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The He-Man Woman Haters' Club, In response to "Girls Only" Thread
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UlsterScotNutt |
Posted: 09-Apr-2008, 03:05 PM
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Celtic Guardian
Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 839
Joined: 05-Feb-2008
Zodiac: Birch
Realm: New England, USA
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QUOTE (j Padraig moore @ 02-Apr-2008, 06:31 AM) | QUOTE (mainopsman @ 01-Apr-2008, 01:37 PM) | One of the best "Guy" shows that has ever been on TV was the Canadian show "Red Green". Its humor was one that a guy could really relate too. Now if you had a Guiness while you watched it was even funnier.
JIM (mainopsman) |
Our local PBS affiliate has just stopped showing The Red Green Show, after many years of airing the program on Saturday nights. My boys have become big fans of Red, Harold and the other boys from Possum Lodge. We have a couple of compilation dvds. The show stopped production in 2005, I believe. Great show!
BTW, previously I posted that an independent TV station in my area was showing original Star Trek episodes, with updated special effects. Well, they stopped doing that. My wife commented they were probably just using it as a "filler" at the end of the football season.
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I've never seen the Red Green show but I have several, like 3 different people tell me I look like Red Green!!! He must be a very handsome man!!! All I know about him is he is Canadian and uses duct tape alot!! My kinda guy!!
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Plato(427-347 BC) Philosopher and Educator
Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind. Henry James (1843-1916) Writer
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people. -Abraham Joshua Heschel (1907-1972) Theology Professor
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mainopsman |
Posted: 12-Apr-2008, 06:19 AM
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Celtic Guardian
Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 229
Joined: 16-Mar-2007
Zodiac: Birch
Realm: Dundalk, Maryland
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Courses at the University suggested by the ladies:
SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS" REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY November 20, 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost
Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!
JIM (mainopsman)
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mainopsman |
Posted: 13-Apr-2008, 10:18 AM
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Celtic Guardian
Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 229
Joined: 16-Mar-2007
Zodiac: Birch
Realm: Dundalk, Maryland
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WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who wants to listen all day long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs for more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
and always be my very best friend.
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MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar
on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and hunting.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.
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mainopsman |
Posted: 13-Apr-2008, 10:26 AM
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Celtic Guardian
Group: Celtic Nation
Posts: 229
Joined: 16-Mar-2007
Zodiac: Birch
Realm: Dundalk, Maryland
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We always hear " the rules " From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.
JIM (mainopsman)
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