God Finds About Lawn Care.

"Winterize your lawn," the big sign outside the garden store commanded. I've fed it, watered it, mowed it, raked it and watched a lot of it die anyway. Now I'm supposed to winterize it? I hope it's too late. Grass lawns have to be the stupidest thing we've come up with outside of thong swimsuits! We constantly battle dandelions, Queen Anne's lace, thistle, violets, chicory and clover that thrive naturally, so we can grow grass that must be nursed through an annual four step chemical dependency.
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis about this:
"Frank you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles."
"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass."
"Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?"
"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn."
"The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."
"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it _ sometimes twice a week."
"They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
"Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
"They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
"No, sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away."
"Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
"Yes, sir."
"These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work."
"You aren't going believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."
"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life."
"You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away."
"No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?"
"After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
"And where do they get this mulch?"
"They cut down trees and grind them up."
"Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"
"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
"Never mind I think I just heard the whole story."

LOL! AMEN brother! I HATE lawn care! If I could afford it, I'd dig up may yard, have it paved and put artificial turf down! Sheesh, what a pain in the tush!

That and a few others (sand spurs, "bluets", deer moss, etc.) ARE my lawn; well except for one corner where some St. Augustine grass is starting to invade.

I deal with lawn care by daily telling it that it is ugly and that I hope it dies. It grows anyway....I mow it when it is either mow or use a machete.

SCShamrock,

That is so True. I do admit that I mow my grass with my Reel Mower. No gas mowers for me. I do not rake it up but use it as a mulch for the yard. I do rake the yard from the falling leaves but I then put it on the flower beds. I do look forward to the Summer though at which I only mow my grass every other week. I do not go out and water the grass. The only thing that I water is my Tomato Plants.

Well that means you have a garden you can eat the dandelions, the Queen Anne's lace is wild carrots, there is a thistle tea I don't know about violets but you can flavor your cofee with the chicory. You can probably smoke the tomato plants after you eat the tomato's they have more nicotine than tobacco but the mmmm good flavor probably is'nt there.

I REALLY REALLY like thong bathing suits so long as some fool doesn't try to put me in one.

I love to eat Common Dandelions (Taraxacum officinale). I usually have them wilted with bacon grease with fried potatoes and bacon. I have also eaten the blooms fried and I have drank the Wine from the flowers which were all very tasty.

The Violets (Viola) are a good source for Vitamin C. It is said that one bloom from the violet has enough Vitamin C for one day's supply.

I know you can dry the Chicory root (Cichorium intybus) and grind them up for coffee but I don't drink coffee so there is no need for me there other than the beautiful blue flower.

The Burrdock (Arctium minus or Arctium lappa) and Plantain (Plantago major) both are a good source for skin pain killers. I have used them both in the field when I have been bitten several times by mosquitoes and it does take the pain away.

As far as Queen Anne's Lace otherwise know as Wild Carrot or Bird's Nest (Dancus carota) should be taken with GREAT CAUTION. Reason the Poison Hemlock (Conium maculantum) are Deadly Poision and could easily be mixed up with the other.