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> Britain Is Repossessing The USA, News flash!
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mydogisaleprechaun 
Posted: 23-Mar-2007, 04:35 AM
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While i have thoroughly enjoyed this (I just picked myself up off the floor from laughing so far)...here are my qualms -
no. 1. Alumin...? -American says WHAT?
no. 2. The extra U's -I have always enjoyed adding extra letters to my words, andbeing able to tell my teacher to kindly "suck it"
no. 3. like & huh?- I love this, too many of us are babbling idiots with a horrible case of verbal diarrhea (a no thesauruses in sight)!
no. 4. the 4th of july - now why would you take away a perfectly legitimate reason for us all to get hammered and play with fire? could we just call it something else?
no. 5. lawyers and therapy - someone needed to say it! uh oh...someone might sue me for saying that...
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mydogisaleprechaun 
Posted: 23-Mar-2007, 04:48 AM
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oopsies...anyway-
no. 6 no more guns - somehow i see "death my carrot peeler" in out future...
no. 7 german cars - and while i do like them, i do love out giant cars
no. 8 round-abouts - oh come on...haven't you seen out accident rate? most people behind the wheel are aither on the phone or on some sort of halleucinagenic drug!!! why would you go and make it worse!
no. 9 -6$ a gallon- would you like my firstborn child, or just an arm an a leg....i'm gettin a horse!
no. 10 chips - i have no feud with light salt and vinegat!
no. 11 beer - please don't hurt me, but i've never tried a dark ale before - like i said, i'm american so forgive me!
no. 12 - hollywood - oh come on, the accent just makes the villain so much more sexy!
no. 13 footbal - i've said it too, sissies! 13 feet of protective padding - hah!
no. 14 baseball - you know, it's way more fun to play than it is to watch
15 - JFK - conspiracies!
no. 16 taxes - fortunately my good family is paid in full up to about 1864...as for the rest of it - do you accept i-owe-you's?
no. 17 tea time - i am heinously addicted to irish breakfast tea so this is just a grand idea!


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Knightly Knight 
  Posted: 23-Apr-2007, 08:14 PM
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pflanary 
Posted: 12-Jun-2007, 10:07 AM
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QUOTE (Madadh @ 16-Feb-2007, 07:12 PM)
I think the Brits tried to retake these colonies back in 1812 and failed miserably. 

    If their luck in the EU is any indication, I say down with the Queen and lets become the far western province of Ireland.  That would scare the hell out of Whitehall. biggrin.gif


I vote for this option. We could keep some of the terms such as no guns and tea time, but would not owe back taxes---not to mention a better culture and language. Gaelic forever!


PS if you become a Founder, you can edit your postings. Come on it's worth the money to support CR.


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LVIrishScottsman 
Posted: 13-Oct-2007, 02:09 AM
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More Taxes? Who needs that. Isn't that the reason for our independence? No thanks on the right hand drive cars. I have enough problems with the way I drive now. Let's just settle this with a poker game instead and leave it at that. wink.gif tongue.gif biggrin.gif laugh.gif beer_mug.gif thumbs_up.gif
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JaneyMae 
Posted: 16-Oct-2007, 09:31 AM
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oldraven 
Posted: 16-Oct-2007, 12:42 PM
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QUOTE (pflanary @ 12-Jun-2007, 08:07 AM)
[QUOTE=Madadh,16-Feb-2007, 07:12 PM]
PS if you become a Founder, you can edit your postings. Come on it's worth the money to support CR.

Speaking of more taxes............... wink.gif It's the 'Edit Tax'.

And bad British teeth has nothing to do with hygiene.


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We need more Stan Rogers.

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Ganeida 
Posted: 16-Oct-2007, 03:56 PM
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tongue.gif As a non~American I'm laughing myself silly here! Gotta go share this one....


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mysteryroad 
Posted: 06-Nov-2007, 10:41 PM
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QUOTE (maisky @ 14-Feb-2007, 06:13 AM)
Her  Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over  all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which She  does not fancy).

1. Then look up  aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just  how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and  you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the  same  time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without  the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will  help you understand the British sense of humour.

So, Kansas resident that I am, I'm wondering... does that make Bush president of Kansas, or is he out of the picture and Sebelius is head of State of Kansas.

Ah, but glad to know I can keep writing aluminum and saying it with an accent on LUM.

And I'm just wondering how it works with those poor Missourian's driving on the left side of the road and us Kansas continuing to drive on the RIGHT side of the road. smile.gif Could make for messy traffic.

And, should I feel glad or left out? smile.gif


Oh, and language geek that I am, I just must point out, if you look up aluminum (not aluminium) in the dictionary, you do get the good old American pronunciation. smile.gif
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ronnad 
Posted: 11-Nov-2007, 11:18 AM
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the only thing I can say...If they can take away budwieser and coors I would kiss their feet.
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oldraven 
Posted: 12-Nov-2007, 07:41 AM
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QUOTE (mysteryroad @ 06-Nov-2007, 08:41 PM)
QUOTE (maisky @ 14-Feb-2007, 06:13 AM)
Her  Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over  all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which She  does not fancy).

1. Then look up  aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just  how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and  you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the  same  time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without  the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will  help you understand the British sense of humour.

