| Printable Version of Topic
Click here to view this topic in its original format |
| Celtic Radio Community > Poems > A Spring Day |
| Posted by: Lady of Avalon 19-Apr-2008, 06:49 PM |
| " A Spring Day " Joy,this Day bring Hear the birds sing Way up in the Sky A geese band fly by Life begins anew As the breeze blew The Scent of Spring The music of the Wind Peace is what I think My eyes look in wonder Of what spring offer Trees and Flowers Nature all together Bring the Scent of Spring. Written by me on this wonderful sunny day outside in my backyard. Lady of Avalon. |
| Posted by: Aaediwen 20-Apr-2008, 10:08 AM |
Nice work  It really fits with the environment here now, slightly cool with the windows open (I've got a light wool blanket across my shoulders right now). I would close the windows if it didn't smell so absolutely wonderful! And it feels pretty darned good having the light breeze coming through the window too.There's a couple spots where the flow is kinda rough. the poem could use a bit more polish in my opinion. But overall it's quite nice |
| Posted by: Lady of Avalon 20-Apr-2008, 12:03 PM |
| Thank you Aaediwen for your comment. Though I am not at all a poet of any kind nor pretend to be I just write what it's my mind. I am often writing when I have a migraine as stupid as it sound and I know that sometime it comes out a bit "rough" as you say but as I write it sooths me and calm my head. I agree that it's a bit rough but it's what was in my mind as I sat outside and looked around me.I just write what I feel instead of crying. Have a wonderful spring day,enjoy it I think it's one of the most beautiful season except for winter of course which is my favorite. LOA |
| Posted by: Aaediwen 21-Apr-2008, 08:43 PM |
| You mean that's a first draft? Not bad! First drafts are almost always rough. The idea with them is just to get the idea on paper, and they can be extremely medicinal. The mind should not be part of that equation. Only the soul, and the recording media. What you describe is exactly how all writing should start. Most of the time when I'm writing a first draft, I don't even expect it to make as much sense as a stoned and drunk riddler, and I almost never get anything as even as what you have here. Writing the first draft can be quite relaxing on the mind too. I like a perticular line out of Finding Forrester for this when Forrester tells Jamal: "The first rule of writing is... to write, not to think. That comes later" Sounds like you've got that part down well. Typically, after I have written a first draft with my soul, either immediately after or sometimes months later, I'll go back and read it with my mind. Then I'll be looking for what it's saying, how does it feel, how does it look in my head. (how it looks on the page will probably be last). Goes it flow the way I want... stuff like that. It's rare at this point for me to have a piece that is very smooth, and often it's been illegibly rough so that I've written a second draft even before I can finish reading it. If this is a first draft, then count me impressed, and I wonder what you could do after revisions Keep that pen moving! |
| Posted by: Rindy 21-Apr-2008, 10:57 PM |
| Very nice Lady Of Avalon! I am oh so ready for spring. Slainte |
| Posted by: Lady of Avalon 22-Apr-2008, 05:34 PM | ||
Yes that's exactly it what you call "first draft" it's like my paintings I paint without really knowing what I'm doing I never did take a course of anything. The line that you describe here "The first rule of writing is...to write, not to think.That comes later." well I could almost say that's my motto. I'll try to keep my pen moving, thank you very much Aaediwen. P.S. I do most of my writings in french though. I do have beautiful poems that I know would not sound as good translated in english. LOA |
| Posted by: Rebecca Ann 22-Apr-2008, 08:06 PM |
| Lady of Avalon You poem is beautiful. You speak French? I speak a little and miss it so. Since Jean-Thomas went Home I have no one to talk to and share with so I have lost much of it. Though he was taken Home almost 7 years ago and I know he watches over us always, it still seems so hard. We always watched for the coming of spring and worked in the garden together. As we worked we sang French songs. At day's end we would curl up together with his favorite stories EVANGILINE an LE LIVRE DE MORMON. Jean-Thomas Day is coming up May 6th. If still on earth he would be 13 springs that day. I would love to read your poems and to have a special friend to talk to. That is if you don't mind my poor French. I miss the beautiful language so. I try reading alone and signing to myself but it's not the same as having someone to share with. RebeccaAnn |
| Posted by: John Clements 23-Apr-2008, 06:26 AM | ||
Hi Lady of Avalon, just wanted to say that your poem, (A Spring Day) happened here in Northern New Jersey…yesterday, so thanks for posting it, and keep putting your thought’s down, they are good. JC |
| Posted by: Camac 23-Apr-2008, 06:45 AM |
| Aaedwin To me 1st draughts are definately not relaxing simply because they are that, 1st draughts. Some times they drive me bonkers ie. Culloden, I'm still trying to find a better ending. Camac. |
| Posted by: John Clements 23-Apr-2008, 07:53 AM | ||
I can relate to the “first draft”, because when I used to do layouts in the ad business, no matter how many layouts I would do for an ad. I almost always ended up going back to the first layout I did. Although writing is far more difficult, because there are simply no boundaries, at to what can be said. I guess that’s why a lot of writers drink too much. |
| Posted by: Lady of Avalon 23-Apr-2008, 05:17 PM | ||
Rebecca Ann, Thank you for the nice compliment and yes I do speak french since it is my mother tongue and I would be most honored to be among your friend. I am sorry about your loss and cannot begin to imagine what you went through. I don't mind at all to share my few poems with you. I'll send you one that I wrote after 2 of my husband's colleagues died in a tragic road accident and killed by a drunk driver again that is if you don't mind. It talks about life.Let me know if your interested and I'll send it to you via personal message. And I already put up your name as my friend. Je te remercie chère Rebecca Ann. Et j'espère bien avoir de tes nouvelles. LOA |
| Posted by: Lady of Avalon 23-Apr-2008, 05:36 PM |
| JC, Thanks for your encouragement and I'm happy to hear that spring has arrived at your home it is indeed the most beautiful season. And contrary to you guys I don't find "first draft" painful or go berserks over it because like I said I just put on paper what comes out of my brain without really knowing what I'm doing and relax that way. Too bad I suffer migraines because the idea of a drinking writer does sound appealing somehow. At least I'd know why I'd end up with a migraine.  Thank you all you're a great bunch! LOA |
| Posted by: Rebecca Ann 23-Apr-2008, 06:57 PM |
| Bonjour Lady of Avalon I would like to read your poems. Jean-Thomas is with us always. Families are forever. I have a few poems here. If you want to know Jean-Thomas read Little Saturday Warrior. RebeccaAnn |
| Posted by: Aaediwen 23-Apr-2008, 07:02 PM | ||||
That doesn't sound like an issue with the first draft, but rather with the second And *those* can sometimes get quite frusterating. |
| Posted by: Lady of Avalon 24-Apr-2008, 05:01 PM |
| Hi Aaediwen, Do you write as a hobby or it is your work? LOA |
| Posted by: Aaediwen 24-Apr-2008, 06:49 PM |
| A hobby that I lament not having done much of here lately. I really need to get back to it. |
| Posted by: Lady of Avalon 25-Apr-2008, 04:09 PM | ||
Bonjour Rebecca Ann, I would like to know if you've read the poem that I sent to you? And what you think of it. LOA |