Pub humour, Jokes o'plenty

[Jimmy Carbomb]

Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly
wandered by. "Help!" Paddy shouted, "Oi'm sinkin'!" "Don't worry,"
assured Mick. "Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in
Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there." Mick leaned out and grabbed
Paddy's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more
unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Paddy, "Shure, an' Oi can't do it.
The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some
help." As Mick was leaving, Paddy called, "Mick! Mick! D'ye think it
will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?"

[RavenWing]

A man walks into a bar and says : OUCH!


That is really the only thing I can contribute.  My jokes are awful.

[MDF3530]

Quote (RavenWing @ Mar. 24 2003,11:31)

A man walks into a bar and says : OUCH! That is really the only thing I can contribute.  My jokes are awful.

You're right. That was bad.

[aklassie]

LOL

[RavenWing]

[kyladdie]

A duck walks into a pub, waddles up to the bar, and says to the bartender, "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender says: "No, we don't have any grapes-this is a pub!" The duck waddles back across the bar, hops off, then walks out the door.

The next day the duck enters the pub again and does the same thing! The bartender tells the duck again: "We don't have any grapes, we don't sell any grapes, this is a pub, so go and do not come back again!

The next day the duck walks into the same pub, waddles up to the bar and asks the bartender again: "Do you have any grapes?" The bartender gets steamed and tells the duck: "Look I am sick and tired of you coming in here every day for three days asking me if I have any grapes. If you come back here tommorrow, I am going to get nails and a hammer, and nail your webbed feet to the bar!" The duck waddles down from the bar and walks out the door.

The next day the duck goes into the same pub, waddles up to the bar, and says to the bartender: "Do you have any nails?"
The shocked and angry bartender says: "No, I don't."
Then the duck says: "Got any grapes?"

[maggiemahone1]

   
It's good to see you back on the board, kyladdie!  It's been awhile.  Come by anytime and talk with the locals.  Catch up on the local gossip!

maggiemahone1

[barddas]

That was funny kyladdie...

  cheers

[tartangal]

LOL


                      Jules

[tartangal]

A panda walks into a restaurant ,sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich,pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
   As the panda starts to leave, the manager shouts "Hey! where are you going? You shot my waiter and you haven't paid for your sandwich !"
  The panda yells back "Hey,I'm a panda ! Look it up!"
   The manager opens up his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves.

                                     Jules

[MDF3530]

That was a good one !

[tartangal]

A wee bit light relief from some of the heavier threads......


  What do you call three rabbits in a row,hopping backwards simultaneously?


            A receding hareline!

[MDF3530]

Quote (tartangal @ Mar. 28 2003,9:04)

A wee bit light relief from some of the heavier threads......

No kidding!

Dave and the others can be very long-winded on that "Iraq Conflict" thread.

(I'm trying to remember any good jokes I've heard recently but can't think of any besides the one I've already posted.)

[TracyLynn]

I knew I should have stayed inside the pub

it's a bit corny but it made me laugh...
Q: What's Irish and stays out all night?
A: Patty O'furniture!

[aklassie]

That's ok TracyLynn.  I'd rather be here also.  Much to heavy over in the other place.  Right now we all need a good laugh.  I can't think of any jokes though.