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| Celtic Radio Community > The Jester's Court > Britain Is Repossessing The USA |
| Posted by: maisky 14-Feb-2007, 05:13 AM |
| Subject: Britain is repossessing the USA A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America : In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your Independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which She does not fancy). Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate Will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following Rules are introduced with immediate effect: (You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary) 1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable Levels (look up 'vocabulary'). 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of - ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen. 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. 6. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) -- roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. 11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as Beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. 12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American Football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). 14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. 15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. 16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. Tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). 17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season. John Cleese |
| Posted by: Aaediwen 14-Feb-2007, 03:55 PM |
| That raises an interesting question. What if the US decided at the same time not to recognise the UK as a soverign nation? Wouldn't that put a few flies in the soup? Fortunately, I don't forsee any of this happening any time soon, and I imagine we shall continue to co-exist with our mortal enemy turned best friend. |
| Posted by: Sekhmet 14-Feb-2007, 08:56 PM |
| ::meanwhile giggling herself sick:: |
| Posted by: oldraven 15-Feb-2007, 02:13 PM |
| Now that is good fun. |
| Posted by: coastman 15-Feb-2007, 02:39 PM |
| We here in the South have always spoke the King's English. We never use Webster's dictionary. It has always been The Oxford Dictionary. It will be difficult for the Queen's Guard to confiscate my GUNS. |
| Posted by: stoirmeil 15-Feb-2007, 02:43 PM |
| Hmmmmm . . . . Should we give them a shot at it -- so to speak, and apologies to you hair-trigger lads that pop off every time gun control comes up -- if this thing in 2008 doesn't go so well??  They're at least right about the beer, the cars, and Andie MacDowell.  |
| Posted by: coastman 15-Feb-2007, 02:58 PM |
| I will have to agree about the cars, beer and Andie McDowell. We weathered Lyndon Johson, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. It will be interesting when the illegal aliens take over California, Arizonia, New Mexico, and Texas. When they demand independence for these states I will in the front line for Southern Independence. |
| Posted by: stoirmeil 15-Feb-2007, 03:25 PM | ||
I think we do agree on that one, anyway -- an autonomous CSA. Y'all enjoy yourselves down there, now. Will you be importing your English teachers from the Northeast or straight from the UK? |
| Posted by: oldraven 16-Feb-2007, 06:35 AM | ||
Except Andie MacDowell was playing an American in Four Weddings and a Funeral. She talks like a sloth either way, though. So what will it be, folks? Back to British Colony, or the new Lower Canada?  |
| Posted by: Monarchs Own 16-Feb-2007, 09:45 AM |
| sound okay to me - lol but the driving on the left side - that worries me. I think that's one thing we can leave as it is. |
| Posted by: Madadh 16-Feb-2007, 05:12 PM |
| I think the Brits tried to retake these colonies back in 1812 and failed miserably. If their luck in the EU is any indication, I say down with the Queen and lets become the far western province of Ireland. That would scare the hell out of Whitehall.  |
| Posted by: Nova Scotian 16-Feb-2007, 08:06 PM | ||
Yes. They'll learn real quick about the South!!!! |
| Posted by: stoirmeil 17-Feb-2007, 01:51 PM | ||
Learn what, exactly? Yeah, 1812 was pretty embarrassing for them. That there's a song to warm the heart of an arms enthusiast, though -- if anyone now alive could figure out how to load an alligator and fire it, I'd leave it to Nova Scotian: Well, in eighteen and fourteen we took a little trip along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip. We took a little bacon and we took a little beans, And we caught the bloody British near the town of New Orleans. We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin. There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago. We fired once more and they began to runnin' down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. Well, I see'd Mars Jackson walkin down the street talkin' to a pirate by the name of Jean Lafayette [pronounced La-feet] He gave Jean a drink that he brung from Tennessee and the pirate said he'd help us drive the British in the sea. The French said Andrew, you'd better run, for Packingham's a comin' with a bullet in his gun. Old Hickory said he didn't give a damn, he's gonna whip the britches off of