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> Rapist's Eyes, Use caution
flora 
Posted: 17-May-2009, 12:32 PM
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I am sure you have probably received something like this via email. It doesn't hurt to take a moment to read and be aware of whats out there.

Some I took with a grain of salt, but some were totally new to me.

Through a Rapist's Eyes (No Joke)

When this was sent to me, I was told to forward it to my lady friends, but I forwarded it to most everyone in my address book. My men friends have female friends and this information is too important to miss someone.

Please pass it along and share it with your children.

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse, or doing other activities while walking because they are off-guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5:00a.m. and 8:30a.m.

5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store parking lots. The number two: office parking lots/garages. Number three: public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands

Keys are NOT a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it?, or make general small talk: 'I can't believe it is so cold out here,' 'We're in for a bad winter.' Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP! or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the Arm (between the elbow and armpit)OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it - it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble and he's out of there..

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!

You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans: If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc, and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

a. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5 A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or parking garage:

A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.

B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times. And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zigzag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP! It may get you raped or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'

The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby --- This should be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted recently when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana .

Flora




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Camac
Posted: 17-May-2009, 01:02 PM
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flora;

I don't know if they are still made but I have read and heard often that the one of the best weapons a woman can carry is a big Hat Pin and if possible go for the eyes.


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RedWeasel 
Posted: 17-May-2009, 01:54 PM
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A"rat-tail" comb is a fine piece of weaponry as well!


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Harlot 
Posted: 17-May-2009, 04:18 PM
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QUOTE (flora @ 17-May-2009, 01:32 PM)

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible.  The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.


A very good friend of mine showed me this move it does work. My friend is a X-Navy Seal and a Michigan State Police Officer, brought him to his knees. He also showed me to to use two fingers under chin that can bring a man down.


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Patch 
Posted: 17-May-2009, 06:07 PM
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QUOTE (Camac @ 17-May-2009, 03:02 PM)
flora;

I don't know if they are still made but I have read and heard often that the one of the best weapons a woman can carry is a big Hat Pin and if possible go for the eyes.


Camac.

Hat pins are pricy but darts for "blow guns are about 50 cents each and 4 or more inches long. Ones privates pinned to the thigh is quite distracting!! That works on either sex.


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shiny 
  Posted: 26-May-2009, 07:16 AM
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I will read through it again and keep it all in mind! And a knee to the crotch will work wonders. thumbs_up.gif
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Patch 
Posted: 27-May-2009, 03:55 PM
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I drilled my daughter in that act, and she had to use it at age 12 to protect herself and a friend on the way home from school.

Slàinte,    

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Faerydreamer 
Posted: 03-Jun-2009, 06:26 PM
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I wish that I had someone teach me about things like this when I was 12. My father's best friend took advantage of his authority over me. This happened for five years.

I ask all people, men and women alike, to teach their daughter's about this so that something like this will not happen to them. I also ask that if you child come to talk to you about something this important please, please, please listen to them. It can make a major difference in his/her life.

Stepping off of my soapbox now. Thank you for your time.


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Sekhmet 
Posted: 03-Jun-2009, 09:38 PM
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As someone who was almost attacked at work yesterday by a male who assumed I was by myself and helpless, please do educate every woman and young women you can. It's not paranoia; it's a set of information that very well could save your life. I'm ok - I came out of it with a partially sprained knee, but it could have been a lot worse. When I quit being a target and he suddenly became one, he got out of there.

As a side note, a lot of women are taught not to be aggressive or assertive because that's not "ladylike" or being "good". When it's a potential matter of life or death, that demeanor should go right out the window.
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Patch 
Posted: 04-Jun-2009, 04:48 AM
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A thirty eight special "Lady Smith" has prevented more rapes than meek compliance ever has!! Also, a dead rapist never re-commits! I am glad you were successful in your own defense and congratulate you. Had you waited for the police, the outcome would likely have been much different! All women should be provided free self defense courses. I no longer charge for any of my classes. With crime on the rise, I feel all should have access to the training. (some of my competitors are not too happy with me though.)

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dundee 
Posted: 04-Jun-2009, 10:39 AM
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ok ladies please read this there is a lot of misinformation in this post
no offense meant to flora.

Snopes Link


Claim: Heeding the advice given in a popular e-mail missive will keep you from becoming a rape victim.

Status: False.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2001]



Origins: This bit of codswallop began its Internet life in January 2000 as an enthusiastic e-mail penned by an employee at the St. Louis office of the public relations firm Weber Shandwick. The writer was among a group enrolled in a self-defense class taught by David Portnoy, an instructor who claims to have trained with actors Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Portnoy refuses to give information about what he teaches in his classes or details of where he gained the information he passes along, preferring instead to sell it. (He demanded a $1,000 interview fee from a Denver Post reporter). If, however, this Weber Shandwick employee's e-mail describing what he teaches is accurate, Portnoy should be characterized as a fear merchant vending false information to those anxious to feel safe.

If rapists choose their victims based on hairstyle and length of tresses, it's news to those in law enforcement; they've never noticed this trend. Rape victims have short hair, long hair, and no hair. They're also young and old, short and tall, fat and skinny, femininely dressed or looking like they just fell off the tractor, and all points in between.

