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Celtic Radio Community > General Discussion > Seniors, Old Farts And Just Growing Old!


Posted by: Patch 10-Aug-2008, 10:39 AM
This could be a place to relate the pleasure and aggravation of attaining "Senior Citizen" status or as I call myself, an "Old Fart." I am sure there are some funny stories out there and since I started this I will have to remember some!

I hope I did this right.

Slàinte,   

 Patch    

Posted by: Camac 10-Aug-2008, 10:46 AM
Patch;

As one old "Fart" to another "Hobble on old boy, hobble on". Ain't gettin' old grand?


Camac.

Posted by: Lady of Avalon 10-Aug-2008, 10:55 AM
QUOTE (Patch @ 10-Aug-2008, 12:39 PM)
This could be a place to relate the pleasure and aggravation of attaining "Senior Citizen" status or as I call myself, an "Old Fart." I am sure there are some funny stories out there and since I started this I will have to remember some!

I hope I did this right.

Slàinte,   

 Patch    

QUOTE
Camac Posted on 10-Aug-2008, 12:46 PM
  Patch;

As one old "Fart" to another "Hobble on old boy, hobble on". Ain't gettin' old grand?


Camac. 



Hello guys,

Well, if you two call yourselves "Old Fart" at 65 and 66 what is it you'll be calling yourselves in 10 years??? Ancient Old Fart in a wheelchair.gif ????

No, at 65 and 66 you guys are "young farts" it's what's in the heart that counts...right. beer_mug.gif

LOA becoming an "old fartess"... smile.gif

Posted by: Patch 10-Aug-2008, 11:05 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 10-Aug-2008, 12:46 PM)
Patch;

As one old "Fart" to another "Hobble on old boy, hobble on". Ain't gettin' old grand?


Camac.

It definitely beats the alternative!!!

Slàinte,   

 Patch    

Posted by: Patch 10-Aug-2008, 11:29 AM
QUOTE (Lady of Avalon @ 10-Aug-2008, 12:55 PM)
QUOTE (Patch @ 10-Aug-2008, 12:39 PM)
This could be a place to relate the pleasure and aggravation of attaining "Senior Citizen" status or as I call myself, an "Old Fart."  I am sure there are some funny stories out there and since I started this I will have to remember some!

I hope I did this right.

Slàinte,   

 Patch    

QUOTE
Camac Posted on 10-Aug-2008, 12:46 PM
  Patch;

As one old "Fart" to another "Hobble on old boy, hobble on". Ain't gettin' old grand?


Camac. 



Hello guys,

Well, if you two call yourselves "Old Fart" at 65 and 66 what is it you'll be calling yourselves in 10 years??? Ancient Old Fart in a wheelchair.gif ????

No, at 65 and 66 you guys are "young farts" it's what's in the heart that counts...right. beer_mug.gif

LOA becoming an "old fartess"... smile.gif

Sometimes life throws you a couple of "curve balls" that add years to your real age. I just keep plodding along and I try to laugh a lot! Were it not for the humor and modern medicine, I would have never made it this far. My favorite saying is "when my time comes, they will have to chase me down and hit me in the back of the head with an axe!" It is rather crude but shows my determination.

As new pains appear, I can remember when I hurt "that" 25 or 30 years ago. We really do pay for what we did in our younger years.

I will eventually have some of the age related comments people have made to me ready to post here.

Slàinte,   

 Patch    

Posted by: Camac 10-Aug-2008, 11:35 AM
Patch;

You are onto something here. Nothing helps keep you young than laughter and what better way to laugh but at ones self. laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Patch 10-Aug-2008, 12:23 PM
As I got older, I got the common "middle age spread." At one time I cast a substantial shadow. I had surgery and was being dismissed but there was a problem. They could not locate a wheel chair. I offered to walk but that was against their rules. Finally they borrowed the personal wheel chair from another patient. It was a snug fit but after a pleasant ride down halls and elevators we arrived out front at my transportation. I stood up and the wheel chair came with me. My butt was stuck in it and to complicate things I had a check book in one back pocket and my wallet in the other. Both then hung up on the arm rests. I am standing there with a wheel chair swinging around behind me, my daughter hiding on the other side of the car and the nurse doubled over laughing and trying to apologize at the same time. When I finally got loose I told the nurse (jokingly) "you can laugh now but see what you have to look forward to. A lot of people in front of the hospital got not only a good laugh but a good story to tell too.

Slàinte,    

Patch    



Posted by: MacEoghainn 10-Aug-2008, 12:50 PM
Do you have to be really old to post in this thread or is the fact that the AARP has been sending you letters telling you that you're qualified to join adequate? wheelchair.gif

I'm only 29 so I don't think I really qualify (this month I'll celebrate the 24th anniversary of that birthday). angel_not.gif

Posted by: Camac 10-Aug-2008, 12:53 PM
QUOTE (MacEoghainn @ 10-Aug-2008, 01:50 PM)
Do you have to be really old to post in this thread or is the fact that the AARP has been sending you letters telling you that you're qualified to join adequate? wheelchair.gif

I'm only 29 so I don't think I really qualify (this month I'll celebrate the 24th anniversary of that birthday). angel_not.gif

MacEoghainn;

You remind me of "Jack Benny" .


Camac.

Posted by: stoirmeil 10-Aug-2008, 01:30 PM
I'm not even thinking of "old" until I hit 65 -- got a good few years to go yet.

Did you hear about the little old lady who took Carter's Little Liver Pills every day for 80 years, and when she died they had to beat her liver to death with a stick? smile.gif

Posted by: Patch 10-Aug-2008, 01:50 PM
QUOTE (stoirmeil @ 10-Aug-2008, 03:30 PM)
I'm not even thinking of "old" until I hit 65 -- got a good few years to go yet.

Did you hear about the little old lady who took Carter's Little Liver Pills every day for 80 years, and when she died they had to beat her liver to death with a stick? smile.gif

No, I hadn't but it is an interesting thought!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Patch 11-Aug-2008, 03:58 PM
I should have stated at the beginning, you do not have to be old, Just have an opinion on aging. I knew a lady at least ten years younger than me who announced that she would never get old. She would not allow it! I thought that was a fantastic attitude. (she was "dating" a man 14 yars younger than she was) Could be that is the way to stay young.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: John Clements 11-Aug-2008, 04:30 PM
You know…someone once told me that nothing smelled worse than an old fart, except for one older.
PS: Oh no…here comes one now! I'm leaving.
JC

Posted by: Camac 11-Aug-2008, 05:18 PM
JC.

Just one more year and you join the club. So take care what you say it might come
back to bite you. velho.gif

Camac.

Posted by: Harlot 11-Aug-2008, 06:52 PM
My dad was always 29 right up til the end. He always told me to pick the age you liked the best and stay with it. Even when I turned 29 we went out and had a beer together what fun that was. biggrin.gif biggrin.gif biggrin.gif

Posted by: Patch 11-Aug-2008, 07:02 PM
I believe when we really think about it we will find that the key to gracefully aging is a good sense of humor. It works for me!!!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 11-Aug-2008, 07:21 PM
Laughter is Music for the Soul.
George Bernard Shaw said it best "Youth is wasted on the young".


Camac

Posted by: John Clements 11-Aug-2008, 09:23 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 11-Aug-2008, 06:18 PM)
JC.

Just one more year and you join the club. So take care what you say it might come
back to bite you. velho.gif

Camac.

Dave I think you might have miss understood me. (When I said, “Oh no…here comes one now! I’m leaving!)
I wasn’t referring to an old fart coming into the room. I was talking about one fomenting in me.

Posted by: Camac 15-Aug-2008, 09:56 AM
You know your getting old when it takes you five minutes to realize that the stranger looking back at you in the mirror is you.


eek.gif jawdrop.gif


Camac

Posted by: Patch 15-Aug-2008, 10:33 AM
As I said earlier, I do not use a mirror. After my hair cut I had to check to see if there was really that much white in my hair.

Slàinte,    

Patch      

Posted by: Camac 15-Aug-2008, 11:38 AM
QUOTE (Patch @ 15-Aug-2008, 11:33 AM)
As I said earlier, I do not use a mirror. After my hair cut I had to check to see if there was really that much white in my hair.

Slàinte,    

Patch      

Patch;

No white in my hair. What little is left is Grey,Grey,Grey. and Grey.



Camac

Posted by: Patch 15-Aug-2008, 02:08 PM
Dad belonged to a "Senior Activist" group in the Phoenix area of Az. They protested the high cost of greeting cards, breakfast cereal and more. They also knew where all the cheap meals in the area were and they moved around in caravans at meal time. Spaghetti night at a Catholic Church was really popular as they served wine with the meal.

I used to call them the "Grey Panthers" as they were rather militant in things financial. Now I guess maybe I am one!

Slàinte,    

Patch      

Posted by: Camac 15-Aug-2008, 03:33 PM
Patch; Now there is two. wheelchair.gif


Camac.

PS. Make it official and start a club named in Honour of your Dad "The New Grey Panthers. You must be 65 or older have White or Grey hair and any one of the myriad infirmities that us old farts complain about.

Posted by: Patch 15-Aug-2008, 06:51 PM
I thought about it and have come to the conclusion that "anything" panthers could get you a lot of unwanted Govt. attention

Slàinte,    

Patch      

Posted by: Camac 15-Aug-2008, 07:18 PM
Patch;

Change Panther to Leopard Same family different colour.


Camac.

Posted by: mainopsman 16-Aug-2008, 12:41 PM
A wealthy old Gentleman decides to go on a hunting safari inAfrica , taking his faithful, elderly Jack Russell dog named Killer, along for the company.

One day the old Jack Russell starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopar d heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old Jack Russell thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old Jack Russell exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old Jack Russell nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watchin g the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old Jack Russel l sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old Jack Russell sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Jack Russell says...
'Where's that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Bull and brilliance only come with age and experience.

JIM

Posted by: mainopsman 16-Aug-2008, 12:43 PM
A married couple, in their early 60's, was celebrating their 44 th
wedding anniversary at a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly,
a tiny beautiful Fairy appeared on their table.

She said: 'For being such an exemplary married couple and especially
at this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
'Oh, said the wife, I want to travel around the World with my darling husband'.

The fairy waved her magic wand; and - poof! - two tickets for the
Queen Mary II luxury liner and Ten Thousand Dollars appeared in her
hands.Then it was the husband's turn. He thought for a minute and
said:'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this
will never come again, So I'm going with my mind and not my heart.

'I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife and the Fairy were shocked and disappointed. But a wish is a
wish. So, the Fairy waved her magic wand, and - Poof! - the husband
became 92 years old...

The Moral of the story...
Men who are ungrateful should remember... Fairies are Female...

JIM

Posted by: flora 16-Aug-2008, 08:15 PM
Attitude is everything!

I was taking my mother to see my son's house one day and stopping at a red light a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside us.

My mother studied him and the motorcycle for a few minutes then replied, "That is something I haven't tried yet! She was 80 years old at the time.

Posted by: Camac 16-Aug-2008, 09:00 PM
flora;

I agree it is all in the attitude. Trouble is I have to look for mine every morning as it seems to hide from me.


Camac.

Posted by: mainopsman 17-Aug-2008, 06:21 AM
I agree that attitude toward aging is important. Most people ask me why I haven't retired. My answer has been when I get old enough, I'll be 66 in January. I love to work, and find that I am still being sought out by other departments for instructor positions. Your only as old as you let yourself feel.

