Gandalf Defeated Spanish Armada

Ignorance is bliss for children tackling history
(Filed: 05/08/2004)


A large proportion of British youth think Gandalf, Horatio Hornblower or Christopher Columbus was the hero of the English fleet's defeat of the Spanish Armada, according to a survey.


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Leo

I thought gandalf pulled the sword from the stone and used it to sink the Bismark, which was on a Viking style raid for fresh French tomatoes and eggs in Morocco???? Or am I just confused?

Naw, you're thinking of Galahad. Gandalf was the one who shot King Henry VIII in the foot while prospecting for gold in the mountains of Kansas. He later bought some oceanfront property in South Dakota and opened a very successful jet-ski rental business there. He was also well know for his philanthropic efforts, giving tens of dollars to the poor children of Beverly Hills.

He was killed at the Battle of the Playboy Mansion, while defending Miss October from marauding hordes of amateur photographers.

now I thought galahad was the druid in England that had his sword seized by the police while on a slushee run? Oh well English was NEVER my strong point in school.

I thought the reason the Spanish lost was that the smaller English ships could get more miles to the galleon.

::rolls eyes and groans at the pun::

Anyway....

I'm confused. I thought that Captain Jack Sparrow shot Henry VIII while on a vacation in Maui just before he flew to Hogwarts to help Spiderman defeat the evil monster whose idea it was to start serving brocoli at dinner.

No, no, no! Spider-Man and Saddam Hussein were responsible for the Hindenburg disaster, the Lindbergh baby kidnapping and the stock market crash of '29.

You mean George Bush wasn't responsible for those?

Hussein was also behind the assassination of JFK. At least that's what I heard.

(And people wonder how Internet rumors get started! )

Ya'll are funny! Silly even, but very funny!

Bush was simply responsible for spoiling whirled peas....

Was it the evil monster that served HW Bush while on tour with the Go-Go's and then proceded to get sick on the Prime Minister of Japan and then we declared WWII on them?

No, the reason the English ships were smaller was because they enlisted the help of hobbits to keep the ships lighter, and I hear those hordes of amateur photographers are very deadly and accurate.

Naw, that was a whole different thing entirely. The evil brocoli monster is the one who had the audacity to serve Romulan ale at the coronation of the Queen of Bermuda. The British and American ambassadors got drunk and started a brawl over a game of Hopscotch, thus started the War of 1812.

Just to let you all know I had a good laugh reading this thread. Thanks for that!

This was the root cause of the War of 1812, but there were other contributing factors. The Chinese were upset with Iceland because of a disputed boundary, while neighboring Argentina tried to remain neutral. Eventually the Canadians had to join the fray because a Kentucky Colonel had found the secret recipe for Romulan ale, and threatened to divulge the secret ingredients (11 herbs and spices). And don't forget about the incident in Dallas, which resulted in the discovery of Bar-Be-Que as we know it. Why, if John Wayne hadn't fought the Cherokee, we'd all be speaking Pig Latin today.

You're welcome. I feel everyone should study history. After all, those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat the 6th grade.