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> Virginia Ann Anderson, A Journey With Breast Cancer
olorin 
Posted: 30-Jul-2017, 01:19 AM
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Those of you who know me from the game Medieval Kingdom know that I lost my wife to cancer last year, (June 27th, 2016). It was a long, hard, three plus year battle and she went in a rather tragic and unexpected way. I never stopped playing the game as it was a good little stress reliever and from the time she was diagnosed up until she passed away I kept everyone updated as best I could on what was going on with her. These assorted entries painted our long and sad journey from beginning to end. It's mostly just small posts about updates during her treatment along post of heartwarming support from my clan mates and others in the game. After it was all over, I said to everyone I may put them all together and post them here in the forums for others to read, and a littler over a year later here I am. It's not as hard to talk about now and I think I'm ready to do this, (maybe). I'll add in notes where I can with more details as I remember them. I'll try to add in some pictures and tell some little stories along the way to paint a better picture of what went on. This could take me some time to complete and will likely be spread out over time so bare with me everyone!

Thanks,
Chris "Olorin" Conner


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olorin 
Posted: 30-Jul-2017, 02:02 AM
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September 17th, 2013:

OK, I'm just sending everyone an update on our situation.

My wife left for North Carolina today where she will quite likely stay until all this is over, (I will be travelling back and forth there on my Tues, Wed, Thursdays off). All treatment will be done at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, (A teaching hospital that is ranked 12th in the US for cancer treatment, plus her sister works there and lives 30 minutes away so it's an ideal situation)

The cancer has spread from her right breast to the Lymph nodes under her right arm. They are hardened so they are going to do Chemo first to try and soften them and reduce the size of the tumor in her breast, (they are inserting a shunt in her chest this week and she will start Chemo shortly). She is going tomorrow for CT scans to make sure the cancer hasn't spread anywhere else. Once the Chemo has done what they want it to do she will be scheduled for a double Mastectomy, she has chosen to have both breast removed.

I'm not sure if I missed anything but that pretty much covers everything up to this point.

Thanks for everyone's support.


This was right after she was first diagnosed as we moved pretty quickly in deciding what she should do, (the doctors around here are notoriously bad, more on that shortly). Jenny's sister just happened to work at the exact cancer center that she received the majority of her treatment and lived 20 minutes from there, it was a true blessing. Later on we found out that her sister was very unhappy at this job and really wanted to move on to something else, but something kept telling her to stay. While my wife was there receiving treatment another job opportunity came along at the perfect time and she was then able to move on. Now I'm not a religious person at all, but that just seems like it was meant to be.


The reason the cancer was found is a bitter sweet sore spot for me. She had been diagnosed with fibroid cysts a few years prior to this and was put on a program called Every Woman's Life where they kept a closer eye on here, (multiple mammograms every year) because she was much higher risk for Cancer due to the cysts. While this program was a key part in her cancer being found, the very poor judgment of one of the doctors the health department used caused the delay we took in seeking further testing, and by that time the Cancer had fully developed into Stage 3 tumors and had spread to her Lymph nodes. They had found something on one of her scans and whenever they did, (which was a few times before) they would send her for a consult with a doctor to determine if they thought she needed further testing, (MRI's and whatnot). This...doctor, this inconsiderate piece of S*** was actually annoyed that they had sent her to him, said that he didn't know why they kept wasting his time with little things like that and that it was nothing. She left his office that day humiliated and almost in tears. Now here's where we went wrong, we let it go and assumed it was just another flare up. They did occur commonly and the lumps would go down in time so we actually took his worthless word for it and just went home. We waited and waited for the lumps to do down, but they didn't. Then they started getting bigger and concern set in so we went and got a second opinion. They sent her for an MRI and the rest is history. Did she already have cancer? Probably. BUT it clearly hadn't progressed very far at that point, so I strongly believe had he not just ignored her symptoms and she had gotten early treatment she could very well still be alive today. I had allot of anger about this at first and seriously considered taking action, (in many different forms, some legal, some not so much). But either way it would have accomplished nothing, and she would still be gone. Yes, he was in the wrong and I will never forgive him for what he did, but hindsight is always 20/20 and there is no way to know for sure that if he had sent her for scans that she would have been cured.

Such is life...
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olorin 
Posted: 30-Jul-2017, 02:16 AM
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QUOTE
SonofHenderson18-Sep-13

May God Bless her and your family during this time.


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gandolf3339 18-Sep-13

She will be in our prayers, You take care of yourself as you can not help her if you don't


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olorin 19-Sep-13

I am doing my best my friend. I'm giving everything I can squeeze from this body to her in support. I'm exhausted, but that drives me even harder because I know she is going through so much more than I could dream of.


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McRoach 22-Sep-13

You'll both be in my thoughts and prayers as well my friend.