JIM

Posted by: Camac 17-Aug-2008, 07:38 AM
QUOTE (mainopsman @ 17-Aug-2008, 07:21 AM)
I agree that attitude toward aging is important. Most people ask me why I haven't retired. My answer has been when I get old enough, I'll be 66 in January. I love to work, and find that I am still being sought out by other departments for instructor positions. Your only as old as you let yourself feel.

JIM

I'll be 66 in Sept. and I still work and still enjoy it 99% of the time. The one thing I find though is my patience is not what it used to be especially when it comes to stupidity.



Camac.

Posted by: Lady of Avalon 17-Aug-2008, 12:08 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 17-Aug-2008, 09:38 AM)

JIM [/QUOTE]
I'll be 66 in Sept. and I still work and still enjoy it 99% of the time. The one thing I find though is my patience is not what it used to be especially when it comes to stupidity.



Camac.

I'm not even there yet and I simply DON'T have patience at all (tolerance 0) actually in regards of stupidity especially the ones that insults my intelligence by acting subtly stupid in thinking that I won't notice...by the age of 66 I'll probably commit murder if I don't control myself... death.gif

LOA

Posted by: Patch 17-Aug-2008, 12:30 PM
I used to think I was becoming more patient with age. Then I realized that I just do not give a sh-t!!!

Slàinte,    

Patch      

Posted by: Camac 17-Aug-2008, 01:20 PM
QUOTE (Patch @ 17-Aug-2008, 01:30 PM)
I used to think I was becoming more patient with age. Then I realized that I just do not give a sh-t!!!

Slàinte,    

Patch      

Patch;

You hit it right on the head.

Camac.

Posted by: Siobhan Blues 19-Aug-2008, 09:15 AM
biggrin.gif biggrin.gif biggrin.gif

Oh my WORD, I just found this thread today and y'all are killin' me! My stomach hurts from laughing... Killer the Jack Russell, husbands that become 92, and bless your hearts wheelchairs that stick! laugh.gif Thank you for sharing, man. The screensaver on my computer says "He who can laugh at himself shall never cease to be amused" and I swear by that. Next time I'll tell y'all how I flooded my downstairs studio last week when I started filling with soapy water a sink of dirty dishes upstairs...

My first visit here I ought to share that I am 51. My knees crapped out on me a year ago and when I went for x-rays the technician said 'well honey, what's brought you here today?' I grinned and said "I TURNED 50 AND FELL APART!" She laughed and said 'Join the club.' If any of you are baseball fans, you'll understand this: I walk like Braves manager Bobby Cox before he had hip replacement surgery. Graceful I ain't.

But happy I is! Our youngest child married and flew the coop so I've discovered a joy few warned me about: the Empty Nest Syndrome is the best thing since sliced bread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Patch 22-Aug-2008, 03:29 AM


The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to be this witty?

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff the "Wonder Dog", and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say, and we're working on new ones everyday!!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Patch 22-Aug-2008, 03:38 AM
QUOTE (Siobhan Blues @ 19-Aug-2008, 11:15 AM)
biggrin.gif biggrin.gif biggrin.gif

Oh my WORD, I just found this thread today and y'all are killin' me! My stomach hurts from laughing... Killer the Jack Russell, husbands that become 92, and bless your hearts wheelchairs that stick! laugh.gif Thank you for sharing, man. The screensaver on my computer says "He who can laugh at himself shall never cease to be amused" and I swear by that. Next time I'll tell y'all how I flooded my downstairs studio last week when I started filling with soapy water a sink of dirty dishes upstairs...

My first visit here I ought to share that I am 51. My knees crapped out on me a year ago and when I went for x-rays the technician said 'well honey, what's brought you here today?' I grinned and said "I TURNED 50 AND FELL APART!" She laughed and said 'Join the club.' If any of you are baseball fans, you'll understand this: I walk like Braves manager Bobby Cox before he had hip replacement surgery. Graceful I ain't.

But happy I is! Our youngest child married and flew the coop so I've discovered a joy few warned me about: the Empty Nest Syndrome is the best thing since sliced bread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are lucky! I was approaching 45 when I began falling apart. As for the "empty nest" syndrome, I wandered around the house for a bit but then I settled in nicely! Now, nearly 20 years later, I have become a crusty and opinionated old fart!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 22-Aug-2008, 06:39 AM
Twenty years ago at seventeen my oldest daughter packed her bags said love you and good-bye and moved 3000 miles away to Vancouver to work and go to school. My youngest I practically had to throw out but she got the message and off she went. I love the empty nest as I can do what I want go where I please and if I want Be a miserable old Fart and it don't upset nobody. Freedom is glorious.


Camac

Posted by: Patch 22-Aug-2008, 08:15 AM
Two patients limp into two different American Medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The first patient sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
The second patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The first is a Senior Citizen.
The second is a Golden Retriever.


Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 25-Aug-2008, 10:12 AM
Patch;

As one old Fart to the Chief Old Fart; Let me tell you of my morning so far.
I arose at my usual time, Half past sunup. Stood up put my glasses on and stretched. I then proceeded to the Loo and emptied the old canteen. Then I started brushing my teeth only to have the head of the tooth brush snap in half. Must have been defective. I then washed my face and turning to get the towel stubbed my right baby toe on the bathroom door. That hurt. While hopping around the bathroom turning the air blue I knocked my glasses flying to land,yep in the john which I hadn't flushed yet. Recovering my glasses and cleaning them I walked down the hall to the kitchen for my morning coffee. Fetching my favourite mug I put sugar and cream in it then poured the coffee. Not in the mug but into the sugar bowl. Forgetting the coffee I went to my little office area and as I sat down the chair shot out from under me and my butt hit the floor with a very audible thud. I think I should have stayed in bed hidden under the covers. If this is a forecast of what the rest of the day will be like I'm going to lock myself in the closet.


Camac.

Posted by: Patch 25-Aug-2008, 10:33 AM
That is not a good start!! This IS Monday! That tops anything I can recall. I hope the day/week improves!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Lady of Avalon 25-Aug-2008, 11:17 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 25-Aug-2008, 12:12 PM)
Patch;

As one old Fart to the Chief Old Fart; Let me tell you of my morning so far.
I arose at my usual time, Half past sunup. Stood up put my glasses on and stretched. I then proceeded to the Loo and emptied the old canteen. Then I started brushing my teeth only to have the head of the tooth brush snap in half. Must have been defective. I then washed my face and turning to get the towel stubbed my right baby toe on the bathroom door. That hurt. While hopping around the bathroom turning the air blue I knocked my glasses flying to land,yep in the john which I hadn't flushed yet. Recovering my glasses and cleaning them I walked down the hall to the kitchen for my morning coffee. Fetching my favourite mug I put sugar and cream in it then poured the coffee. Not in the mug but into the sugar bowl. Forgetting the coffee I went to my little office area and as I sat down the chair shot out from under me and my butt hit the floor with a very audible thud. I think I should have stayed in bed hidden under the covers. If this is a forecast of what the rest of the day will be like I'm going to lock myself in the closet.


Camac.

God man you're making me laugh so hard I'm hardly able to see the screen so full of tears are my eyes....

That's the laugh I needed today...I can't wait to be an old fartess too it seems a lot of fun... lol.gif lol.gif goof.gif

LOA (still laughing)

Posted by: stoirmeil 26-Aug-2008, 01:04 PM
Oh, I've had the Fart Makeover now! I have been wearing my hair (shoulder length) a medium brownie-red for years. Got sick of it -- suddenly it looked just rusty to me, and I had let it grow out over the summer to give it a rest, not thinking how grey it was underneath. Had my horrifed hair girl lop it all off to the gray roots -- that is, less than 2" layers all over, only to see that the top was far more salt than pepper, and the back and sides are pure salt! When you keep it colored, you just can't tell . . . So I looked and looked at the color, and I was kind of tickled but I wasn't quite brave enough to let it stay that way, but put in a medium blonde color for the first time in my life to ease the transition. Most fun choosing a new lipstick shade to go with it, brighter and more bodacious.

All here at work are very complimentary -- especially all the over-50 ladies with short, light-colored hair. I guess now I have to learn the secret old-fart handshake. wheelchair.gif wine.gif whistling.gif

Camac -- you missed one move. You didn't drop what was left of your toothbrush in the toilet with your glasses. Try and get it tomorrow morning.

Posted by: Camac 26-Aug-2008, 02:18 PM
stoirmeil;

This morning I got up put on my glasses my robe and shoes used trhe john flushed it and put the lid down took my classes off and put them in the robe pocket, used a brand new toothbrush and put the towel over my shoulder. As to coffee I waited till I was dressed and went out for it.
Played it safe all around.

Camac

Posted by: ctbard 27-Aug-2008, 07:25 AM
I'm only 48, but I feel very very very old today, my right hip hurts, my knee hurts and my feet are aching, it's 9:20 and I could go for a nap, I wish I had a recliner in my office like Ulsterscotnutt does.

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2008, 07:34 AM
QUOTE (ctbard @ 27-Aug-2008, 08:25 AM)
, I wish I had a recliner in my office like Ulsterscotnutt does.

Speaking of Ulsterscottnutt. Where in the Hammered Hinges of Hades is he?


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 27-Aug-2008, 08:18 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 09:34 AM)
Speaking of Ulsterscottnutt. Where in the Hammered Hinges of Hades is he?


Camac.

Snobbing the old farts.... schmoll.gif

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2008, 08:21 AM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 27-Aug-2008, 09:18 AM)
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 09:34 AM)
Speaking of Ulsterscottnutt. Where in the Hammered Hinges of Hades is he?


Camac.

Snobbing the old farts.... schmoll.gif

LOA;

If that's the case well "I hope his Bippie falls off" so there.


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 27-Aug-2008, 08:28 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 10:21 AM)
LOA;

If that's the case well "I hope his Bippie falls off" so there.


Camac.

Ouch! Oh! THAT is cruel.... fear.gif

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2008, 08:45 AM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 27-Aug-2008, 09:28 AM)
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 10:21 AM)
LOA;

If that's the case well "I hope his Bippie falls off" so there.


Camac.

Ouch! Oh! THAT is cruel.... fear.gif

LOA;

How can that be cruel? i don't even know what a bippie is. wink.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif


Camac.

Posted by: ctbard 27-Aug-2008, 08:51 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 08:34 AM)
Speaking of Ulsterscottnutt. Where in the Hammered Hinges of Hades is he?


Camac.

Our shop is right next to ours and I hardly ever see him anymore!! He must be really busy at work.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 27-Aug-2008, 08:52 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 10:45 AM)
Ouch! Oh! THAT is cruel.... fear.gif



How can that be cruel? i don't even know what a bippie is. wink.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif


Camac.

Oh! Well I guess I have a vivid imagination and had some dirty images in my mind twisted.gif

Posted by: ctbard 27-Aug-2008, 09:01 AM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 27-Aug-2008, 09:52 AM)
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 10:45 AM)
Ouch! Oh! THAT is cruel.... fear.gif



How can that be cruel? i don't even know what a bippie is. wink.gif  laugh.gif  laugh.gif  laugh.gif


Camac.

Oh! Well I guess I have a vivid imagination and had some dirty images in my mind twisted.gif

What the heck is a bippie?????

