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> Curmudgeon Quotes, Funny things from grumpy people
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James Milne 
Posted: 23-Feb-2006, 10:37 PM
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I always enjoyed the statements of those great curmudgeons of the ages. Perhaps a definition of curmudgeon to start:

1 archaic : a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man.

2 modern :anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner.

So let's hear your favorites. Here are some of mine:

"Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage."
H. L. Mencken
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their predjudices."
William James
"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."
William Claude Dukenfield

Jim the Nice
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Dogshirt 
Posted: 24-Feb-2006, 12:40 AM
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Two from Mark Twain;

Thereis nothing hard about quitting smoking, I've done it hundreds of times.

And MY favorite;

By the time a man is old enough to read a woman like a book, he's too old to start a library<_<

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Dogshirt 
Posted: 24-Feb-2006, 12:54 AM
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"Af it's no' Scottish it's CRRRAP!"
Mike Myers


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stoirmeil 
Posted: 24-Feb-2006, 09:57 AM
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"If it ain't one damn thing it's two damn things."
Anonymous

"Competence is its own punishment."
me

And the list from the curmudgeon par excellence, Oscar Wilde, is very, very long:

"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."

and many more: http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Oscar_Wilde/
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James Milne 
Posted: 24-Feb-2006, 06:56 PM
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Thanks for the quotes. I love Oscar Wildes comments. He was great in commenting on another curmudgeon, George Bernard Shaw. Wilde said "Bernard Shaw has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends."

For an old scottish saying, that we help prove right, how about "Theres nocht sae queer as fowk."

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MacEoghainn 
Posted: 25-Feb-2006, 08:18 AM
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I'm not sure if he was, or is, considered a curmudgeon (I think he was just thought of as a drunken comedian), here's a couple from Joe E. Lewis:

"A friend in need is a pest."

"You're not drunk enough if you can still lie on the floor without hanging on."




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"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln

"Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum." from "Epitoma Rei Militaris," by Vegetius

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James Milne 
Posted: 25-Feb-2006, 05:24 PM
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Dogshirt, thanks for the Twainisms. He has such a wealth of quotable curmudgeonary. (a new word sees the light of day.)

How about:
"Wagner's music is better than it sounds."

or

"It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you and the other to bring the news to you"


I have been noticing that curmudgeons do a wonderful job on each other. In speaking of arch-curmudgeon George Bernard Shaw other curmudgeons had a field day. For example:


"It is his life work to announce the obvious in terms of the scandalous."
H. L. Mencken
"Mr. Shaw is (I suspect) the only man on earth who has never written any poetry."
G. K. Chesterton
"He write his plays for the ages-the ages between five and twelve."
George Jean Nathan

It goes on and on.

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stoirmeil 
Posted: 03-Mar-2006, 12:35 PM
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Are we remembering WC Fields? So especially known for his love of children:

"There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant."

biggrin.gif And of course his philosophy about drink is legendary:

Man:"I have no sympathy for a man who is intoxicated all the time."
WC:"A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy."
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Dogshirt 
Posted: 03-Mar-2006, 01:52 PM
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How about Sir Winston;

While sitting on his stoop in his undershirt, a passing woman commented " Sir, if that stomach was on a woman I'd swear she was pregnant!" To which he replied " Madam, it WAS, and she IS!"

Or his relationship with Lady Astor;

She; Sir Winston, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your tea."
He; Lady Astor, if you were my wife I'd drink it!" wink.gif


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