The support from my clan mates was immediate and heart warming. I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends, thank you all so much!




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olorin 
Posted: 07-Aug-2017, 02:21 AM
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olorin 28-Sep-13

UPDATE:

My wife has settled in and is doing as best as can be expected. The CT scans came back clean and she has now started Chemo. It's sucking the life out of her and that's hard to watch, but knowing it's for the greater good helps us get through it.

She's on a pretty strict diet to help keep her immune system strong, to help repair the damage Chemo does, and to keep her body in cancer fighting mode, (another great thing about being in NC, it's allot easier to find the Organic foods and other items she needs).

I drove my mothers minivan down there last Tuesday evening and stayed until Thursday evening, (I'm off those three days every other week and will be travelling back and forth on those days) so it looks like with gas at $3.12, (it's already going back up *sigh*) I can get there and back on about $120. That sucks but there's not much I can do about it, such is life.

She has two different rounds of Chemo to go through so it looks like it will be at least January until they consider doing the surgery. Hopefully by then her lymph nodes will have softened and the tumor shrunk enough for them to be able to perform a more ideal surgery.

Once they do the surgery they are going to follow up with radiation treatments to make sure she's clean, and I guess from there the new boobs. Allot of the time they actually tattoo nipples on, I'm pushing for clovers (or eyeballs)...she's not buying my sales pitch, gotta work on that. ;-)

Best case scenario I'd say she may get to come home next spring, given the situation I actually hope it's no sooner.

I'll update everyone if there is any change.

Chris (Olorin)


I remember our initial fear when this all started. She was venturing into such uncharted territory, was it too late? Would the Chemo work? How sick will she get? Will she lose her hair? Somewhere someone had given her something called "The Chemo Diet" which was basically a variant of The Gerson Therapy diet. Her mother had died of cancer in the 90's and they tried something similar as a last ditch effort with her so they already had a really nice masticating juicer, so we used that and bought a cold press to go along with it (it was highly recommended to use with the diet). The trick was not using the juicing attachment that came with the juicer, but to rather use it to grind up all the fruits and veggies into a pulp, then cold press it like olives or grapes to extract the juices from it to get a "super juice" loaded with way more of the vitamins and enzymes needed that anyone could possibly get by eating them alone. It was a cumbersome process and fairly expensive as you had to only use organics and had to vigorously clean each item before it was masticated and pressed. The juice was only good for about 2 days and it took a great deal of items just to make one batch. Was it worth it? I honestly think it did help, but the diet itself was designed specifically to help her body cope with and tolerate the Chemo, and to help flush the bad chemicals from her body quicker, and I honestly think it did, if only a little. Though she did have some complications she tolerated the Chemo fairly well, and I would have no problem recommending it to someone else in the same situation. As far as the full Gerson Method goes, I can't give much of an opinion, but there are allot of compelling stories out there so it could be worth looking into if you find yourself in this situation and wish to explore alternative therapies.

As soon as she started losing her hair she made the decision to just have me shave it off, (I still have her ponytail that I cut off before I began). We recorded it for some reason but I can't bring myself to watch it, at least not yet.

This post has been edited by olorin on 07-Aug-2017, 02:52 AM
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olorin 
Posted: 07-Aug-2017, 02:22 AM
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Here's a picture of Jenny when she first arrived in North Carolina and was about to or had just began Chemotherapy

This post has been edited by olorin on 07-Aug-2017, 02:24 AM


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olorin 
Posted: 07-Aug-2017, 02:26 AM
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Here's a picture after her first round was complete and I'm pretty sure during her second round after her hair began falling out. While I can honestly say she rarely lost that magic smile, the difference in appearance tells a story all it's own.

This post has been edited by olorin on 07-Aug-2017, 02:27 AM


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olorin 
Posted: 07-Aug-2017, 02:46 AM
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QUOTE

McRoach 29-Sep-13

Thanks for the update, glad to hear you're keeping a sense of humor where you can, hopefully she shares it...

I wish you many safe travels.


QUOTE

SonofHenderson 29-Sep-13

I too second McRoach's comment


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olorin 30-Sep-13

My sense of humor has gotten me through the lowest points in my life and I can safetly say it's kept me from going insane. My wife isn't as silly as I am but she it staying as light hearted as she can, it does help.

The woman has revealed a strength from within that I think is even surprizing her a little as she's always leaned heavily on me for support and is typically quick to worry and doubt herself. I always knew that strength was there and have told her this for 20 years now. I think this whole experience will really build her confidence and she'll be able to take on almost anything.


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SonofHenderson 30-Sep-13

Like you I've always drawn on my well of humour to get me through most things. The ladies of our generation seem to lack assertiveness unlike the modern ones!


