Finding My Way, lost spirt need advice

as the topic suggests i have lost all faith in the christian god and all the things in that area. long story short i believed for a long time growing up until i started to get old enough to question things and by asking some of them was told a good christian doesnt ask that they just believe. i was like i'm sorry but i have a brain and i feel that every question has an answer somewhere. so i started to look elsewhere and for a brief time started down the path down into devil worshiping because i found a place where you could ask without fear of being looked down upon. on that note i will say was a brief stay that stuff freaked me out lol. however i was left once again alone with no answers and no where to turn but my own knowledge and thats when i began to look more into the past. i started to read into druids and wicca and became interested but in my area the church is to strong and most things in this area are kept out groups and even reading materal is next to none. everything i have done has been through online stuff but i would like to find people who know about these areas to sit and listen to and learn what they know and perhaps find myself again. my mother takes it hard that i dont go to church and all that and the thing is i can answer the questions they ask and i know the "good book" enough but i also dont believe in it any more. besides didnt christ say look and ye shall find knock and the door shall be opened? anyway i use that to get some to back off becuase i am trying to find myself and my spirtual way again and am just looking for help in trying to do so. i have looked at other religions and find things i like in many different ones but i still dont know what is really worth looking into anymore. so if anyone has thoughts or ideas let me know i just trying to regain part of myself.

I lost my faith long ago as well. Same story, I started to question and instead of answers...real answers, i was told to rely on faith and the bible which I thought was a bunch of hogwash that I found out was really just pieces parts put together by Emperor Constantine to really jump start the christian take-over. Be that as it may....
I have looked at Druidism and Wicca (to a much smaller degree as all the ones I met were freaky....NOT saying that Wiccans in general are but I really met just the ones that were with only 2 exceptions.) I bought books and tried to educate myself that way but that didn't work as most books would never quite match up and it really only just barely began to answer questions. The internet was in its infancy at the time so I didn't have the wide array of info available nowadays.
Now my interest in finding a "religious" path to follow doesn't seem so important to me. There are many pages to explore for info, not to mention the in-depth discussions and information available on here in "The Grove" discussion forum (http://www.celticradio.net/php/forums/index.php?showforum=29), but, I find that it is almost as satisfying to just do good. Make good decisions, etc.... I know that sounds kinda hokey but it is a simple philosophy that works for me...for now... That doesn't mean I wont seek out something "greater than me" later on.
My advice, since you were asking for some, is take a look at your life, look at the CHOICES you make. If they are unhealthy choices, for you or for others, then work to change the choices you make. Do good for others as well as yourself. Until I am dead I will never truly KNOW there is a God or gods or goddesses or anything related to those entities but I do know I am real and my choices affect others, sometimes in profound and powerful ways...not always good. I do KNOW that I have the power to decide my choices and I can not only make the right choice but I can take responsibility for the wrong choice. there is a great empowerment to that.
I should get off the soap box before I fall off and hurt something. I am not sure if I gave you a good bit to chew on or not but I hope I did.

Good luck and keep the faith (just kidding about the faith part)

Slàinte

Jay

I also wanted to add a quick note to something you said.
You stated you have lost all faith in the Christian God. You may want to reconsider that it is not the God you lost faith in...its the christians themselves. I have never known a more bigoted, two-faced, self-righteous breed than christians. I am sure to get hate mail on this one but I am not a stupid, unobservant person. I was raised in the Baptist Church and served a couple of decades in the Navy going all over the world and experiencing many cultures. I have spent many a mid-watch discussing philosophy and religion on long deployments not to mention trying to figure out why I began to despise the church. But that is my story...not necessarily yours.

Not all Christians are bad (I will say that grudgingly about Catholics and anyone else that follows a "loving" religion). But I see too much intolerance and bigotry in the church to believe that God is really on-board with the crap they are spewing. Again, just my belief.

Waiting for the storm.......

Jay

Hey, Connor --

I'm struck by the last line of your message -- trying to regain part of yourself. So it seems you are sensing a spiritual or seeking part of yourself, that is strong and present in spite of everything, and feels a bit homeless at the moment. Am I understanding it right?

Jay has a good word I would second -- go for the healthy and harm no one, even (or especially) yourself. Simply keep that up front until it is completely second nature, and you will have the foundation of the old or natural spiritual path. I would add that you give something a try: stop actively seeking outside yourself just for a bit and go quiet with it, meditate or introspect, and see what comes to you instead of you trying to find it.

Or if active seeking feels like what you must do, then welcome patience, and being fulfilled with small gains at a time. Here is Walt Whitman saying it much better than I ever could:

A NOISELESS, patient spider,
I mark’d, where, on a little promontory, it stood, isolated;
Mark’d how, to explore the vacant, vast surrounding,
It launch’d forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself;
Ever unreeling them—ever tirelessly speeding them.