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2008, 02:31 PM
something men have

Camac.

Posted by: flora 27-Aug-2008, 02:58 PM
I think Camac and Patch should make a movie together. They would put Grumpy Old Men to shame!

I too could not stop laughing. I so much enjoy you two characters.

Flora

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2008, 03:06 PM
QUOTE (flora @ 27-Aug-2008, 03:58 PM)
I think Camac and Patch should make a movie together. They would put Grumpy Old Men to shame!

I too could not stop laughing. I so much enjoy you two characters.

Flora

I may be an old fart but I'm only grumpy on odd days. Or is that even. Ah hell I'm Grumpy but only between the hours of 1:00 am and Midnight.


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 27-Aug-2008, 05:18 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 05:06 PM)
I may be an old fart but I'm only grumpy on odd days. Or is that even. Ah hell I'm Grumpy but only between the hours of 1:00 am and Midnight.


Camac.

ALL men are the same,grumpy, schmoll.gif stinky, fartnew.gif complain over nothing and everything, argue.gif snores all freaking night long, sleep1.gif and one doesn't have to be an "old fart".

Aaaaaah! hypocrite.gif

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2008, 06:00 PM
LOA;

Yeah your right but you love us.


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 27-Aug-2008, 06:46 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 08:00 PM)
LOA;

Yeah your right but you love us.


Camac.

Well...yeah maybe a little bit but not with those appaling defects you men have... smile.gif

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2008, 06:51 PM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 27-Aug-2008, 07:46 PM)
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 08:00 PM)
LOA;

Yeah your right but you love us.


Camac.

Well...yeah maybe a little bit but not with those appaling defects you men have... smile.gif

LOA;

They're not defects merely distinguishing idiosyncracies that mark the difference in Genders.


Camac.

Posted by: maggiemahone1 27-Aug-2008, 08:08 PM
hey, I'm like fine wine...getting better with age cool.gif and the antioxidants are good for you!!! wink.gif I'll be 55 in Oct. and haven't been put out to pasture yet...all you ol' geezers take it easy...

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2008, 08:14 PM
maggiemahone1;

Well Darlin' you will know when your gettin' old when what you use to do all night now takes all night to do. That is when you remember what it was that you did all night. angel_not.gif rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 28-Aug-2008, 04:31 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 10:14 PM)
maggiemahone1;

Well Darlin' you will know when your gettin' old when what you use to do all night now takes all night to do. That is when you remember what it was that you did all night. angel_not.gif rolleyes.gif

THAT is a scary thought indeed.... fear.gif

It's probably another idiosyncracies to mark the difference in gender like you say because that's another MEN's defect lol.gif lol.gif and there are little pills for that little....let's say...problem rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Camac 28-Aug-2008, 08:51 AM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 28-Aug-2008, 05:31 AM)
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 10:14 PM)
maggiemahone1;

Well Darlin' you will know when your gettin' old when what you use to do all night now takes all night to do. That is when you remember what it was that you did all night. angel_not.gif  rolleyes.gif

THAT is a scary thought indeed.... fear.gif

It's probably another idiosyncracies to mark the difference in gender like you say because that's another MEN's defect lol.gif lol.gif and there are little pills for that little....let's say...problem rolleyes.gif

LOA;

Thou art indeed a hard cruel women. Where is you compasion for us "Old Farts".

Remember what we once were in our youth (" Young Farts") laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 28-Aug-2008, 09:37 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 28-Aug-2008, 10:51 AM)

Thou art indeed a hard cruel women. Where is you compasion for us "Old Farts".

Remember what we once were in our youth (" Young Farts") laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif


Camac.

I've always been told that I'm a heartless woman twisted.gif

As for you ''Old Farts'' who said that being 65 is considered and ''Old Fart'' what I consider being an ''Old Fart'' and such is when one is not able to enjoy life because of one attitude towards it...no I don't have compassion for one that considers himself an old fart when he's not...you become one when you're there wheelchair.gif

LOA

Posted by: Camac 28-Aug-2008, 10:21 AM
LOA;
Hey the big boys in Ottawa say I'm an Old Fart cause they gave me a pretty card to prove it.. rolleyes.gif wink.gif

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 28-Aug-2008, 04:40 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 28-Aug-2008, 12:21 PM)
LOA;
Hey the big boys in Ottawa say I'm an Old Fart cause they gave me a pretty card to prove it.. rolleyes.gif wink.gif

Do you get a 10% discount at Sears or Zellers on seniors day? lol.gif lol.gif partytime.gif

Posted by: Camac 28-Aug-2008, 05:00 PM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 28-Aug-2008, 05:40 PM)
QUOTE (Camac @ 28-Aug-2008, 12:21 PM)
LOA;
Hey the big boys in Ottawa say I'm an Old Fart cause they gave me a pretty card to prove it.. rolleyes.gif  wink.gif

Do you get a 10% discount at Sears or Zellers on seniors day? lol.gif lol.gif partytime.gif

LOA;

No I don't shop there cause ther isn't one close to me.

Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 28-Aug-2008, 05:11 PM
I'm teasing you luv...for you are not an Old Fart even it the bozos in Ottawa gave you a card.... wub.gif

Posted by: Camac 28-Aug-2008, 05:18 PM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 28-Aug-2008, 06:11 PM)
I'm teasing you luv...for you are not an Old Fart even it the bozos in Ottawa gave you a card.... wub.gif

LOA;

Ah; Geez and it's such a pretty card.Can't trust them Bureaucrats.




Camac rolleyes.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Patch 28-Aug-2008, 09:39 PM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 28-Aug-2008, 06:40 PM)
QUOTE (Camac @ 28-Aug-2008, 12:21 PM)
LOA;
Hey the big boys in Ottawa say I'm an Old Fart cause they gave me a pretty card to prove it.. rolleyes.gif  wink.gif

Do you get a 10% discount at Sears or Zellers on seniors day? lol.gif lol.gif partytime.gif

My grocery store gives "old farts" a 5 % discount on each Thursday. If you are in a hurry that isn't the time to shop. The store is packed!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: ctbard 29-Aug-2008, 08:06 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 27-Aug-2008, 03:31 PM)
something men have

Camac.

Ohhhhh, I feel foolish now.

Posted by: TheCarolinaScotsman 29-Aug-2008, 08:31 AM
Let me tell you, this "natural food" craze is about to kill this old fart. I need all those preservatives.

Posted by: Camac 29-Aug-2008, 09:03 AM
QUOTE (TheCarolinaScotsman @ 29-Aug-2008, 09:31 AM)
Let me tell you, this "natural food" craze is about to kill this old fart. I need all those preservatives.

I agree we need then to keep things working . Take away the preservatives and instead of old farts we'll be old mummies. Pass the MSG.


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 29-Aug-2008, 05:28 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 29-Aug-2008, 11:03 AM)
I agree we need then to keep things working . Take away the preservatives and instead of old farts we'll be old mummies. Pass the MSG.


Camac.

lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif gees Camac stop making me laugh like that...I have a vivid imagination....and can't stop laughing thinking about you looking like a mummy.... mummy.gif mummy.gif

Posted by: Camac 29-Aug-2008, 07:53 PM
Patch and the rest of the Old Farts;

For the life of me I don't know why but something my Dad said to me along time ago when I was teasing him about growing old just popped into my mind. I will render the cleaned up version. He said:"Just remember the day is coming for you when a good evacuation of the lower digestive tract will feel as good as if not better than a good session of making love." Methinks the old bugger might have been right. wink.gif rolleyes.gif laugh.gif


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 30-Aug-2008, 04:55 AM
lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif This is way too funny,way too funny....

Posted by: Camac 30-Aug-2008, 06:55 AM
LOA;

They say one should grow old with Grace. That may be fine but I don't know any women named Grace except for my Step-grandmother and hell shes' been dead for forty years. Didn't like her anyways.


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 30-Aug-2008, 07:54 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 30-Aug-2008, 08:55 AM)
LOA;

They say one should grow old with Grace. That may be fine but I don't know any women named Grace except for my Step-grandmother and hell shes' been dead for forty years. Didn't like her anyways.


Camac.

Awwwww! You're as bad as it gets!!!!!! biggrin.gif

LOA

Posted by: Patch 30-Aug-2008, 09:48 PM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 30-Aug-2008, 09:54 PM)
QUOTE (Camac @ 30-Aug-2008, 08:55 AM)
LOA;

They say one should grow old with Grace. That may be fine but I don't know any women named Grace except for my Step-grandmother and hell shes' been dead for forty years. Didn't like her anyways.


Camac.

Awwwww! You're as bad as it gets!!!!!! biggrin.gif

LOA

I had an Aunt named Grace who was into womens lib before the term was coined. She helped raise me till I was about 3. She divorced in 1947 and went on to become an extremely successful business woman (now deceased). Maybe Grace does not want to grow old with men!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: 007dust 05-Sep-2008, 05:34 AM
Well I will be shortly turning 40, and I do tend to fart alot. I think that officially qualifies me to post here.
There are two things I've heard from elderly people about aging that made me laugh. One from my grandfather which I wish I could repeat here, but it's quite naughty. The old man had alot of of Irish in him so you can imagine I bet. The other I heard on the radio a few years back. Someone was asking an older gentleman about aging to which he replied, "It's not so bad, the only difference is when you bend over to pick something up you look around to see if there's anything else you need while your down there." I doesn't seem to sound as funny here, I guess it was the way that guy said it that made it humorous to me.

Posted by: Camac 05-Sep-2008, 06:16 AM
I have observed that as one grows older the Gravitational Attraction or the Earth increases. At age 50 it is the normal 1g, at 55 it is 2gs, at age 60 it is 4 gs, at 65 it is 16 gs, etc. Bending over is easy as gravity assists it's getting back up that's the trick.


Camac.

Posted by: ctbard 05-Sep-2008, 06:55 AM
QUOTE (007dust @ 05-Sep-2008, 06:34 AM)
Well I will be shortly turning 40, and I do tend to fart alot. I think that officially qualifies me to post here.
There are two things I've heard from elderly people about aging that made me laugh. One from my grandfather which I wish I could repeat here, but it's quite naughty. The old man had alot of of Irish in him so you can imagine I bet. The other I heard on the radio a few years back. Someone was asking an older gentleman about aging to which he replied, "It's not so bad, the only difference is when you bend over to pick something up you look around to see if there's anything else you need while your down there." I doesn't seem to sound as funny here, I guess it was the way that guy said it that made it humorous to me.

40"s nothing, the closer you get to 50 you decline rapidly.If I feel this decrepid at 48, I can only imagine how I will feel at 80, if I ever get that old that is.
Oh, I would love to be 27 again.

Posted by: Camac 05-Sep-2008, 07:20 AM
ctbard;

For me 27 was a bad age. On my 27th birthday, Sept 30th, at precisely 3:00 pm a group of gentlemen of the Oriental persuation did work grievous harm upon my body causing excrutiating pain and the loss of some exterior covering and musculature. The only two good things that happened at that age was I got married and my oldest daughter was born. Oh. I did meet L.B.J. that year.

Camac.


Posted by: ctbard 05-Sep-2008, 11:14 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 05-Sep-2008, 08:20 AM)
ctbard;

For me 27 was a bad age. On my 27th birthday, Sept 30th, at precisely 3:00 pm a group of gentlemen of the Oriental persuation did work grievous harm upon my body causing excrutiating pain and the loss of some exterior covering and musculature. The only two good things that happened at that age was I got married and my oldest daughter was born. Oh. I did meet L.B.J. that year.

