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> Quality Time With Family., How do you spend it?
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Patch 
Posted: 31-Aug-2008, 10:09 PM
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QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 31-Aug-2008, 07:30 PM)
QUOTE (ctbard @ 30-Aug-2008, 08:13 PM)
My heart goes out to you also LOA, I havent posted much lately so had no idea of the goings on lately, just cherish to time you have with your dad.
It makes me so sad that the whole time my husband has been in the hospital, it was a week last Wednesday, our son hasnt come or called even once. Camn't beleive he could be so cold.

ctbard,
I thank you for your kind thoughts and I certainly try to spend as much time as I can with him for I know very well how fragile he is right now and could be gone in a minute.
As for your son, again I never wish ill to anyone but I'm a strong believer that life takes care of those that decided to be selfish and show no compassion towards another. Maybe one day and hopefully he'll wake up and understand the value of family. Meanwhile there is nothing you can do unfortunately for it is him that must come forward.

Camac,
Though I don't want to make it a subject here,alcoholism is without a doubt a family destructive factor for there is no way there could be quality time in family when alcohol is in the picture.
For alcohol transforms one into beast or worst...monster in some cases.

My dad was a completely different man when sober but unfortunately it didn't last long.For when under the influence he would scare me with all kinds of nasty prediction like wars or revolutions. When one is a kid and hear things like that one grows up with some fears. Mine was the noises of planes. I would hear planes and run to my mom crying that we were under attack....though these foolish fears disappeared fast enough, I lived them nonetheless.

Today,I am proud to tell my dad that he is a handsome man for I tell him everyday during the week when I go to my parents home for lunch,that it is good to see him smile, though maybe I should shut my mouth for I make him cry all the time I say that to him,but still he is such a change man in many ways.
On his 75th birthday I gave him a huge birthday card with a beautiful countryside aquarelle painting on it of his birthplace and inside I wrote a poem to him.
Even then he was at his worst in alcohol for he just wanted to die and he kept at it like crazy. But in my poem dedicated to him I was telling him that even though he was trying his best to show a hard and cruel exterior that I knew that inside him he was a wounded man and not what he'd let the world see.
For I knew him as a man with a pure heart....again I saw my father cry like a baby.

LOA

You are doing the best for both of you. Very few of us will know "our time." For this reason, we should ALL live each moment as if it were our last as one day, it will be. Words uttered in anger and things left unsaid will become festering emotional sores that cause great distress. In 40 plus years of counseling employees I have seen most of what can happen.

Slàinte,    

Patch    
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 01-Sep-2008, 09:29 AM
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QUOTE (Patch @ 31-Aug-2008, 11:09 PM)
You are doing the best for both of you.  Very few of us will know "our time."  For this reason, we should ALL live each moment as if it were our last as one day, it will be.  Words uttered in anger and things left unsaid will become festering emotional sores that cause great distress.  In 40 plus years of counseling employees I have seen most of what can happen.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Thank you my friend,thank you.
My only hope and wish for him in what few years is left to him, is to know a bit of happiness in is heart.

LOA smile.gif


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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 01-Sep-2008, 12:48 PM
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LOA, dear friend, I stand in awe...you are one strong, wonderful woman with such a big and loving heart.

I second Patch's words, couldn't have said it any better myself. You're doing a great job there. Many blessings heading your way! hug.gif


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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 01-Sep-2008, 04:58 PM
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Gabby thanks my dear friend,

I have told many times my younger siblings that there will come a day that you won't have your parents anymore.
Make the best and peace with them while they are here with us.
Though all of them are adults today, they have come to realize that our parents especially for them for they are their blood parents are the most precious thing in the world one can cherish.
To me this is family values and principles of life.
Call me old fashion but I think that's what's missing in our society these days.

LOA

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Patch 
Posted: 01-Sep-2008, 10:08 PM
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QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 01-Sep-2008, 05:58 PM)
Gabby thanks my dear friend,

I have told many times my younger siblings that there will come a day that you won't have your parents anymore.
Make the best and peace with them while they are here with us.
Though all of them are adults today, they have come to realize that our parents especially for them for they are their blood parents are the most precious thing in the world one can cherish.
To me this is family values and principles of life.
Call me old fashion but I think that's what's missing in our society these days.

LOA

LOA

It is much of the problem and unless something causes a "turn around" it will worsen from generation to generation!