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Leelee 04-Oct-13

Lord Olorin, Lord Gandalf is correct....ensure that you also take care of yourself, keep up your strength and strive to stay healthy to provide support for your wife and family. You are all in my thoughts and prayers and also have my support.




And as always, the outpouring of support was second to none. I remember smiling as I wrote the remarks about the nipple tattoo's. I was quite serious and was determined to try to talk her into it. I would have failed miserably, but not from a lack of trying!

I'd like to note that yes, she did find and fully embraced her newfound inner strength, and it saw her through the entire ordeal from the day we found out she had cancer and decided to fight back, until the day she had no fight left and finally passed away. It was a hell of a fight, a good fight, and I will always be proud of the strength she showed each and every day. She stared the biggest monster know to modern man straight in the eye with dignity. She rarely complained and no matter how bad she felt, no matter what her mood was that day, she always put on that glorious smile for anyone that saw her.

This post has been edited by olorin on 07-Aug-2017, 02:48 AM
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Queenchickawana 
  Posted: 21-Aug-2017, 06:21 PM
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Hello, though i dont play the games im so very sorry for your loss. i have lost loved ones to cancer and its wonderful that you have found love and support through this site. just another way celtic radio has brought good people together. my thoughts and prayers be with thee. angel.gif
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olorin 
Posted: 09-Sep-2017, 12:03 AM
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Thank you very much
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olorin 
Posted: 09-Sep-2017, 12:28 AM
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*sigh* I knew this was gonna be a slow project, but I'm determined to finish it eventually. Here is page 10 from the forum thread, (thread posts run backwards with the higher numbers being the first pages):



QUOTE
olorin 06-Oct-13

I cannot say thank you enough for all your support, I am proud to call you all friends.


QUOTE
olorin 12-Oct-13

Ok, my wife has now had her second Chemo treatment. The usual upset stomach and fatigue set in but it wasn't quite as bad as the first round so we're thankful for that. Her hair was starting to come out pretty badly so she made the decision to go ahead and let me shave her head. I tied her ponytail and cut it with plans to do something with it but I have no ideas at the moment, (I would donate it but I'd rather keep it for now). I know it took allot of courage to do this because she is very self conscious of her looks and I am very proud of her.

The tumor itself hasn't shrank any yet but as this is only her second treatment there were no high expectations there.

Onward we press...


QUOTE
SonofHenderson 12-Oct-13

Your wife must be a very brave lady to let YOU shave her head unless you have hairdressing experience? Presumably she could have a wig or lots in various colours to give you a surprise.


QUOTE
olorin 13-Oct-13

Other than cutting my own hair, (I have mastered the solo buzz cut) I have no other experience ;-)

The people at the hospital have allot of VERY generous groups that have made and donated several types of hats and some wigs. She's not too keen on the wigs but there is a place about 80 miles from my home that sells them, we plan on going there possibly next weekend.


QUOTE
McRoach 20-Oct-13

My mom's hair is starting to come back in pretty thick and she finished Chemo 5 months ago. She wore a wig to church and large public events but she went to work and out in general without anything. Surprisingly not too many people stared or said anything about it. I think most of the adult population understands cancer and the hair loss that goes with treating it these days. I am sure if you continue to remind your wife how beautiful she is to you that it will elevate her self esteem to overcome this challenge. I'll keep you both in my prayers!


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olorin 21-Oct-13

Thanks for your kind words. I'll be sure to pass her story along to my wife for inspiration.

The Chemo's side effects are starting to really rear their ugly head and these stories help her stay strong on the hard days.


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olorin 22-Oct-13

Good news! My wife went for her third treatment and though small there was a noticeable reduction in tumor size. So far it looks like there treatment plan is heading in the right direction, hopefully she can stay on schedule and will have a surgery date sometime in January.


QUOTE
SonofHenderson 22-Oct-13

Glad that thing are going well with your dear wife.


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olorin 26-Oct-13

Not allot of change this go around, she is weak from Chemo but is in good spirits and has a very positive outlook on everything. She has one more round of this particular treatment then goes to the second phase of her Chemo which will be a different round of medicines, hopefully she will tolerate it well and the good news will continue to follow.


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olorin 11-Nov-13

I haven't posted lately about my wife. Other than some gastro related problems things are going pretty well so far, (she took this last treatment quite well actually). Next Monday she starts her second round of Chemo, hopefully everything will go well and we'll stay on schedule.

I'll update if anything changes, thanks for everyone's support.




From what I can remember from this part of the Chemo she had up and down days but overall she did OK through most of it. It did make her pretty weak though and when she felt like going out somewhere she couldn't walk far or stay out for too long. I don't think any complications started coming up until later in her treatment but it's so hard to remember now, everything was such a blur then, it was almost surreal.