Colonel Packingham. We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin. There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago. We fired once more and they began to runnin' down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. Well, we looked down the river and we see'd the British come, and there must have been a hundred of 'em beatin' on the drum. They stepped so high and they made their bugles ring while we stood by our cotton bales and didn't say a thing. Old Hickory said we could take 'em by surprise if we didn't fire a musket til we looked 'em in the eyes. We held our fire til we see'd their faces well, then we opened up with squirrel guns and really gave 'em hell. We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin. There wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago. We fired once more and they began to runnin' down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. Well, we fired our cannon til the barrel melted down, so we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round. We filled his head with cannon balls and powdered his behind, and when they tetched the powder off, the gator lost his mind. We'll march back home but we'll never be content till we make Old Hickory the people's President. And every time we think about the bacon and the beans, we'll think about the fun we had way down in New Orleans. We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin, But there wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago. We fired once more and they began to runnin' down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. Well, they ran through the briars and they ran through the brambles And they ran through the bushes where a rabbit couldn't go. They ran so fast the hounds couldn't catch 'em down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. We fired our guns and the British kept a'comin. But there wasn't nigh as many as there was a while ago. We fired once more and they began to runnin' down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. |
| Posted by: oldraven 19-Feb-2007, 07:45 AM |
| You do know that the US declared war on Britain, in the war of 1812, right? They invaded Canada, was held off, and pressed back to Washington. It went poorly for Britain? I think you need to recheck your history books. The war ended when both sides decided there was no reason to fight anymore. I don't want to see this thread (which is light humour) turn bad, so I'll just provide a link and leave it at that. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_1812 |
| Posted by: oldraven 19-Feb-2007, 07:49 AM |
| I hate that CR doesn't let you edit your misspellings. |
| Posted by: mydogisaleprechaun 23-Mar-2007, 03:35 AM |
| While i have thoroughly enjoyed this (I just picked myself up off the floor from laughing so far)...here are my qualms - no. 1. Alumin...? -American says WHAT? no. 2. The extra U's -I have always enjoyed adding extra letters to my words, andbeing able to tell my teacher to kindly "suck it" no. 3. like & huh?- I love this, too many of us are babbling idiots with a horrible case of verbal diarrhea (a no thesauruses in sight)! no. 4. the 4th of july - now why would you take away a perfectly legitimate reason for us all to get hammered and play with fire? could we just call it something else? no. 5. lawyers and therapy - someone needed to say it! uh oh...someone might sue me for saying that... |
| Posted by: mydogisaleprechaun 23-Mar-2007, 03:48 AM |
| oopsies...anyway- no. 6 no more guns - somehow i see "death my carrot peeler" in out future... no. 7 german cars - and while i do like them, i do love out giant cars no. 8 round-abouts - oh come on...haven't you seen out accident rate? most people behind the wheel are aither on the phone or on some sort of halleucinagenic drug!!! why would you go and make it worse! no. 9 -6$ a gallon- would you like my firstborn child, or just an arm an a leg....i'm gettin a horse! no. 10 chips - i have no feud with light salt and vinegat! no. 11 beer - please don't hurt me, but i've never tried a dark ale before - like i said, i'm american so forgive me! no. 12 - hollywood - oh come on, the accent just makes the villain so much more sexy! no. 13 footbal - i've said it too, sissies! 13 feet of protective padding - hah! no. 14 baseball - you know, it's way more fun to play than it is to watch 15 - JFK - conspiracies! no. 16 taxes - fortunately my good family is paid in full up to about 1864...as for the rest of it - do you accept i-owe-you's? no. 17 tea time - i am heinously addicted to irish breakfast tea so this is just a grand idea! |
| Posted by: Knightly Knight 23-Apr-2007, 07:14 PM |
| Do we have to relinquish our toothbrushes? |
| Posted by: pflanary 12-Jun-2007, 09:07 AM | ||
I vote for this option. We could keep some of the terms such as no guns and tea time, but would not owe back taxes---not to mention a better culture and language. Gaelic forever! PS if you become a Founder, you can edit your postings. Come on it's worth the money to support CR. |
| Posted by: LVIrishScottsman 13-Oct-2007, 01:09 AM |
More Taxes? Who needs that. Isn't that the reason for our independence? No thanks on the right hand drive cars. I have enough problems with the way I drive now. Let's just settle this with a poker game instead and leave it at that.    |
