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> More Bad Jokes From Maceoghainn, I've got more (somebody please stop me!)
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MacEoghainn 
Posted: 28-Jul-2006, 04:27 PM
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QUOTE (crazykiltedcelt @ 28-Jul-2006, 03:53 PM)
QUOTE (crazykiltedcelt @ 28-Jul-2006, 01:51 PM)
got this one from Marti64 on an e-mail thought  i'd share it:

A POLITE WAY TO PEE!!

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having  dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michzel said, "Just a minute I have to go pee"

The teacher respondedby saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?"

Peter said "I sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you little Jimmy,can use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"

I would say:"Darling,may I please be excused for a moment?I have to shake hands with a very old friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."

forgot the puch line The teacher fainted!!

I think it was funnier without the last line!! lol.gif


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"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln

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TheCarolinaScotsman 
Posted: 31-Aug-2006, 07:24 AM
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Walking into the bar, Hamish said to the barman, 'Pour me a large Scotch, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah,' said Eddie. 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Hamish replied, 'she came to me on her hands and knees.'

'Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you gutless bastard!'


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MDF3530 
  Posted: 18-Sep-2006, 12:36 PM
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WARNING: CONTAINS BAD PUN!!!

A pastor who was badly overworked went to the local medical center and was able to have a clone made. The clone was like the pastor in every respect--except that the clone used extraordinarily foul language. The cloned pastor was exceptionally gifted in many other areas of pastoral work, but finally the complaints about the dirty language were too much.The pastor was not too sure how to get rid of the clone so that it wouldn't look like murder. The best thing, he decided, was to make the clone's death look like an accident. So the pastor lured the clone onto a bridge in the middle of the night and pushed the clone off the bridge.

Unfortunately there was a police officer who happened by at that very moment and arrested the pastor for making an obscene clone fall.


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Mike F.

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May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.


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stevenpd 
Posted: 18-Sep-2006, 03:26 PM
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A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Donald."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Donald."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Donald."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Donald." The young man knit his brow.

"Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Donald blurted out.

.

.

.

.

"Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"


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2013


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Dear Lord, lest I continue in my complacent ways, help me to remember that someone died for me today. And if there be war, help me to remember to ask and to answer "am I worth dying for?" - Eleanor Roosevelt

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
-- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
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