Camac.

Camac,
Actually, I have no idea why I picked the age of 27, just came to me. I think really the age of 35 wood be better.
All I know is that this year has really stunk.
I need a nap badly right now, I've slept horribly all week, id I had a blanket I think I'd even take a nap on the work bench here at our shop.

Posted by: Camac 05-Sep-2008, 12:02 PM
ctbard;

What the hey 27 is as good an age as any. Methinks you might be overdoing it a little take care and if you feel like resting do so. How is your husband doing well I hope.


Camac.

Posted by: ctbard 05-Sep-2008, 12:23 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 05-Sep-2008, 01:02 PM)
ctbard;

What the hey 27 is as good an age as any. Methinks you might be overdoing it a little take care and if you feel like resting do so. How is your husband doing well I hope.


Camac.

Camac;
My husband is doing OK, it really too ALOT out of him, it's really going to take a long time to get his strength back I think, I'm shooting for New Years.

Posted by: Camac 05-Sep-2008, 12:26 PM
ctbard;

Glad to hear. Just remember to look after yourself also. Slow and steady,slow and steady.

Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 05-Sep-2008, 01:48 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 05-Sep-2008, 08:16 AM)
I have observed that as one grows older the Gravitational Attraction or the Earth increases. At age 50 it is the normal 1g, at 55 it is 2gs, at age 60 it is 4 gs, at 65 it is 16 gs, etc. Bending over is easy as gravity assists it's getting back up that's the trick.


Camac.

Holy pooh.gif I think I'm over the hill already...especially today that's the way I feel right now puke.gif

Maybe I should get the bottle of scotch and just drink it 'til I drop dead at least it there'll be a reason...if I woke up eventually.... sad.gif



QUOTE
ctbard Posted on 05-Sep-2008, 02:23 PM
 
My husband is doing OK, it really too ALOT out of him, it's really going to take a long time to get his strength back I think, I'm shooting for New Years. 


QUOTE
Camac Posted on 05-Sep-2008, 02:26 PM

ctbard;
Glad to hear. Just remember to look after yourself also. Slow and steady,slow and steady.

Camac. 


ctbard,

I second what Camac is stating above for if you do not slow down the body will send you some nasty message, like I'm feeling now, to slow down.

Take it easy dear,
LOA smile.gif

Posted by: Camac 06-Sep-2008, 07:28 AM
It is generally acknowledged that with Age comes Wisdom and wisdom is equated to intelligence. Therefore it is surmised that as one grows older one grows wiser and more intelligent. Well if this is the case don't you think that out of all those wise intelligent "Old Farts" someone would have figured out a way to stop the aging process.


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 03-Dec-2008, 05:31 PM
Hey guys! What's happening with your "senior old farts" stories???

Has it died down already...I can believe that old farts like you, don't have anymore stories hidden somewhere up your old sleeves??? tongue.gif

LOA smile.gif

Posted by: Camac 03-Dec-2008, 07:01 PM
QUOTE (Lady-of-Avalon @ 03-Dec-2008, 06:31 PM)
Hey guys! What's happening with your "senior old farts" stories???

Has it died down already...I can believe that old farts like you, don't have anymore stories hidden somewhere up your old sleeves??? tongue.gif

LOA smile.gif

LOA;

Please don't rush us . We are after all 'OLD FARTS" and it takes time getting the old brain in gear.Right now I'm trying to remember where I put my teeth.


Camac. huh.gif wheelchair.gif

Posted by: Antwn 05-Dec-2008, 09:17 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 06-Sep-2008, 08:28 AM)
Well if this is the case don't you think that out of all those wise intelligent "Old Farts" someone would have figured out a way to stop the aging process.



Its already been done, its called dying. wink.gif

Posted by: Camac 06-Dec-2008, 09:25 AM
Antwn;

Yeah well who ever invented it should be shot.

Camac. rolleyes.gif angel_not.gif

Posted by: Camac 17-Jan-2009, 01:09 PM
It's been over a month since anyone has posted here and I knd of though that someone should so here goes.

The past few weeks I have been thinking alot about being an "Old Fart" and you know it's not that bad really. The younger folk seem to think that with the grey hair comes knowledge and wisdom. I guess they look upon the elderly as some sort of Sage. Well I for one am not a Sage and I don't want to be. At least not yet. I am quite content knowing that all the wisdom of the ages I have suppossedly compiled is still locked away somewhere in the recesses of my mind. Hell I'm only 66 and I figure I have at least ten years before all that nonsense gets loose. I mean who really wants me to tell them that if you stick your finger in a light socket your going to get a shock, or if you decide to argue with an 18 wheeler on the highway your going to loose. I'll give my opinion and or advice if asked but if the askers is to stupid or conceited to even think about it to Hell with them. Had some young idiot in the Legion ask me the other day that when I was in the war if I fought the Germans or the Japanese. I just looked at him and shook my head then walked away. I was one month short of 3 years old when that donnybrook ended. Guess he though I was in the Boys Brigade. It's bad enough when your cousins grandkids ask if you played with Dinosaurs but that really P Oed me. Anyway as I said it's not that bad being an old fart as most people seem to show you a little more respect and kindness. Just don't try to help me across the street. I'm not that bluidy auld..


Camac.

Posted by: flora 17-Jan-2009, 04:00 PM
Well move over Camac, there are alot of us in this boat!!!!!

My grandson who is in the first grade was answering questions for Grandparents Day. When asked how old was Grandpappa, he replied 39. How old was Grandmamma ..... 89. wheelchair.gif What's up with that? I play better then anyone else!!!!! And I am so way cooler. He better watch it, I just might not make him biscuits anymore. Not.

Flora

Posted by: Camac 17-Jan-2009, 06:20 PM
flora;

At least you have grandkids. I get it from my cousins grandkids. Guess it comes with being the oldest living male on this branch of the family. There must be some kind of authority that should go along with that, even some sort of noble respectably title like Laird or something. angel_not.gif


Camac

Posted by: Patch 17-Jan-2009, 07:06 PM
QUOTE (flora @ 17-Jan-2009, 06:00 PM)
Well move over Camac, there are alot of us in this boat!!!!!

My grandson who is in the first grade was answering questions for Grandparents Day. When asked how old was Grandpappa, he replied 39. How old was Grandmamma ..... 89. wheelchair.gif What's up with that? I play better then anyone else!!!!! And I am so way cooler. He better watch it, I just might not make him biscuits anymore. Not.

Flora

My son reversed that when asked in kindergarten of his parents ages as he told them mom was 28? (correct) and dad was 79? (wrong). "Mom" wouldn't go to school meeting for a while after that until I was able to go with her. She wanted them to know she wasn't a gold digger.

Slàinte,    

Patch     

Posted by: Camac 18-Jan-2009, 09:19 AM
Only twice in my life have I really ever been concerned about age, 16 when I could get my driver license and 21 when I could legally drink (the idiocy of youth) rest of the time birthdays were just another day. There are sometimes though that this little mean streak crops up when I'm asked my age, which I readily admit to but add " my ex is the same age but she looks older". I know it is most uncouth but honestly there are times I just can't resist. Must be a subconscious thirst for revenge. I have to say that she was always very aware of her appearance where as my attitude was "Hey I got clothes on, I'm not naked". It also doesn't help that I am partially colour blind and unless it was a solid colour, no pastels, I didn't know what I was wearing. One thing I have realized, at least personally as I grow older, is that it is alot easier to laugh and make jokes at my own expense. As I said in another post awhile back, when they stuff me in the coffin they are going to have to break my right arm to hide my final one finger salute.


Camac.

Posted by: Siobhan Blues 21-Jan-2009, 09:43 AM
laugh.gif Camac, you are a hoot!

It really is a lot easier to laugh at ourselves & make jokes at our own expense. What's the saying, 'he who can laugh at himself shall never cease to be amused'. True. I'm all the time telling stuff on myself and sometimes people say 'and you can laugh about that??' but I'm thinking hey, life's too short. And I'm one of those who can trip while walking down a hallway that has a hardwood floor.

When I was a kid I was a bit insecure and shy, and that made me somehow afraid of looking foolish. As I got older I began to take life a little less seriously and I realized laughter is indeed good medicine... my favorite inspirations are those who can laugh easily at both themselves and the sheer absurdity of life.

These days I'm sorta watching my health go downhill, after a life of no problems except nearsightedness. When I turned 50, I found out I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Ohhh-kay, so I take meds for those and keep it under control. Well right before Christmas I found out I now have diabetes! censored.gif Can't have any of my favorite foods, and now have to intentionally draw blood twice a day! censored.gif censored.gif After a couple of weeks of borderline depression, thank goodness my sense of humor returned. If I skint my knuckle working in the barn, or had a brief nosebleed from sinus troubles, I'd loooook at the redness and think 'wonder if I could take a blood glucose reading from that and skip pricking my finger tonight??'

rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Camac 21-Jan-2009, 10:02 AM
Siobhan Blues;

Hey, I know what you mean. Last Nov. went to the Doc, I've been his patient so long I call him Peter, the title Doctor just doesn't impress me like it use to, any way he says its time for your annual physical. OK says I but no damn finger OK. That was a waste of words. So after he prods, feels, penetrates and listens he gives me a Lab request and says to-morow go to the Lab, bring a stool sample, pee in the bottle, and have them take some blood. The next day off I go to the Lab and who should I meet, Dracula's Daughter. She jabs me and starts drawing blood so much so that I asked her if I was feeding the family. She took so much blood that I could tell where my white underwear ended and my skin began. All this just to tell me what I already know. I'm still living, I have a slightly wonkie heart, and high blood pressure, and my favourite, I smoke to much, you really should stop. Like I said to Peter, "You still enjoying sex with your wife, well I enjoy my smokes."

Camac.

PS. Next time I go to the Lab I'm wearing a Garlic Necklace, a Cross, and carrying a bottle of Holy Water and a sharpened 2x4.

Posted by: Siobhan Blues 21-Jan-2009, 10:15 AM
laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 21-Jan-2009, 04:34 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 17-Jan-2009, 02:09 PM)
It's been over a month since anyone has posted here and I knd of though that someone should so here goes.

The past few weeks I have been thinking alot about being an "Old Fart" and you know it's not that bad really. The younger folk seem to think that with the grey hair comes knowledge and wisdom. I guess they look upon the elderly as some sort of Sage. Well I for one am not a Sage and I don't want to be. At least not yet. I am quite content knowing that all the wisdom of the ages I have suppossedly compiled is still locked away somewhere in the recesses of my mind. Hell I'm only 66 and I figure I have at least ten years before all that nonsense gets loose. I mean who really wants me to tell them that if you stick your finger in a light socket your going to get a shock, or if you decide to argue with an 18 wheeler on the highway your going to loose. I'll give my opinion and or advice if asked but if the askers is to stupid or conceited to even think about it to Hell with them. Had some young idiot in the Legion ask me the other day that when I was in the war if I fought the Germans or the Japanese. I just looked at him and shook my head then walked away. I was one month short of 3 years old when that donnybrook ended. Guess he though I was in the Boys Brigade. It's bad enough when your cousins grandkids ask if you played with Dinosaurs but that really P Oed me. Anyway as I said it's not that bad being an old fart as most people seem to show you a little more respect and kindness. Just don't try to help me across the street. I'm not that bluidy auld..


