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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 11-Apr-2008, 07:09 PM
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'



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Paddy was in New York.

He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'


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Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the e morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.




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"Few men are brave:many become so through training and discipline."
Flavius Vegetius Renatus

"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strenght to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."
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Patch 
Posted: 12-Apr-2008, 08:55 PM
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Paddy met Father Mike on the road to town. The good father asked how Paddy had been. Paddy confided that his old dog had died. He asked Father Mike if there was a Mass he could say for the poor old dog. Absolutely not Father Mike said. However he said Paddy might check with the Protestant minister down the road as it was anyones guess what strange things they might be doing there. Paddy asked Father Mike if he thought 500 pounds would be enough for the service. Father Mike gasped, for the love of Jesus Paddy, why didn't ye tell me the poor old dog was Catholic!


Erin greeted Father mike after Sunday mass and the good Father inquired as to the health of her husband Paddy as he was not at Mass that day. Mary confided that Paddy had just passed this Friday last. Father Mike told Erin he was deeply sorrowed to hear the news and asked if Paddy had any "last words." Aye, that he did said Erin. He said "Holy Mary Mother of Jesus Erin, put down that damn gun!"

I have quite a list of Celtic jokes. I get quite a few from a Lady from Scotland that I trade jokes with. I will try to post a couple more from time to time.

Slàinte,   

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Patch 
Posted: 19-Apr-2008, 12:47 PM
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Mary left her home in Co. Kerry to travel to America to continue her study of Interpretive dance. After more than a few years and considerable success in her field she returned home to visit her family. She learned that her old Priest, Father Mike was still the Parish Priest and was hearing confessions that day. She immediately went to the church and Father mike recognized her. They sat in the Confessional discussing Mary's success in America. The good Father did not understand what Interpretive dance was so Mary stepped out of the Confessional to show him. She did leaps, back flips, spins, cartwheels and handstands. She stepped back into the Confessional. Two ladies were waiting their turn. One turned to the other and said "would you look at the penance Father Mike is giving this day and me without me knickers on!"

Slàinte,    

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ekvationx 
Posted: 26-May-2008, 06:29 AM
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Patch 
Posted: 03-Jun-2008, 10:56 AM
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This lorry driver sat eating his egg and chips in a transport cafe, when ten Hells Angels walked in.

They walked up to the lorry driver, started eating his dinner and drinking his tea.

The lorry driver just stood up and walked out. The Hells Angel leader walked up to the counter and sticking his chest out said, "He wasn't much of a man was he?"

"No" said the cafe manager, "he wasn't much of a lorry driver either, he's just reversed over ten motorbikes!"

Slàinte,    

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