| Posted by: JaneyMae 16-Oct-2007, 08:31 AM |
KK - I'm ready! Have always wanted to go to England. If we are repossessed then I'm already there.............  |
| Posted by: oldraven 16-Oct-2007, 11:42 AM | ||
Speaking of more taxes............... It's the 'Edit Tax'. And bad British teeth has nothing to do with hygiene. |
| Posted by: Ganeida 16-Oct-2007, 02:56 PM |
| As a non~American I'm laughing myself silly here! Gotta go share this one.... |
| Posted by: mysteryroad 06-Nov-2007, 09:41 PM | ||
So, Kansas resident that I am, I'm wondering... does that make Bush president of Kansas, or is he out of the picture and Sebelius is head of State of Kansas. Ah, but glad to know I can keep writing aluminum and saying it with an accent on LUM. And I'm just wondering how it works with those poor Missourian's driving on the left side of the road and us Kansas continuing to drive on the RIGHT side of the road. Could make for messy traffic.And, should I feel glad or left out? Oh, and language geek that I am, I just must point out, if you look up aluminum (not aluminium) in the dictionary, you do get the good old American pronunciation. |
| Posted by: ronnad 11-Nov-2007, 10:18 AM |
| the only thing I can say...If they can take away budwieser and coors I would kiss their feet. |
| Posted by: oldraven 12-Nov-2007, 06:41 AM | ||||
That's because Aluminum is an American only word, missing an 'i'. Aluminium is the proper word, (even though Microsoft's Anti-English spell checker denies it), and is pronounced al-yew-MINI-um. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aluminium If you search for Tangerine, don't expect a definition for Orange. http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=aluminium&btnG=Google+Search&meta= |
| Posted by: Raven 12-Nov-2007, 01:04 PM |
| That spell editing can be annoying Oldie! I for one can not wait for $6 a gallon gasoline since it will help me pay for my new bicycle faster, right now I am only saving $5 a day by bicycle commuting but $10 a day would ad up real fast and I could get that new Carbon fiber frame that I am dying for Michael |
| Posted by: Robert Phoenix 01-Oct-2008, 05:45 PM |
| Newly updated: As in the top part is new but most of the rest you've probably seen before: To the Citizens of the United States of America: In light of the strong possibility you are about to elect an elderly gentleman with a bad temper and a lady who thinks she can run foreign policy because she can see Russia from her house as President and President-In-Waiting of the USA and thus to risk Life As We Know It for everyone else on the Planet, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy). She won't actually be in charge, but she'll greet foreign leaders as necessary and not put her foot in it or vomit on anyone at a state dinner. Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. You aren't very good at elections, and unlike the ATM's from the same manufacturer, your voting machines don't give receipts. So Prime Minister Brown will instead choose someone who does not have his or her hand in the till and has significant experience in running Big Things. You have not had one of those for almost a decade and trust me, it is a big plus. And there won't be any of that hanging chad nonsense and the three hour wait for voting while poor or black. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. They have given away too much of your money already to rescue incompetent business executives and soon your American Dollars will resemble Zimbabwean Dollars in total worthlessness. There is no free lunch you know. Although we originally et you get away with secession because King George was robbing you blind, recent events demonstrate that your present leaders are doing much worse things and unfortunately you have not noticed. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether more than half of you still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11. Information to the contrary will again be provided by the rest of the world and we request you read it this time and refrain from invading the wrong country ever again if you possibly can. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. 2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "favour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut" without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up "vocabulary"). 3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen. 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. But we have a lot of Bank Holidays you will enjoy instead. In our country we still have several banks. 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is foryour own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline), roughly $9 per US gallon. Get used to it. Your driving armoured cars to buy groceries is unnecessary, boorish and killing the planet. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. And the term Freedom Fries will not be used in future. Lets remember the French were right and you were wrong, though it pains me to say so. 11. We will require that people running things, like your government, are at least moderately competent and not related by blood or bribes to those who benefit from their decisions. We know it makes you more cozy when your leaders know as little as you do, but, honestly, it is short sighted: you need doctors who know more about medicine, pilots who know more about flying and leaders who know more about leading. 