Joys And Concerns

[susieq76]

Celtic Rose,

You are so right. Thank you for your sympathies. It's amazing what a person can survive, isn't it? There are two quotes I have taped in my lemming-hole (uh...cubicle, I mean) that I love:

"Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end." - Unknown
~and~

"He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction He addeth His mercies,
To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.
His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth and giveth and giveth again."
- Annie Johnson Flint
( a friend emailed this one to me when my dog died earlier this month, and I love it)

[CelticRoz]

Oh how beautiful, SusieQ! Thank you for sharing.

[emerald-eyedwanderer]

I know I don't usually get involved in this forum, but I don't know where else to post this. It is a burden that keeps growing larger and it doesn't seem to go away. Maybe I am just looking for a few wise words or help understanding the situation or something as simple as advice.
My father just recently moved back in with me, well it is his house but he was gone for awhile. He is an alcoholic, part of the reason he was away. The past year and a half have been getting progressively worse and I was almost glad he was away and thankful for the space. Don't get me wrong I love him and plan on staying with him at least until the spring, because I though that is what he really needs. But Monday I found him passed out on the floor, I honestly thought he was dying. I called the EMS and they rushed him to the hospital where he is being kept. He overdosed on methadone, a prescription form of heroin. He is in restraints because of his behavior and the fact he is a bit crazy right now. It has all been a bit too much for me and now I find myself standing next to the bed not being able to make eye contact with him. I haven't been able to say one word to him, and I feel terrible for it. I do want to be the daughter he needs but I still stand in the corner of the hospital room staring at the floor when I should be holding his hand. I have to go see him tomorrow, so maybe I'll try just a little bit harder.

[WizardofOwls]

Oh, sweetling! I am so sorry! This must be very hard for you! I wish I had some wise words to offer, but unfortunately I don't. All I have to offer is my friendship and prayers! Hang in there and remember that we love you and while we can't be there in body, we are with you in spirit. God works in mysterious ways, and I'm sure that this will work out for the best for you. Just don't give up hope and let God help! He is always willing to lend a hand, though sometimes we don't see it! (I'm all too guilty of this myself! )

[gaberlunzie]

It is indeed a hard burden, Em...too hard at times.
To share a life with an addicted person is more than tough.
Don't feel too bad for your present state of mind. It honors you that you want to be the daughter he needs. And you feel like you are not. But on the other hand...he isn't the dad you needed as well!?!
What I want to say with that is that you can only do what you are able to do. Don't be too hard to yourself. You are "only" human. The fact you decided to stay with him speaks for itself and for you.
Follow your heart and don't push yourself too hard.
I don't have wise words for you. I wished I had.
I'm afraid the whole situation is too hard for you to carry it alone. Maybe you should look for an Al-Anon group who is specialised on help for people who have alcohol addicted relatives, partners etc.
The only thing to offer here is that you should feel free to talk to us whenever you feel you should...there will always be someone listening to you and a shoulder to lean on and a hug, too. Just remember that you are not alone.

Hugs
Gabby

[Elspeth]

Oh, Em. I hear you and understand what you are going through. My husband is an alcoholic.

You need to know your father has made the choices he has made. You can't undo that. You can't fix him and your presence isn't going to make him better, only make it easier for him to continue in the way he wants to live. But it will tear you apart. Love doesn't mean being able to stand beside someone and hold their hand while they kill themselves.

You need to take care of yourself. You are in a horribly difficult situation. Hold onto whatever love and good feelings you can for your father, but don't feel guilty for hating the addictions, and that part of your father that wants to live like that, with your entire being. There is nothing wrong with those feelings. They actually prove you care.

Whatever you do - don't beat yourself up for not being what you might see as the all loving daughter. Your father doesn't need someone to hold his hand. He needs someone to kick his butt. It has taken me 20 years to understand this with my husband. As long as I am there to take care of him, clean up the mess, comfort him - he has no incentive to change. He's comfortable as he is. Don't do that to yourself. He is making choices to ruin his life. Those are his choices. You have a life that God gave you. You must live it. Sometimes that means letting go of those we love and allow them the space to come to terms with their own lives.

I'm sorry to ramble on. Don't chastise yourself for your feelings. Sometimes what our loved ones need more than anything is for us to not be there for them so they can learn to be there for themselves.

Talk here anytime, or PM me if you like. You are in my prayers.

Elspeth

[susieq76]

Em,

I cannot say anything that anyone here hasn't said already. I don't know what this must be like for you, but am heartbroken for you. My wiser friends here on this forum have already given you fabulous advice. My only addition is to let you know we are here whenever you need someone, and that we are praying for you and your whole family. Remember through all of this to do whatever you have to in order to remain in a good place - take care of yourself, let others pamper you. And remember that you don't have to take things any more than one second at a time, if that's all you can handle. Let tomorrow take care of itself - today has enough troubles. And please do feel free to let us know when you need something - we will do all we can.

