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zeryx 
Posted: 28-Sep-2006, 03:21 PM
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You Know You're Getting Old When...


* People are constantly putting a mirror under your nose while you nap to see if you're breathing.

* You finally find something you've been looking for, for ages but can't remember why you wanted it.

* You get to work before you discover you forgot to get dressed.

* You reach the toilet you forgot what you wanted to do.

* Tightening your belt becomes uncomfortable under your armpits.

* You can't finish a conversation, because you don't remember what you were talking about.

* Your spare tire is larger than your car's.

* You are abducted by aliens, but immediately returned in favor of a living specimen.

* Your top three favorite pastimes involve sleep.

* You are declined as an organ donor - you're told they're not sure if your organs are functional.

* Most of your sentences begin with, "When I was your age..."

* Bob Dole refers to you as, "old man."

* Going to the bathroom at night used to require shoes, a candle and a corn cob.

* The Smithsonian request your participation in an exhibit "The Evolution Of Man."

* The fire department is requested to attend your birthday party in case the candles on your cake get out of hand.

* George Burns calls to congratulate you on your birthday, saying, "It's just you and me, kid." Update: "Now it's just you, kid!"

* The dictionary adds your picture under the definition of "octogenarian."

* You had to get rid of your dog he kept trying to drag you to the yard to bury you.

* Medicare states that you're too old for their coverage.

* You can't be tried by a jury of your peers because there are none.

* Universities inquire about your donating your body to science they are desperate for specimens of ancient civilizations.

* You try to donate to a sperm bank but they insist they require live specimens.

* Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don't want you behind the wheel.

* Your dentist is fascinated by your wooden dentures.

* Your bifocals need bifocals.

* You're not allowed on most of the rides at DisneyWorld because they may be too intense.

* A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.

* You convince an attractive young lady to sleep with you but fail to convince your body parts to arise to the occasion.

* Young girls feel safe in your presence knowing you couldn't possibly do anything.

* Watching paint dry has a certain fascination.

* Children often innocently ask you, "What did people do before electricity?" And you can't remember.

* You can remember seeing double features for a nickel, sometimes with sound.

* Charlton Heston comes to you for advice about his character, Moses, since you were there.

* You are often asked to give a personal account of the story of creation.

* You often repeat things...You often repeat things... You often repeat things...

* You discover the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down.



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Eiric 
Posted: 12-Oct-2006, 07:02 AM
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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If you think you can hold me down
I beg to differ
If you think you can twist my words
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Tha gach uile dhuine air a bhreth saor agus co-ionnan ann an urram 's ann an cÚirichean. Tha iad air am breth le reusan is le cogais agus mar sin bu chÚir dhaibh a bhith beÚ nam measg fhein ann an spiorad brŗthaireil

If you think you can hold me down
I beg to differ
If you think you can twist my words
I'll sing forever
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haynes9 
Posted: 12-Oct-2006, 08:56 AM
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Way too funny, Lynda! I always wondered why I would wake up from a nap with a mirror under my nose biggrin.gif !


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Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more, you should never wish to do less - Robert E. Lee

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved - Romans 10:13 (KJV)

The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble, and he knoweth them that trust in him - Nahum 1:7 (KJV)
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Rindy 
Posted: 15-Oct-2006, 11:50 PM
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Funny funny Lynda....thanks...lol Slainte smile.gif
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Lil 
Posted: 25-Oct-2006, 05:09 AM
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QUOTE
Medicare states that you're too old for their coverage.


you know, the really sad thing is, there is probably someone out there who has been told that!

they were all funny, biggrin.gif, thank you!

Lil
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Derfel 
Posted: 21-Nov-2006, 08:25 PM
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It is not so bad when youīre getting old! I still can do everything I did 20 years before! But not in the same week! biggrin.gif

SlŠinte! beer_mug.gif


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sisterknight 
Posted: 22-Nov-2006, 01:22 PM
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oh my gawd!!!!!tooo funny... i'm rotflmao!!!(rolling on the floor laughing my arse off!!!) cheers.gif


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non nobis domine,non nobis sed nomini tua da gloriam.


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Lady of the Loch 
Posted: 22-Nov-2006, 04:05 PM
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Those are funny...I can't believe I didn't see this thread sooner!hahahahahaha
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John Clements 
Posted: 22-Nov-2006, 04:33 PM
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Thanks, thatís very funny stuff, so I thought I might add a few, likeÖ

When you think that multi tasking is just getting one foot in front of the other, or, when you canít trust a fart, or, like looking for your glasses, without your glasses, or, when you wish that you know what, got as stiff as the rest of you.

I hope I didnít go over the line, with that last one, but what the heck, anything for a laugh.

thanks again

JC


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Weíre all poets, only some of us write it down. JC 9/27/08

Anyone who has the courage to disagree, deserves all do respect. JC 4/28/08

Life is a loosing battle, so you might as well live it up.
J.C. 3/29/08

Life should be like skiing, you have the most fun on the way down. J.C. 8/17/07

Take their word for it, and thatís just what youíll get.
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Only the truth is worth the ultimate sacrifice.
J.C. 1/26/06

Compared to the far right, the far left is somewhere in the middle. J.C. 2/22/06

Iíll be the first to apologies, as long as I get one back.
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Itís a happy man, who can laugh at himself.

If youíre looking for a new experience, donít hire someone with a lot of it. J.C. sometime in 1990
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Lady of the Loch 
Posted: 23-Nov-2006, 07:11 AM
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rofl @ last one...that one was funny!
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Muircheartach 
Posted: 26-Nov-2006, 08:05 PM
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Hello Lynda and all!

This reminds me of a very old gentleman that used to work at my company - his nickname was "Gentle Ben".

It's rather sad that the only thing I can remember about the man was that he used to come into the restroom and walk around for a bit, roll up his sleeves and look back and forth. Then he got a somewhat startled expression on his face, which undoubtedly was the recognition that he remembered he was there to pee! Whenever I was in there, Ben's entrance and "ceremony" never failed to make me laugh. That was, however, 27 years ago, and I have about 20+ more years to go before I would be his age. I also find that I tend to take longer in the restroom than I used to... hmmm...

Some how, this doesn't seem too funny any more. unsure.gif


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capttrk1 
  Posted: 02-Jan-2007, 02:31 AM
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[CENTER]The fireworks have faded
The little guts a dud
But thank the Lord for Viagra
She still thinks I'm a Stud


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my brothers. 9/11 Never Forget
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Antonio 
Posted: 07-Jan-2007, 12:45 AM
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That is so Umm what was I talking about?



zeryx thats some very funny stuff thanks


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Semper Fi

"If a man has found nothing he's willing to die for, he is not ready to live"

DISCIPLINE MUST BE A HABIT SO INGRAINED THAT IT IS STRONGER THAN THE EXCITEMENT OF BATTLE OR THE FEAR OF DEATH.
General George S. Patton

Laws that forbid the carrying of firearms, disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes. Such laws make things worse for the assulted, and better for the assailants. They serve rather to encourge, than to prevent homicides. For an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man.

Thomas Jefferson
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Dade Emeraldstone 
Posted: 08-Jan-2007, 03:49 PM
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When all the shows you grew up with end up on Nick at Nite.


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DesertRose 
Posted: 09-Jan-2007, 06:58 PM
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When you go to the local buffet restaurant and they ask you if you are a senior citizen............what?! blink.gif down.gif I most certainly am not!

when you need your reading glasses to read simple little things. rolleyes.gif

When you can't remember what you were doing last or why you went into a room.

When someone tells you something and you can't remember what they told you and when!


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