Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )
   Mobile App






Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll

> Pub humour, Jokes o'plenty
Bookmark and Share
MDF3530 
  Posted: 15-May-2003, 12:00 AM
Quote Post

Member is Online



Madman with a box
Group Icon

Group: Scotland
Posts: 7,287
Joined: 30-Jul-2002
ZodiacAlder

Realm: Midlothian, IL

male





Just an observation...

Has anyone else ever noticed that 99% of all good jokes all start with, in one form or another, the phrase "a guy walks into a bar..." ?


--------------------
Mike F.

May the Irish hills caress you.
May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.


user posted image
PMEmail PosterMy Photo Album               
Top
Jimmy Carbomb 
Posted: 16-May-2003, 08:31 AM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Barleyjuice ~ "Pog Mo Tunes"Publishing
Group Icon

Group: Ireland
Posts: 495
Joined: 08-Mar-2003
ZodiacOak

Realm: On The Road

male





A guy walks into a "department store" to get a pint of "paint". On his way to the "sale bin", he accidentally elbows a woman in the "chestal region".

"Maam," he says, "if your heart's as soft as your 'chestal region', surely you'll forgive me."

"Sir," she replies, "if your 'screwdriver' is as hard as your elbow... we need to exchange numbers".

*This post brought to you by The Committee to Eliminate "A guy walks into a bar" Jokes, and the censors for the Moral Majority.
:D




--------------------
PMEmail PosterUsers WebsiteMy Photo Album               View My Space Profile.
Top
tartangal 
  Posted: 16-May-2003, 09:42 AM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



QUEEN OF SCOTLAND
Group Icon

Group: Scotland
Posts: 414
Joined: 16-Feb-2003
ZodiacElder

Realm: Glasgow, Scotland

female





LOL
        Jules :D


--------------------
Jules


As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death.
Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519)
PMEmail Poster               
Top
MDF3530 
  Posted: 16-May-2003, 05:58 PM
Quote Post

Member is Online



Madman with a box
Group Icon

Group: Scotland
Posts: 7,287
Joined: 30-Jul-2002
ZodiacAlder

Realm: Midlothian, IL

male





Not a joke but this attachment is still funny.

The attachment is yesterday's Grand Avenue comic strip. For those of you unaware of Grand Avenue, the characters are fraternal twins Gabby (the girl) and Mike (the boy), their grandma Kate (who, for unspecified reasons, the kids live with), and their dog, Rudy. I'm a fan of the strip, so I thought I'd pass this one along.
PMEmail PosterMy Photo Album               
Top
Jimmy Carbomb 
Posted: 23-May-2003, 11:30 AM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Barleyjuice ~ "Pog Mo Tunes"Publishing
Group Icon

Group: Ireland
Posts: 495
Joined: 08-Mar-2003
ZodiacOak

Realm: On The Road

male





Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair,
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet,
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

About that time two young and lovely girls just happend by,
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye:
"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong and handsome built?
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt!"

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be;
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt,
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marvelled for a moment, then one said: "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow,
Around the bonnie star the Scotsman's kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call, and stumbled towards the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt, and gawks at what he sees.
And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes,
"Oh, lad I don't know where ye been, but I see ye won first prize!"
PMEmail PosterUsers WebsiteMy Photo Album               View My Space Profile.
Top
barddas 
Posted: 23-May-2003, 12:32 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Offical sacrifice to the guitar gods-Play til you bleed
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 2,030
Joined: 06-Nov-2002
ZodiacWillow

Realm: second star to the right, straight until morning

male





Great Song Gaelic Bread!  I have that on a old Dr. Demento album....

:p
guess thay had to move that sporran too!!! LOL!


--------------------
BARDDAS BLOG/WEB SITE

Co Founder/Member of the KDC

Music is holy, art is sacred, and creativity is power

Everyday is EARTH DAY to a farmer

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
Oscar Wilde

Some men are drawn to oceans, they cannot breathe unless the air is scented with a salty mist. Others are drawn to land that is flat, and the air is sullen and is leaden as August. My people were drawn to mountains- Earl Hamner Jr.

PMEmail Poster                
Top
free2Bme 
Posted: 23-May-2003, 01:17 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Queen of Janetania
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 1,114
Joined: 03-Jul-2002
ZodiacIvy

Realm: Gulf Coast of Florida

female





It looks like both of you boys are singing the "blues" perhaps King Mac should change the color of your rank???


--------------------
RPG Anne O'Calahan
PMEmail Poster               
Top
CelticAingeal 
Posted: 23-May-2003, 01:53 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Knight of the Round Table
*******

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 153
Joined: 16-May-2003
ZodiacBirch

Realm: Canada

female





:D  *lol* GB, I love that song.  
I remember the first time I heard it I laughed till m'sides were sore.  :p


--------------------
~ Daonnan agus a chaoidh ~
PMEmail Poster               
Top
MDF3530 
Posted: 23-May-2003, 03:59 PM
Quote Post

Member is Online



Madman with a box
Group Icon

Group: Scotland
Posts: 7,287
Joined: 30-Jul-2002
ZodiacAlder

Realm: Midlothian, IL

male





Quote (CelticAingeal @ May 23 2003,1:53)
:D *lol* GB, I love that song.
I remember the first time I heard it I laughed till m'sides were sore. :p

The Scottsman still makes me laugh!!!
PMEmail PosterMy Photo Album               
Top
tartangal 
Posted: 24-May-2003, 05:14 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



QUEEN OF SCOTLAND
Group Icon

Group: Scotland
Posts: 414
Joined: 16-Feb-2003
ZodiacElder

Realm: Glasgow, Scotland

female





:D Came across this joke today and thought it might tickle you.