12. We respectfully request you give up this notion that Politics is Entertainment, and that very complicated things have to be explained to you in less than fifteen seconds. If you wanted to have a democracy, honestly, you really should have taken the time to understand things a bit before you voted. May I suggest the startling notion that politicians don't need to look good to do a good job? And it really is acceptable if they are a bit boring, so long as they do their homework. It's especially important as evidently you have not done yours. Poor old Al Gore and John Kerry. And by the way, are you happy now that you chose a Governor for California based on his teeth? 13. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth -- see what it did for them. 14. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 15. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby -- the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us. 16. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first in their country. The seven out of ten who don't own a passport will need to get one first. 17. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. 18. An Internal Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Although this will raise your taxes, remember that the Neoconservatives will no longer be robbing you blind and so your Dollars will stop shrinking. Didn't you know that inflation and government bailouts of huge companies were really paid for by you? We must do something about your educational system. What on earth is going on over there? Are you oblivious to the crushing debt you are leaving your children? You might as well throttle them now. 19. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 PM with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season. God Save the Queen. At least she won't instruct your President to invade any more wrong countries. |
| Posted by: TheCarolinaScotsman 01-Oct-2008, 07:56 PM | ||
What makes you think he'll do it here when he hasn't done it there? (Look up "hand in till" in Oxford English Dictionary and it will refer you to New Labour) |
| Posted by: Camac 02-Oct-2008, 06:13 AM |
| oldraven; I most heartily agree with you about leaving 1812 out of it and I must add that I rather like the idea of Lower Canada although the term "Dominion of" keeps cropping up in my mind. Camac. PS. In reference to the song, that infamous battle was fought after the war was over. |
| Posted by: Dogshirt 02-Oct-2008, 07:58 PM |
| They can TRY but we have FAR more guns and willing hands to carry them than Britain can even conceive of!!! |
| Posted by: Camac 03-Oct-2008, 09:44 AM | ||
Dogshirt; You do realize that Britain is a member of the worlds largest Military Alliance, and Im not talking NATO. Its the Commonwealth with 52 Nations in military and trade alliances with Britain. To name a few , Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, and India. Lotta guns my friend, lotta guns. Camac. |
| Posted by: Dogshirt 03-Oct-2008, 07:31 PM | ||
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Posted by: Camac 04-Oct-2008, 06:57 AM |
| Dogshirt; I haven't a clue what your answer means.???????????????????????????? Camac. |
| Posted by: Dogshirt 04-Oct-2008, 08:46 AM |
| It means: Rolling On The Floor, Laughing My F'ing Ass Off! |
| Posted by: Camac 04-Oct-2008, 08:55 AM | ||
G'd un. Have to remember it. Camac. |
| Posted by: Faerydreamer 27-Dec-2008, 09:21 AM |
| This could be very interesting if it ever happened. I am sitting here trying to imagine someone like my father sitting properly and having a proper High Tea. The teacup would look like a thimble in his hands and I do not think that he knows how to sit up straight. LOL Roundabouts...anyone ever hear what happens at the ones in New Jersey. I get scared whenever I go to my sister-in-law's house. We have to try to get through one on Route 70 outside of Cherry Hill. TOO SCARY!! I for one am totally confused by metric conversion. I have never been able to grasp the formulas. Thank goodness for the internet and the sites that do it for you. John Cleese is just too funny at times. Lady Faerydreamer |
| Posted by: Camac 27-Dec-2008, 11:59 AM |
| Faerydreamer; Metric is easy if you take shortcuts are aren't to concerned about accuracy. For Kilometres to miles multiply by 6 For miles to Kilometers divide by 6 For metres to feet divide by 3.3 For feet to metres multiply by 3.3 For weight its 2.2 lb to a kg. 500 gr. is close enough to a lb. 2.5 cm is an inch so is 25mm. Temp. is 0 C. is 32F 10 C. is 50 F 16C is 61F 20C is 72F 37C is 98.6 F. And -40 C is -40 F. Now isn't that easy. It only took me 10 years to learn and thats because I'm an Old Fart and I cheat and carry a little conversion chart with me.   Camac. |
| Posted by: Harlot 27-Dec-2008, 01:30 PM |
| Camac, I didn't understand it when I was in school and still can't,so I will use your cheat sheet .Thank You,and do you have one for the the money as I have a hard time with that one...16oz=1lb.LOL |
| Posted by: Camac 27-Dec-2008, 02:20 PM |
