| maisky |
Posted on: 29-Sep-2018, 08:38 AM |
Replies: 2
Views: 3,145
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Darn! They rearraigned the place! I can't find the bar! |
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Forum: Introductions · Post Preview: #316947 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 05-Feb-2017, 08:38 AM |
Replies: 4,900
Views: 70,548
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Good morning all. I just logged in to renew my founder's club membership and wanted to say HI.
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Forum: The Jester's Court · Post Preview: #315641 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 09-Apr-2014, 12:18 PM |
Replies: 4,900
Views: 70,548
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Enjoy your day, Phillip! Perhaps I will see you here again. |
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Forum: The Jester's Court · Post Preview: #310635 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 09-Apr-2014, 12:15 PM |
Replies: 4,900
Views: 70,548
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I see. You have been into the whiskey again.  |
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Forum: The Jester's Court · Post Preview: #310629 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 09-Apr-2014, 12:13 PM |
Replies: 4,900
Views: 70,548
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OOPs? what happened, did you spill the beer?  |
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Forum: The Jester's Court · Post Preview: #310627 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 09-Apr-2014, 10:59 AM |
Replies: 4,900
Views: 70,548
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War only profits the arms makers and sellers.  |
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Forum: The Jester's Court · Post Preview: #310625 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 02-Jan-2012, 03:40 AM |
Replies: 3
Views: 788
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Happy New Year to all of my friends on Celtic Radio. Happy new year to all of my enemies, too.  |
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Forum: General Discussion · Post Preview: #304047 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 18-Dec-2011, 05:25 PM |
Replies: 77
Views: 11,564
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DARN! I can't find the macro to automatically enter me! |
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Forum: Celtic Radio · Post Preview: #303870 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 25-Aug-2010, 06:50 AM |
Replies: 18
Views: 954
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The only problem here is believing ANYTHING they are told by Fox News. rofl |
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Forum: Politics & Current Events · Post Preview: #299077 |
 Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
| maisky |
Posted on: 22-Aug-2009, 11:02 AM |
Replies: 3,156
Views: 175,670
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> S-E-X AFTER DEATH ......
>
> A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the
> other of the afterlife.
>
> Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife at all.
>
> After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his
> word, he made the first contact,
>
> "Marion .... Marion "
>
> "Is that you, Bob?"
>
> "Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
>
> "That's wonderful! What's it like?"
>
> "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then
> it's off to the golf course .. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and
> then have s**e**x a couple of more times. Then I have lunch. (you'd be
> proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty
> much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf
> course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much
> needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
>
> "Oh, Bob you must be in Heaven!"
>
> "Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ." |
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Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night! · Post Preview: #285513 |
Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
| maisky |
Posted on: 18-Aug-2009, 07:09 AM |
Replies: 3,156
Views: 175,670
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7 degrees of blonde
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde
says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
`´*:-..,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,..-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman,
sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade
was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington had to make
before he crossed the Delaware"
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,
the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."
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Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night! · Post Preview: #285322 |
Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
| maisky |
Posted on: 31-May-2009, 05:18 AM |
Replies: 3,156
Views: 175,670
|
>REDNECK FARM KID in the Marine Corps>>Dear Ma and Pa>I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the>Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to>join up quick before all of the places are filled.>I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6>a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all>you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No>hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.>Practically nothing.>Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast>is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc.,>but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie>and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by>the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds>you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys>can't walk much.>We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long>walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him>different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home.>Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.>The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is>like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and>frown. They don't bother you none.>This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting>medals for shooting. I don't know why.. The bulls-eye is near as>big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you>like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all>comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They>come in boxes.>Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to>wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they>break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.>I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from>over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once... He joined up the same>time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near>300 pounds dry.>Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers>get onto this setup and come stampeding in.>
Your loving daughter,>
Alice |
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Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night! · Post Preview: #281912 |
Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
| maisky |
Posted on: 26-May-2009, 02:15 PM |
Replies: 3,156
Views: 175,670
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An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired
mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in
town to clear his parched throat.
He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the
hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust
from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped
out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of
whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No,
I never did dance, -- just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered quickly and the gunslinger grinned
and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,"
and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector
in order to not get a toe blown off or his boots perforated
was soon hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet and
everybody was laughing fit to be tied.
When the last bullet had been fired the young gunslinger,
still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go
back into the saloon. The old man turned to his pack mule,
pulled out a double barreled shotgun, and cocked both
hammers back. The loud, audible double clicks carried
clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young
gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around
very slowly. The quiet was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the
old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
He found it hard to swallow. The barrels of the shotgun
never wavered in the old man's hands.
The old man said, "Son, did you ever kiss a mule's ass?"
The boy bully swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've
always wanted to."
There are two lessons for us all:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people.
I just love a story with a happy ending
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Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night! · Post Preview: #281651 |
Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
| maisky |
Posted on: 25-May-2009, 05:57 PM |
Replies: 3,156
Views: 175,670
|
A man owned a small ranch in Montana . The Montana Work Force Department
claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to
interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the
agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3
years.. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free
room and board.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own
room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He
also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the Rancher
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Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night! · Post Preview: #281614 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 28-Apr-2009, 04:16 AM |
Replies: 84
Views: 6,994
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| QUOTE (lschillinger @ 27-Apr-2009, 03:00 PM) | | I'm not sure if I should be concenred over this or not. A Co Worker of mine is in Cancun right now and is in the "target" age range for this thing. I guess people under 40 are at more of a risk because we haven't been exposed to anything quite like this so we have no resistance. Which is an odd change from the sick and elderly. My coworker is notorious for coming in sick to work. And she is ALWAYS sick after vacation because she wears herself out! I'm in the process of starting a family right now and am wondering if it would be in my best interest to stay at home next week. Or is that being overly cautious? |
You might consider a "blanket party" for the co-worker to correct this antisocial behavior.  |
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Forum: Health Matters · Post Preview: #280506 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 23-Apr-2009, 02:04 PM |
Replies: 11
Views: 1,442
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I must admit that I will miss my friends and companions on the game. Good luck to you! |
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Forum: Medieval Kingdom · Post Preview: #280311 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 21-Apr-2009, 09:00 AM |
Replies: 11
Views: 1,071
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Thanks for the good wishes, my friends and neighbors. I will do my best to be a good sovereign, starting by declaring a week of parties. The food and booze is on me.  |
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Forum: Medieval Kingdom · Post Preview: #280138 |
Pinned: Pub humour (Pages 1 2 3 ...211 )
| maisky |
Posted on: 07-Apr-2009, 05:02 AM |
Replies: 3,156
Views: 175,670
|
Purina Diet ... it really works
Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus.
I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me.
I told her no;
I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
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Forum: Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night! · Post Preview: #279184 |
| maisky |
Posted on: 06-Apr-2009, 04:29 AM |
Replies: 30
Views: 3,155
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| QUOTE (Dogshirt @ 05-Apr-2009, 08:09 PM) | Have you looked at your post rating? Has it dropped any? The amounts are tied to that.
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D'oh! You would think I had never been on CR before, to not remember this detail. rofl! |
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Forum: Medieval Kingdom · Post Preview: #279073 |
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