And you, O my Soul, where you stand,
Surrounded, surrounded, in measureless oceans of space,
Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing,—seeking the spheres, to connect them;
Till the bridge you will need, be form’d—till the ductile anchor hold;
Till the gossamer thread you fling, catch somewhere, O my Soul.

Well said!! There is a theory (many actually) that claims we are all connected and that we are tied to the universe in some Quantum fashion. Ergo, we are part of the bigger picture. Not a separate piece but one that is tied into all the other pieces. Though this sounds like a Zen thing..it is actually a scientific theory as well....maybe the Monks have something going....

My point is that what Stoirmeil said is the right approach to begin finding your compass. My own belief is that everything I need is inside me, that if I need an answer, the universe will provide it, i just need to listen. I am not going to say I am any good at that at all and I am not sure if my choices are based on what I think is right or what my "connection" guides me to choose as right.

Perhaps trying a meditative approach will open up the answers for you....you really don't have anything to lose.......

Deep peace of the Quantum Consciousness to you.....

Jay

Hi,
I teach a class on world religions in the US and find the questions, concerns, and process you are sharing is very common among students.
Let me begin by saying that all religions are composed of people. People are uncomfortable with questions that cause them to be uncomfortable themselves with their religion. The more uncomfortable, the stronger the reaction has been my experience. (I have a Ph.D. in theology and was trained as a Christian theologian. Also I have a book on the gospel of mark due out soon.)
I have been where you are and have come to my own conclusions, but they seem to help my students.
First, there are no questions that are inappropriate to the growth of faith. They all contain nuances of hidden concerns and that reach deeper into us than the question actually states. As a result when we ask the question, we are beginning the leading to a deeper understanding than we are aware of at the time.
Second, exploring other faiths is not wrong or bad. It tells us about the direction and the conflict we are experiencing with our own understanding of our faith. When we ask of other religions to fill the gaps, we assume, probably incorrectly, that the new religions contains parts of the old religion we want to cling to. So we get confused and find the new one frustrating as well, the further we get into it.
Finally, it is important to step back from all of the thinking and examine the feeling that takes place behind the scenes. Feelings of aloneness are often appropriate for the next step of the spiritual journey. However, feeling of being abandoned by the people we used to relate with are a sign of depression which is where the danger lies. (I have been unchurched for the last 5 years, or so, since my own beliefs place much of my understanding beyond the scope of contemporary, but not historic christianity. This is the aloneness I mention.) Do not let the depression and rejection overcome you.
You might want to check out a web blog: http://world-faith.blogspot.com. It takes a different view of faith-it is the part behind the religious dogmas that links us all. Additionally, the site has many writings linking science-quantum, belief, and faith.
God bless your journey.
You are not lost to yourself or anyone.
donny

thanks for the advice and sorry i took so long to respond i have been very busy and my mind has been everywhere except where i needed it to be. a few of the things i read from people shows that i am not alone and that helps more then anything honestly. around my area it nothing but churches far as the eye can see and basically nothing else cause the town is dieing slowly. my town is gripped by the church and you really cant do anything they dont like because they all get up in arms and crap like that. for example we had a group of "pagens" that were in the area just passing through but wanted to have a open class for people who might have been curious well the church caught wind and got them kicked out of just about every place they tried to have the meeting at until so guy with a good sized house agreed and then they stood out there with signs and preaching to save their souls and all the garbage. i sooo wanted to go just to learn something from people who pratice that just so i could have some kind of understanding but my mother being the good christian she is took my keys from me and called my work to request more hours since it was summer so i never got that chance and i concider it a missed opertunitiy. *sigh* well things happen i guess but it this self richous attutide and that everything they believe is right and good and anything else is evil and the devil. just wish they would pratice what they preach about compassion and understanding letting people make the "mistake" but being there to lead them back not stopping them from making it. lately when people ask me anything about religion i tell them i am spirtual not religous and that the best answer i think i can give because it is honest and i try to do what is right to me not based off a book that people are unsure if is real. thanks again for the replys hope this sparks new debats and/or topics

Connor 1985,
God bless you and your struggles. I have been there. It is the seed of a blossom that struggles to become the fruit that satisfies the hungry heart.
Please do checkout this blog. There is a lot of material there, but it is worth reading. Skip the really long stuff and just read the summary of books and stuff. It will provide you with some factual information linking scientific evidence to the sense of where you are going and where you want to go.
Http://World-Faith.blogspot.com
Good luck my friend
god bless you
donny