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| Thoughts For A Slow Day!
, I did mention the "Slow Day" part
Posted: 13-Oct-2004, 03:57 PM
Fear-leanmhainn an Rėgh
Realm: Cape Coral, Florida, USA, Planet Earth
| Ok, so some of these are a little dated, but like I mentioned in the title, it was a slow day.
Thoughts for a slow day!
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name.?"
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have
mother, because I still have mine"
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's
fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try
send her a few bucks myself."
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But
she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you
will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll
to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other
detective replied. "A golf gun ?. What is a golf gun?"
I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken
casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And
you dump the stock.
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde
the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best
him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The
woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe: "Yeah.
Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
"I'm O K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
surgery," "What did he say," asked the nurse. "OOPS!"
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display
bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
Grandpa was driving with his 9-year-old granddaughter and beeped the
mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I
that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He replied, "How did you know?"
said, "Because you didn't say 'asshole' afterwards."
I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth. Job 19:25
"Non sibi sed patriae!"
Reviresco (I grow strong again)
Clan MacEwen motto
My Ewing Family Motto
(descendants of Baron William Ewing of Glasgow, born about 1630)
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln
"Igitur qui desiderat pacem, praeparet bellum." from "Epitoma Rei Militaris," by Vegetius
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