I Really Ought To Be Ashamed Of Myself!, But this was just too funny to not post.

Telling it like it is

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading his items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up his purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly".

Here's another one, what can I say, I can't help myself:

How Retired People Have Fun

Working people frequently ask retired folks what they do to make their days interesting...

I went to the store the other day. I was in there for only about five minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a name. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a worse name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.

I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner and this one had a "Kerry-Edwards" bumper sticker on it.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.

It's important at our age.

*Tries not to laugh*

















ok..so it didnt work

So now I know what they are doing in their spare time which is what about 24 hours a day!

VIVA LA RESISTANCE !!!

Thanks I needed that.

Hilarious!!!!! Definitely needed something to make work go by faster!!!

What a perfect topper to a crummy day!!!! Thanks for the laugh

Here's another one!

You don't have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

Don't Lie to Mom!

Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from my house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian"


Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read:

"Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom"

LESSON OF THE DAY ... NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!!!