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| Celtic Radio Community > The Jester's Court > Handicap People |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 01:24 PM |
| The warped Question for the week If a handicap person comes around you are you the type of person who would offer assistance or would you stand back and stare? |
| Posted by: tsargent62 03-May-2004, 01:27 PM |
| In general I try to help when appropriate. I will hold doors for someone in a wheel chair or pick something up that they dropped. I try not to over-do it. I know if I became handicapped I wouldn't want to be coddled. |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 01:32 PM |
| Hey I want to be coddled, I'm handicaped! Oh yea, I'm getting retarded and handicaped confused. Well maybe I am handicaped. I always help someone when they are in a wheelchair or with a walker I always offer assistance. I hold doors for those less fortunate and others with small children in strollers cause it's hard to hold the door and push the stroller thru sometimes. |
| Posted by: tsargent62 03-May-2004, 01:34 PM |
| Of course, by sweet, I would coddle you. That's different. *kissing butt to make up for earlier remark* |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 01:44 PM |
| Cranky Redhead suck up ! How do you feel about hearing impared people? |
| Posted by: tsargent62 03-May-2004, 01:45 PM |
| What?!!! |
| Posted by: Shadows 03-May-2004, 01:48 PM |
| I think you need to stop this discussion before you really piss someone off and get a law suite against you or these forums! |
| Posted by: Danann 03-May-2004, 01:51 PM |
| This is a topic that I am dealing with right at the moment. The family I am marrying into has a son that is handicapped, and its hard to know what mood he is going to be in from one moment to the next. For the most part I try and treat him like I would anyone else, but other times, when he is in a mood, I have to bite my tongue, because I wouldn't tollerate that from others. Pretty much I talk to him when he's in a conversational mood, and when he's not, I leave him to his parents. But I don't go out of my way to make it obvious that I know he's handicapped, nor do I go out of my way to make it seem like I am oblivious to the fact. I can tell its something the rest of the family doesn't think much of, since they had delt with it for over 34 years, but I can tell its something my Fiance isn't too fond of. |
| Posted by: tsargent62 03-May-2004, 01:53 PM |
| When you say it's something your fiance isn't fond of, what do you mean? |
| Posted by: birddog20002001 03-May-2004, 02:00 PM |
| Some thing that my wife taught me the term Handicap was origionally a negative statement from the phrase "Hand to cap" whereas people with disabilities were taught to beg by putting out their cap and collecting alms from the public. Some people with disabilities still consider this a derisive term. |
| Posted by: tsargent62 03-May-2004, 02:05 PM |
| It is hard to find an appropriate term isn't it. I don't mean a politically correct term, but one that accurately depicts that the person has a disibility, but does not carry a negative social or emotional connotatoin. Perhaps "physically challenged"? |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 02:06 PM |
| OK, so how would you help hearing impaired folks? |
| Posted by: Danann 03-May-2004, 02:10 PM |
| When I say not fond of... I mean he doesn't like talking about it. He's used to it, and used to his brother being treated special all the time. He was the middle child, so I think that has something to do with it. He just sort of looks at me strange when I bring things up about his brother and the wedding. And as for hearing impared, I help them by knowing sign language. I lead the singing for them in church. Not only for the hearing impared, but for the church service too. Sometimes seeing songs in sign language can be even more moving than just the music itsself. |
| Posted by: Shadows 03-May-2004, 02:16 PM |
| I have a hearing impairment and I don't want your help! Just speak to me in normal tones and face me when you speak! I read lips better then I read hand sign. Be carefull where you let this topic go. |
| Posted by: tsargent62 03-May-2004, 02:17 PM |
| Dannan, that's really cool! I've seen hymns signed before and it is very beautiful. Just out of curiosity, what prompted you to learn to sign? |
| Posted by: tsargent62 03-May-2004, 02:20 PM | ||
My apologies, sir. Now I see why you spoke up earlier. I got a bit carried away without thinking that someone reading it may have a hearing problem. |
| Posted by: Danann 03-May-2004, 02:22 PM |
| I was prompted to learn because there was a chance that I would lose my hearing due to having a ruptured eardrum when I was younger. I had calcium building up on the eardrum and my hearing was deteriorating before we got it fixed. I remembered the frustration of not being able to hear things clearly and having to turn my head all sorts of directions to try and understand what people were saying. I too learned to read lips, but being in the south I'd misunderstand people half the time. They were able to replace the eardrum, so I didn't go deaf, but the memory was a long one. When my parents took a sign language lesson when I was 10, I was the one that seemed to learn it the most. And I am still learning. The computer age has given me even more signs... while not always in a hymn, they do come up in a church service from time to time... and knowing the sign for internet is almost a must. |
| Posted by: RavenWing 03-May-2004, 02:22 PM | ||||
agreed
