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No New Posts Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
gtrplr Posted on: 07-Aug-2009, 12:56 PM

Replies: 3,156
Views: 95,977
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in Monaghan’s flat in Dungarvan when Sean O’Toole loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael Lennon looks around and asks, “Oh, me boys, someone’s got to tell Sean’s wife. Who will it be?”

They draw straws.

Cavan Colquhoun picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet and gentle and not to make a bad situation any worse.

“Discreet? I’m the most discreet Irishman you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me,” announces Cavan.

He goes over to O’Toole’s house and knocks on the door.

Sean's wife Plenty answers and asks what he wants. Cavan declares, “Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home.”

“Tell him to drop dead!” snarls Plenty.

“I’ll go tell him,” says Cavan.
  Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night!  ·  Post Preview: #284622

No New Posts Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
gtrplr Posted on: 13-Jul-2009, 08:23 PM

Replies: 3,156
Views: 95,977
Jose and Carlos are both beggars. They beg in different parts of town.

Carlos begs for the same amount of time as Jose, but only collects about eight or nine dollars a day.

Jose brings home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house, and has a lot of money to spend.

"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day?

Jose says,
"Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlo's sign reads;
"I have no work, a wife and six kids to support."

"What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him.

"No wonder you only get eight or nine dollars a day!"

Carlo's says, "Alright, what does your sign say?"

It reads,
"I only need ten more dollars to get back to Mexico .."
  Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night!  ·  Post Preview: #283513

No New Posts  Up Your Kilt (Pages 1 2 )
gtrplr Posted on: 08-Jul-2009, 05:42 PM

Replies: 17
Views: 6,132
Many years ago, I was on a cruise in the Virgin Islands when I heard a voice in the buffet line behind me that had a thick Scottish accent. I couldn't resist striking up a conversation. My g/f and I ate lunch with him and his g/f (both from Scotland). During lunch, I mentioned to him that someday, I'd like to have a kilt. He offered to let me try his on, since we were both about the same size. I took him up on it, and after lunch we went back to his cabin, where, for the first and last time in my life I wore a kilt. I have to admit that I did keep my boxers on underneath, but after all, it wasn't my kilt, and I didn't want to offend my new found friend by going commando. My g/f took some pictures, which I can't find, but I keep expecting them to show up on the 'net one day.

Although I don't remember his name (this was 15 years ago and I've slept since then), I really wish I could run into him again. We exchanged addresses, and I promptly lost his. He did send me a tape of Runrig's live album, which made me a Runrig fan for life.

So if you happen to read this, thank you, and let's get together again someday.

I still think I'll buy that kilt someday. And yes, I'll wear it properly and proudly.
  Forum: The Jester's Court  ·  Post Preview: #283292

gtrplr Posted on: 07-Jul-2009, 09:45 PM

Replies: 1,459
Views: 42,577
gtrplr wandered by the pub, head bowed low, with aching feet and back and tired to the bone. For just a moment he thought he heard a tune from within and thought about going inside for a dram. After a moment's reflection, he opened the door and entered.

Not seeing anyone he knew, he shook his head sadly. It had been far too long since he'd been here. Perhaps another day he'd come back with his guitar and join the music and dancing and make some new friends. Perhaps.

But not today. Too tired, too many aches, not enough rest. The music would have to wait for another day.

He turned and left without a backward glance, but with a soft smile at the thought that in this world, with all it's troubles, there was still a place where music could lighten hearts and bring joy both to player and listener.
  Forum: The Jester's Court  ·  Post Preview: #283273

No New Posts  Up Your Kilt (Pages 1 2 )
gtrplr Posted on: 07-Jul-2009, 09:05 PM

Replies: 17
Views: 6,132
Just dropped by to say hello and found MacE up to his old tricks.

It's been a long time since I was here, and damn I've missed this place.
  Forum: The Jester's Court  ·  Post Preview: #283272

gtrplr Posted on: 24-May-2008, 09:38 AM

Replies: 93
Views: 6,383
Very interesting stuff here.

GuiTaR PLayeR. Wielder of the Six String Claymore.

I'll be wielding it tonight, in fact.

Can't believe I haven't been here since Jan.

Can't believe how much I've missed this place.
  Forum: General Discussion  ·  Post Preview: #250193

No New Posts Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
gtrplr Posted on: 15-Jan-2008, 09:39 PM

Replies: 3,156
Views: 95,977
It's not Celtic, and it's almost too true to be funny, but here 'tis:


A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been
going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was,
walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave,
using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Fishbein," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"



"Like I'm talking to a freakin' WALL."
  Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night!  ·  Post Preview: #227506

gtrplr Posted on: 06-Sep-2007, 08:35 PM

Replies: 2,899
Views: 167,186
Look what the cat dragged in. . .ME! It's been months since I've been here, this visit is measured in minutes. Between overtime at work, busy at church, and buying a new pedal steel guitar, I don't hardly have time to eat, sleep or . . .well, you know. One of these days I'm going to retire. Yeah, right.

