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Harlot 
Posted: 24-Oct-2008, 07:47 PM
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Perfect political Synopsis

A little boy goes to his Dad and ask's "Whats is Politics?"

Dad says,"Well son, let me try to explain it this way:"

I am head of the family so call me the "President"

Your Mother is the "Administrator of the money, so we will call her the "Government"

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you "The People"

The Nanny, we will call her "The Working Class"

And your baby brother, we will call him "The Future"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad said.

Later that night , he hears his baby brother cry, so he gets up on check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his Mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the Nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the key hole and sees his Father in bed with the Nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his Father, Dad I think I understand the concept if" Politics" now.

The Father says, Good Son tell me in your words what you think" Politics" is all about.

Little boy replies:

"The President" is screwing the "Working Class" while the "Government" is sound asleep.

"The People "are being ignored and the" The Future is in Deep pooh. "


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flora 
Posted: 28-Oct-2008, 01:00 PM
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Twas the night before elections

Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!
I in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.

When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys

They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!

He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink

He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!

On Fannie, on Freddie
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi
He screamed at the pairs!

They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn't stand up and fight!

So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!


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In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.
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"Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves."
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flora 
Posted: 29-Oct-2008, 10:30 AM
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You know you are old when the only pot you get excited about is your coffee pot.

You Know You Are Addicted To Coffee If...
• You sleep with your eyes open.
• You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
• You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer
• The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
• The nurse needs a stop watch to take your pulse.
• You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• You can jump-start your car without cables.
• You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
• You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• People get dizzy just watching you.
• Instant coffee takes too long.
• You channel-surf faster without a remote.
• You short out motion detectors.
• You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
• You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• You answer the door before people knock.
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
• You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
• When someone says: How are you? You say: Good to the last drop
• You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

Coffee Joke

This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"



Top Ten Ways I like My Coffee
10. Hot
9. Hair-free
8. Non-crunchy
7. One barrel at a time
6. Doughnut-enabled
5. So caffeinated it jumps out of the cup and slaps me
4. Sucked straight out of the filter
3. Intravenously
2. Strong enough to sit up and bark Rowf!
1. With a 12-course breakfast.
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Patch 
Posted: 30-Oct-2008, 10:32 AM
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A man was walking along a sidewalk in a very gentle manner, almost as if he were walking on eggs. Two doctors, also on foot, were across the street. They spotted the man and began to discuss his condition.

"Prostrate trouble," said the first doctor.

"Oh no, not at all. That's a case of hemorrhoids if ever I saw one", said the other.

They tossed it back and forth until one of them suggested going over to talk to the man.

"Mister, this gentleman and I are both doctors," said one, "and if you'll pardon our intrusion, I figured you have a bad prostrate problem, but my colleague thought it to be hemorrhoids. Might you state the problem so that we can solve our little dilemma?"

"Well", said the man, "all three of us were wrong. I thought it was gas."

Slàinte,    

Patch    
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Patch 
Posted: 30-Oct-2008, 10:44 AM
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When I picked up my Ford Escort at the service station after some minor repairs, I paid $75 by check as usual.

A couple of weeks later, I came home from work to find my wife quite upset.

She gave me the silent treatment until I figured out why she was so angry.

She had noticed the canceled check and, on the memo line I had written "Escort Service."

Slàinte,    

Patch    
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Patch 
Posted: 31-Oct-2008, 10:17 AM
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Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!".

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says "Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?"

The clerk replies "Canned or frozen?"

Slàinte,    

Patch    
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Patch 
Posted: 02-Nov-2008, 12:28 PM
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(Every year, teacher Mike Wilson of Ballwin, Missouri has his elementary-school students
study the presidential election process in America. From the resulting essays
and exam papers, Wilson has culled some gems of youthful insight and wisdom,
not to mention skepticism worth of a politics-weary adult.)

* Did you ever think what I used to think about candidates running neck-and-neck? Well it is not true.

* Calling a person a runner-up is the polite way of saying you lost.

* The difference between a king and a president is that a king is the son of his father but a president is not.

* What I learned about elections is that we aren't really getting to elect the president. It is some people in a college who get to. I have not decided what to do about it yet but I am not going to just sit around.

* It is possible to get the majority of electoral votes without getting the majority of popular votes. Anyone who can ever understand how this works gets to be president.

* Some of our presidents never did much else and are famous only because they became president.

* The more I think about trying to run for president the less I think of it.