Susanna

[emerald-eyedwanderer]

Thank you all for your kind words, somtimes you just feel better be able to talk about it. Right now I am just concentrating on my schooling for this week, tons of homework , but it helps take my mind off of things.
Don't worry Wizard and Gabby, just knowing you are there is better than any words of wisdom you could give me.
Elspeth, I am sadden to hear that you can relate, I wouldn't want that for anyone. I know you are right, and I feel better just reading your post. Your experience and your words are taken to heart and thank you for sharing. It's just hard to watch someone that close hurt themselves, as you well know.
Thank you Susanna, and I am trying day by day. I know it'll get better eventually.
It makes it so much easier with a caring family and great friends. Thank you all for your prayers.

[freekenny]

O'siyo,
I don't frequent this forum/thread for it has the title Christian and though I am not an aetheist, I am not professing to be of any religion..I will let all of you know that I am of Native American spirituality and I pray and mediditate to the Great Spirit..the reason I am here is because I am about to embark on a 2-week journey to North Carolina and Georgia..I will be on the roads of many states and be on the beaches where there are many people..I just wanted to ask all of you to please say a prayer for me and sis as we travel the roads of this fantastic U.S.A. I don't believe anyone can ever have too many people praying for them and I truly believe that no matter one's 'faith', the truth of the matter is, there is only one Greater Entity that is the Master Creator no matter what one chooses to call this entity..all your prayers will be felt and are greatly appreciated! Ni Ya We (thank you)..
~~Sty-U

[WizardofOwls]

Hi everybody!

I just wanted to let you know that my little girl got to go back to school last week! We had to start family therapy with a doctor, but that's okay! I was OH SO HAPPY to see a Bible sitting on her doctor's bookshelf! I just hope and pray that the Lord can use this to help my daughter get her life straightened out! IHe does then this will have all been worth it!

I hope everything is well with everyone!

And I love you guys!

[WizardofOwls]

Hi everybody!

I just wanted to let you know that my little girl got to go back to school last week! We had to start family therapy with a doctor, but that's okay! I was OH SO HAPPY to see a Bible sitting on her doctor's bookshelf! I just hope and pray that the Lord can use this to help my daughter get her life straightened out! IHe does then this will have all been worth it!

I hope everything is well with everyone!

And I love you guys!

[emerald-eyedwanderer]

I am really glad to hear that, Wizard! And I hope things work out for your daughter. Be safe See you around.

[Roisin-Teagan]

Hello Allen,

I am so glad your daughter is able to start school and begin to start on the road of healing. One thing I know for sure is that you are a man of great faith. The Lord will be your help in time of trouble. (and hasn't He been these past few months, eh??) You are a walking testimony of God's goodness and grace!

My suggestion is everynight when your daughter is a sleep is to bath her in prayer. Maybe just go in her room and pray as the Holy Spirits leads. And also pray with her before she goes to bed---Allow her to join in the prayer with her own concerns and fears. Next, the Lord showed me to do this for my own son when he was having a hard time in school and in his life in general---I quit focusing on his problem and started taking a greater interest in him and the things he liked to do. I took him to a few music concerts and out to eat---just me and him. I invited some of his friends to tag along on some of our outtings. Oneday we played hooky (skipped school and work) and went into the city for a field trip. These things helped him feel better about himself and also helped him let his guard down and he finally opened up to me.

I know you have to follow the orders of the officals concerning your daughter, but you can help her on your own as well. I hope these suggestions give you some ideas and help. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

Love and hugs,
Róisín

[susieq76]

Hey guys,

I wanted to post a concern here, and would love to get some prayer. My Aunt Debbie is dying of cancer, and they will be bringing her home tomorrow from the hospital to die. Please pray for our family, as we let go of her and our hopes of her healing. Please pray for her son, Grant, who is only 11 or 12. And for her husband Steve, as well. She knows what is going on and is still lucid at this point, but we are not sure how long that will last. We are so heartbroken, and while we know that she will be going to heaven and will no longer suffer, grieve or hurt, it is always hard to let go. Please pray that she will be able to accomplish what she needs to in order to go peacefully, and without fear. Please also pray for peace that passes all understanding for all of us.

Thanks so much guys! I know I have put this in good hands, and feel better about it already.

Susanna

[emerald-eyedwanderer]

I am so sorry to hear that, Susie! Of course you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'll be praying for strength for your family. Keep us updated.