Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )
   Mobile App






Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll

> Telling The Parents, help?
Bookmark and Share
Findabhair 
Posted: 23-Aug-2008, 02:05 AM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Peasant
*

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 11
Joined: 22-Aug-2008
ZodiacBirch


female





I was baptised christian. My father was wiccan but left when i was little (only recently found out about the wiccan thing but my family on his side has been practicing for generations), my step dad is a cuban spiritualist, and my mother is for anything BUT wicca. My stepfather who is my dad at home wouldnt really care except the fact that my biological father practices. My mother would most likely disown me because of the bad expierences with my father (he used it for the wrong reasons and inflicted emotional distresses on my mother).

Ok Here is my dilemma~ I have been quietly practicing wicca but cannot fully come out because I'm still living at home. I started to practice/ learn about it approx two years ago which was before I learned about my father. I believe that my choice in this religion is for the right reasons but I don't know how to tell my parents. It seems that it was meant for me because it feels so right even when my fathers influence was not a factor.

Any advice?



--------------------
user posted image
PMEmail Poster               
Top
stoirmeil 
Posted: 23-Aug-2008, 02:37 AM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Celtic Guardian
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 3,581
Joined: 07-Nov-2004
ZodiacBirch

Realm: New York







Hello, Findabhair, and welcome to Celtic Radio.

I think you're not alone in this question. I have a question in return -- if you have been slowly learning for two years, more or less quietly and on your own, is there something that is moving you to disclose your practice and your spirituality to your parents lately, especially to your mother, and when you know that she may not be able to be supportive of you at this time, or think clearly about what it might mean to you? Some people have a family tradition they just grow up in -- some find a group fairly soon in their development that become like family -- and some grow slowly and quietly on their own for quite some time. All those ways work.

What is it that you need right now, that telling your elders will be a positive aid to?
PMEmail Poster               
Top
Findabhair 
Posted: 23-Aug-2008, 05:06 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Peasant
*

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 11
Joined: 22-Aug-2008
ZodiacBirch


female





I feel like I'm lying to them. I go on with my daily life and pretend to be who they want me to be. I would like to be able to show my true self to them and not to have to hide it. I guess the reason for the wanting to tell them now would be the fact that I've been feeling un complete as a person because I'm living two lives, the one they want to see and my own which well I cant show.
PMEmail Poster               
Top
Dade Emeraldstone 
Posted: 23-Aug-2008, 07:16 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Honored Clan Member
****

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 83
Joined: 10-Dec-2006
ZodiacWillow

Realm: Deer Park(Houston), Texas

male





It depends on your family truly. Has religion ever been brought up at home? Was it an open, rational discussion? Even if their was a misunderstanding, did they rationally spell out what they didn't understand?

That played a big roll in my decision.


--------------------
user posted image
PMEmail Poster               View My Space Profile.
Top
jayhenson 
Posted: 24-Aug-2008, 03:09 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Celtic Guardian
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 223
Joined: 13-May-2008
ZodiacHawthorn

Realm: Royse City, Texas USA

male





What is it that you want to show? Because you are "in the closet" as a Wiccan (sorry, best analogy I know) you can't sacrifice chickens in the living room? My point is, how would you be/act different? "Now that mom knows, I can wear that Goth outfit I have hidden in the black chest with my alter supplies"? I know I am using stereotypes and I am sorry if it hits wrong, but please look at the point and realize I am NOT trying to offend.
If your daily life isn't really going to be affected, then let sleeping witches lie. Ask yourself if the need for her to know and not to "lie" to her is worth the emotional pain that telling her may cause. In other words are you doing it (telling her) for her or for your own selfishness (showing your grown up and can choose your own path), or to clear your conscience, as it were..
Are there other areas of your life that she doesn't know about, that you have lied about in order to spare either her or yourself some bad feelings or embarrassment? (homework, sex[with yourself or someone else], partying, drinking, etc...) How is this different?

