How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
***************************************************** I thought these were funny
May those who love us love us And those who don't love us May God turn their hearts, And if He doesn't turn their hearts, May He turn their ankles, So we'll know them by their limping.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Reminds me that years ago when an expansion American League baseball team started playing in Los Angelos, the comment was made that all pedestrians there were either Dodgers or Angels.
...if adult movies are closed captioned for the hearing impaired?
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Unavoidably Detained by the World
"Irishness is not primary a question of birth or blood or language; it is the condition on being involved in the Irish situation, and usually of being mauled by it."-Conor Cruise O'Brien
If you think you can hold me down I beg to differ If you think you can twist my words I'll sing forever
Tha gach uile dhuine air a bhreth saor agus co-ionnan ann an urram 's ann an còirichean. Tha iad air am breth le reusan is le cogais agus mar sin bu chòir dhaibh a bhith beò nam measg fhein ann an spiorad bràthaireil
If you think you can hold me down I beg to differ If you think you can twist my words I'll sing forever
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