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Elspeth 
Posted: 21-Mar-2004, 05:43 PM
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gaberlunzie,

Siobhan toouched on a verse that has been popping into my head for months now. Be still and know that I am God. There are those times of 'dry bones' (Ezekial?) where all we can do is hang on. There is no shame in that. It is in those times we are remade.

It is hard deciding what is best for a family alone. I seem to have to do that as well more often than not.

I wrote a song I want to share here. It came from my heart, but I think you have been there as well.

Elspeth


One night I lay down my head
But sleep would not come
Weighed down by sorrows and brokenness
And all my life had become

But in the depths of my darkness
I felt a warm, sweet peace
The tender, still soft voice of comfort
Proclaiming Love that will never cease

Be Still and Know That I Am God
Your heart is breaking and still you don?t come
My arms are open, my heart is longing
I?m standing right at your door


Come to Me, He cried, come to Me
I want so much to bless you
Let go of all the hurts inside
Only I can remake you anew

Be Still and Know That I Am God
Your heart is breaking and still you don?t come
My arms are open, my heart is longing
I?m standing right at your door





--------------------
Compassion is the sometimes fatal capacity for feeling what it is like inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.
- Frederick Buechner



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DesertRose 
Posted: 21-Mar-2004, 07:55 PM
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Beautiful song, Elspeth! Thank you for sharing it with us! thumbs_up.gif


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Siobhan Blues 
  Posted: 22-Mar-2004, 09:30 AM
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Ah, that's nice Elspeth! Thank you for sharing with us.
I hope that all of us will have a good week, and will be able to step over those stones that try to trip us up.

Siobhan Blues


--------------------
"All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king..."
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Elspeth 
Posted: 22-Mar-2004, 09:44 AM
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Yes, Siobhan, I wish the same.

I'd like to thank God for friends. smile.gif

That sounds so lame - the words are way over used - but it has been a very long time since I have had people in my life I consider friends, people who really want to know the strange person that is me, who are there for me and care enough to be honest with me. I have always been a loner when it comes to deep thought and feelings so to have people I can share with is a wonderfully novel experience.

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kelaorqu 
Posted: 22-Mar-2004, 10:56 AM
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Wow. A lot has happened in the few days I've been away. Gabby, you have such an incredible story that makes me feel like I have nothing to worry about in my life. Thank you for having the courage to share it. I am at school right now and everyones posts made me have tears in my eyes! The people around me are probably wondering what is going on... smile.gif I look up to your strength and will continue praying that you would find continued courage and peace with God. Even when you don't feel Him, He is still there and sometimes you don't realize it until later. I always loved the verse from Isaiah 40.

"Those that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They will fly on wings of an eagle. They will walk and not grow weary, they will run and not faint." (maybe not exact, I don't have a Bible on me!) When things get over my head i take strength from that verse.

Elspeth, your song is beautiful, I don't know what else to say. Thanks for sharing it... and i know what you mean. A lot of my friendships are very superficial - they don't know who I really am. I'm glad that I can feel comfortable sharing that here, knowing that people listen and pray. It's really encouraging in the every day walk with God.

God bless you all!


--------------------
Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ hehind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in the heart of every man who think of me,
Christ in the mouth os everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
~ St. Patrick
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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 22-Mar-2004, 11:49 AM
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I HAVE to say some personal words to everyone of you now:

Maggie; your quote of ""Corinthian...It reminded me of a song we used to sing at church in my youth - and it sticks in my head since then. I had forgotten about it - but it IS HIS GRACE which carried me through all...thank you so much!

Todd; it is more than unusual that a man responds to this kind of story and "occurences". You're one of a hundred or thousand, my friend, and I thank you so much for your kind words and the hug!

Elspeth; what can I say? I thank you so much for your concern, for your encouragement. The song is beautiful and I love the refrain...have it always on my mind!
I know what you say about friends and sharing deep thoughts and feelings...There are many "fair weather friends" in one's life and very, very few who really deserve it to be called "friend". I do not use this word often and very carefully.

Siobhan, thank you once agaon for your words which brought tears to my eyes, and your wonderful advice!

Rose, I'd like to thank you again for your support and understanding!

kelaorgu; thank you for your words and prayers!

All of you; what ekse can I say...see, Elspeth, I alo feel it is lame to say "thank you" and not to have other words to express the feelings towards you all.

Now, some days after having posted, I feel better, much more comfortable. I really worried about who might read it and NOT understand, NOT agree withit or what the one or other might think about me now...this has been very difficult.
I'm no longer afraid but grateful.
Thank you again and again for your support and prayers! smile.gif

gaberlunzie


--------------------
"Now here's my secret", said the fox, "it is very simple. It is only with ones heart that one can see clearly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."

("The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupery)


"The soul would have no rainbow, if the eye had no tears."
(Native American Proverb)
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DesertRose 
Posted: 25-Mar-2004, 10:38 PM
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Would appreciate everybody's prayers and support. I am leaving in the morning (Friday) to drive 6 hours to California because my mother is back in the hospital and not doing well. My sister, who was doing well last week, is freaking out today , so I feel the need to be there now. I should get there mid-day and hopefully be of some help. I am NOT good with sick people at all! I am a real dope! I either do too much or not enough and aggravate the patient! So pray for me to have wisdom to know that to do and when and how to care for my mother. Also pray for a safe trip there and back. I hope to only be gone a week as my husband does not do well alone. Will have to play all that by ear!

Thanks everybody! Really appreciate it! smile.gif See you when I get back.
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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 26-Mar-2004, 06:58 AM
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Rose, I'm sorry to hear that!
Don't worry. You will do the right. The thoughts one has before are the really difficult thing. But then you'll know what to do and how to do and you'll do it.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
Stay safe!
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andylucy 
Posted: 26-Mar-2004, 07:11 AM
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Rose, I am sorry to hear about your mother. I will pray that you have a safe journey and that your mother has a speedy recovery.