Camac.

QUOTE
Only twice in my life have I really ever been concerned about age, 16 when I could get my driver license and 21 when I could legally drink (the idiocy of youth) rest of the time birthdays were just another day. There are sometimes though that this little mean streak crops up when I'm asked my age, which I readily admit to but add " my ex is the same age but she looks older". I know it is most uncouth but honestly there are times I just can't resist. Must be a subconscious thirst for revenge. I have to say that she was always very aware of her appearance where as my attitude was "Hey I got clothes on, I'm not naked". It also doesn't help that I am partially colour blind and unless it was a solid colour, no pastels, I didn't know what I was wearing. One thing I have realized, at least personally as I grow older, is that it is alot easier to laugh and make jokes at my own expense. As I said in another post awhile back, when they stuff me in the coffin they are going to have to break my right arm to hide my final one finger salute.


Camac.



QUOTE
Siobhan Blues;

Hey, I know what you mean. Last Nov. went to the Doc, I've been his patient so long I call him Peter, the title Doctor just doesn't impress me like it use to, any way he says its time for your annual physical. OK says I but no damn finger OK. That was a waste of words. So after he prods, feels, penetrates and listens he gives me a Lab request and says to-morow go to the Lab, bring a stool sample, pee in the bottle, and have them take some blood. The next day off I go to the Lab and who should I meet, Dracula's Daughter. She jabs me and starts drawing blood so much so that I asked her if I was feeding the family. She took so much blood that I could tell where my white underwear ended and my skin began. All this just to tell me what I already know. I'm still living, I have a slightly wonkie heart, and high blood pressure, and my favourite, I smoke to much, you really should stop. Like I said to Peter, "You still enjoying sex with your wife, well I enjoy my smokes."

Camac.

PS. Next time I go to the Lab I'm wearing a Garlic Necklace, a Cross, and carrying a bottle of Holy Water and a sharpened 2x4.


lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif you just crack me up my friend...I've been laughing so hard I had to take my asthma inhalers for air... huh.gif

LOA still laughing and coughing!!!!! Geesus...

Posted by: piobmhorpiper 26-Jan-2009, 07:09 AM
I told my daughter the other day when she called me an old fart that I was far too young to be an old fart yet. I mean at the young age of ....hmm... ahh... lets see.... I was born.......ummm.... and last year I turned....... so minus todays date......can`t remember if I took my meds today.....hmmmm.Oh I can`t forget to pick up the wife for her appointment..........gonna have to call her to find out where I put the damn calander so I know what time her thing is....where was I ......ummm.......oh yeah so my daughter thinks I am ancient, most of my hair is gone, the rest is white (all her fault), I have aches and pains in the morning, afternoon and evening, have trouble remembering where I put things. I think my wife is playing games with me and moving my stuff because when I ask her if she has seen it, things magically reappear!
Am I getting older.....yes but I don`t think I qualify as an old fart yet.

Posted by: Camac 26-Jan-2009, 08:10 AM
piobmhorpiper;

Its not that your wife is moving your stuff around, its that they have secretly developed stealth technology. How else do you explain looking for something for an hour and find out it has been sitting in front of you the whole time. In the eyes of anyone younger that you, you qualify as an "Old Fart" so wear the honourarium with pride.



Camac.

Posted by: piobmhorpiper 28-Jan-2009, 07:20 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 26-Jan-2009, 09:10 AM)

In the eyes of anyone younger that you, you qualify as an "Old Fart" so wear the honourarium with pride.




As I have yet to reach the offical Senior Citizen status age wise I will wear the tag with pride and bestow my wisdom gathered through life experience on my grandaughter Grace, my soon to be born grandbaby my son and daughter inlaw will be having and Graces sibling to be born this August.
wheelchair.gif

Posted by: Camac 28-Jan-2009, 08:31 AM
piobmhorpiper;

My friend , a word to the wise. Don't tell anybody your a senior and when your card arrives from Ottawa hide it deep in you wallet to be extracted only in a dire emergency. When people find out your a senior their whole attitude changes especially that of your offspring. They start to treat you like you have one foot in the grave the other on a banana peel and that you are in the advanced stages of senility and can't think for yourself. When you protest they come back with "Now Dad watch your Blood Pressure" or "are you sure you took your meds." and my favourite "Dad you know we love you and we are just looking out for you" Give me a break. It's guilt because they ignored you for all those years thinking they were smarter.


Camac rolleyes.gif angel_not.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Faerydreamer 28-Jan-2009, 10:27 AM
I am only in my mid 40s but there are days that I feel 80+. I have had so many health issues including a stroke six years ago.

I have to laugh or all I want to do is sit and cry. The laughter is a lot better and makes me feel better so I think that I will laugh everyday to help me stay healthier.

Posted by: Patch 28-Jan-2009, 08:20 PM
QUOTE (Faerydreamer @ 28-Jan-2009, 12:27 PM)
I am only in my mid 40s but there are days that I feel 80+. I have had so many health issues including a stroke six years ago.

I have to laugh or all I want to do is sit and cry. The laughter is a lot better and makes me feel better so I think that I will laugh everyday to help me stay healthier.

Laughter is better than medicine!! I try to make my daily stops with new jokes for all. Laughter has kept me going for 18 to 20 years.

Slàinte,    

Patch    


Posted by: piobmhorpiper 29-Jan-2009, 05:53 AM
I have to agree, laughter is the best medicine you can take so let me try to make you laugh, stop me if you've heard this before;

I was in the livingroom watching TV when my wife came into the room asked me what was on the TV and I said dust!....and then the fight started!
starwars.gif

We were out looking at new cars and my said she wanted something that would do 140 in les than 5 seconds....so I bought her a bathroom scale.......and then the fight started! bash.gif

Posted by: piobmhorpiper 06-Feb-2009, 03:40 PM
Two old farts, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their
usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't
even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked
him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It
keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As
he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get
to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this pooh but me."


Posted by: valpal59 08-Feb-2009, 08:11 AM
Thought this was great.

Val


A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football
game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting
next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to
understand his generation. "You grew up in a different world,
actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for
many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up
with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon,
our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric
and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and,"
pausing to take another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and
said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we
were young........so we invented them. Now,
you arrogant little pooh,
what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was resounding...

I love senior citizens


Posted by: Camac 08-Feb-2009, 08:53 AM
valpal59;

Good one, for I have met some of these pompous pooh.gif and they don't get it. It is the duty and obligation for each generation to make the world better for those that follow.

Camac.

Posted by: valpal59 08-Feb-2009, 09:20 AM
Camac,
I knew you would enjoy it. I thought of you the minute I started reading it. thumbs_up.gif

Val

Posted by: Camac 08-Feb-2009, 10:39 AM
valpal59;

I can remember when (here we go) I was growing up that if I got cocky or smartass to my elders I got clouted in the head. Sometimes when I come across this type of young person it takes me all my will power not to haul of and give then one.

Camac.

PS. Even though I'm Canadian we have something in common. My oldest daughter is a Texan, born in San Antonio.

Posted by: valpal59 08-Feb-2009, 11:13 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 08-Feb-2009, 10:39 AM)
valpal59;

I can remember when (here we go) I was growing up that if I got cocky or smartass to my elders I got clouted in the head. Sometimes when I come across this type of young person it takes me all my will power not to haul of and give then one.

Camac.

PS. Even though I'm Canadian we have something in common. My oldest daughter is a Texan, born in San Antonio.

Same here. My mom would still be sitting in jail for all of the discipline she gave us back then. I think we turned out O.K. wink.gif My grandmother had a razor strap that she used. I only had it used on me once and made sure I never did anything that was bad enough to get it again.

Val

Posted by: Camac 08-Feb-2009, 11:23 AM
valpal59;

With me it was the wooden spoon. Hell I turned out OK at least in the most part. Any time my girls deserved a spanking it was alway on the backside ( never bare) and it was 3 smacks and it was over. My oldest Paula just had to be threatened with a spanking and she fell apart. The youngest Shannon on the other hand would look at you after her 3 whacks as if to say is that the best you can do. Never cried in fact refused to cry. Feisty little booger. Love her.


Camac.

Posted by: piobmhorpiper 09-Feb-2009, 07:42 AM
My brother and I woud drive my mother to maddnes. We always got, wait till your father gets home! Boy did we get it then. Eventually Dad got tired of the phone calls at work about his disobedient sons that heleft my mother with one of his belts. She hung it on the refridgeratior door as a constant reminder of what was to come if we acted up. We also got the swat to head on rare occasions.
My wife grew up with the paddle so that's how we raised our kids. Never had to use it much. Just touch a kid now a days and see where you end up. Corporal punishment has it's place to reinforce order, respect, and discipline if used properly.
My brother and turned out ok and my kids also.

Posted by: Camac 09-Feb-2009, 08:15 AM
piobmhorpiper;

I never got "wait til your father comes home" my Mom was the main disciplinarian. If had a nickle for every wooden spoon that she broke on me I'd own Canada. I agree a little corporal punishment applied properly doesn't hurt and helps show that there is alway consequences for ones actions. The more serious the action the more serious the consequence. I was an only child but my cousin Patricia was raised with me and she was more like a sister. The thing is that my Dad didn't believe in spanking girls so she'd do the crime and I did the time. Well I guess we Old Farts grew up in a different time maybe in someways a better time. At least we were taught respect and discipline. Nowadays I just don't know about a lot of these young folk. They do not even respect themselves let alone others and seem to think that they are owed something. Ther is an old quote running around in my head and I can't remember who said but it goes something like this. " the youth of today are selfish, unmanner, and undisciplined and I fear for the future of society" as I said I can't rember who said but I do know it was said by a Greek Philosopher around 400 BCE.

Camac.

Posted by: flora 12-Feb-2009, 03:18 PM
An old Scotsman was watching a game of golf for the first time.

" What do you think of it ?" asked a friend.

" It looks to me, " was the reply, " like a harmless little ball chased by men too old to chase anything else."

Flora

Posted by: Camac 12-Feb-2009, 03:36 PM
flora;

Good one I love it. Can't stand golfI think it's a ridiculous gam It's not even a Scottish Game as it was first played or invented in Holland and started out as a winter game played on the frozen Canals.. The Scots made it what it is to-day.


Camac.

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 12-Feb-2009, 03:55 PM
QUOTE (flora @ 12-Feb-2009, 04:18 PM)
An old Scotsman was watching a game of golf for the first time.

" What do you think of it ?" asked a friend.

" It looks to me, " was the reply, " like a harmless little ball chased by men too old to chase anything else."

Flora

Flora,

That's a good one. thumbs_up.gif


LOA smile.gif

Posted by: Harlot 12-Feb-2009, 04:41 PM
golf is "anyone who would chase cars and bark at the moon"

Posted by: Patch 12-Feb-2009, 04:46 PM
I just had my ears, nose, eyebrows and beard trimmed today.