So, Kansas resident that I am, I'm wondering... does that make Bush president of Kansas, or is he out of the picture and Sebelius is head of State of Kansas.

Ah, but glad to know I can keep writing aluminum and saying it with an accent on LUM.

And I'm just wondering how it works with those poor Missourian's driving on the left side of the road and us Kansas continuing to drive on the RIGHT side of the road. smile.gif Could make for messy traffic.

And, should I feel glad or left out? smile.gif


Oh, and language geek that I am, I just must point out, if you look up aluminum (not aluminium) in the dictionary, you do get the good old American pronunciation. smile.gif

That's because Aluminum is an American only word, missing an 'i'. Aluminium is the proper word, (even though Microsoft's Anti-English spell checker denies it), and is pronounced al-yew-MINI-um.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aluminium

If you search for Tangerine, don't expect a definition for Orange. wink.gif

http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=alumin...le+Search&meta=
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Raven 
Posted: 12-Nov-2007, 02:04 PM
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That spell editing can be annoying Oldie!

I for one can not wait for $6 a gallon gasoline since it will help me pay for my new bicycle faster, right now I am only saving $5 a day by bicycle commuting but $10 a day would ad up real fast and I could get that new Carbon fiber frame that I am dying for wink.gif

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Robert Phoenix 
Posted: 01-Oct-2008, 06:45 PM
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Newly updated: As in the top part is new but most of the rest you've probably seen before:

To the Citizens of the United States of America:

In light of the strong possibility you are about to elect an elderly
gentleman with a bad temper and a lady who thinks she can run foreign
policy because she can see Russia from her house as President and
President-In-Waiting of the USA and thus to risk Life As We Know It for
everyone else on the Planet, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which
she does not fancy).

She won't actually be in charge, but she'll greet foreign leaders as necessary and not put her foot in it or vomit on anyone at a state dinner.

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for
America without the need for further elections.

You aren't very good at elections, and unlike the ATM's from the same manufacturer, your voting machines don't give receipts.

So Prime Minister Brown will instead
choose someone who does not have his or her hand in the till and has
significant experience in running Big Things.

You have not had one of
those for almost a decade and trust me, it is a big plus.

And there
won't be any of that hanging chad nonsense and the three hour wait for
voting while poor or black.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
They have given away too much of your money already to rescue incompetent business executives and soon your American Dollars will resemble Zimbabwean Dollars in total
worthlessness. There is no free lunch you know.

Although we originally et you get away with secession because King George was robbing you blind, recent events demonstrate that your present leaders are doing much worse things and unfortunately you have not noticed.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether more than half of you still believe Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11. Information to the contrary will again be provided by the rest of the world and we request you read it this time and refrain from invading the wrong country ever again if you possibly can.


To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "favour" and "neighbour." Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut" without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up "vocabulary").

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your
behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of
the reinstated letter "u" and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. But we have a lot of Bank Holidays you will enjoy instead. In our country we still have several banks.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is foryour own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline), roughly $9 per US gallon. Get used to it. Your driving armoured cars to buy groceries is unnecessary, boorish and killing the planet.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. And the term Freedom Fries will not be used in future. Lets remember the French were right and you were wrong, though it pains me to say so.

11. We will require that people running things, like your government, are at least moderately competent and not related by blood or bribes to those who benefit from their decisions. We know it makes you more cozy when your leaders know as little as you do, but, honestly, it is short sighted: you need doctors who know more about medicine, pilots who know more about flying and leaders who know more about leading.

12. We respectfully request you give up this notion that Politics is Entertainment, and that very complicated things have to be explained to you in less than fifteen seconds. If you wanted to have a democracy, honestly, you really should have taken the time to understand things a bit before you voted. May I suggest the startling notion that politicians don't need to look good to do a good job? And it really is acceptable if they are a bit boring, so long as they do their homework. It's especially important as evidently you have not done yours. Poor old Al Gore and John Kerry.

And by the way, are you happy now that you chose a Governor for California based on his teeth?

13. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth -- see what it did for them.

14. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

15. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby -- the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

16. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first in their country. The seven out of ten who don't own a passport will need to get one first.

17. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

18. An Internal Revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Although this will raise your taxes, remember that the Neoconservatives will no longer be robbing you blind and so your Dollars will stop shrinking.
Didn't you know that inflation and government bailouts of huge companies were really paid for by you?
We must do something about your educational system.
What on earth is
going on over there? Are you oblivious to the crushing debt you are leaving your children? You might as well throttle them now.

19. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 PM with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God Save the Queen. At least she won't instruct your President to invade any more wrong countries.


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TheCarolinaScotsman 
Posted: 01-Oct-2008, 08:56 PM
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QUOTE (Robert Phoenix @ 01-Oct-2008, 07:45 PM)

So Prime Minister Brown will instead
choose someone who does not have his or her hand in the till and has
significant experience in running Big Things.


What makes you think he'll do it here when he hasn't done it there? (Look up "hand in till" in Oxford English Dictionary and it will refer you to New Labour)


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Camac
Posted: 02-Oct-2008, 07:13 AM
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oldraven;

I most heartily agree with you about leaving 1812 out of it and I must add that I rather like the idea of Lower Canada although the term "Dominion of" keeps cropping up in my mind.

Camac.

PS. In reference to the song, that infamous battle was fought after the war was over.
               
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