A Southerner is having his breakfast of coffee, grits, biscuits and jam, when a Northerner, chewing obnoxiously on gum, sits down next to him.
The Southerner ignores the Northerner who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Northerner: "When you Southern people eat bread, do you eat the whole slice?"
Southerner: "Yep."
Northerner: (After blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. Up North, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, then transform them into biscuits and send them to the South." The Northerner has a smirk on his face. The Southerner listens in silence.
The Northerner persists: "Do you eat jam with biscuits?" Southerner: "Yep."
Northerner: (Cracking and smacking his gum and chuckling) "We don't. Up North, after we eat fruit for breakfast, we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and, then, send it down South."
Then the Southerner asks, "Y'all have sex up North?"
Northerner: "Why, of course, we do." And, he pops another big bubble.
Southerner: "And what do y'all do with the condoms once ya use'em?
Northerner: "We throw them away, of course."
Southerner: "We don't. Down South, we put 'em in a jar, melt 'em down into bubble gum, and sell 'em to Yankees."
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The peculiar evil of silencing the expression of an opinion is, that it is robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived of the opportunity of exchanging error for truth: if wrong, they lose, what is almost as great a benefit, the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error. ~John Stuart Mill, On Liberty, 1859
Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. ~Mark Twain
A Southerner is having his breakfast of coffee, grits, biscuits and jam, when a Northerner... sits down next to him.
Offered some grits to a yankee once, said he'd try just one.
That's classic.
even though I'm a northerner. I assume you're talking about those guys in the middle.
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Caw
"I am a Canadian by birth, but I am a Highlander by blood and feel under an obligation to do all I can for the sake of the Highlanders and their literature.... I have never yet spoken a word of English to any of my children. They can speak as much English as they like to others, but when they talk to me they have to talk in Gaelic."
-Alexander Maclean Sinclair of Goshen (protector of Gaelic Culture)
It's OVER??? Why doesn't someone TELL ME these things? Here my (Virginia and Oklahoma) relatives have been looking down their noses at me for 30 years for consorting with the enemy... (Hubby's from Boston)
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Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing? Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing? Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning? ~ J.R.R. Tolkien
*in best simpering southern belle voice* Whell Ah do declare! The war is not near ovah, take my word fah it! Down heah in the Southern Star State of Alabama its fought just about every day.
Seriously though, its a different world down here in the southlands, and since I've lived in both locations I can say that with ease and confidence. I learned about the War of Northern Aggression and the Civil War. For some reason I think that it depends on where you lived as to what the war was about. Ask any southerner what the war was about and they'll tell you "States Rights to govern as they saw fit." Ask someone in the north, and it was all about slavery. Its odd, really...
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So, I have an new site that is pretty neat, Check out Dannah's Home Page
Also, for original storys or thoughts from me, check out my blog: Dannah's Blog
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
Guess Lincoln forgot about that last part. And I can't find anything in the Constitution that says "once you're in, you can't get out". Seems to me the Confederacy had a perfect right to secede, despite Lincoln's aim to "preserve the Union".
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Randal Smith alias Smitty the Kid Wielder of the Six-String Claymore!
"We have enough Youth, how about a Fountain of Smart?" "When the going gets tough, the smart go fishing!"