Honestly, I don't think they care.  |
| Posted by: Shadows 03-May-2004, 02:22 PM | ||
We/They are called people, human beings, your friends, brothers and sisters and anyother relation you may have. Treat us like you would treat anyother person! Why do you need a label on us!? |
| Posted by: Shadows 03-May-2004, 02:28 PM | ||||
Appology accepted! Just remember that words can be the most destuctive of all weapons and care and thought must preceed any use. |
| Posted by: Danann 03-May-2004, 02:29 PM | ||||
I think that you are both being a bit harsh on everyone else. We do care, we aren't being prejudicial or derrogative. We are talking about everyday matters in a forum of friends. If we were being hateful or mean spirited, then I'd expect a rebuke or a message stating that we don't care, but this is not the case. I have a disfiguring scar across my nose, do I expect people to act like its not there? no. Do I expect people to ask how it happened? Yes. Do I get upset when someone brings it up? no, I'd rather people be educated than to make something up. |
| Posted by: RavenWing 03-May-2004, 02:34 PM |
| This thread is starting to cross the line. |
| Posted by: Shadows 03-May-2004, 02:35 PM |
| Look at the title of this topic as it was started! I have every right to be upset and will continue to be so. Let me quote " Warped question of the week" ! There are some folks on these boards that have the tact and compassion of a dog turd; it is there that I direct my comments! |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 02:50 PM |
| Please don't get upset everyone! There was a reason I asked this question, so please breathe and read. I am hearing impaired. You won't notice when you meet me but I asked the question so I could see how people would feel about me. I could care less if you pick on my handicap or not. I'm not sensitive about it at all. I'm just happy you still have your hearing. When I was a small child in Pensacola, Fl my dad was a mechanic for the Navy's Blue Angel flying team. He repaired jet engines. My mom would bring me as a babe and we would wait for my father to get off work. At the time they didn't know that loud noises caused hearing loss. I now wear 2 hearing aides and you will never notice it unless I pull my hair up away from my ears. I am not ashamed of it cause it's part of me. I hear but thru the instruments to a point. I have about 20% hearing so I can sometimes hear what you say. I read lips a good block away. Good eyes! Bad ears! I never thought it would make any difference to anyone here on CRnetwork cause we have all accepted each other for who we really are not what you want that person to be. After all that is a luxury most people don't get and we have developed into friendships cause we like each other's crazy personality. It's that acceptance that makes all of you so wonderful. I can still hear to sing and I carry my notes quiet well. So I'm not ashamed nor would I think anyone here would purposely embarass another from a handicap such as mine to scars or hairloss or cliftlip or whatever. I only asked what people thought so I could tell you mine and have the shock over before we all meet. So please don't get upset with anyone or feel anyone crossed the line. And I'm sorry if this question upset or hurt anyone. It was never my intention. I only wanted to talk openly about handicapped people so I could tell you mine. Most of the time you will never notice mine unless I'm not faceing you. Please forgive my question all! I've had too much difficulty in the last week and I never meant this....forgive me! |
| Posted by: Crowned1 03-May-2004, 02:52 PM |
| My college is one of the few that offer American Sign Language as a major. So we have a pretty good-sized deaf/hard of hearing community here on campus. We also have all the ASL majors running around, and then those who just take ASL as their lanugage credit. So that all adds up to alot of signing around here! My experiences with the deaf students on campus show that they are just like their hearing counterparts. They just use a different language to 'speak' in! ~  |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 02:54 PM |
| The reason I called it the warped question of the week is cause JaneyMae laughingly says I always have a warped question for every monday. I did not ask this to upset anyone or to start anything. I WAS only repeating the funny phrase JaneyMae calls my questions on Monday's. I'm so sorry Shadows, please forgive my tactless act! |
| Posted by: Shadows 03-May-2004, 03:02 PM |
| Done! Just please think before you type next time! |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 03:07 PM |
| I just wanted to know if people would still accept me, handicap and all. That's all! Thank you Shadow for your forgiveness! |
| Posted by: Danann 03-May-2004, 03:13 PM |
| I've always enjoyed the monday question, even when I don't answer. It promotes honesty and sharing. I'll leave it at this. |
| Posted by: wizardofowls 03-May-2004, 03:16 PM |
| I work with a man who was severely burned at work. He is an electrician, and he was doing some work in an electrical panel box. Apparently he had the tester wires in the wrong holes on his tester. He was okay as long as the wires were in the holes on the panel, but once he pulled them out the electricity arced in his face causing severe burns to his face, chest and hands. I feel very badly about this, but I have trouble talking to him. Everytime I see him I can still hear him screaming in pain and smell the odor of burnt flesh. Any suggestions on how I can overcome this? Doug is very nice and friendly, and hate these feelings I get when he's around. What do I do? |
