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ogdenmusic 
Posted: 17-Oct-2007, 11:02 PM
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ZodiacWillow

Realm: Holly Springs, NC

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Take you car down to the local Billy Bob's car fix it place. Look confused and dazed like you know nothing about cars and ask them to fix the noise your hearing. You might even suggest you have ringing in your ears. I'm sure they will fix it for a cheap price.

My wife wants me to rake leaves and clean the gutters this weekend. However I just received 2 tickets to the big football games this weekend Florida vs Kentucky and I've got to go. What should I do?


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haynes9 
Posted: 18-Oct-2007, 07:05 AM
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ZodiacElder

Realm: Ganado, Navajo Nation, Arizona

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Pretty simple solution, really. Tell your wife that you want to make it a family project so it gets done more quickly. Have both of you get your work clothes on ad look over the job. Tell your wife to get started and you will go for some necessary supplies and be right back. Then, head the the UK-FL game and enjoy it. When you get back after a rousing UK victory, tell your wife you now have the required energy to finish the job. And with any luck, she will have already gotten it all done! And I promise to visit you in the hospital.

I have to go to Chinle, AZ this morning to deal with a hopeless government bureaucracy (Bureau of Indian Affairs - BIA). How can I get these pencil pushing morons to do the simple tasks I need them to do?


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Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost. -- John Quincy Adams

Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more, you should never wish to do less - Robert E. Lee

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved - Romans 10:13 (KJV)

The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble, and he knoweth them that trust in him - Nahum 1:7 (KJV)
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John Clements 
Posted: 18-Oct-2007, 08:39 AM
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I suggest that you go to the local thrift store and pick up a couple of used wigs, (if they have any) and then wear them hanging off your belt, (like scalps) when you go the Bureau of Indian Affairs. (then...maybe youíll get some action)

Speaking of raking leaves: I just received a notice from the town, saying that they will be picking up the leaves curbside at the end of this month, but guess what? Most of the trees in my area are unseasonably green, and the leaves are still in the trees. I need as big solution, any out there?


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ogdenmusic 
Posted: 19-Oct-2007, 11:01 PM
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ZodiacWillow

Realm: Holly Springs, NC

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Ok John, here's what you need to do. Get the local art students from the high school, college and have them come to your house. They can shake the trees or pick the leafs. Then once the trees are empty they can use their artisic paints to paint fall colors on the leaves and then stockpile them together for the local pickup. Problem solved.

We have two cats and the wife is pleading to get another, maybe two. I tolerate cats but really don't want anymore. How do I deal with this and still make her happy?
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haynes9 
Posted: 20-Oct-2007, 08:26 AM
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ZodiacElder

Realm: Ganado, Navajo Nation, Arizona

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Tell her you want her to be completely happy and you will gladly give her all the cats she wants! That's what a good husband would do! When you bring the new cats home, be sure and show your wife the beautiful Reticulated Pythons you have purchased for your own pleasure. I'm quite sure she will be willing to compromise!

We have a security light that used to run 24/7 and now won't work at all. I have replaced the bulb and the photo sensor. What should I try next?
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pflanary 
Posted: 22-Oct-2007, 10:57 AM
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ZodiacElder

Realm: Southwest VA (Lee Co.

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Nothing! Its so much more fun to fiddle around in the dark trying to find your keys and fit them in the keyholes.


On a related note, I can never remember to leave the porch light on when I am going to get home after dark and the light from the security light doesn't reach into the porch, what should I do?


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God then made man. The Italians for their beauty. The French for their cuisine. The Welsh for their voices. The Germans for their cars. And on and on until He looked at what He had created and said, "This is all very well, but no-one is having fun. I'll have to make an Irishman."
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Mischevious Wench 
Posted: 24-Oct-2007, 04:30 PM
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ZodiacHolly

Realm: at the moment: cedar rapids

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Tamper with the laws of reality and make your own self-exploding firecrakers all around your house so when you come home you'll have little flashing lights to guide you and it solves the security problem as well!!!!! ^-^

Anyways, i think i can here voices and i don't know what to do?
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 24-Oct-2007, 06:56 PM
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Just put some funny earmuffs on and shout all the time I'm sure that'll fix your problem...

I have this tiny problem of falling asleep early all the time can't seem to be able to keep those eyes of mine open later than 9:00.
A trick anybody? sleep1.gif


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"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strenght to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."
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ogdenmusic 
Posted: 24-Oct-2007, 10:11 PM
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ZodiacWillow

Realm: Holly Springs, NC

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First go get some Elmer's glue and put a dab on your eyelid and push it back to keep the eyelid from closing. Then get some Jolt Cola, Red Bull and Monster energy drinks. Consume them all within 30 minutes. Now, no problems staying awake past 9pm.



Our pastor is going to be out of town this weekend and wants me to give the sermon this Sunday while he's out of town. I feel so inadequate and sure I'll talk about sports instead. What should I do?
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sisterknight 
Posted: 25-Oct-2007, 11:14 AM
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ZodiacOak

Realm: montreal west, quebec

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wellllllll, you could always get the sunday school to do a play instead of a sermon, or get the elders of the church to talk about sports in the bible, or you could say your dog ate your sermon...amen!! wink.gif



my hubby is trying to talk me into going 4 wheeling this weekend, i so do not want to go!!!ideas??


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non nobis domine,non nobis sed nomini tua da gloriam.


OKAY, WHAT DID I DO NOW??
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Robert Phoenix 
Posted: 05-Nov-2007, 09:15 PM
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ZodiacIvy

Realm: Ironwood, MI

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Siphon the gas out of the tanks and put it into the car. Claim it was the garden gnome from travelocity. Go shopping and buy a new 4 wheeler. Drive by him with the salesman on the back.

I need to sneak money for a new kilt. Best way to do it?


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"Irishness is not primary a question of birth or blood or language; it is the condition on being involved in the Irish situation, and usually of being mauled by it."-Conor Cruise O'Brien

Pour mouth to mouth
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pretentiouswombat 
Posted: 08-Dec-2007, 12:43 AM
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ZodiacHolly

Realm: Georgia

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Go to the nearest science fiction convention wearing just your sporran (if it's a Saturday night, you'll pass the costume inspectors with no problem). Hold a sign that says "free kisses - but donations gladly accepted" and let the ladies drop donations in said sporran.

My SO is considerably younger than I am. How do I deal with people who think I'm his mother? That is sooooo annoying.


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Druid_of_Ark 
Posted: 10-Dec-2007, 07:56 PM
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ZodiacAlder

Realm: Perryville, Arkansas

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Tell them that in a past life he was your Dad and now he is your lover, that should blow their wee minds.

I need advice on the best way to run off my English Neighbor, he constantly plays "God Save the Queen."


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Sir. Raibeart Paris, OGU
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pretentiouswombat 
Posted: 13-Dec-2007, 08:51 PM
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ZodiacHolly

Realm: Georgia

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Hang an effigy of the Queen in the front yard. Use life-sized standups of the royal family for target practice in the backyard. Stand on the roof, dressed as an Indian, and throw teabags off it, making sure they land in said neighbour's yard. Celebrate the Fourth of July every day...that's all I can think of right now.

I want to lose ten pounds before Christmas. What's the easiest way to do it?
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Druid_of_Ark 
Posted: 13-Dec-2007, 09:22 PM
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ZodiacAlder

Realm: Perryville, Arkansas

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To lose 10 pounds go up to a Large British Cop and tell him that you bet he cant hit you in the mouth...when they unwire your mouth you will be at least 10 pounds lighter.

How can I get rid of a mouse in the house?
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