My suggestion, while in her house, let it rest, when you move out you can set up your house/life/etc... how you want. If she ever notices or asks about it, then the opening for the discussion is now presented. Tell her just what you told us, how you didn't want to hurt her. She may be a bit peeved that you didn't trust her but she will also see that you cared about her feelings.

Remember...Harm none........

Good luck and hope I helped. I really do understand as I have been in that position on a different matter.
PMEmail PosterMy Photo Album               View My Space Profile.
Top
Harlot 
Posted: 24-Aug-2008, 04:06 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Celtic Guardian
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 1,069
Joined: 29-Mar-2008
ZodiacIvy

Realm: Southern Michiagn USA

female





Hello, Finabhair I am a ,mother of a man who practices wicca and started some years back. Within the last year he has told me what he was doing. At first my thought was back magic, evil, and the bad stuff I had running around in my head. While I thought we had a better mother son relationship than that ( I am very open minded ) I asked him why he felt he couldn't tell me, his answer was because of where he learned about it. He was in prison and had made friends with some who practice it there. He explained to me and give some books which I have read and though it's not the we I was brought up or him,I did see a change in him over the years. He isn't this angry kid that I remember from some years past but turned his life around and for that I will always be grateful and to a man called Dave for introducing it to him.

As for your mother I can understand where she's coming from, it seems mothers hold on to the bad things that have happened too us. When the time comes for you to tell her I am sure she will be able to accept it. Stay true to who you are, and mothers always love their childern no matter what they have done.


--------------------
user posted image
Hopes are towers in the skies Dreams are wings taking flight

The Boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best Shadowy and vague. Who shall say where one ends and the other begins

Photobucket

SLAINTE
PMEmail PosterMy Photo Album               View My Space Profile.
Top
stoirmeil 
Posted: 24-Aug-2008, 08:19 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Celtic Guardian
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 3,581
Joined: 07-Nov-2004
ZodiacBirch

Realm: New York







Hi, Findabhair --

Well -- JayHenson is making a point worth thinking about, though he makes it strongly.

Let me listen to you now -- the way you are saying it. You feel as if you are lying, leading a double life, and beng one kind of person to please them and another to please yourself, when you can. I agree that's pretty uncomfortable, and the urge to bring it all out in the open must be pretty strong. But I think one way to read that urge is that this is the last portion of your dependent childhood trying to be heard, looking for approval, and it may be a test of maturity to hold your peace and keep the peace of the house. You have a pretty clear indication that the news is not going to fall very well. I have sympathy for your mother and what she has experienced, but I have more concern for you at this stage of your spiritual development, which is still new and exploratory, just like your whole self is newly adult and exploratory. Some things have to be done internally and with a secrecy like the inside of a flower that is not opened yet. I know it is uncomfortable to feel "double," but I think it may turn out better for you not to open up your new spiritual growth to the stress of hurt feelings or harsh discussions. I agree with Jay -- harm no one, not the parents and not yourself.

Look at it this way -- in the deepest sense, you are not lying or leading a double life if the way the parents want you to grow and the way your new path is taking you are both to goodness, maturity, and respect for yourself and others. Your true self is not the contradiction -- certain ways of expressing spiritual practice are just that, an expression, but your core self in respect and goodness is no different than the one they would want for you. So I believe, anyway.

But it's your decision, and none of us is in the situation with you. Just give it time, make regular quiet time alone to ask for direction and listen for the answers, and then do what you feel is right.
PMEmail Poster               
Top
Findabhair 
Posted: 24-Aug-2008, 09:36 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Peasant
*

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 11
Joined: 22-Aug-2008
ZodiacBirch


female





I really thank everyone for their kind advice to me in this situation. It has given me different sides to think upon and all are very helpful. I do see where you are coming from and I definently appreciate the advice. I agree that it would be better to not tell them right now, especially if I am still at home (which I am). again thank you all
PMEmail Poster               
Top
John Clements 
Posted: 25-Aug-2008, 08:21 AM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Celtic Guardian
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 1,466
Joined: 26-Oct-2005
ZodiacElder


male





I had a similar problem myself, as my Mother was a devout Roman Catholic, (and I just couldnít buy any of it). As I believe that all religions create more problems then they are worth. You see I donít think that anyone needs any kind of god, to know the difference between right and wrong, because I think that that is inherent.
Anyway, I never really let my Mom know what my ďtrueĒ feelings about all religion was, and still is. I think that this stuff is easy. All one has to do is true to oneself, and others. That being said, I do regret not being straight with my Mon, but then again, I donít. At least thatís the way I see it.

