Jay Leno: “Well, the price of gasoline continues to rise here in Los Angeles -- $3.70 a gallon. It’s unbelievable. Highest in the nation. In fact, I saw John Edwards driving a Prius to get a $400 haircut.”
Jay Leno: “I got myself a new computer this week. I got the Alberto Gonzales Dell computer. Have you seen this one? It works great. It destroys your e-mails and has no memory. But other than that, it’s a fantastic unit.”
Jay Leno: “No, seriously. While almost everybody in Washington is still calling for Gonzales to resign, President Bush said Gonzales’ testimony last week increased his confidence in him. Yeah. Bush said he had no idea Gonzales could lie like that.”
Jay Leno: “Even Cheney was impressed! ‘I can’t believe it. The guy is good! He didn’t squeal!”
"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."