Hello to all my old friends. I've missed you. Well, most of you. Okay, all of you. I have to post and run, but I have to be to work earlier than normal in the morning.

Oh, BTW, I have a video up on YouTube. It's me playing pedal steel to a backing track, recorded live in church. You can check it out here. Enjoy.
  Forum: General Discussion  ·  Post Preview: #206672

gtrplr Posted on: 03-May-2007, 06:38 PM

Replies: 239
Views: 14,543
MacFive, I wouldn't have known about this without your e-mail. Thank you.

It's been months since I've had time to listen to CR, but I still hold this site dear to my heart. While I realize that nothing lasts forever, to be forced out by people who care nothing for music, musicians or anything else except their bottom line (yes, I'm talking about you, RIAA) absolutely frosts my bollocks. I have a better chance of becoming our next President than I do of landing a major record label deal. Internet radio is one of the avenues by which I can have my music heard. No, it probably wouldn't be on CR, since I don't have anything Celtic in the works. But as long as there is internet radio, I at least have a shot at having my music heard, and perhaps selling a few downloads or CD's. I may not make a living at it. I may not make a nickel. But somewhere out there in cyberspace is a person who likes my music. I don't know who they are, but they are there. They don't even know they like my music yet. They don't know my name. But through IR, we can come together. They can hear me, I can touch them. Without IR, we both lose.

I plan to call a local talk show in the morning and at least try to broach this subject. If I can make a few people aware of what's happening, maybe one or two will care enough to climb on the bandwagon. If we all do this, maybe we can make enough people care to get the message across to the CRB, the RIAA and everyone else. WE'RE MAD AS HELL AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

End of rant

Finally, a few quotes:

The revolution starts now. - Steve Earle

America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system and too soon to shoot the bastards. - Claire Wolfe

America was neither founded nor freed by the well-behaved. - Unknown

  Forum: What's New!  ·  Post Preview: #194796

gtrplr Posted on: 07-Apr-2007, 01:02 PM

Replies: 121
Views: 6,739
Long time, no blather. Just dropping by and thought I'd add some fuel to the fire. Check out this link:

http://www.oism.org/pproject/s33p357.htm

17,000 scientists have signed a petition asking the government to reject global warming. From the website:

The costs of this petition project have been paid entirely by private donations. No industrial funding or money from sources within the coal, oil, natural gas or related industries has been utilized. The petition's organizers, who include some faculty members and staff of the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine, do not otherwise receive funds from such sources. The Institute itself has no such funding. Also, no funds of tax-exempt organizations have been used for this project.

Check it out. Speaking of out, gotta run. I'm outta here.
  Forum: Philosophy, Science & Religion  ·  Post Preview: #192727

gtrplr Posted on: 03-Apr-2007, 05:20 PM

Replies: 1,459
Views: 42,577
gtrplr enters quietly, looks around for a moment. It has been far too long since he was here. Alas, he cannot stay for long. After warming himself by the fire and tossing back a shot of Bushmill's, he smiles at those present, nods to a few familiar faces, then departs, wishing he could stay longer and hoping his next visit will be sooner rather than later.
  Forum: The Jester's Court  ·  Post Preview: #192207

gtrplr Posted on: 06-Sep-2006, 04:33 PM

Replies: 13
Views: 1,683
biggrin.gif biggrin.gif biggrin.gif

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.
  Forum: What's New!  ·  Post Preview: #164837

No New Posts  Wizard Of Owls (Pages 1 2 )
gtrplr Posted on: 27-May-2006, 11:59 AM

Replies: 18
Views: 834
Don't know the details, but if the Wiz is having problems, then I'll do anything I can. Lots of good thoughts and prayers headed your way, Allen. Stay strong and remember it's always darkest just before the dawn.
  Forum: General Discussion  ·  Post Preview: #150557

No New Posts Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
gtrplr Posted on: 20-Apr-2006, 09:19 PM

Replies: 3,156
Views: 95,977
CAUTION! Slightly risque joke follows.

Okay, you asked for it!

A group of people were standing in line at the air line ticket counter when one man suddenly exclaimed "My name's Brown. B-R-O-W-N, Brown. I'm from Houston, Texas. I'm six foot five and weigh two hundred and fifty pounds. I'm white from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and I hate Irishmen."


This caused some consternation among the people in line, but no one said anything. A few minutes later, the man again proclaimed in a loud voice "My name's Brown. B-R-O-W-N, Brown. I'm from Houston, Texas. I'm six foot five and weigh two hundred and fifty pounds. I'm white from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and I hate Irishmen."

