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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 16-Aug-2008, 01:30 PM
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I had no idea how to post this so I opened a new thread.

I need to share a sad experience I had last Thursday. I was sitting together with my son and a friend when my neighbor who lives on the third floor of our appartment house knocked at my window, looking all shocked. I went outside and before I could ask a word he stared at me with unbelieving and shocked eyes and told me that our neighbor who was living next to him was found dead in his room. "Petra, I need your help, Tobias is dead, he's dead in his room!"

Tobias, a young man of 35, a friendly guy who had been sitting in my kitchen quite often having a cup of coffee, we used to talk... We have a very good relationship between all of us neighbors living in this house...

Without hesitating for a single moment I went upstairs and my neighbor showed me what I hardly could believe.
They hadn't seen Tobias for three days and when a buddy came around because he hadn't shown up at work they went upstairs, found the door locked, no answer on the mobile - and when they had a look through the keyhole they saw him lying on his bed. They broke the door and hurried inside just to find out Tobias was dead.

We called the emergency squad and the police who came and did their job and finally put him in a plastic bag and carried him away to have done an autopsie on him.

We then sat in the neighbor's kitchen, answered the questions the police was asking us, still unable to realize what happened.

Tobias has a history. He had been a junkie, a heroine-addicted person some years back. But he had been clean for two years at least, he had been back to university to become a civil engineer. He passed his exams and he did it well. He passed the test to get back his driving license successfully. He was a highly qualified person now, able to get the best job ever.
This is what makes it so hard to understand that he seemingly has taken this damned drug again, we saw a syringe next to him, and a small package of what we supposed to be heroine.
I can't get this picture out of my head, him lying there on his bed like he was sleeping, embracing the pillow, almost peaceful. I think he didn't have to suffer but died while sleeping.

I stood near him for a moment, saying a prayer for his soul and asking the Great Spirit to welcome him.
The question which is haunting all of us who knew and loved him is "WHY the hell"...it seems such a waste of life, of hopes and dreams. I don't know if we will ever get an answer. He could have asked for help, for a talk, for whatever. He knew there have been people who would have listened and who would have taken him by his hand. But his decision was to get back into this awful vicious circle, to allow the drug to rule his life - and death.
We don't think he was meaning to end his life. More it was an accident. Life was too hard for him, the heroine still was a temptation, a menace...

I so wished his soul has found peace. I so wished he is in a better place now.
I was so sad, then angry because he never gave us a chance to help him, because he left that way.
And now I feel so sorry for this promising young life.

I know well that death is part of this life; from the moment we are born we are approaching death. I believe that death is the passage from the Seen into the Unseen world. I'm praying for Tobias like my neigbors do. Each of us in their own way and in some way in the same because we are all burning incense sticks and candles, talking about him and wishing him will. This is something we could do together.

But despite of my belief all this is giving me a hard time and I can't get the sight of him lying there out of my head. This is not my first experience with death nor addicted people but it seems to be different this time.

So I would ask you to pray for Tobias. I have the urgent feeling it's needed.
Like I would ask you to send me some positive thoughts because I'm feeling really bad at the moment. But only in second place, in first place pray for him.

Thank you, and may you always walk in peace.

Gabby


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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 16-Aug-2008, 02:12 PM
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Gabby my dear friend,
This is in fact a really sad story.What to say in these hards time except that my thoughts and prayers are for you all friends and family.
His suffering is no more, he is now where there no such thing as heroine or sickness. He is at peace and I'm sure much happier.
A star is born in his name who will watch over you all.
Take care my friend and God bless.

My deepest condolences Gabby hug.gif

LOA


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Camac
Posted: 16-Aug-2008, 02:27 PM
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Gaberlunzie;

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Your friend Tobias time amongst us was over and the Universe has called him home to play another part. Life is but one part of the cycle when it ends another part carries on.


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stoirmeil 
Posted: 16-Aug-2008, 03:05 PM
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Oh, Gabi -- this is so sad, and every time you go through this kind of thing it is different, because your own life is in a different place. It might be that you feel his spirit needs our prayers and thoughts urgently because your own sense of life and its urgency to be lived is sharper now than ever before -- so normal, the older we get. Certainly my thoughts are resting on this young man, who I think, as you do, did not intend for his life to end but miscalculated his old habit -- but for you, my friend, my thoughts and wishes are more. If some good will come to you in reflecting on this sad ending of your friend, I wish it for you very much, to the deepening of your own rich, creative and compassionate spirit moving among those who love you.
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John Clements 
Posted: 16-Aug-2008, 03:07 PM
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So sorry to hear of your friendís passing, I think life is a struggle right to the end, but then you are free.

JC


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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 17-Aug-2008, 02:22 PM
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Dear friends,

I don't know to say it any better but to thank you all so much for your kind words. It will still take time to understand but I agree that Tobias has started a new journey.
Still it hurts. Still I cry. We who are left here have to let go; I hope he found peace and freedom.

Life can be so fragile, and we tend to take things and persons for granted until an experience like this one teaches us the opposite. So I will try to remember each single morning when a new day begins how much I have to thank for. A wonderful family who loves me and whom I love more than any word can say. The gift of life.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, it means the world to me.

Gabby
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Rindy 
Posted: 17-Aug-2008, 06:46 PM
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Gabby, this is such a sad story. I am sorry that you had to experience this. You have my thoughts and prayers for yourself and Tobias. I wish I could reach out to every addict in this world and heal them. I think addiction is so evil.

Hey, I have a thread going in Health Matters if you'd like to continue a conversation of grieving. It's hard enough when folks die of natural causes but when it's self inflicted it's worse. It's very hard for me to understand.
Hang in there Gabby. (((hugs)))

Slainte
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