The first rule of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.
I tried to get a life once, but they told me they were out of stock.
I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway though.
It was so different before everything changed.
Nostalgia isn't what it use to be.
Old programmers never die. They just terminate and stay resident.
A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
I wish the buck stopped here! I could use a few.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the
end.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a trip around the sun.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you are in the
bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
Never knock on death's door, ring the bell and run (he hates that).
Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).
When you are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide
to play chess?
If you are living on the edge, make sure you are wearing your seatbelt.
There are two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. (this is my boys' philosophy)
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. (Here's to your health, then....Slainte!!)
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
Birds of a feather flock together, and then crap on your car.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't
hurt.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run
to the end of his chain and gag himself.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the
right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat are really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
Hehhhee,
Thought you might need an extra laugh today!!!
I also now know that only 12 emoticons can be used in any message at a time........
Lil