| Harlot; If you are talking about the English Pound well the old Sterling system is gone and now its decimal like ours. 100 pence (pennies) in a pound. Weights and measures are different also As we use metric in Canada our liquid measurement is in Litres which is 4.5 Litres to the gal. You also have to remember that there is a difference between a imperial gallon( that we once used)and a U.S. gallon. Imperial gallon was about a quart larger than an American gallon or 5 U.S. quarts made up an Imperial gallon of 4 quarts. The American quart is closer in size to a Litre. Volume is in Cubic centimetres, cubic metres and Litres. It really is confusing I know but the day will come when America will have to switch to Metric as it is the only large country in the world that doesn't use it. My cheat sheet isn' to accurate because in reality a Kilometre is 5/8ths of a mile or .625. 100km/hr is equal to 62.5 miles /hr. When Canada changed over 30 odd years ago it drove everybody nuts for a long time. Now it's second nature. Guess Napoleon is doing a little Jig as the French system is used world wide. Camac. PS. BTW it is pronounced Kill-o-metre not Kilometer. |
| Posted by: Robert Phoenix 27-Dec-2008, 04:41 PM |
| I know what size a pint glass is and I think that's all I'll ever need to know! |
| Posted by: InRi 28-Dec-2008, 07:27 AM |
| Dear friends, I don't want to affront someone here but I'm a littlebit amused about this discussion. For me it's a lot of fun to read it... At the same time it seems I detected the real reasons for create all the confusions around the metric system. The first reason is (sorry if I say that too hard) that lots of people in the U.S. aren't interested in use the Metric system. The second reason is the try to compare both systems directly - it doesn't works. That's the same game to compare apples and oranges... The Metric system is basing upon seven basic units, which are defined exactly: 1) for the length: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metre 2) for the mass: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kilogram 3) for the time: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second 4) for the electric current: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ampere - since 1954 5) for the thermodynamic temperature: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelvin - since 1954 6) for the amount of substance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mole_(unit) - since 1971 and 7) for the luminous intensity: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candela - since 1954 (Click the underlined words to see the definitions) All further measurements are derived from the basic units either by formulas or/and by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SI_prefix Too complicated? Okay, let's do an example by prefixes: 1 m (metre)=10dm = 100 cm = 1000 mm... and the opposite way 1 km = 1000m = 10000 dm = 100000 cm... (the measurements deka- and hekto- aren't really in use in this context) once more but now by formula: The volume is measured in m³. That means length multiplicated with width multiplicated with high (I know that's public) But the result in metrical measurement is interesting: 1m³= 1000dm³ (you can call dm³ as litre!)=1000000cm³... and in the opposite direction: 1cm³=0.001dm³ (litre)=0.000001cm³... The comparing of speed is admittedly a bit more complicated because the time is measured by a base of 60. The convetional measure for speed in metric system are m/s (metre per second) and km/h (kilometre per hour). The problem is that the measure of time by a base 10 is unusual. (somebody wasn't consequently there) Therefore applies: 1m/s = 3.6 km/h because a object moves in 1 minute (60 seconds) 60 meters and in 1 hour (60 minutes) 3600 meters. 3600 meters= 3.6 km. To learn more about the Metric system click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metric_system Maybe I completed the confusions totally... maybe not. I'm willing to discuss this theme furthermore - if you interested. By the way, Robert Phoenix, I found a way to show you a size of a beermug and a slug in Metric system:  The slugs in the foreground contain 4cl (per slug) and the beermug in the middle of the pic contains 0,5l... Regards from Austria Ingo |
| Posted by: Dogshirt 28-Dec-2008, 10:54 AM |
| The only thing I know, or want to know about the metric system is: A litre is a quart and a swallow. My 2 litre growler gets me half a beer more than my half gallon one for the same price! |
| Posted by: InRi 28-Dec-2008, 11:05 AM | ||
Well then! Cheers! Ingo |
| Posted by: CelticQueenCelticLord 04-Feb-2009, 11:13 PM |
| Well, the heck with the metric system. I got a measuring tape, yard stick and a calculater. LOL As to round a bouts, there is one in Albuquerque, sort of an experiment I guess and it does tend to confuse people here. We are used to going either north, south, east or west and a round a bout just goes round to some. It is actually quite funny to see. I wonder what Mr Cleese thinks about our new President. I would really like to see something from him now. Tea time would be okay by me. I work so hard doing what I do that I forget to take breaks and tea and cakes or shortbread at 4 would be lovely. Blessings |