This man had a parrot which swore like a sailor.It was able to swear for a full five minutes without any repetition. The trouble was, the owner was a quiet, conservative man who was very distressed by the bad language.
Eventually it just got too much, so the guy grabbed the bird by the throat and shook it hard, yelling "Quit it!".This only made the bird angry and so its swearing was worse than ever.
This made the owner very angry so he locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet.This really got the bird mad. He scratched and clawed until the man let him out and immediately let forth a torrent of obscenities that would make an old sailor blush.
The guy was so annoyed that he grabbed the bird and threw it into the freezer.At first the swearing continued with the sound of the bird scratching and clawing.Then it suddenly went quiet.
At first the man was so relieved that he just waited.But after a couple of minutes there was still no sound from the freezer so the guy opened the door , fearing that he had hurt the bird.
The bird calmly hopped out and onto the man's arm and said "I'm terribly sorry for the trouble I've given you.I'll try my best to watch my language from now on."
The man was astounded,what had come over the parrot?
Then the parrot asked "By the way, what did the chicken do?"


Jules


PMEmail Poster               
Top
Jimmy Carbomb 
Posted: 24-May-2003, 06:02 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Barleyjuice ~ "Pog Mo Tunes"Publishing
Group Icon

Group: Ireland
Posts: 495
Joined: 08-Mar-2003
ZodiacOak

Realm: On The Road

male





I DO love a good clean joke!
:cool:
PMEmail PosterUsers WebsiteMy Photo Album               View My Space Profile.
Top
brettzky42 
  Posted: 27-May-2003, 04:29 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Knight of the Round Table
*******

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 155
Joined: 27-May-2003
ZodiacWillow


male





The Setting: Typical Irish Pub

A guy stumbles up to another guy and offers to buy him a beer. The second guy says, "Thanks...Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"

The first guy drains his beer and says, "I dunno, where you from?"

The second guy says, "I'm from Ireland." "No kidding," says the first guy, "I'm from Ireland, too."

The second guy says, "Well, I'm from Dublin." The first guy says, "Holy moley, I'M FROM DUBLIN, TOO!"

The second guy says, "What school did you go to? I graduated from St. Mary's in '69." "Incredible," says the first, "I graduated from St. Mary's in '69, too!"

Another guy watching from across the bar says to the bartender, "What's going on there?"

The bartender says, "Not much...the O'Malley twins are drunk again."

tongue.gif



--------------------
Brett
"I drink whiskey with me whiskey, and water with me water."

user posted image
PMEmail Poster               
Top
MDF3530 
Posted: 27-May-2003, 05:02 PM
Quote Post

Member is Online



Madman with a box
Group Icon

Group: Scotland
Posts: 7,287
Joined: 30-Jul-2002
ZodiacAlder

Realm: Midlothian, IL

male





QUOTE (brettzky42 @ May 27 2003, 04:29 PM)
The Setting: Typical Irish Pub

A guy stumbles up to another guy and offers to buy him a beer. The second guy says, "Thanks...Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"

The first guy drains his beer and says, "I dunno, where you from?"

The second guy says, "I'm from Ireland." "No kidding," says the first guy, "I'm from Ireland, too."

The second guy says, "Well, I'm from Dublin." The first guy says, "Holy moley, I'M FROM DUBLIN, TOO!"

The second guy says, "What school did you go to? I graduated from St. Mary's in '69." "Incredible," says the first, "I graduated from St. Mary's in '69, too!"

Another guy watching from across the bar says to the bartender, "What's going on there?"

The bartender says, "Not much...the O'Malley twins are drunk again."

tongue.gif

That's been posted here before...

Sorry to break it to you...
PMEmail PosterMy Photo Album               
Top
Knightly Knight 
Posted: 27-May-2003, 05:48 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



King of the Kowboys
Group Icon

Group: Scotland
Posts: 260
Joined: 10-Oct-2002
ZodiacRowan

Realm: Saint Louis, Missouri

male





Now do you wake up Crabby? Or just let her sleep?


--------------------
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, Why is there a song about it?
PMEmail Poster               
Top
brettzky42 
Posted: 27-May-2003, 09:45 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Knight of the Round Table
*******

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 155
Joined: 27-May-2003
ZodiacWillow


male





So, Gaelic Bread did post the O'Malley twins joke. No more free jokes for you, Jim.
PMEmail Poster               
Top
0 User(s) are reading this topic (0 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll

 








Celtic RadioTM broadcasts through Live365.com and StreamLicensing.com which are officially licensed under SoundExchange, ASCAP, BMI, SESAC and SOCAN.
2014 Celtic Radio Network, Highlander Radio, Celtic Moon, Celtic Dance, Ye O' Celtic Pub and Celt-Rock-Radio.
All rights and trademarks reserved. Read our Privacy Policy.
Celtic Graphics 2014, Cari Buziak


Link to CelticRadio.net!
Link to CelticRadio.net
View Broadcast Status and Statistics!

Best Viewed With IE 8.0 (1680 x 1050 Resolution), Javascript & Cookies Enabled.


[Home] [Top]

Celtic Hearts Gallery | Celtic Mates Dating | My Celtic Friends | Celtic Music Radio | Family Heraldry | Medival Kingdom | Top Celtic Sites | Web Celt Blog | Video Celt