| Posted by: Elspeth 03-May-2004, 03:20 PM |
| I have an aunt who is disbled though Cerebral Palsy. Being born in the 30's in a rural area, education was very limited for her and the doctors in many ways did more harm to her than good. So, I grew up with an aunt who was different from my other aunts and uncles. And I was blessed for that because I grew up knowing her as my aunt. Knowing that even though she couldn't walk without crutches or have the same mind capabilities she was still my aunt just like my other aunts. And I am glad my children have grown up with her around so they too can know that just because she can't do some things for herself it doesn't make her less of a person. She is who she is. With her own unique gifts and burdens, just like all of us. I do wonder sometimes what it is like for her and for others who have challenges that I don't. I am always glad when people share with me, it makes me know them better. And I hope they want to know of my challenges. It's sometimes hard being an odd duck like me. And Annabelle sweetie, how could we ever not accept you? |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 03:22 PM |
| Wizard picture him before the accident...accept the way things are now for his sake. After a while you will feel more comfortable around him, it just takes time. |
| Posted by: Elspeth 03-May-2004, 03:26 PM |
| Wow wizard, that is hard because when you see him, you're not seeing him but remembering a very traumatic experience. Can you talk to him about it? Or would it be better not to? It seems you need to get past the trauma before you can again connect with this man. I have a very vivid imagination and I understand completely what you say. It would be hard for me too. Can you like Annabelle said think of him as he was before and remember those times, some characteristic about him you admire that you can focus on and not on the accident? |
| Posted by: Danann 03-May-2004, 03:33 PM | ||
First off, that's a very tough question. Since you were there, and have a memory attached to the situation, it makes it harder. I'd suggest talking to a third party about the feelings, getting them out, and then seeing if you can talk to Doug. The other thing to do is keep eye contact and pay close attention to what he is saying, and not let your eyes stray too much. If he were in the recovery phase still you could ask him how he's feeling, but if it was several years back that might be an awkward question. Just know this, just because there are some scars there, he's no different than how he was. He's gone through something harsh and tramatic, but he's survived. When I was mauled by a Saint Bernard of all things, it was hard for me to go back to school and face everyone with 20 stitches in my nose, but my dad told me something that I'll pass on. "Everyday is a struggle, and everyday brings scars. Some you see, some you don't. There are some people that are even more scarred than you are, you just can't see it. In time the pain and memory will fade, but you'll still have a reminder that you were brave enough to live with those scars and make the best out of them." The scarring has gone down a lot, and I am going to have the last few sanded down here soon so they won't be the spotlight feature on my wedding pictures, but the reminder is there that I did live with the scars, and I am a better person because I have compassion for others in a similar situation, and I know how it feels to be on the other side wondering what to say to someone with a disfigurement. When people get that badly hurt they come out either 1 of 2 ways. So thankful that they made it that the scars don't make them self conscious. Or so self conscious that they are barely step outside the house. Since Doug is back at work, I'd have to guess he's one of the first. Granted he might be slightly sensitive still, but mostly he just wants people to know he is the same Doug he was before the accident. |
| Posted by: Herrerano 03-May-2004, 04:04 PM |
| I was in an explosion several years ago. I have some scars that run from my head down to my waist, mostly on my left side they start at my ear and continue down my neck and arm, across my shoulder and down my back. Most of them have faded out really well and don't stand out too much unless I spend a lot of time out in the sun. On my neck it looks like tiger stripes because of the discolored skin. I never considered them any sort of disability, but they are sometimes commented on by people. I don't usually mind telling what happened, and sometimes if some of us leave the plant and stop for a few beers that particular subject almost always comes up after about the fourth round. Sorta hard to say how to deal with someone when you yourself still are living the accident, but I would think that if you consider him a friend and he is not an unreasonable person the best thing to do would be to talk to him about it. I don't think that I would say anything like "I wanna puke everytime I see your face Doug." But in a friendly, non-threatening, honest sort of way. I doubt if you are really that well acquinted with him because if you would have already been out for a few beers the subject would almost certainly already have been broached. We tend to deal with things like that a lot by sort of joking around. Maybe that isn't correct or politically correct, but a latin culture tends to beat around the bush a lot less then an english speaking one. Political correctness does not translate well from one culture to another. Just as an example we had a