Good luck Findabhair,
JC



--------------------
Weíre all poets, only some of us write it down. JC 9/27/08

Anyone who has the courage to disagree, deserves all do respect. JC 4/28/08

Life is a loosing battle, so you might as well live it up.
J.C. 3/29/08

Life should be like skiing, you have the most fun on the way down. J.C. 8/17/07

Take their word for it, and thatís just what youíll get.
J.C. 3/19/07

Only the truth is worth the ultimate sacrifice.
J.C. 1/26/06

Compared to the far right, the far left is somewhere in the middle. J.C. 2/22/06

Iíll be the first to apologies, as long as I get one back.
J.C. 3/7/06

Itís a happy man, who can laugh at himself.

If youíre looking for a new experience, donít hire someone with a lot of it. J.C. sometime in 1990
PMEmail Poster               
Top
Camac
Posted: 25-Aug-2008, 09:34 AM
Quote Post




Guest


Main: Registration
Questions: Help
Important: Rules
Messages: Search






Zodiac








JC.

When I was 17 I had,had it with Catholicism or any religion and I walked away from it. When I told my parents it didn't phase my Dad at all as he didn't practice any religion. My Mom on the other hand was a pretty staunch Catholic and of course she didn't like it. Told me I was going to burn in Hell etc. but she also realized that she could do nothing about it but accept it. I was already living on my own so she couldn't give me the toss. Many many years later when I was told she was dying I went up to the house in Shelbourne to see her. I was really shook up. When I got there she was in the living room lying on the couch saying her Rosary. I told her "Mom I cannot and will not pray for you. I won't be a hypocrit" All that she said was "That's alright Son I know you Love me".


Camac.
               
Top
John Clements 
Posted: 25-Aug-2008, 11:50 AM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Celtic Guardian
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 1,466
Joined: 26-Oct-2005
ZodiacElder


male





QUOTE (Camac @ 25-Aug-2008, 09:34 AM)
JC.

When I was 17 I had,had it with Catholicism or any religion and I walked away from it. When I told my parents it didn't phase my Dad at all as he didn't practice any religion. My Mom on the other hand was a pretty staunch Catholic and of course she didn't like it. Told me I was going to burn in Hell etc. but she also realized that she could do nothing about it but accept it. I was already living on my own so she couldn't give me the toss. Many many years later when I was told she was dying I went up to the house in Shelbourne to see her. I was really shook up. When I got there she was in the living room lying on the couch saying her Rosary. I told her "Mom I cannot and will not pray for you. I won't be a hypocrit" All that she said was "That's alright Son I know you Love me".


Camac.

One question Dave, would you please tell me how Iím supposed to paint, with tears in my eyes? You donít have to answer that.

JC
PMEmail Poster               
Top
Patch 
Posted: 25-Aug-2008, 12:18 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline





Celtic Guardian
Group Icon

Group: Scotland
Posts: 7,710
Joined: 22-Dec-2002
ZodiacIvy

Realm: America, Mid West

male





QUOTE (Camac @ 25-Aug-2008, 10:34 AM)
JC.

When I was 17 I had,had it with Catholicism or any religion and I walked away from it. When I told my parents it didn't phase my Dad at all as he didn't practice any religion. My Mom on the other hand was a pretty staunch Catholic and of course she didn't like it. Told me I was going to burn in Hell etc. but she also realized that she could do nothing about it but accept it. I was already living on my own so she couldn't give me the toss. Many many years later when I was told she was dying I went up to the house in Shelbourne to see her. I was really shook up. When I got there she was in the living room lying on the couch saying her Rosary. I told her "Mom I cannot and will not pray for you. I won't be a hypocrit" All that she said was "That's alright Son I know you Love me".