This post has been edited by olorin on 16-Oct-2017, 01:07 AM
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olorin 
Posted: 12-Sep-2017, 10:01 PM
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And here's page nine, (Nov 2013 to Jan 2014) Her second round of Chemo.


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Perkeo 11-Nov-13

Thanks for the update. Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.



QUOTE
SonofHenderson 12-Nov-13

I second Perkeo's comments



QUOTE
olorin 14-Nov-13

Thanks to all of you.

Everyone has been most gracious to my wife and I and we appreciate your caring and support more than you can know. So many people I barely even know have stepped forward with some sort of gesture of good will towards us it's astounding, (a friend in another game I play actually shaved his head to show his support and he doesn't even know my real name!). It has restored some of my faith in humanity, there are allot of good people out there, and I'm glad to say you are all among them.



QUOTE
olorin 02-Dec-13

Update:

Chemo is still going well, she went today which means she has two treatments left and we'll see where we're at. The tumor hasn't shrank any since last time BUT it has softened some more and this was the primary reason they wanted to do Chemo first, (the Lymph nodes invloved are more difficult to remove when they are "hard") so we are happy with this news. This new medication she is on doesn't seem to be as rough as the first round, I can just tell she feels better. It's still tough and she has bad days but overall this round has been easier for her to manage. So far everything is still on schedule as planned, here's to hoping the next few weeks go well.



QUOTE
SonofHenderson 03-Dec-13

I too hope all goes well with your wife and you can keep going to support
her as well.



QUOTE
olorin 19-Jan-14

The Latest:

Ok, Chemo is over and the tumor has softened and shrank down to 6cm x 6cm. Things are still on track and we have a surgery date set for Feb 3rd. They hope to only have to take one or two Lymph nodes along with both breasts. If all goes well she should start radiation within a few weeks of her surgery and should be able to start reconstruction by spring. She is in great spirits and still going strong, she's been so strong through this and I think she's even surprized herself, (I've always known she was but she doubts herself too much). I'm confident everything is going to go well and think she'll be able to go back to work when school picks up in the fall.

Updates as they come.

Olorin



QUOTE
SonofHenderson 19-Jan-14

Glad all is going well, may God be with you both during the forthcoming
months.



QUOTE
gandolf3339 19-Jan-14

good news is a great relief, I will keep you both in my prayers and
thoughts



QUOTE
McRoach 19-Jan-14

Glad to hear everything is working so far, will keep you both in thoughts
and prayers as I am sure everyone else here will.




QUOTE
jedibowers 19-Jan-14

Glad it has shrunk and that she is in great spirits.


This post has been edited by olorin on 12-Sep-2017, 10:17 PM
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olorin 
Posted: 12-Sep-2017, 10:22 PM
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Reading back on some these is still difficult. Reading the optimism in my posts only to find out after the surgery the tumor was still much bigger than they thought and that it was already well into the lymph nodes under her right arm. There were a fair amount of little complications after the surgery which I go into here I'm pretty sure.

Life, it's one hell of a story.
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haynes9 
Posted: 13-Sep-2017, 03:13 PM
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Olorin, I have been absent somewhat from the forums, so I just caught up on all your posts. Please be assured, my friend, that I will be praying for you. As a pastor, I deal with a lot of our Navajo folks who lose loved ones. It seems like the older I get, the more funerals I end up directing.

May our Lord grant you the comfort that goes beyond human understanding. Take care and thank you for having the courage to post all of this. Definitely not easy.


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Posted: 14-Sep-2017, 03:39 PM
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Olorin,

I am very sorry for your loss, and know that the people here on the other end really do care about the struggle that your wife and yourself endured.

Glad that in a very small way the game helped you connect with other people and that you can now look back to reflect on those posts.

Very honored to have you on Celtic Radio and you and your wife will always be in my families prayers and well wishes.


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olorin 
Posted: 16-Oct-2017, 01:21 AM
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Thank you very much haynes9 and CR for your kind words. The entire ordeal lasted over three years, but it seems like it went by so fast, it's literally just a blur of memories. This is the closest thing to a diary of those events that I have and a treasure it deeply, (even though it's pretty tough to read some of it still over a year later). I have much more to convert over to these forums and I'll eventually get it all done. I so wanted to let her read this and show here how much support everyone here sent her way, I know she would have been deeply touched and would have wanted to personally thank every person involved. Once I get this finished I'm gonna let my kids read through it all. They were there, but there are allot of these things that were just between her and I and I'm sure they would enjoy some of these stories. It also seems this is therapy in a way as I really didn't talk to anyone that much about it after she passed. I mean, I talked with my kids allot and my close family, but I don't think I really got it all out and dealt with it you know? Hopefully by the end of this I will found some sort of closure and can look back on it without that pain that still tugs at me heart.

Thanks again,
Chris
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