machinist here that lost a finger in a work accident. One time four of us were sitting in a cantina chewing the fat and solving the problems of the world and he held up his hand with his fingers extended to order another round of four beers. He was the one that cracked up the most when the guy brought three. I doubt if any of that helps much in that particular situation, but the short answer is the only way to deal with that sort of feeling is talk to him and start out by telling him you are glad he recovered from the accident and let it progress from there. Just as an interesting side note considering what sort of terminology to use y'all might consider that sometimes, despite their origen, words are just words. In Spanish the word for some one with a physical impairment is invalido, it comes from the same word that it looks like it comes from and I suppose if someone wanted to be sensitive about it they could be. But it is just a word and is commonly used and I have never heard any sort of discussion concerning its use. It refers only to that physical condition and has nothing to do with the person himself. The people who are invalidos always have a name. Most appreciate it if someone tries to help them, if they can do it themselves they will usually say so and at that point the best thing is to say something like, "no problem, have a nice day". Leo :  |
| Posted by: Annabelle 03-May-2004, 04:14 PM |
| One of the reason's I'D RATHER my friends know about my hearing problem (as I was telling a friend) how about if I met a guy and he said" babe let's have se* ", I might hear "I'm having my cat fixed". Now to people who can hear this sounds so different you will not be able to understand. But some sounds are more pronounced than others so I'd hear something completely different. |
| Posted by: PoniesRGr8 03-May-2004, 04:21 PM |
I was born with Cerebral Palsy, and although I appreciate assistance, such as when someone holds a door for me, etc., I like to be as independent as possible and try not to let my disability get in the way of how I live my life  ~*Sarah*~ |
| Posted by: Knightly Knight 03-May-2004, 04:28 PM |
| Ok Two Cents from the old Knight My Dad has a severe limp. One leg is much shorter and and thinner than the rest. So what did he do for a living? He stood on his legs cuttting hair. Being a barber had to be terrible because his left leg caused pain when he stood on it. If a man came to the shop in a wheelchair Dad would help him IF he wanted help. My Dad could have gone on governmental disabiliby but refused saying, As long as I can stand, I can work. When I wake up tired and dont want to work I can think of Dad and just get up. The only day he didnt go to work was because he went to the hospital the night before. Yep hes still alive, and retired So I try to meet people where they are, give them as much help as they need, I try not to allow people to use me. I hope this is where people will meet me, at my need. I think watching Dad was a good thing for me. |
| Posted by: gettin-away 03-May-2004, 06:30 PM |
| I have an brother who is three years older then I am. He deals with being Hydrocephalic (fluid on the brain) and because of this he is mentally and physically impaired. When I was young I volunteered one summer at our local Easter Seal Camp. Dennis (my brother) was a "camper" there along with many of his friends. The zest to embrace life here was incredible. I learned more from being here then I have being anywhere else. And this proved important for me later in my life. My daughter was born three months premature. She weighed only two pounds at birth. And she was diagnosed with cerebral palsy and I was told she also had severe mental impairments. Her first year of "regular" school was with other children with severe disabilities. As her first year of school went by I saw her progress begin to slow down. I was able (with much hard work) to get her mainstreamed into the public school. In the beginning I was told she would not finish school.....twelve years later she proved everyone wrong by graduating with high honors. She was also the Homecoming Queen of her school. The first time a girl with a disability was ever chosen by this school. Two years later she was crowned Miss Hibernia of our community (Flint, Michigan). She rode in a green limo and oversaw the St. Patrick's Day Mass and the party afterwards. She is now a 4.0 college student soon to be a special education teacher. Being the sibling and the father of two incredible individuals has given me the opportunity to watch how others react. Some of the things I have seen have been horrible. Imitating the way my brother or daughter walked behind their backs to making fun of my brothers slower speech. But I have also seen people go out of their way just to be a friend. And that's the most important thing to do....be a friend. One thing I always told my daughter as she grew up was to watch others. Everyone struggles with something. Some people have trouble seeing, some hearing, others with math or english and some have trouble walking.....but inside they are all the same. She has always treated everyone the same and she has always won there trust and acceptance. Back in January, I started this thread http://www.celticradio.net/php/forums/index.php?showtopic=2529 We all face obstacles.....everyone of us. And several people shared on this thread their own personal stories. Maybe it's time to bump it back up the list. The last couple of years I have been working on a book about what my daughter and I have gone through. This is how I have ended it for now. We have all