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flora 
Posted: 04-Apr-2009, 01:17 PM
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Well now. I think you are asking a little too much. I am not going to go through all the material to see if something has been posted already. I haven't been on the forums for many years as some of you have. Even still I have seen repeat material before and no one has commented about that. I got a smile out of the info and that is what I intended for others to do. It seems you are very critical of my postings.

Flora


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"Nature always wears the colors of the spirit." -
Ralph Waldo Emerson


Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.
K. Gibran


In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.
John Muir


"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."
John Muir
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Camac
Posted: 04-Apr-2009, 01:30 PM
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Shadow;

If I may your posting on the longbow is incorrect on two occassions. If captured by the French English bowmen had their right index and middle finger cut off to prevent them from drawing a bow. In turn when ever English bowmen fought an defeated the French the would raise their right hand with the index and middle finger forming a Vee, (english version of the bird) Secondly the vast majority of Longbows were made from imported Yew, either from the Continent or Lebanon as English Yew was of inferior quality and in short supply. At one time a good bow stave cost in excess of 1500 pounds sterling.


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Shadows 
Posted: 04-Apr-2009, 01:35 PM
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QUOTE (Camac @ 04-Apr-2009, 01:30 PM)
Shadow;

If I may your posting on the longbow is incorrect on two occassions. If captured by the French English bowmen had their right index and middle finger cut off to prevent them from drawing a bow. In turn when ever English bowmen fought an defeated the French the would raise their right hand with the index and middle finger forming a Vee, (english version of the bird) Secondly the vast majority of Longbows were made from imported Yew, either from the Continent or Lebanon as English Yew was of inferior quality and in short supply. At one time a good bow stave cost in excess of 1500 pounds sterling.


Camac.

Did you even read my original post....?
Seems not!

I state all you just say.....


--------------------
I support the separation of church and hate!

IMAGINATION - the freest and largest nation in the world!


One can not profess to be of "GOD" and show intolerence and prejudice towards the beliefs of others.

Am fear nach gleidh na h–airm san t–sith, cha bhi iad aige ’n am a’ chogaidh.
He that keeps not his arms in time of peace will have none in time of war.

"We're all in this together , in the parking lot between faith and fear" ... O.C.M.S.

“Beasts feed; man eats; only the man of intellect knows how to eat well.”

"Without food we are nothing, without history we are lost." - SHADOWS


Is iomadh duine laghach a mhill an Creideamh.
Religion has spoiled many a good man.

The clan MacEwen
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Shadows 
Posted: 04-Apr-2009, 01:40 PM
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QUOTE (flora @ 04-Apr-2009, 01:17 PM)
Well now. I think you are asking a little too much. I am not going to go through all the material to see if something has been posted already. I haven't been on the forums for many years as some of you have. Even still I have seen repeat material before and no one has commented about that. I got a smile out of the info and that is what I intended for others to do. It seems you are very critical of my postings.

Flora

If I see repeat stuff I will comment, I do not come to this topic often!

Why do you say I am critical of your postings?
Do I comment on them often?


Why is it to much to read what is already there?


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flora 
Posted: 04-Apr-2009, 02:21 PM
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I did a search and came up with Funny History under someone else and that was from 2005. And yes, you have made comments on my postings before in the recipe forums. The point is I am not going to research jokes or funny history to see if it has been posted years before. Not all of us have time to go back and read everything.

Flora
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stoirmeil 
Posted: 04-Apr-2009, 02:28 PM
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QUOTE (Patch @ 03-Apr-2009, 10:33 AM)
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "Sweet Jeezuz, Mary'n Joseph, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."


king.gif lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif notworthy.gif thumbup.gif

I can't even tell if this is really the funniest thing I've seen in months -- it was exactly what I needed today! Many thanks! beer_mug.gif
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Patch 
Posted: 04-Apr-2009, 10:12 PM
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I am glad it was enjoyed. As for repeats, I am retired and probably should have plenty of time to read the 173 pages but in reality, I do not. Also, my memory is not what it was 15 years ago. Belatedly I found that each time one is on the heart/lung bypass pump one looses a little memory. Having been there three times, I do not have any memory left to spare so I can not rely on that.

I suppose not all share my view but to me, re-posting something is the low end of the spectrum compared to all the things happening around us at this time. We need all the laughs we can get.

I hope I have not upset anyone.

Slàinte,   

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Patch 
Posted: 05-Apr-2009, 12:57 PM
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An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.

"Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."

"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home."

"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!"

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop. "Well, dear, what exactly did he say?"

"He said the reflector is broken."

"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?"

"I'm not sure, Jacob......something about the emergency brake......"

Slàinte,    

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Patch 
Posted: 05-Apr-2009, 01:01 PM
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While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table and we started talking. He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we homeschool them. With a raised eyebrow he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family. I said no, I also work, out of our home. Then, noticing our two- month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby and he wondered what hospital our son was born in. "He was born at home," I answered.

The man looked at me, then said, "Wow, you don't get out much, do you?"

Slàinte,    

Patch    
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maisky 
Posted: 07-Apr-2009, 06:02 AM
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Purina Diet ... it really works


Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus.

I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.

I told her no;

I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!


WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.


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"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."
Carl Sagan
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Camac
Posted: 08-Apr-2009, 10:05 AM
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A Pan Am Flight waiting for start clearance in Munich Germany overheard the following;

Lufthansa (in German): Ground what is our start clearance time?

Ground (in English): If you want an answer you must speak English,
Lufthansa (in English) : "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful English accent) "Because you lost the Bloody War.

Between Frankfurt Ground Control and British Air 747 call sign speedbird 206

Speedbird 206: Frankfurt, Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway.

Ground: Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha one-seven
(The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and stopped.
Ground" Speedbird 206, do you know where you are going?
Speedbird: Stand by, I'm looking up our gate locator
Ground: Speedbird206, have you not been to FRankfurt before?
Speedbird 206 (cooly) Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark and I didn't land.


Camac.

PS: the above were actual conversations.


               
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Shadows 
Posted: 08-Apr-2009, 12:19 PM
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Ok! WAay back when...

We were shoping with my now 31 year old daughter ( at the time she was barely 2 ).

We were in the line at the cashiers when the lady in front of us ( obviously seriously over weight ) beeper went off...

my daughter in her wisdom said look out mom and dad she is going to back up!

The looks we got from the woman could kill, the cashier had to leave her station she was laughing so hard, the folks behind us lost it too!

We had published in Readers Digest many years ago!
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flora 
Posted: 08-Apr-2009, 03:13 PM
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Father O'Malley
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas ....

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station......

The conversation went like this:

'Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?'

'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?'

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 'Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!'

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment..........................................

Father O'Malley then replied: 'Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin!

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ranger 
Posted: 08-Apr-2009, 03:37 PM
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Morning Sex"



She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our

usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,

wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept

in.



As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me

and said softly," You've got to make love to me

this very moment!"



My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still

dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"



Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her

and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen

table.



Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to

the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.



Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was

that all about?"



She explained, "The egg timer's broken."





--------------------
"...so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

'The Lord of the Rings' - Book one
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Patch 
Posted: 08-Apr-2009, 04:33 PM
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A wealthy man commissioned Pablo Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the nonrepresentational image on the final canvas, the woman's husband complained, "It isn't how she really looks."

When asked by the painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet.

Returning the photography Pablo observed, "Small, isn't she?"

Slàinte,    

Patch    

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