Likewise, the claim that rapists go after women wearing overalls because "the straps can be easily cut" is pure hogwash, as anyone who has ever tried to cut up an old pair can attest. Overalls are made of some of the most resilient fabrics known to mankind (denim and canvas, usually), and cutting these straps is made almost impossible because the fabric is doubled over and seamed at that point in the garment. If there's a pair of scissors that can snip through this, I've yet to wield
them.

Rape is also not always about getting sex quickly. Often it's an act of rage or punishment directed at a vulnerable person for perceived injustices done to the attacker by others. Getting a woman out of her clothes quickly isn't a factor in these rapes; terrorizing her and inflicting bodily harm is.

If we take points one and two together, we're to believe rapists arm themselves with scissors for cutting overall straps (instead of just easing them off the shoulders or — heaven forbid! — undoing the fasteners) yet fail to think to equip themselves with rolls of duct tape to keep their victims subdued, preferring instead to grab hold of their hair and hang on.

According to Denver Police Sgt. John Burbach, most rapes occur in the evening hours and into early morning, ending before dawn, not "between 5 and 8:30 a.m." as claimed in the e-mail. Statistics from the U.S. Department of Justice fully support him in this claim: The DOJ says "Approximately two-thirds of rapes/sexual assaults occurred at night — 6 p.m. to 6 a.m."

As for the tidbit "The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms," Kathie Kramer, public relations coordinator at the Denver Rape Assistance and Awareness Program (RAAP) says, "Statistics in studies I've found don't support this idea about grocery stores or parking lots being especially unsafe." Location is important in a violent sexual assault, but there's nothing inherently dangerous about parking lots or public restrooms; what matters is their isolation. Areas heavily frequented by foot traffic are far less likely to be chosen by a rapist. Likewise, badly-lit, less-frequented places will be favored for this type of attack.

The e-mail claims that only 2% of rapists (one out of every fifty) carries a weapon. That figure is seriously out of whack: 1995 U.S. Department of Justice statistics show that weapons were used in 30% of all rapes, meaning the chances that your rapist will be armed is just a little less than one in three. Battling an armed attacker while unarmed yourself is rarely a wise course of action to take, and misstatements such as the 2% figure could well incite an attacked woman to thrust herself into that dynamic because she figures her chances are far better than they actually are.

"If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming." That's great advice, provided you get the right rapist. And you've no way of knowing until it's too late.

As comforting as it might be to believe there's only one sort of baddie out there and if you understand his mind you can stay safe, that just isn't the case. There is no one set of right answers, and e-mails of this ilk potentially put us at even greater risk by suggesting that there is.

Around 1980, Nicholas Groth, director of Forensic Mental Health Associates, established a typology of rapists. Groth arrived at his conclusions by distilling his observations of more than 3,000 sex offenders over the course of 25 years of practice. (Most of his patients, Groth points out, were not sexually deprived at the time they committed rape, thereby exploding that most common of rape myths: that men rape because they're unable to get sex any other way.)

In a general sense, rapists fall into three motivational types: anger, power, and sadism. In anger assaults, the rapist is getting even for "some wrong he feels has been done to him, by life, by his victim at the time. He's in a frame of rage and attacks someone sexually." The anger rape is usually unpremeditated and impulsive, but the impulse drives the rapist into excessive force: the victim is punched, choked, and kicked into submission. Most such offenders derive little pleasure from the act, says Groth, but "they want to degrade their victims, and sex is something bad, dirty, the worst thing you could do to someone. That reflects a lot of our values in society."

An anger rapist could be discouraged by a potential victim who yells at him or puts up a physical struggle, thanks to the unpremeditated nature of the attack. Because the aggressor may not yet have fully decided to pursue this course of action, resistance may well change his mind. Here, even a half-hearted attempt might prove to be all it takes to end the assault. On the other hand, the rage the attacker is feeling might well be further fed by active resistance — this could be taken as yet another instance of one more person trying to deny him something he wants.

Power rape, according to Groth, is a form of compensation, committed usually by men who feel unsure of their competence. Rape gives them a sense of mastery and control. Power rapists usually hunt for victims or seize opportunities that present themselves unbidden. A power rapist is unlikely to be discouraged by resistance because his whole self image is wrapped up in his attempt to prove mastery. A woman who chooses to fight one of these had better do a darned good job of it, because she could well end up fighting for her life.

Groth defines his third type, sadistic rape, as eroticized aggression perpetrated by those whom the very act of forcible sex excites in ways that consensual sex can't. "If the anger components of aggression are eroticized," he explains, "then you see sadistic acts, such as deliberate sexual torture, using an instrument to rape the victim." A sadistic rapist is interested in inflicting pain and lasting harm. Any countering aggression on the part of the victim could well add to the attacker's enjoyment of the experience, prompting him to further acts of depravity in an effort to provoke further resistance.