Slàinte,    

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Patch 
Posted: 01-Sep-2008, 10:23 PM
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I spent the day yesterday with my youngest daughter and "my" three grand children. The two oldest rode with their unicycle group in a parade. I do not know how anyone can ride them. The 3 year old can ride a tiny unicycle but couldn't keep up in a parade. Between the parade and dinner and of course a stop ice cream, we had a lot of time to talk. It was a good day. I have been collecting old porcelain display dolls for my grand daughters but my daughter said they wouldn't care for them yet. I was a bit disappointed but she knows.

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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 01-Sep-2008, 11:56 PM
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On Sunday we had a wonderful warm summer day, so my sons and me decided to have a BBQ...
We spent most of the day outside with a lot of laughters and fun.
My "boys" ( 20 and 23 ) put a blanket on the grass and stayed there for hours, lying in the sun, joking, talking; I sat with my elder son's lady friend and all of a sudden I realised again how much I have to thank for.

We had a very hard time when my husband left 8 years ago and it seemed all would break apart.
But we managed it to cope with all the problems and grew very close.
I agree with you, LOA; family values are so important. Peace, love, everything starts within your own family. To see my small famliy that way, to feel the strong bonds between us, to see that they live responsibility, trust, helpfullness and love makes me very happy.
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 03-Sep-2008, 11:27 AM
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QUOTE (Patch @ 01-Sep-2008, 11:23 PM)
I spent the day yesterday with my youngest daughter and "my" three grand children. The two oldest rode with their unicycle group in a parade. I do not know how anyone can ride them. The 3 year old can ride a tiny unicycle but couldn't keep up in a parade. Between the parade and dinner and of course a stop ice cream, we had a lot of time to talk. It was a good day. I have been collecting old porcelain display dolls for my grand daughters but my daughter said they wouldn't care for them yet. I was a bit disappointed but she knows.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

QUOTE
gaberlunzie Posted on 02-Sep-2008, 12:56 AM
  On Sunday we had a wonderful warm summer day, so my sons and me decided to have a BBQ...
We spent most of the day outside with a lot of laughters and fun.
My "boys" ( 20 and 23 ) put a blanket on the grass and stayed there for hours, lying in the sun, joking, talking; I sat with my elder son's lady friend and all of a sudden I realised again how much I have to thank for.

We had a very hard time when my husband left 8 years ago and it seemed all would break apart.
But we managed it to cope with all the problems and grew very close.
I agree with you, LOA; family values are so important. Peace, love, everything starts within your own family. To see my small famliy that way, to feel the strong bonds between us, to see that they live responsibility, trust, helpfullness and love makes me very happy. 


Hi to both of you,

This is what it's all about, quality time spent with your family,it doesn't have to be a grand affair but just simple things and try to have these little episodes of fun on a regular bases helps all in the family gathering to enjoy and get to know one another better. For sometimes when we becomes adults we tend to forget that these special moments are important.
Our family gathers at least once a year for a BBQ and we play all kinds of games and it's fun.

Yesterday I went to visit my dad and he's doing better but he was in an aggressive mood which is normal for he would like to be like he use to but unfortunately that won't happen and he knows it. But at least now he goes outside on the balcony to get some fresh air and that's good.

LOA
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 06-Sep-2008, 06:48 PM
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Today I learned that my father's oldest sister passed away, she's been suffering a brain tumor for some years and now the battle is over for her as well as her suffering.
But my dad takes it hard for another of his sibling now gone. I talked to my parents a bit earlier and even my mom was crying and I could hear my dad in the back trying to tell her to tell me where the funeral service would be.

One thing that I was glad to hear is that he has asked my younger sister to go for the funeral which is about a 4 hours drive. I know that he'll be fine and secure and as she said it'll probably be his last time to go where he's from and see the one brother left and say a last goodbye to his dear sister.Who was almost the mother to all for she was the oldest and had to help the matriarch in the house for they were 21 children, so her life was pretty much dedicated in raising her siblings.
She got married at 50 and became a widow a little less then 10 years after. And unfortunately her last years were quite lonely for her and had visits from her siblings only on her birthdays.
Life can turn out to be unfair for some that has work hard during their lifetime. I just hope that wherever she is now she's at peace and not suffering.

LOA
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 15-Sep-2008, 12:02 PM
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As I was at my sister in law mother's funeral this friday last (who was by the way a dear friend of mine) I realized as I was standing there in the lounge, that though it may seem curious or strange for some but a funeral event is quality time spent in family in a way.

