Really Bad Advice

[pflanary]

Get a really big sprayer and paint everything the same color--trim, windows, whatever

I'm starving and I still have 40 minutes until lunchtime-what should I do?

[haynes9]

Just go to lunch right now! Print about 500 copies of something on the company printer and just leave. Your coworkers will hear the machine running and think you're still there!

A family in our church wants to paint the auditorium, but the color is a little darker than I want. How can I get them to choose a lighter color and not offend them?

[pflanary]

Who cares if they are offended as long as you get the color you want. If they get their feelings, hurt they can find another church.

[haynes9]

Wow, I may try that, but I may get tossed if I do !

And your need for advice is . . .?

[pflanary]

Oops again.
My dog keeps coming home filthy just as I am leaving for work in the morning (she likes to roll in the cow pasture then find some water or wet grass to roll in)--what should I do?

[JaneyMae]

Either put up a fense or kennel her until you can get home from work to bathe her.

My department chair has been a shrew to me and I am dreading going back to work in August. What can I do? How do I work with the wicked witch of the west?

[haynes9]

Tell her your not going to take anymore and knock the living daylights out of her! After you've slashed her tires! And then dare her to call the police!

My 19 year old son wants advice about why women think the way they do. What key thing should I tell him?

[pflanary]

Women are a mystery and no man can ever truly understand them so why try?

My boss in back from a trip today and I am having anxiety attacks thinking he will call this office and fuss because my numbers are low this month. What should I do?

[haynes9]

First of all, just don't take your bosses calls. Tell the old battleaxe that you are too busy making money for the company to be bothered by a lackey. Next, inflate your numbers for this month. You can always make it up next month.

My diet has gone pretty well. I am right around my target weight. What should my next step be?

[marti64]

Keep up the good work!!!! and whatever you do, don't step on the scale...(How can I give bad advice for that Mark?!!??!!)

I have the rest of the week off...and then have to go back to work on Monday...What if my boss leaves me a mound of peperwork to catch up on?

[haynes9]

Isn't it sad that you "accidentally" left the window open and the paperwork mysteriously disappeared?

I'm cleaning off the porch today. Should I clean it once or twice?

[pflanary]

Cleaning it .once is enough work--in fact, why not take a break 1/2 way through and just never get back to it.

[JaneyMae]

and your part here would be?????

I'll go back to Haynes

Clean the porch once and take a break half way through (like Pflanary said). What's the point of finishing something once you've stopped?

I've got to drive to Salt Lake City to see a surgeon next week, should I arrive early or on time?

[rhatcher1313]

Arrive late & drunk, advise surgeon how to do operation the RIGHT way....... Ok, I'm late for a date, this is first date w/ her, what do I say ?

[pflanary]

Don't apoligize for being late. Act like she sould be thrilled that you showed up at all. Most of all, act like you are God's gift to women.

My office manager/secretary who is the only other person in this office is driving me crazy being obsessive/compulsive. What should I do when she is telling me something for the 10th time in GREAT detail?