Dear Abbey, Advice Column

Dear Abby,
> My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge
credit card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them
off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the
minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can
hardly keep up with the interest.
> Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our
neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are
an odd bunch, to whom he has
been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our
bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious in a big way, although I
don't quite understand it. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the
next with people who say the
Pope is the Anti-Christ. And now he has been going to the gym an awful
lot and is into wearing uniforms and cowboy outfits, and I hate to think
what that means. Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that
before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty
oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

Signed,
Lost in DC
>
Dear Lost,
Stop whining, Laura. You can divorce the jerk any time
you want. The rest of us are stuck with him for four more years.

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse,
everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job four years ago, he hasn't even looked
for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and gab with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college, he doesn't even pretend to
like me and hints that I am a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed, Clueless

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore.
You're a United States senator from New York. Act like it!

I my opinion the first one is funny the 2nd is old news!

Dear Abby,

I am over 200 years old and I am tired! I have put myself in everyone elses business, often leaving me with egg on my face. I have let my values decline to the point that I almost seem like a whore that gives in to the highest bidder.
I have let my original principles and values go by the wayside and I don't even want to mention my blatent disregard for personal rights; oops sorry did I mention that?!
I open my doors to the less fortunate that want to join me and close them to those who have been my bread and butter for many years.
I have liers, crooks and adulterers as close friends. Not to mention the fact that my now closest friend ( not by my choice ) does not even remotely speak the same language as the majority of my friends and wants to take away the
insurance that I have paid for over the years that would make my golden years easier; would this be accepted if your life, auto, or homowners insurance just up and went bye, bye?
I am perplexed and confused. How can I at this age turn myself around ? I do not think the way I am now is how I was meant to be.

USA


Dear USA,

Do not dispair, all is not lost. Eventually those that will be effected by your friends will open their eyes and minds to see the real problem with things. I only hope it is not to late!
If you are tired then rest, let the others take care of themselves for once. This reminds me of a family that has adult children still taking and taking, never giving back. Let them grow up on their own, make their own way and come to grips with their own mistakes and short comings. If you have shown the way then the choice is up to them which path to take. If your friends had to live under the same rules they impart on you the tune might be different.
As for personal rights... we can only hope they come back!

Abby

Dear Abby-

We?re three men who have made tens of millions of dollars playing a professional sport. Recently, one of our former colleagues wrote a tell-all book accusing us of using illegal substances, turning ourselves into cartoon characters in order to blast baseballs into outer space. What should we do?

Signed,
Barry, Jason and Sammy

Dear Barry, Jason & Sammy-

Take the syringes out of your butts.

Well Said!