Slàinte,   

Patch    

Posted by: CelticQueenCelticLord 12-Feb-2009, 09:16 PM
Oh boy, senior citizens. Not me!!!!!! I may be almost 60 and was considered a senior at 55 I certainly dont feel like it at all, well, most of the time anyway. Yes, there are times when I wake up sore and I do need glasses and I do have to shave a couple little hairs on my chinney chin chin but other than that I still go like I did when I was 40 some. I guess I should be very glad of that. I do come from good genes tho. My Grandda was 101 when he passed and Daddy is almost 88 and still goes camping on our events with us. He is slower but still strong and bright. I think it is all in how you do things, how you take care of yourself and how you look at life.
As to golf, all the more power to those of you who do it. To me it is to slow, sorry Grandda.

Posted by: piobmhorpiper 20-Feb-2009, 06:35 PM
Ah yes golf, back in medievil times when men beat the ground with clubs they called it whitch craft!
But I like Robin Williams explination of the game much better laugh.gif

Posted by: flora 20-Feb-2009, 07:49 PM
When an old Scottish lady was asked why she had suddenly taken to studying the Bible so assiduously, she replied "I'm studying for my finals".

Flora

Posted by: IrishBeachLassie 20-Feb-2009, 10:50 PM
So what exactly falls under the title of "Old Fart"...yes to some I am a Senior Citizen and that is no big deal. gotta stay young at heart and children and grandchildren help with that!
As one old fart to another; you're only as old as you think you are!
Darlene

Posted by: TheCarolinaScotsman 21-Feb-2009, 02:19 AM
QUOTE (flora @ 20-Feb-2009, 09:49 PM)
When an old Scottish lady was asked why she had suddenly taken to studying the Bible so assiduously, she replied "I'm studying for my finals".

Flora

Reminds me of a line my father had in a serman, "You can't cram for eternity."

Posted by: Camac 21-Feb-2009, 08:33 AM
Friends;

I have to tell you about a mild but pleasant shock I got on thursday. As I sometime have to rely on public transport, as I don't have a car, I took the bus to the plaza. When I got on it, paid my fare, I saw that that there were no seats available, well lo and behold , this young woman got up and offered me her seat. I was a bit taken aback but recovered quickly, and being a gentleman I thank her but refused. One does not take a seat from a lady. Also I may be a senior but I ain't decrepit yet. Coming home I had a seat and after walking around the plaza for an hour or more it sure felt good.



Camac.

Posted by: flora 21-Feb-2009, 10:15 AM
When my best friend and I go out we kid each other about who will be Yes, ma'am first. Then when the event happens it is Ohh you got ma'am!!!!!! In the south, it is considered respected politeness to your elders.

Flora

Posted by: Camac 21-Feb-2009, 10:50 AM
flora;

It's also a sign of respect here.



Camac.

Posted by: piobmhorpiper 24-Feb-2009, 06:27 AM
When we were in the Dominican The animation crew when addressing me called me Papa. At first I felt insulted and thought to my self, this is like being called "Old Man". I said to the young fellow I'm not your daddy! Well he appologized and said that Papa is a title of repect in the Dominican. So then I appologized to him and thanked him for his respect.

Posted by: Camac 24-Feb-2009, 08:09 AM
piobmhorpiper;

I have a youg Mexican Family living in the building and they all call me PaPa. I kind like it.


Camac

Posted by: stoirmeil 24-Feb-2009, 09:36 AM
Oh, I wasn't used to that either until I moved to New York -- there are so many latinos here that use the terms "Mami" and "Papi" all the time, everybody does it. It's about equivalent to calling someone "dearie." A friendly term you use for anyone of any age -- even in casual encounters like with a cabbie you are having a conversation with, for the duration of the cab trip.

Posted by: Camac 24-Feb-2009, 10:35 AM
stoirmeil;

I had a Sudanese family living in the building about 6 years ago and the kids called me Amu, meaning Uncle. The little Mexican kids sometimes call me Abuelo (sp) meaning Grampa. I kind of like that also as I don't have any Grandkids yet.


Camac.

Posted by: piobmhorpiper 25-Feb-2009, 06:51 AM
My email friends are at it again! This is good for a chuckle.....

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.

They include:

Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.

Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker .

Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.


The Bee Gees -- -
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.

Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.

Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now.

Paul Simon---
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.

Marvin Gaye ---
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.

Procol Harem---
A Whiter Shade of Hair.

Leo Sayer ---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping.

The Temptations ---
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.

Abba---
Denture Queen.

Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.


Helen Reddy ---

I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.

Leslie Gore---

It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.

And Last but NOT least
Willie Nelson ---

On the Commode Again


Posted by: IrishBeachLassie 26-Feb-2009, 12:15 AM
Very good, I enjoyed that!
Darlene

Posted by: Siobhan Blues 25-Mar-2009, 08:52 AM
QUOTE (IrishBeachLassie @ 21-Feb-2009, 12:50 AM)
So what exactly falls under the title of "Old Fart"...yes to some I am a Senior Citizen and that is no big deal. gotta stay young at heart and children and grandchildren help with that!
As one old fart to another; you're only as old as you think you are!
Darlene

"Age is just a number"!

I feel like 35, but wake up some mornings with my knees grumbling at me "nooo, you're not 35 any more kiddo"... rolleyes.gif But even with some health issues blooming in these 50+ years I still enjoy each day and strive to make the best of them all. Since we moved to the country I scowl less, grumble less and feel less tension so I suspect that's going to help me live longer.

The suburbs can wear ya down! Glad we got out.

Susan

Who looks forward to the day when she has grandchildren and they call her "Granny"!!

Posted by: Camac 25-Mar-2009, 09:16 AM
Siobhan Blues;

Personally I describe an "Old Fart" as some one who has reach their Golden years of Senior Citizenship but has the ( pick your preference) to tell the world, politely of course, to "STICK IT IN THEIR EAR" when the need arises. One must keep their decorum after all.


Camac.

Posted by: TheCarolinaScotsman 25-Mar-2009, 10:21 AM
QUOTE (Siobhan Blues @ 25-Mar-2009, 10:52 AM)
Who looks forward to the day when she has grandchildren and they call her "Granny"!!

You could follow my late father-in-law's example. He had his grand kids call him "Uncle". Personally, I kinda like grandpa. Besides, grandkids are one of the best forms of revenge for your own kids' "issues".


Posted by: Harlot 25-Mar-2009, 10:38 AM
I couldn't wait to hear the words Grandma, now I hear it every Wednesday night as I get too babysit 2 (ages 6 and 3) them.Oh that is so much fun.They have learned No Treat unless you eat ALL of your dinner and I know your mother won't let you do that because I would never let her do that! Can't pull that one off on this grandma. Then I have 2 other grandsons 16 and 11 who the 16 year old thinks I'm cool LOL and the 11 comes and stays sometimes with me on Friday night and we watch Ghost Adventures and Most Haunted. Then I will have another grandson come this Summer. I never feel as if I am getting old they keep so Young and I love them for that.I will never get tired of hearing the words GRANDMA!!

Posted by: Camac 25-Mar-2009, 02:12 PM
Harlot;

How I envy you. I will never hear myself being called Grampa by my own Grandkids. My oldest is 39 this year and no sign of kids. My youngest attitude is and I quote "If I want a kid, Dad I'll buy one."Guess I'll have to wait till the next time around.



Camac

Posted by: Patch 25-Mar-2009, 04:02 PM
I dearly love all of my grand children but the one who is priceless is the youngest. At almost three she is impossible to keep up with her. She has sparkling blue eyes, blond hair and a cute little sly smile that says, you don't know what I am going to do. My daughter talks to her in grown up language (with limits) and you never know what she is going to say! As I will not likely be around to tell her the things she said, I have taken to carrying a digital recorder. I will eventually put it all on a CD.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Siobhan Blues 03-Apr-2009, 08:20 AM
My two children are grown and married now, the son is 26 & married for a couple of years (he and his wife are in their last year or so of college so no immediate plans to start a family) and daughter has been married almost 2 years (says they want a family some day). I suspect daughter will be the first to have children but never can tell!

It would be so nice to have grandchildren, and if I ever do I'll insist on being called Granny! LOVE that. And I already have reading glasses perched on the end of my nose so I look it too.

Posted by: flora 04-Apr-2009, 07:17 AM
Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida newspapers:

(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)

FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking
for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser
to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday
nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick,
or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can
remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

biggrin.gif Flora

Posted by: valpal59 04-Apr-2009, 07:36 AM
lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif
Those were great. Thanks for sharing, Flora.

Val

Posted by: Camac 04-Apr-2009, 08:03 AM
flora & Valpal;

I liked those personals. Maybe I should try that and put an add in the paper.

Wanted;

Someone who can cozy up to a short (5'7), slightly overweight (90kg) almost bald, not as handsome as he thinks he is old dreamer who wears classes, lost half his teeth, is slightly deaf and walks with a bit of a limb, also don't got no money.. Lives in Canada, hates snow and thinks women are the greatest invention since sliced Bread. Applicants must be intelligent. Dumb Blondes need not apply.

Ladies do you think that would go over?


Camac.

Posted by: valpal59 04-Apr-2009, 08:14 AM
There will be a stampede!!!!! biggrin.gif

Val

Posted by: Camac 04-Apr-2009, 08:21 AM
valpal;

Yeah? AWAY. Like Lemurs over a cliff.



Camac.

Posted by: flora 04-Apr-2009, 11:30 AM
It's all in the presentation Camac:

To those unique Ladies that qualify:

Presenting a compact dynamo that will share winters in Florida while creating poetry to the beauty of all womenhood. Share companionship with an individual that is so neat he doesn't even shed. Must be willing to observe strict eating habits. Applicants' appearance will be overlooked and slight muttering will be tolerated. Only those who have Masters or Ph.d. may apply.

biggrin.gif Flora

Posted by: Camac 04-Apr-2009, 11:47 AM
flora;

I haven't met her but I'm in Love. The woman who could fullfill those parametres would be "The Goddess Incarnate""



Camac.

Posted by: Patch 06-Apr-2009, 06:55 PM
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woma n, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Patch 06-Apr-2009, 06:58 PM
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Patch 06-Apr-2009, 06:59 PM
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Patch 08-Apr-2009, 03:41 PM
My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now." "Don't worry, Grandpa," Nick said cheerily. "Maybe you'll go into overtime."

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Lady-of-Avalon 08-Apr-2009, 04:45 PM
QUOTE (Patch @ 06-Apr-2009, 07:58 PM)
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'

Slàinte,    

Patch    

This one's hilarious.... laugh.gif

LOA thumbs_up.gif

Posted by: Patch 08-Apr-2009, 05:24 PM
I am glad you liked it.

Slàinte,    

Patch    


Posted by: flora 08-Apr-2009, 05:35 PM
Newleyweds
At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25-year-old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85-year-old groom ready for action.

They unite as one. All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Morris. Again, he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Morris is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more action. Once again they enjoy each other. But as Morris gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Morris."

Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says, "You mean I was here already?"

Alzheimer's - it has its advantages.

Flora


Posted by: Camac 10-Apr-2009, 08:43 AM
I realize that at 67 my Brain doesn't work as well as it use to,kinda slows down now and then. Now I have always prided myself in my use of the English Language (Canadian/British English) and I know that the Language is constantly changing with new words and expressions being added. When it comes to the grammar of the language I thought that that was pretty constant. I have been reading a book and the Author, (a well known Canadian Historian) has within the first 5 chapters started a sentence "But"etc. 8 times. Please correct me if I'm wrong, BUT, I was always taught that that was a No,No., one never starts a sentence with the word "but". Help methinks I loosing it.


Camac.