And again, although many people looked at him with disdain and disgust, no one uttered a word. Finally, the people managed to board the plane, whereupon the man stood in front of the seats and made it known that "My name's Brown. B-R-O-W-N, Brown. I'm from Houston, Texas. I'm six foot five and weigh two hundred and fifty pounds. I'm white from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and I hate Irishmen."


Finally, a small man at the rear of the plane stood up and spoke. "Me name is Patrick O'Riley. I'm from Dublin, Ireland. I'm five foot six and weigh one hundred and fifty pounds. I'm white from the top of me head to the tips of me toes."


"Except for me ars**ole. It's Brown, B-R-O-W-N, Brown."
  Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night!  ·  Post Preview: #147710

No New Posts Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
gtrplr Posted on: 20-Apr-2006, 09:05 PM

Replies: 3,156
Views: 95,977
An American and a Scot met on the first hole at St. Andrews and decided they would play together. After holing out, the American asked the Scot "What did you take on that hole?"

"Five," replied the Scot.

"I had a four. That means I won that hole." The American gleefully teed up on the second hole. After holing out on number 2, the American again asked, "What did you take on that hole?"

"Nay, laddie," said the Scotsman. "'Tis MY turn to ask this time."
  Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night!  ·  Post Preview: #147707

gtrplr Posted on: 31-Mar-2006, 06:32 PM

Replies: 12
Views: 310
I haven't been around much for the last year. My job changed and now I have no internet access at work. When I get home, I've been too tired to do much more than grab a bite, lay down and watch TV until I fall asleep (average TV time: 15 min.). Well, today we reorganized a bit and I should have a little more free time. Maybe. Anyway, my stepkids are off the computer (will miracles never cease?), and I finally got all the spam deleted from my e-mail, so I thought I'd take a minute to drop by and let all my old friends know that I haven't forgotten them, that I miss them, and I really wish I had more time to devote to the forums. So, to all my old friends and foes, a toast: May your joys be many and major, your troubles be few and minor, your glasses full and your house warm with love.
  Forum: General Discussion  ·  Post Preview: #144430

gtrplr Posted on: 30-Jan-2006, 08:58 PM

Replies: 9,192
Views: 97,949
piper is playing to
  Forum: Fun N Games  ·  Post Preview: #138739

gtrplr Posted on: 09-Nov-2005, 08:41 PM

Replies: 25
Views: 632
Congratulations!!! Prayers, best wishes, good luck and all that sort of thing.

OK, now for the big question. Are you going to be granma, granny, gramma, or maybe nana? Inquiring minds want to know! biggrin.gif
  Forum: General Discussion  ·  Post Preview: #131521

No New Posts  Wizardofowls (Pages 1 2 )
gtrplr Posted on: 14-Oct-2005, 08:55 PM

Replies: 28
Views: 2,545
I go and disappear for a while, and look what happens! Congratulations, O Wizard O' Fowls! biggrin.gif

PS: I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in. It's still in condition, apparently.
  Forum: What's New!  ·  Post Preview: #129388

Poll Poll: Gas Prices (Pages 1 2 3 ...5 )
gtrplr Posted on: 02-Sep-2005, 09:54 PM

Replies: 71
Views: 6,018
When I was in college, two bucks worth of regular in my '65 Corvair would get me home, about 60 miles, with gas to spare. Now two bucks worth is just enough to get me down the street to the next gas station.

Some smart-a** called a local radio station and requested Johnny Cash's classic "Five Feet High and Rising" this morning. The dumb-a** dj actually played it.

In his honor I present:

How high's the gas price, momma?

$3.299 and rising.
  Forum: Polls  ·  Post Preview: #126362

gtrplr Posted on: 02-Sep-2005, 09:45 PM

Replies: 5,969
Views: 78,559
dire
  Forum: Fun N Games  ·  Post Preview: #126361

gtrplr Posted on: 09-Jun-2005, 06:05 PM

Replies: 11,299
Views: 136,755
y'all's

(that's you'ns up north)
  Forum: Fun N Games  ·  Post Preview: #118966

gtrplr Posted on: 09-Jun-2005, 06:04 PM

Replies: 9,192
Views: 97,949
needed a coffee break
  Forum: Fun N Games  ·  Post Preview: #118965

gtrplr Posted on: 02-Feb-2005, 11:33 AM

Replies: 9,192
Views: 97,949
down and said, "Holmes,
  Forum: Fun N Games  ·  Post Preview: #105568

gtrplr Posted on: 01-Feb-2005, 05:21 PM

Replies: 9,192
Views: 97,949
did you find out?
  Forum: Fun N Games  ·  Post Preview: #105515

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