Don't worry so much about what to do. Just do what your heart tells you to do, and you probably won't go far wrong based on what I've seen of you around here.


--------------------
Just my tuppence.

Andy


Never drink to excess; you might shoot at a tax collector and miss. - Robert A. Heinlein

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes.

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Siobhan Blues 
Posted: 26-Mar-2004, 03:15 PM
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QUOTE (Elspeth @ Mar 22 2004, 09:44 AM)
... it has been a very long time since I have had people in my life I consider friends, people who really want to know the strange person that is me, who are there for me and care enough to be honest with me. I have always been a loner when it comes to deep thought and feelings so to have people I can share with is a wonderfully novel experience.

I'm a loner too when it comes to deepest thoughts; I bet others here are too...
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Roisin-Teagan 
Posted: 27-Mar-2004, 08:40 PM
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Well, I'm late in responding to this thread. I read over everyone's posts and I don't feel alone with my own problems.

Elspeth, I know we've talked before about this, but I don't think I've ever told you that my father, his father, and my grandmother on my mother's side were all acoholics. As a child, it was hard on me. My father was a functioning acoholic as well, but privately it was hell. Every Christmas Eve he got so drunk, and one time even past out. I can remember never being able to bare my heart or true feelings to my daddy. This profoundly affected how I dealt with stress as I grew into an adult. I became a master-surpresser. I learned how to stuff all my feelings down deep inside, all the while thinking I was over any problems as soon as they arose. I guess this is when writing and poetry became my outlit and salvation (besides the Lord). There are no easy answers, but the Lord can reveal His will and guidance to you. Just seek His presence and heart. I will keep praying for you and your family. Stay strong! I'm here if you ever need to talk.

Rose,

I will be praying for your mother and for your whole family. May God give you all peace and strength to walk through this season, and May the Lord send healing in His wings.

Love,
Roisin angel_not.gif


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Roisin-Teagan

"There, in that hand, on that shoulder under that chin---all of its lightness delicately balanced and its strings skillfully bowed---it becomes a voice."---Rich Mullins

"At 18, if you have oversized aspirations, the whole world sees you as a dreamer. At 40, you get the reputation for being a visionary." ---Rich Mullins

"God gives the gifts where He finds the vessel empty enough to receive them."---C.S. Lewis

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Elspeth 
Posted: 29-Mar-2004, 10:50 AM
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Good morning!

First, has anyone heard how Rose's mother (and Rose) are doing?

Second, and I stop numbering here. I would like to ask to be kept in your prayers for I am at a place where I am beginning to push my husband pretty hard about quitting drinking. I am considering calling in the assistance of a couple of his friends and maybe even his father. Though he and his father do not have a good relationship. He was an alcoholic himself until a some years ago. Probably is still emotionally even though he quit drinking. So, I am in need of guidance, stanmina, discernment, support - you know - all the good stuff.

I also have been struggling with letting something go that I really need to let go of, but just can't seem to. It is one of those poisonous things that really has got to go. It makes me very anxious and fearful and ruins my days.

Lastly, I have begun sending some of my writing out. I have sent out my poem Merriemnt that I posted some time ago (already rejected). I've sent out a funny story to Reader's Digest, a story to Guideposts and will in the next day or two send a story into a contest.
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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 29-Mar-2004, 11:28 AM
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Elspeth;
it is a hard way you will have to go. I understand in the way that my sister is an alcoholic. She quit drinking after a very hard time.
For that and all you are carrying with you...you are always in my thoughts - and in my prayers. I'm able to talk to Our Lord again and I will do!
Whenever you want to talk, to ask anything, just to get a hug and an open ear...whatever...I'll be there.
May He hold his hand over you.
May I give you a hug?

Gabby
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tsargent62 
Posted: 29-Mar-2004, 01:59 PM
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Elspeth,

I remember when my mom quit drinking. She fell off the wagon a few times. AA was there for her. They would do a "12 Step Call", meaning her sponsor and anyone else that could would come to our house and talk with her. It worked.

You're in my prayers every day. Knowing what you're about to go through I'll pray even harder. I am always amazed that even with what you go through every day you still seem like such a warm, fun loving person. I pray that God will bless you with the strength you need and your husband with the wisdom he needs to quit drinking.

God Bless and big hugs.


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Cheers!
Todd



Normal is a relative term. For some reason it is not a term my relatives use to describe me.


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tsargent62 
Posted: 29-Mar-2004, 02:11 PM
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My friends, I need to talk. This past weekend, my wife was diagnosed wih tuberculosis. I haven't told anyone here yet because all tests aren't back yet. That and I'm dreading how people will react. I'm being tested tomorrow, so I'll know by this weekend if I'm carrying it, too. Maria's not showing any symptoms, so it's possible she's only a carrier, but we won't know until the radiologist gets a chance to read the chest X-ray. She's really freaking out, and I can't blame her. This is life changing event.

Maria runs a day care out of our home. As part of renewing her license, she and anyone in the house over 14 has to be tested for TB. Well, now she won't be able to renew her license. And she is going to have to tell her day care parents. I wouldn't blame anyone for pulling their child out immediately. My sense is that she got it from one of the kids. She is in very close contact with them, wiping runny noses, being sneezed and coughed on.

It's funny. The full weight of this didn't really come home to me until I started writing this. I'm scared. We're all scared. It was weird to actually type the word "tuberculosis". Especially when it applies to the love of my life. I could really use some prayers and some hugs.

I love you guys. Thanks for listening.
Todd
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