The question of to fight back or not is an age-old one, and there's no one right answer. Granted, one particular rapist might be sent running bloody-nosed by a swift right hook, but try that on another one and a horrific experience could be transformed into a fatal one. Resistance advice of the type being circulated in the e-mail in question creates the false impression that escaping unscathed from the clutches of a rapist is only a matter of knowing which self-defense tricks to employ. Reality, however, is far different. Not all rapists can be overcome.

Does this then mean self-defense classes are a waste of time? Hardly. But they're also not the surefire protection they're too often touted to be, any more than a can of mace confers upon its wielder guaranteed safe passage through whatever mean streets and dark alleys lie in her path. Also, physical skills are only as good as recent training — someone who hasn't practiced a move in the three months since she took a course is only a tad better prepared to fend off an attacker than someone who never had any training at all. Worst of all, such training can lead those who have aced their courses to develop a dangerous complacency about their own safety, inducing them into a state of overconfidence wherein awareness of their surroundings becomes a lost art, buried under the certainty that now bad things can't happen to them.

Complacency kills.

As always, the best defense to an attempted rape is not to be there when it happens — either avoid potentially dangerous situations (none of this "Oh, it's only a few blocks; I'll just walk" at 3 a.m.) or run like hell if you find yourself in one. Escaping your attacker is a far wiser course of action to strive for than attempting to do battle with him. Forget about his needing a good beating followed by a lengthy jail term; your first priority has to be your own safety. Leave the Wonder Woman stuff for Linda Carter and make like a track star vying for a gold medal in the 100m.

The e-mail did contain one bit of valuable advice: Stay aware of your surroundings. Not only is it important to see trouble coming before it gets to you and avoid it, but an alert stance can help discourage a would-be attacker. Those looking to prey upon others — whether their aim is robbery, rape, or mayhem — generally choose as victims those who appear preoccupied or tentative in preference to those who exude a sense of purpose. Or, as I was told long ago, "Always look like you know exactly where you're going and move like you're expected to be there at exactly a certain time." Mooning about aimlessly can make you a statistic.

So, to sum up, is avoiding a rape a matter of wearing your hair short and eschewing overalls? Hardly. And anyone who attempts to characterize it as such ought to be whomped over someone's knee.

Barbara "big heap; big wampum" Mikkelson

Last updated: 3 December 2007

The URL for this page is http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/rape.asp

Urban Legends Reference Pages © 1995-2009 by Barbara and David P. Mikkelson.
This material may not be reproduced without permission.
snopes and the snopes.com logo are registered service marks of snopes.com.
Sources Sources:

Gelman, David, et al. "The Mind of the Rapist."
Newsweek. 23 July 1990 (p. 46)

Martin, Claire. "Experts Question Widely Circulated Tips to Avoid Rape."
Denver Post. 7 March 2001.




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Rindy 
Posted: 04-Jun-2009, 06:26 PM
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flora I think it's great you brought this topic up. There's some really good advise here.

Sekhmet, Faerydreamer , I am so sorry this happened to you and to all the women out there that have went through an attack.

I've been to several self defense classes and the most important thing that was stressed at all times was to be aware of your surroundings. Walk
tall, look into peoples eyes don't have your head down. A lot of times if you have pepper spray or a weapon of some kind it will probably be used against you by the attacker but not in all cases. Usually the attacker will move on if the women screams or acts like she will put up a fight.

The two finger move mentioned is a good one as stated before it will bring you to your knees in a hurry. One thing I always do is when I am in a parking lot with a cart I always get in between the cart and the car, they would have a harder time getting to me.

If you get into a situation that you know your going to die, scratch the crap out of them, pull hair everything you can do to get the DNA under your fingernails to help with the investigation in finding your attacker. I've always wondered if it did happen to me would I remember what to do.. I think so, but every situation is different.

I don't think one can be too safe thanks for all these great tips leep them coming.

Slainte
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Patch 
Posted: 04-Jun-2009, 07:22 PM
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There is no right or wrong advice. If something gives you confidencence it will show!! Thus it helps. Nothing is a foolproof preventative. The best method today is the extreme high voltage stunners. In warmer weather or climates they are impressive. I have a 600,000 volt one (4, 9 volt batteries) and a new 800,000 volt one is now available. The same batteries, bigger capacitors. Keep it hidden till the perp. grabs you. Then produce it when he is preoccupied with controlling you, touch him anywhere and activate it. He will drop like he has been shot with a shot gun. It may kill him, but if he is intent on raping you, you probably are not his first victim. Should he die, I consider it a plus as he will not rape any one else. If you have to testify against him, you will be treated like trash and that is not right either.

Use common sense, do not take chances, travel in groups, always park in well lit areas, look under your car from a distance as you approach it. A high power three "D" cell flashlight (aluminum) with a beam than can be focused to a spot light lights things up well and it is heavy enough to use as a club if necessary. Think about escape routes as you head for your auto or etc. Always have a plan. If nothing else, scream a lot and pretend to faint. A rapist isn't likely to drag you off by your feet if there are any people around! Another good idea if you can do it is throw up!! It not only attracts attention, but is a MAJOR turn off for most people. Throw up ON the rapist if possible. If he has a weak stomach, he may then be throwing up too!

Nearly every class I taught, one or more people had a new idea. Think outside the box!

Slàinte,   

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