Posted by: Patch 11-Apr-2009, 03:40 AM
You are right. It amazes me how the younger generations butcher the language. I have not noted it in books but the spoken word is not as I was taught. Since it seems to vary in different parts of the country, I suspect kids develop it as a group thing. My daughter developed several in junior high and I constantly corrected her for months before she quit using them around me. They were "you know" and "like", sometimes used togather too.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 11-Apr-2009, 07:26 AM
Patch;

Yeah, Like, You know, Thanks Man. I like knew I was like right. wink.gif



Camac.

Posted by: Patch 11-Apr-2009, 02:38 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 11-Apr-2009, 09:26 AM)
Patch;

Yeah, Like, You know, Thanks Man. I like knew I was like right. wink.gif



Camac.

Hey, like thanks a lot man.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: valpal59 15-Apr-2009, 01:53 PM
SERENITY OR SENILITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve-thirty, he replied.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Posted by: Patch 21-Apr-2009, 12:31 PM
EXERCISE FOR THE OLDER PEOPLE



Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: valpal59 21-Apr-2009, 01:41 PM
lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif lol.gif
Good one.

Val

Posted by: Patch 23-Apr-2009, 11:16 AM
The History of Aprons


<aoladp://MA24843972-0001/C9443013.jpg>


I don't think our kids know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few, it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and they used less material, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.

And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that 'old-time apron' that served so many purposes.

Send this to those who would know, and love, the story about Grandma's aprons. Or it can be a good history lesson for those that have no idea how the apron played a part in our lives.
I believe the apron has gone into the history books forever along with a lot of past time memories.

REMEMBER :
Grandma used to set her fresh hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.
We now set them on the window sill to thaw.
Our children will never really know how many ancient habits are lost forever..

They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron.
I don't think I ever caught anything from an apron. But Love!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: valpal59 29-Jul-2009, 09:57 AM
I have received my AARP card today. Does this mean I am officially an "Old Fart"? LOL wink.gif

Val

Posted by: Camac 29-Jul-2009, 10:49 AM
valal59.

I don't know about AARP (CARP in Canada) but don't you guys get an official 'OLD FARTS CARD " from the Gov. like we do. Tells everybody that you are collecting old age benefits and the gov. request that the beared be extended all privileges. Nice looking card to it has a picture of Parliament Hill all lit up and your name and SIN (Social Insurance Number) embossed in gold. The card and $1.18 will get you a cup of coffee although I can get into the movies at 1/2 price I go maybe once a year and my girls usually take me and pay for it anyway.




Camac.

Posted by: flora 29-Jul-2009, 04:48 PM
We should come up with acronyms for AARP and CARP (that's a fish).
AARP - Already Arrived Reapers Prerogative
I am not making fun of anybody. I'm right there also but I plan to fight it all the way.

Anyone have one?

Flora

Posted by: Patch 29-Jul-2009, 05:01 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 29-Jul-2009, 12:49 PM)
valal59.

I don't know about AARP (CARP in Canada) but don't you guys get an official 'OLD FARTS CARD " from the Gov. like we do. Tells everybody that you are collecting old age benefits and the gov. request that the beared be extended all privileges. Nice looking card to it has a picture of Parliament Hill all lit up and your name and SIN (Social Insurance Number) embossed in gold. The card and $1.18 will get you a cup of coffee although I can get into the movies at 1/2 price I go maybe once a year and my girls usually take me and pay for it anyway.




Camac.

Flora

You qualify in my estimation but only if you want to. I hope you get more from your card than I ever did with mine. The best I have gotten was a free drink. By being nice to the waitress and being a regular customer, I usually get that anyway.

I got a pay for two nights get one free deal at a state lodge and thought "finally" something of value. A month or so later, I got an advertisement giving me the same deal without the aarp card.

Oh well

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Patch 29-Jul-2009, 05:23 PM
QUOTE (flora @ 29-Jul-2009, 06:48 PM)
We should come up with acronyms for AARP and CARP (that's a fish).
AARP - Already Arrived Reapers Prerogative
I am not making fun of anybody. I'm right there also but I plan to fight it all the way.

Anyone have one?

Flora

I agree about the CARP, a big ugly fish that feeds on the bottom. I have heard nothing about aarp and usually if a good one comes along it spreads fast. I wish I was 55 again sometimes.

Slàinte,   

 Patch    

Posted by: Camac 13-Aug-2009, 07:15 AM
Patch;
I have to tell you that I have to stop messing about and making fun of the Fates. They got me good yesterday.

At 3:00pm I was in the electrical room doing some prelimminary work getting ready for a big job that starts Monday. Anyway I was up on the stepstool removing a panel from the ceiling as I stepped of the bottom step I knew something was not right. As my right foot touched the floor I felt this tightening in my right calf. Next thing I know my calf is phoning my brain and the following conversation occurred. " Hello, Brain here. How may I help? Brain this is right calf. PAIN! Really, really bad PAIN!. Yes calf I am recieving and processing that now. Your right it is really bad pain". At this point the vocal cords decide to join the conversation with an introductory "AAAAARGH"! This is immediately followed by a round of expletives that is slowly turning the air around my head blue. It is at this time that my Brain also notes that my eyeball are trying to meet somewhere in the centre of my face. Standing there leaning against some shelving I'm trying to figure our whats going on but so far Brain is ignoring me as it is listening to my Boss asking what happened and if I'm OK. I hear the answer "Yeah Yeah I'm OK. What should have been said was "No you idiot I'm not OK I'm in freaking Pain" but he's my Boss so diplomacy won out. After a few moments I managed to gain control and put my right foot on the floor and stand up staight. THat was the easy part. When I tried to walk my calf started scream "Stop you Moron. What the hell are you trying to do kill me?"OK I stopped and stood there think this is ridiculous there has to be a way to move. I quickly discovered that by turning my right leg outward I could slowly move across the floor dragging the offending appendage behind. To speed things up I ended up at the Emergency Room where, as if I didn't know, they discoverd I had torn my right calf muscle. I was given some pain killers, muscle relaxants and crutches and sent on my way with the parting words of take it easy and rest that leg. Yeah like I'm going to run a Marathon or something. When I got home I took a relaxant and a couple of pain killers. !/2 hour later I could of cared less if the leg fell off. It was during this euphoric period that the Fates and I had a conversation. I conceded the fact that they won this one but it wasn't over. In fact it isn't over until I say so. At that point a very sharp flash of pain shot up my leg. Guess they were just reminding me who I was messing with. Battle lost but the War will go on.



Camac

Posted by: Howie 24-Aug-2009, 09:28 AM
Those Fates also seem to have let me know as well and I haven't even been making fun of them. I tripped and fell on my left arm, hand and back while trying to walk in to work. Now my back is a mess and I've been going to the chiropractor and trying to get fixed up. It has interfered a little with playing the fiddle but fortunately not too bad. Now this is the third summer in a row I've had some physical event to deal with. Car accident two summers ago, knee surgery last year and now this. At least they were in the summer so I could still ski in the winter.
Speaking of which, now that I'm 60 (today!) I can get a season pass at the ski area for a little over half price. I've been playing music up there for years for a free pass but if I don't do that this year I'll be able to afford a pass anyway. Can't wait for winter!!!!!

Posted by: Camac 24-Aug-2009, 02:14 PM
Howiel

Welcome to the club from an Canadian Old Fart. The fates have had it in for me for years. Score Fates 6 Me can't count that high without taking my socks off. I do not surrender ever.


Camac.



Posted by: Patch 25-Aug-2009, 06:37 AM
Camac:

Sorry I missed your post. Things have been hectic of late.

I tore a bicep muscle a long time ago. I still remember the pain. They recommended surgery and since it would take three or more months to heal, I opted to leave it alone. A leg could be different though. I did mine scooping cat turds out of a litter box. Imagine that. The cat belonged to my daughter. The things we will endure for our kids!!

I hope this resolves it's self for you quickly. I can not remember how long my arm took but it does not seem that it was all that long. My bicep looks funny so I will never be able to develop a modeling career. biggrin.gif

My experience has been these things seem to come in groups so beware!

Howie: These are to be the "golden years" though I have yet to find the gold. I also have yet to find the "cloud with the silver lining."

Slàinte,    

Patch    


Posted by: Camac 25-Aug-2009, 07:21 AM
P{atch;

On the 20th I had an Ultra-sound done on my right leg from crotch to ankle checking blood circulation and looking for clots if any. Circulation is fine no clots. They also checked the muscle and everything was going smoothly until the tech got down near my ankle.Next thing she is saying "Hold on I have to get the Radiologist" OK. He comes in stands there for a few mins. while the tech scans an area around my ankle mumbles something then leaves. The scan continues for about 5 mins. and in walks the Radiologist again only this time he takes over the scanning for a few mins. then leaves again. There is a big sign on the wall that says :Technicians are not allowed to discuss their findings OK I keep my yap closed. The tech says I have to take a few more pictures then we're done. She finished taking her pics and says "Just wait a min. I have to ask the Doctor if you can go home" By now I'm thinking "What the hell did they find this is really weird"
The tech comes back says it OK to go home but call my Family Doctor to discuss the results of your scan. OK. On Fri. I call Peter my Doctor. He's not in. I called yesterday and he is still not in but I have made an appointment to see him to-day. They found something in my leg but it can't be to serious or they wouldn't let me go home. Anyway I'll find out at 3:30.Betcha they found an old piece of shrapnel from Nam. 20 years ago they found some shrapnel in my left hand and wanted to cut it out. Told them what they could do and the shrapnel is still in my hand and not bothering me.

Camac.


Posted by: Patch 25-Aug-2009, 08:21 AM
Some if my old injuries now haunt me also but it is because arthritis has now joined my "circle if friends."

Your reasoning is good. If it is not a problem, leave it alone.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 25-Aug-2009, 09:28 AM
Patch;

My Dad went to his grave with 6 or 7 pieces of shrapnel from 1944 in his head. Never bothered him. Some Doctors are to damn quick to pull out the scalpel.


Camac

Posted by: flora 26-Aug-2009, 04:26 PM
CASH FOR CLUNKERS......


IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

CASH FOR CLUNKERS..........I QUALIFY - How about You?


flex.gif doctor.gif wheelchair.gif

Posted by: Patch 26-Aug-2009, 06:48 PM
When I was younger, I looked forward to getting up early in the morning to exercise. Now, getting out of bed in the morning is my exercise.

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 27-Aug-2009, 06:54 AM
Patch;

I agree but with the addition of shuffling to the washroom, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and to finish off this strenuous routine "A Good Whizzzzz"




Camac

Posted by: Patch 24-Sep-2009, 05:12 PM
This is an interesting video on age! We can only hope we do so well! Hope the link works.

http://growingbolder.com:80/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 05-Feb-2010, 02:48 PM
Hey Guys;

I just recieved the greatest news an Old Fart can get. My oldest Daughter Paula and her Husband Graham are going to be parents in October. That makes me a GRANDPA. There is also the possibilty that it will be twins which will be confirmed in another week or two. I personally hope it a girl or girls but I'll take whatever the Fates decide. I'm walking on air I'm so happy.