Camac.

There was a point when I questioned Catholicism and religion in general but things happened that were more than could be attributed to luck and were certainly not because of great ability on my part so I re-thought my position again.

Slŗinte,††††

Patch††††
PMEmail Poster               
Top
jayhenson 
Posted: 25-Aug-2008, 05:10 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Celtic Guardian
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 223
Joined: 13-May-2008
ZodiacHawthorn

Realm: Royse City, Texas USA

male





QUOTE (stoirmeil @ 24-Aug-2008, 08:19 PM)
Well -- JayHenson is making a point worth thinking about, though he makes it strongly. 


Thank you Stoirmeil,
I realize I was abit strong on the point making and I apologize to you Findabhair as it did seem to be abit more forceful than I wanted, I attribute it to trying to squeeze in a lot of experience and therapy in a small space smile.gif. Stoirmeil said it as well as I could ever hope to. My parents (mom especially) are saddened by my rejection of religion; I won't deny that there may be a God/Gods/etc... but the whole Christianity vs. Islam vs. Hindu vs. etc.. then there is the whole hundreds of different protestants and baptists then the whole catholic thing....it just made me convinced it was all made up for control...all of it! So i have no real spiritual direction. I am glad to read that you do and that you are using it as a moral compass pointing to "Good". I was interested in Druidism for abit...may go back to that.

Anyway, everyone on here wishes you the best (except for that shifty looking guy in the corner over there...you know who you are!!) and trying to define/find yourself is hard, then when you want the acceptance and understanding of those you love and respect and don't get it immediately it has a tendency to make you bitter and angry if you don't realize that their beliefs and their own view of you is just as important to them as yours is to you. You have a mother that loves you and cares about your soul, not every son has that. You have a mother that you love and care about her feelings, not every mother has that. You sound very intelligent and the fact that you want there to be no secrets between you and mom speaks volumes about your character.

I still stand by my advice about waiting for the talk, but continue to involve her in your life so she can see the person you are, not the Wiccan she fears, but the good-hearted person who helps and does good because it is the right thing to do.

Deep peace to you,

Jay
PMEmail PosterMy Photo Album               View My Space Profile.
Top
Findabhair 
Posted: 30-Aug-2008, 12:12 AM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Peasant
*

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 11
Joined: 22-Aug-2008
ZodiacBirch


female





Again thanks to all for all of your support, you've really helped.
PMEmail Poster               
Top
stoirmeil 
Posted: 02-Sep-2008, 06:55 PM
Quote Post

Member is Offline



Celtic Guardian
********

Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 3,581
Joined: 07-Nov-2004
ZodiacBirch

Realm: New York







QUOTE (Findabhair @ 30-Aug-2008, 12:12 AM)
Again thanks to all for all of your support, you've really helped.

A time'll arrive when it will all come quiet and clear as spring rain, and meanwhile, people here are thinking of you and wishing you peace and blessing on your path.

Tell us what the gaelic caption on your beautiful signature photo means? smile.gif
PMEmail Poster               
Top
0 User(s) are reading this topic (0 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Reply to this topicStart new topicStart Poll

 








Celtic RadioTM broadcasts through Live365.com and StreamLicensing.com which are officially licensed under SoundExchange, ASCAP, BMI, SESAC and SOCAN.
©2014 Celtic Radio Network, Highlander Radio, Celtic Moon, Celtic Dance, Ye O' Celtic Pub and Celt-Rock-Radio.
All rights and trademarks reserved. Read our Privacy Policy.
Celtic Graphics ©2014, Cari Buziak


Link to CelticRadio.net!
Link to CelticRadio.net
View Broadcast Status and Statistics!

Best Viewed With IE 8.0 (1680 x 1050 Resolution), Javascript & Cookies Enabled.


[Home] [Top]

Celtic Hearts Gallery | Celtic Mates Dating | My Celtic Friends | Celtic Music Radio | Family Heraldry | Medival Kingdom | Top Celtic Sites | Web Celt Blog | Video Celt