* The president has the power to appoint and disappoint the members of his cabinet.

* Much has been said about balancing the budget. It has been found that the budget is more talkable than balanceable.

* The campaign is when the candidate tells what he stand for and the election is when the votes tell if they can stand for his being elected.

* Actually, elections are different from politics. Elections come and go while politics are with us all the time.

* The winning candidate is elected and inoculated.

* In January, the president makes his Inaugural Address after he has been sworn at.

* Once he is elected, sometimes the president has to work 24 hours a day until he finds out what he is supposed to do.

* The nominees are usually called candidates or campaigners although I have heard them called other things.

* One of the strictest rules is all dark horses running for president must be people.

* Popular votes tell who is the most popular. Electoral votes tell who is the most elected.

* Heredity is a bad thing in politics because it gets us kings instead of presidents.

* A caucus is something people vote in. Sort of a small booth.

* An overwhelming favorite is a candidate that often comes over to the convention and whelms the delegates.

* The jobs of delegates is to resent their states.

* Noncommittal is to be able to talk and talk without saying anything.

* When the radio mentions a landslide, cross your fingers and hope it is talking about an election.

* A dark horse is a candidate that the delegates don't know enough about to dislike yet.

* Political science is to try to figure out what makes candidates act that way.

* A split ticket is when you don't like any of them on the ticket so you tear it up.

* When they talk about the most promising presidential candidate, they mean the one who can think of the most things to promise.

* Elephants and donkeys never fought until politics came along.

* Political strategy is when you don't let people know you have run out of ideas and keep shouting anyway.

* A candidate should always renounce his words carefully.


* We are learning how to make our election results known quicker and quicker. It is our campaigns we are having trouble getting any shorter.

* Universal suffrage means that even the illegible get to vote.

* One of the mainest rules of campaigning is you are not allowed to go on a whistle-stop tour without a train.

* Politician is the bawling out name for a candidate you don't like.

* Speaking of defeat, candidates are told never to.

* Campaigns give us a great deal of happiness by their finally ending.

Slàinte,    

Patch    



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Camac
Posted: 02-Nov-2008, 12:39 PM
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Patch;

OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES.

Camac.
               
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Patch 
Posted: 03-Nov-2008, 08:51 AM
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QUOTE (Camac @ 02-Nov-2008, 01:39 PM)
Patch;

OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES.

Camac.

It makes one wonder where that wisdom goes as they age.

Slàinte,    

Patch    
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valpal59 
Posted: 03-Nov-2008, 10:58 AM
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Received this email this morning.

Canada's Preparedness & Readiness Plan
>
> -November/December 2008-
>
>
"Poor people have been voting for Democrats
> for the last 50 years, and they are still poor!!!!"
>
> - Charles Barkley-


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Camac
Posted: 03-Nov-2008, 11:27 AM
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Valpal;

The sign above the Border Entrance id wrong. it should say "MCCain Won Welcome to Canada".

Camac. laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif rolleyes.gif
               
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Patch 
Posted: 03-Nov-2008, 12:36 PM
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QUOTE (valpal59 @ 03-Nov-2008, 11:58 AM)
Received this email this morning.

Canada's Preparedness & Readiness Plan
>
> -November/December 2008-
>
>
"Poor people have been voting for Democrats
> for the last 50 years, and they are still poor!!!!"
>
> - Charles Barkley-

The quote from Charles Barkley is the simplest statement of fact that I have seen!

Having given it some idle thought, Ecuador does not look too bad. The exchange rate is favorable as are the firearms laws. Unfortunately one of their neighbors is Columbia (drug cartels)

They welcome retired people!

Slàinte,    

Patch    
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Patch 
Posted: 04-Nov-2008, 08:58 AM
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While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple.

I asked one nurse what the pin signified.

"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."


Slàinte,    

Patch    
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Patch 
Posted: 04-Nov-2008, 09:00 AM
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Canadian MP
Stockwell Day, a Canadian Government MP sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him.

While polishing the lamp, Steven Harper, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold blue pepsi right now!" He gets his Pepsi-Blue and drinks it.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.

He tells Genie Steven Harper his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again."

POOF!

He's back in his Ottawa Government Office .....

Slàinte,    

Patch    


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Patch 
Posted: 04-Nov-2008, 09:10 AM
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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered when a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big pooh he always was."

Slàinte,    

Patch    
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