seen someone with a disability. In the everyday rush of our lives we pay them no mind as we go along our way. Maybe it?s the guy at the grocery store, the one who is bagging our groceries, you know, the one that looks slow. Or the girl with Downs Syndrome that wipes the tables at the fast food restaurant up the road. How about the guy in the wheelchair who helps out in the cafeteria by handing out the ketchup and mustard packs to the kids. The little girl that man is holding in his arms. We see them everyday but we manage to look right through them. Over the years I find I am drawn to these people. I?ve learned their names and I?ve shared their smiles. The guy bagging groceries is my friend. I stop to shake his hand and joke with him almost everyday. The girl cleaning the table is doing the job that was waiting for my daughter. She?s always happy to see me. The guy in the school cafeteria is my brother. And the little girl that man is holding in his arms is my daughter. It?s so easy to give a little something to them, a smile, a friendly greeting. But often our first reaction is to step back. Think about their first reaction of you?.you finally make that breakthrough in your life and you approach them. You smile and say ?hello.? They glance at you and quickly look away, their face etched with uncertainty and mistrust. A person is not born with this reaction nor is it normal when you have a disability. It?s a conditioned reaction that takes years to develop. I saw the hurt and pain that my brother and his friends had to endure while growing up. Mandy on the other hand had classmates and peers who were incredibly supportive of her. When she needed their strength they never hesitated to give it. They were there. Now she has crossed a void into a world she wasn?t supposed to. Her disability hasn?t gone away, it never will, but because of these people - family, friends, teachers and even strangers believing in her she learned to believe in herself. She?s gone now, doing her own thing, living her own life and she rarely comes home. Does it hurt? Yes. But her future is fast approaching and she is in a hurry to embrace it. My future has changed again too. I don?t know what is ahead for me and I am struggling again to find out who I am. But I do know that I am tired. Over the years there have been many battles fought, some were won and some were lost. A lot of uncertainties, a future that was always evolving. And now I find myself slipping back more and more into the loner I once was. But, that?s okay. I can rest now and watch more miracles unfold. God bless us everyone. gettin-away |
| Posted by: Crowned1 03-May-2004, 10:12 PM |
| Wow, that is beautiful, gettin-away! Let us know when you publish your book!  |
| Posted by: gettin-away 04-May-2004, 07:37 PM |
| Thanks Crowned1 Hopefully, I will be able to publish this story someday. Maybe a few people will be interested enough to read it. But I wrote it mostly for myself. My daughters mom died when she was only three months old and we have been through some very difficult times. Putting this down has really helped me deal with things. Maybe someday it can help someone else too. gettin-away |
| Posted by: wizardofowls 04-May-2004, 08:15 PM |
| Thanks to everyone for your suggestions on how to deal with my feelings about my coworker. Doug is a really nice guy, so for his sake I am trying to work my way through these feelings. Its not easy, but I'll manage. Its been probably 2 years since the accident and it has gotten a little easier in that time, so Im sure given more time Ill get over it. Thanks again! |
| Posted by: gettin-away 07-May-2004, 09:15 PM |
| Just had to add this note.....I just returned home tonight from a special Alumni dinner at my daughter's college. Awards were presented to several distinguished alumni members and also to current students who have received scholarships from the schools alumni. My daughter and another young lady were introduced as two of the highest achievers currently attending her college. The Dean of the Education Department (my daughter is studying to be a teacher) sat next to my daughter and I was able to watch as he described my baby as someone to keep an eye on. His prediction is that before she finishes her student teaching this fall she will be offered a permeant teaching position. And the school that hires here will be very very lucky. Not bad for a kid who wasn't supposed to finish school. (Sorry, I just had to brag a little!!) gettin-away |
| Posted by: gaberlunzie 08-May-2004, 08:21 AM |
| You have EVERY right to be sooooo proud, gettin-away! Wonderful news...and though it's your daughter doing so fine give yourself a little pat on your shoulder, too, Daddy!  |
| Posted by: peckery 08-May-2004, 03:43 PM | ||
I'm gonna sue you for saying that! |
| Posted by: peckery 08-May-2004, 03:51 PM | ||
F O R T H E L O V E O F G O D,............................................. |
| Posted by: peckery 08-May-2004, 03:55 PM | ||
aren't those two things the same thing?? |
| Posted by: A Shrule Egan 08-May-2004, 07:13 PM | ||||
Peckery, I think your on to something here. |
| Posted by: birddog20002001 08-May-2004, 09:30 PM |
| It certainly will "fix the cat" actually just today I read in the local paper about a man 58 years old committing "crimes against nature" in his back yard with his young female pit bull mix and has been arrested. My jaw dropped to the floor. Spooo o oky |
| Posted by: urian 08-May-2004, 09:47 PM | ||
Sigh..ya know, that is a visual I don't need just before bed. Thanks. Thanks a lot Now...where'd I put that clorox and those cotton swabs? |