Friends and acquaintances gathers to pay their respect to the family members, while the defunt's family gathers to say their last goodbyes and at the same time share all kinds of good memories with the guests.
The latter expressed in differents ways, for Margaret it was pictures and photographs glued on big posters depicting her life from marriage up to last year with her husband on his 90th birthday.
Of course, some are shared through tears and some through laughs. But when one is there observing all that is going on in the room; one can see that people are content and happy to see each other even though on a sad occasion.

Quality time with family can happen under any circumstances; for through tick and thin one can rely on family for support.

LOA
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DesertRose 
Posted: 16-Sep-2008, 01:35 AM
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First of all, LOA, I am very sorry for the loss in your in-law's.

I have been visiting folks from my church in the hospital for the last two weeks and one lady (who is 93) has never had children, so thankfully many in our church have stepped forward to be there for her. She has a niece and nephew but they live a long distance and thank God many in our church have stepped forward to help and look after this wonderful woman. I would agree there is no one like family, but when friends become family these are times when one cannot beat the dedication, support and help of these dear souls.

I am one who has no children and can only pray that there will be folks there for me when I get close to kicking the bucket! LOL


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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 16-Sep-2008, 06:48 PM
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Thank you for the kind words Rose.
And yes I cannot agree more with you on this for it is true that not all has the luxury of relying on family when in need for many reasons and again agree on the fact that sometimes friends are as close or sometimes closer then family.

It is wonderful work that you and your church friends are doing for this old lady for me too don't have kids and I simply don't know who'll take care of me in my old days...if I ever get that old which I do not want...but hey I am not the one to decide, only wish.

Great work Rose thumbs_up.gif

LOA
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 29-Oct-2008, 05:36 PM
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Been awhile since I posted here and as always it seems that we kind of forget that family is important to all of us.

Again I will speak of my father for he is important to me,actually both of my parents are for it if weren't for them I simply don't know where I would be today and what kind of person.

I thought that by the fact that he is now out of hospital and at home that he would have taken to the better but though I know that it is probably the fact that he has been so long in hospital and simply old age, for this man that I knew even in an advance alcoholic state my dad would take care of his person.

Before I left for my vacation I called him to tell him that I will expect him to take care of himself while gone and that I would call him from Iceland. I don't know if he decided then to ignore what I had just told him or didn't hear me, he just asked if I will be back before he dies....I was not able to answer such a statement coming from a man that never said anything about his own demise before.
What could I say except turning his request as a joke and answer that God simply didn't want anything to do with a grumpy old man like him yet...he laughed...when I hanged up I wasn't though.

I called him like promised while away, he seemed fine enough but upon my return it was not as it appeared to be. He was sick again with the C bacteria and was frustrated to the point that he didn't want to take his medication and so on.
I had to go home and see for myself in what kind of state he was. And even though he was in bed when I got home and expected to see him crying or criticize the world, no he was just sitting in bed and smiled when he saw me.

I talked with him as I sat on the side and explain that it will do no good for him to be and play hard head except only to return to the hospital. I asked gently what it is that he would prefer and of course he wants his home. He is now taking his medication every day without giving my mom a hard time but he still not dressing.
That proud man now is going around only in his panties and an old shirt and don't comb his hair, it pains me to the core to see him like this but I guess while in hospital he lost a bit of his dignity and proud bearing. Everyday that I visit him I try to make him understand that even though he is at home that it would be good for him to dress a little bit more. He always looks at me and starts to cry.

Maybe with time it will click somewhere in his brain that he is still a man not a number in hospital.The only way to reach him is by persisting and encourage him that's what he needs at the moment. Time will tell.

LOA
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flora 
Posted: 29-Oct-2008, 06:09 PM
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LOA:

The flustration of seeing a parent not in good health is so hard to bare. I sympathize with you. My mother was the same way in the fact that she wanted to be home. We had to remind her to take her medicine and to eat correctly. It is wonderful that your father is able to be at home. My mother-in-law is in a care facility and it breaks my heart every time I go there.

You are a great daughter to care for this man. Just being there for him matters so much I am sure.

Flora


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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 29-Oct-2008, 08:02 PM
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Thanks flora,

Yes well it's surely not easy indeed to see a parent getting old. I had to deal with this with my in laws as well for they were a bit older then my parents.
Took care of my father in law for 4 years and at the end we didn't have the choice to move him to a special nursing home for people either with Alzeihmer or any cognitive disease for that matter.

At least my parents lucidity is still intact in opposite of my father in law.
That's what makes it harder sometimes to deal with and I cannot show it in front of him all I can do is try to encourage him to be the man he use to be...a proud man.

LOA...thanks for the kind words flora.
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