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> The Offical Eu Language, Finally Settled
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WizardofOwls 
  Posted: 14-Mar-2005, 10:43 PM
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The European Union commissioners have announced that an
agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded
that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year,
when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place.


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Slàn agus beannachd,
Allen R. Alderman

'S i Alba tìr mo chridhe. 'S i Gàidhlig cànan m' anama.
Scotland is the land of my heart. Gaelic is the language of my soul.
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WizardofOwls 
Posted: 14-Mar-2005, 10:46 PM
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OOPS! I forgot to tell you that this is not original. I got it in an e-mail and no source was sited. If anyone knows the original source, please tell me and I will make sure they get the appropriate credit for it.
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Keltic 
Posted: 14-Mar-2005, 11:09 PM
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I had been going through my archived e-mails yesterday and I had found a variation of that from 2001. As with most of the things that make their way around the internet, nobody knows when or where they started.

QUOTE
-----Original Message-----
From: Whittaker, Barbara
Sent: March 19, 2001 12:57 PM
To: McPherson, Greg
Subject: FW: Nu Riting Gidlins



> > Subject: Nu Riting Gidlins
> >
> >
> > > The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
> > > English will be the official language of the EU rather than
> > > German which was the other possibility.  As part of the
> > > negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
> > > spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year
> > > phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
> > >
> > > In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".  Sertainly,
> > > this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.  The hard "c"
> > > will be dropped in favour of the"k".  This should klear up
> > > konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
> > >
> > > There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
> > > the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".  This will make
> > > words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
> > >
> > > In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
> > > ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
> > > possible.  Governments will enkorage the removal of double
> > > letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
> > > Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the
> > > language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
> > >
> > > By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
> > > replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".  During ze fifz year,
> > > ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and
> > > similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
> > > leters.
> > >
> > > After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.  Zer
> > > vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to
> > > understand ech ozer.  Ze drem vil finali kum tru!  And zen ve vil
> > > tak over ze vorld!


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Ríobhca31 
Posted: 15-Mar-2005, 10:15 AM
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Wizard, i'm glad that you decided to post this, it is funny. I couldn't help reading it out loud to myself!

wink.gif


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Go mbeannaí Dia duit !
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