest nation in the world!


One can not profess to be of "GOD" and show intolerence and prejudice towards the beliefs of others.

Am fear nach gleidh na h–airm san t–sith, cha bhi iad aige ’n am a’ chogaidh.
He that keeps not his arms in time of peace will have none in time of war.

"We're all in this together , in the parking lot between faith and fear" ... O.C.M.S.

“Beasts feed; man eats; only the man of intellect knows how to eat well.”

"Without food we are nothing, without history we are lost." - SHADOWS


Is iomadh duine laghach a mhill an Creideamh.
Religion has spoiled many a good man.

The clan MacEwen
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Shadows 
Posted: 22-Nov-2014, 03:15 PM
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ZodiacHolly

Realm: The frontier of Penn's Woods

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Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.

As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this sh@t but me."
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