Camac band.gif clap.gif partytime.gif pepsi.gif pepsi.gif

Posted by: Patch 05-Feb-2010, 04:51 PM
QUOTE (Camac @ 05-Feb-2010, 04:48 PM)
Hey Guys;

I just recieved the greatest news an Old Fart can get. My oldest Daughter Paula and her Husband Graham are going to be parents in October. That makes me a GRANDPA. There is also the possibilty that it will be twins which will be confirmed in another week or two.  I personally hope it a girl or girls but I'll take whatever the Fates decide. I'm walking on air I'm so happy.



Camac band.gif  clap.gif  partytime.gif  pepsi.gif  pepsi.gif

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

beer_mug.gif beer_mug.gif beer_mug.gif beer_mug.gif thumbs_up.gif thumbs_up.gif thumbs_up.gif

You realize of course that it is your solemn responsibility to spoil the child totally rotten!! It is a rough job but you must do it! (They will love you for it and remember you forever!!!!)

You should make this it's own topic!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 06-Feb-2010, 07:50 AM
Patch;

I believe Article 2 of the Official Royal Handbook for GrandFathers states: " It is the solemn and sworn duty of all GrandFathers that as the opportunity arises He will make every and all efforts to spoil his Grandchildren. Failure to do so will result in being stripped of the Title GrandFather and banished from the Realm.

Article 1 states : It is the solemn and sworn duty of every GrandFather to protect and watch over his Grandchildren even at the risk or sacrifice of his life and limb.


It has not quite sunk in fully that I'm going to be a GrandPa.


Camac




Posted by: TheCarolinaScotsman 06-Feb-2010, 08:29 AM
Congratulations Camac and welcome to the club. Awesome feeling isn't it. Hope yours will be close enough for you to visit often.

Posted by: Camac 06-Feb-2010, 08:48 AM
CarolinaScotsman;

They will be close. Just 10 minutes away. I am still floating around on cloud nine. I have wanted to be a Grandad for years and now it is finally happening.It can only get better from here on.

I started making a list of things to get :Hockey Skates, Stick and pads, electric train, Lego, and here's the kicker BOOKS lots and lots of BOOKS. Oh yeah almost forgot Fishing tackle. All the above is for my Grandaughter I'll worry about a Grandson later. I told Paula that if it's a girl she is mine and to tell her Mother to keep hands off. Yeah like that will happen. I feel like a kid on Xmas morning. I know it is no big deal being a grandparent but I hope this feeling never ends.


Camac.

Posted by: Dogshirt 06-Feb-2010, 09:07 AM
Congratulations! I've been a Grampa now for over three years, and is LOTS of fun.
Took the kids out for pizza the other night, and Hailey and I played ALL the games they had there. But SHE had to put the quarters in them.


beer_mug.gif

Posted by: MacEoghainn 15-Mar-2010, 01:38 PM
wheelchair.gif
Feeling Old?

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me.

He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind?

As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.

"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another.

Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time..

There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky..

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

-*-*-*- READ BELOW ! -*-*-*-

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today...

The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced 7 years before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable..

Popcorn has always been microwaved.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel ', or 'de plane Boss, de plane'.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter wheelchair.gif


A Prayer for we old people:
Psalm 71:18 (King James Version)

Now also when I am old and greyheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.

Posted by: Camac 15-Mar-2010, 02:09 PM
Mace;

I went to the Chiropractor last week and as he was away was seen by his standin.
Very nice young woman ( that is ti a point) . Asked if I had grown up in Oakville to which I replied no I had grown up around Toronto back in the 40's and 50's. to which she replied " that's fantastic, I just love listening to older people talk about the olden days. I answered a bit tartly Thanks but I'm still alive so I'm not quite part of History yet.

Posted by: stoirmeil 15-Mar-2010, 02:29 PM
Oh, hell . . .
This past week I tore a shoulder ligament stepping off a curb while holding one friend's hand and smooching another friend's cheek on the other side, after an open-mike poetry reading in which I read some of my stuff, and a few beers was in me too, as well as a lot of very good guacamole and fine blue taco chips, and the band after the reading was excellent and so was the dancing and so was the big looks on my students' faces, and I keep retearing the shoulder putting on the bra, and you say "See! That's old for you" but hell I needed a bra by the time I was 16 so that don't prove nothing, and --
Would you repeat the question please? whistling.gif

Posted by: valpal59 27-Mar-2010, 05:33 AM
Congratulations Camac on becoming a Grandpa. So is she having twins? Sorry if I missed the answer to this in another place.

Val

Posted by: Camac 27-Mar-2010, 06:38 AM
Valapal;

Thanks for the congrats but they are not necessary as my Daughter lost the baby 3 weeks ago. Thanks any way. She and her Husband will try again. In fact they just left this morning for a weeks vacation in Jamaice to elax and have some fun.



Camac

Posted by: Camac 02-Apr-2010, 07:40 AM
Hey Guys;

As you might recall I said that I didn't own a car and that It was difficult to get out and about. Well that will soon change for this Old Fart. I am awaiting the delivery of my new mode of transportation. It is a Daymak Austin Ebike. It is an electric bicycle but it looks more like a Honda, or Vespa Scooter. It can be pedal in an emergency (like dead battery)or you can toodle along at 32kmh (20mph) for a maximum range of 50km (31miles). It is red and white (Canadas colours) and under our provincial law you do not need a drivers license (I have one) nor insurance but you must wear a helmet. Once it gets here I will no longer have to rely on others for getting around town. Ah the Freedom.


Camac

Posted by: flora 02-Apr-2010, 08:04 AM
Getcha motor running, head out on the highway........... sorry! tongue.gif

Good for you Camac!!! Does this mean we will hear news from up there that people are having to dive off the sidewalks?

Flora

Posted by: Camac 02-Apr-2010, 08:08 AM
flora;

Not really that's a no no here. For some reason (beyond me) the police get very upset. Bicycles in Ontario are covered by the Highway Traffic Act and must obey all the rules of the road.

Camac

PS. There is a photo of the Brochure Cover in my album

Posted by: stoirmeil 02-Apr-2010, 01:37 PM
clap.gif

Can you rig a mast to it, in case you run out of gas AND get sick of pedaling?

Posted by: Camac 02-Apr-2010, 03:09 PM
stoirmeil;

No but I have been thinking about possibly rigging some kind of wind turbine to recharge the battery while I riding. Glad it's electric as gas has gone back up to a $1.00 a litre ($4.50/gal)


Camac

Posted by: wdorholt 03-Apr-2010, 01:50 AM
Camac,

I'm just saying be careful out there!


<object width="464" height="289" id="537475" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" alt="Electric Scooter Roast Funny Videos"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/NTM3NDc1"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/NTM3NDc1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowScriptAccess=always width="464" height="289"></embed></object><br><font size=1><a href="http://www.break.com/usercontent/2008/7/Electric-Scooter-Roast-537475.html" target="_blank">Electric Scooter Roast</a> - Watch more <a href="http://www.break.com" target="_blank">Funny Videos</a></fon

Posted by: Camac 03-Apr-2010, 06:45 AM
wdorholt;

Thanks for the warning. I just realized that I will be stitting with 48 volt lead acid sealed battery between my legs. Ouch!.


Camac

Posted by: Patch 03-Apr-2010, 06:11 PM
I bought an old (at the time) Vespa Italian scooter. It has a bench seat and a box behind the seat plus some tubular parts, possibly a canopy. Then maybe they are not related to the scooter at all. I bought it at an auction tor about $20. Since the engine was not locked up, I checked about getting it restored. The shop wanted to buy it and was much too eager. I insured it for twice what I was offered and stored it. It would be different than the MoPeds that are getting popular here.

Slàinte,    

Patch    


Posted by: Rindy 26-Apr-2010, 11:01 PM
Does it mean your growing old if you crave JELLO had to sing it? Worrying about that lately. Least it's not ice cream yet no chance of being pregnant...nnnnooooo.

Slainte

Posted by: Glasgowlass 19-May-2010, 03:43 AM
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING,

SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY

FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA,

WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE

SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO

OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED

HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE.

'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED

HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?

'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THAT

UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT ARSED,

GREY HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

BASTARD ASKED....

'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'

Posted by: Patch 22-May-2010, 02:28 PM
A minister is called to a home to perform a wedding. The elderly but anxious groom meets him at the door. The man of the cloth has a few questions.

Do you love her? “I guess” the man says.

Is she a good Christian woman? “I don’t know for sure,” he replies.

Does she have lots of money? “I doubt it,” the man says.

Then why are marrying her? “She can drive at night!!!!”

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 11-Jun-2010, 08:31 AM
Went and had my bi-annual haircut yesterday. Barber charged me $15.00 for it. I said jeez you didn't cut much. He replied " didn't have too the blower took care of the rest. I am now going to buy a hair blower and save myself $30.00 a year.



Camac

Posted by: Patch 11-Jun-2010, 07:09 PM
Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days," when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?"

Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.

With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?"

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?"

Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"

Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"


Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Patch 13-Jun-2010, 02:16 PM
Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.

Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.

Doctor: See, what did I tell you?

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Camac 14-Jun-2010, 07:23 AM
Just got back from the Lab where I had to have some tests done. Blood, E.K.G., and urine. I have to tell you the Lab Techs who draw blood are all Dracul's Children. Bloody Vampires, the whole bunch. I swear I'm the main course.The E.K.G. is OK except the gurney is always cold. The Urine sample is always my hang up as I never can go when someone wants me to. So they give me a jar and tell me to go home and bring it back later. It never fails, 10 mins after I leave I have to pee. The Lab is located in the basement of the med building and you have to go down two flights of stairs. Going down is Ok it's getting back up. My legs hate stairs and start screaming the second I put my foot on the first run and don't stop until 3 days later. Who ever said that 60+ are the Golden Years ought to be hung, drawn, and quartered, boiled in oil, and buried up to the neck in an ant hill.

Camac

Posted by: Patch 14-Jun-2010, 09:39 AM
I too detest stairs too and if they have no elevator, I don't go there! As for EKG's, I have to keep mine in my briefcase to prove that I do not need to go to the ICU.

There is a lady at University Hospital who is in her late 60's and who has been drawing blood for almost 50 years. I try to get her when possible.

As for peeing, I run the cup over if I am not careful

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: MacEoghainn 14-Jun-2010, 09:51 AM
QUOTE (Camac @ 14-Jun-2010, 09:23 AM)
...I have to tell you the Lab Techs who draw blood are all Dracul's Children. Bloody Vampires, the whole bunch. I swear I'm the main course....

I go visit the vampires tomorrow (my scheduled monthly visit). vampire.gif vampire.gif vampire.gif

Posted by: Camac 14-Jun-2010, 02:45 PM
Mace;

Take lots of Garlic with you. Keeps the hungry boogers at bay.

Camac

Posted by: Camac 14-Jun-2010, 02:55 PM
Patch;

Yeah I can overflow the cup also but not when someone wants me to. I also found out that the woman who drew my blood is from Eastern Europe, Bulgaria or Rumania. Close enough to be at least Draculs cousin. She is really quite good at taking the blood it just that 7 vials seems an awful lot. I forgot to mention that as I was leaving the lab I accidentally bumped into a woman coming in so I said excuse me maam sorry about that. Next thing I hear is who the hell are you calling maam. It was my ex. Been a great day.


Camac

Posted by: Patch 14-Jun-2010, 06:15 PM
There are days like that!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: TheCarolinaScotsman 15-Aug-2010, 12:45 PM
Just realized, I guess I'm what you might call an over the hill-billy.

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