For Ladies Only, No Boys Allowed

[ballydun]

Here's on I had to pass along!! Pretty funny


SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Wednesday, August 12 , 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[ballydun]

Marti,
Glad to hear it can start so early...just turned 40 and am feeling some hot flashes and other things. Thought I was imagining things. Chocolate usually helps though

[zeryx]

Ooo I think I need to sign my OH up for a few of those classes lol

[Monarchs Own]

Hello Ladies,

I am back after 7 days of Walt Disney World. Yeah! It was great. My hubby already said, the next time we are going we make it ten days but with a three day Disney cruise in between. That would be nice.

We really liked the new Pirates of the Carribean ride. The rides starts with a picture on a waterfall of Davy Jones and you also can see Capt. Jack Sparrow now in it. But you have to look for him. LOL. I am not giving away any secrets.

Well, the issue with my car didn't work out the way my hubby wanted to. They wanted to give us for our 2006 Suzuki Grand Vitara with under 5000 miles on it only $11,000.00 so we declined. I checked up on a 2005 Suzuki G V with double the milage and that still runs $14,500.00 under Kelly Blue Book.

So we just keep our nice SUV and add a few gadgets. That's my hubby's favorite hobby now.

[CelticRoz]

Ok guys, get the heck out of this female site! I know you won't but thought I would at least ask I am having some female problems in which I have two doctor appointments in the next two weeks. I hope my anxiety attacks will subside with the help of good news. In the meantime, I am very concerned and feeling hysterical!

[Siobhan Blues]

Oh stop, my sides are hurting after reading the Hormonal Hostage and the Summer Classes for Men!! Too much truth there, ladies, too much truth!!!

It's nice to laugh after the last two weeks we've endured at the house. How would you like to find a new home for your kid's horse within 24 hours, after she verbally went ballistic on this guy who was letting the horse stay at his place for free - then the kid leaves for college so YOU have to deal with the repercussions?!? By the grace of God (and with some really obvious intervention on His part too!) we found a young man with a new QH farm only 2 miles away, and he was sweet enough to let our filly board there until we can get our pasture fenced & bring her home. The horse is a lot better off at this new place and all's well now. Yes daughter got a big lecture, yes she was repentant. And yes I am actually very relieved the sweet horse is living at a better place.

Okay, I've heard all about the Empty Nest Syndrome and how upsetting it is when a kid goes off to college. And we did have our hugs & teary-eyed exchanges in the days before she left, about how we all love each other & are proud of her & are happy to see her beginning a new wonderful phase of her life & for her to please be careful, etc etc. But people, I'm telling you the Empty Nest Syndrome is the best thing since sliced bread!!!!! On the way home from taking daughter to college, my hubby and I looked at each other and wondered what the unexpected feeling was that seemed to grow within us as we got closer to our home... then we realized it was PEACE! No tension, no stress, all because it was now just the two of us!

[CelticRoz]

Wow! That is pretty terrific, SB, in how you and hubby have viewed all this! I know people who have gone into major deep depression over empty nest syndrome! You and Reid have each other now and peace and quiet. Now how wonderful that must be! Glad to hear that Lauren is off to college. That her filly is taken care of till y'all get her situated. How is Chris and Sarah and what is going on with them? How is your job going?

What's happening with me? I have been getting more involved in our local humane society. I just cannot undersand the mentality of those who spend tons of money on a dog, when there are so many in the shelters who need to be adopted. I am guardian angel of one girl who I named, Maggie. She is a Border Collie/Lab mix and the sweetest dog. But her previous owners threw her out of the truck after she had babies. How can anybody live with themselves having done such an atrocity? Once I get my health issues taken care of and if she is not adopted, I will beg hubby for us to be her foster parents till she is adopted. I just don't want to see this girl or any dog euthanized.

I see a GYN this coming Monday. I kind of dread it as I have heard that any cervical or uterine biopsies are very painful. ..EEP! But my primary doctor says I have all the symptoms of uterine cancer. Sure hope to prove hin wrong. Would appreciate your prayers!

[valpal59]

CelticRose my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope that everything turns out O.K.. I can relate to the anxiety attacks. Just remember to breathe.

[CelticRoz]

Many thanks, Valpal! Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated as I hate to say it, but I am pretty freaked out.

Hope all is well with you!

[valpal59]

CelticRose, Other than dealing with the day to day problems of 3- 15 yr. old Labs and a stray mama cat that decided to have her kittens in our backyard, everything is good.
I just wanted to let you know that if I can help you in any way, please let me know.

[CelticRoz]

Oh Valpal, you are sooooooooo kind! Thank you so much. I may be calling upon y'all after I see the GYN on Monday for advice. In the meantime, you love animals as well, I see. Well it appears that way and kittens in your back yard? What do they look like? did you take pics or are you trying not to get attached? Very hard not to do, eh.?

I hope this finds you and your family well.

[ballydun]

Rose,
You have my prayers as well. I know how scary these things can be. I will be thinking about you this weekend...and please let us know how things are going with you.
God bless you and keep your chin up!
Barb

[CelticRoz]

Hey Barb! Really appreciate your prayers and thoughts. More than I can ask for!
Hugs, rm

[stoirmeil]

OK -- this came to my e-mail via "The Writer's Almanac," which is a site I recommend for a daily dose of good poetry and some interesting facts about poets and other authors born that day -- read by Garrison Keillor, the Prairie Home Companion host.


This is a good cautionary poem, ladies:


Poem: "And The Men" by Tony Hoagland from Hard Rain: A Chapbook. © Hollyridge Press. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)

And The Men

want back in:
all the Dougs and the Michaels, the Darnells, the Erics and Josés,
they're standing by the off-ramp of the interstate
holding up cardboard signs that say WILL WORK FOR RELATIONSHIP.

Their love-mobiles are rusty.
Their Shaggin' Wagons are up on cinderblocks.
They're reading self-help books and practicing abstinence,
taking out Personals ads that say
"Good listener would like to meet lesbian ladies,
for purposes of friendship only."

In short, they've changed their minds, the men:
they want another shot at the collaborative enterprise.
Want to do fifty-fifty housework and childcare;
They want commitment renewal weekends and couples therapy.

Because being a man was finally too sad—
In spite of the perks, the lifetime membership benefits.
And it got old,
telling the joke about the hooker and the priest

at the company barbeque, praising the vintage of the beer and
punching the shoulders of a bud
in a little overflow of homosocial bonhomie—
Always holding the fear inside
like a tipsy glass of water—

Now they're ready to talk, really talk about their feelings,
in fact they're ready to make you sick with revelations of
their vulnerability—
A pool of testosterone is spreading from around their feet,
it's draining out of them like radiator fluid,
like history, like an experiment that failed.

So here they come on their hands and knees, the men:
Here they come. They're really beaten. No tricks this time.
No fine print.
Please, they're begging you. Look out.

[Siobhan Blues]

"Please, they're begging you. Look out. ."

What a poem! I think 'look out' may be the key word here.


SB