What A Day..., ...yesterday was

So I am sitting here at work, actually working. My cell phone rings. Its the high school calling.
Great! What is wrong now?
It is the principal. Says he has two deputy sheriffs in his office that want to talk to my son! Now what!!!
Apparently last saturday night, he asked permission to spend the night over at a friends house. And you guessed it: that is not what happened.
It seems he and some other boys got a hold of a couple bottles of vodka and had a party. The problem was how the bottles were obtained. Seems another young man was "urged" in a somewhat aggressive manner to bring them from home. Fortunately my son had nothing to do with that part. He was only asked questions about what others did that night.
But he did partake in the vodka. Very, very disapointing.
That along with a number of lies he told to get himself to that point, makes for a very grounded young man!

(This, of course, is the story in a nutshell. Rest assured, it is not over for him. The issue of underaged drinking was left to the parents to deal with. Thank you deputies!)

JP, I'm sorry you had to go through that! I have never had that happen to my family, but yesterday was a heckuva day for me too!

We were getting ready for work yesterday afternoon and the doorbell rings. I look out the window and it is my Mother in law, with our youngest son, wally.
So I open the door and let them in, it's not time for school to be over, then I get a good look at Wally, he's holding his arms in fronyt of him, bent at the elbow and they look bruised and swollen.
So we get him into the house and Mama tells us that she had been trying to call us for about 20 minutes on the cell phone, but we hadn't heard it, cos we were in the shower......
Wally was playing on the playground and got knocked off of the slide by a little girl.
He fell on his front and broke both forearms. Thank the Lord it was on mulch and not concrete or blacktop.
He has been to the shriners' Hospital in Tampa before (He had hip dysplasia) so we are calling them to see if they can set and cast his arms, otherwise it will cost $1500 per arm to do, and we do not have insurance, so it's up front all at once.

Lol, it can only get better, right?

Lil

Man guys, that is awful. I am so sorry! Kids can really test our patience and sanity, can't they! I often ask my daughter if she is vying to make me the first healthy 28 year old to die of a heart attack! Like you said Lil, hopefully it will go up from here!

I had a wonderful day yesterday - I mean, work stunk. But then, after work, I got to meet up with Carolina Scotsman, Avonlea 22 and his wife Erin at a pub here in Durham. A great time was had by all, and pics will be coming shortly. It was a blast to get to meet them all in person! They will be moving to NC soon, so that will be so much fun to have them around! We missed you, dfilpus! Sorry you couldn't be there!

So sorry lil and JP to hear the disappointing news. I guess i'm glad that my kid's are still young (11,10, & 8) I belive that I'll have issues with them as they grow, heck there is a Bar on every corner here.

Lil, I hope your little boy get's better. Noting worse than seeing your child hurt.

Susie, that's cool that you were able to meet up with some folks here! I'm glad that you had a good time.

jpmoore, Sorry to hear about your problem. I had some trouble with my son a few years ago while he was in High School. I took a bit of history from my grandfather and put my son to work. I had a dry well that I need to make and his suspension from school came at a perfect time. With nothing but a shovel, a pick, and a wheel barrel he dug for three day and then got to fill the hole with loose rocks. It was back breaking work, but I kept telling him that without a high school diploma it was really all he was good for and I wanted him to have a skill.
So far the lesson has went well. He graduated from high school and is know doing well in the Army. My grandfather said the same worked for my dad years ago. Good luck.


Lil, hope the arms heal well.

JP and Lil, ya'll remind me why I'm glad mine are all grown up. As Lil said, it has to get better. Sometimes you think they'll never grow up and be responsible adults, but they get there.

All of my kids were forewarned no drinking, drugs or smoking before their 21st birthday. Sex was for their spouse and no one else.

With one son becoming a firefighter, one day he came to me after a especially physical day and said, "Thanks, Dad". When I asked him for what, he said for not letting him smoke or drink and keeping him on the straight and narrow.

Evidently, some of his fellow trainees didn't have anyone riding their tails and are now paying for it. They don't have the endurance or stamina to perform at their peak ability and it is hurting their chances of graduating and becoming a firefighter. My son will be graduating from the Fire Academy in June.

Basically I put it to my kids like this: Under penalty of death you will not drink, smoke, take drugs or any other unacceptable behavior while under my roof or until 21, whichever comes first. We joke about it, but I underscore the message by using examples from life, theirs and mine, and we come to a happy conclusion. Doing it my way.

stevenpd,
I agree with your philosophy wholeheartedly. But please understand, we have the same one with our son. It is just he broke our trust. And our hearts.
The frustrating thing about this whole thing is that he's been busted. It is out in the open. But he continues to lie about some of the details from that night. I caught him in one last night. Why continue to lie about the events of that night?

He and I will talk some more tonight.

I understand completely! No one is perfect and I never expect perfection. In our family we talk about things that would make other people cringe. But we talk with the understanding that we, my wife and I, as parents do know a little bit more about life than the kids. The kids know what is expected of them and what could happen as a consequence. Not just from a parental action but from their action and the impact on them personally. We too have had our bumps in the road and that's when the lights go on. They suddenly realize that ole' Mom and Dad may not just be so crazy after all.

Talking is good. Listening is good. Trying to understand the underlying reasons for the situation is good.

There's an old story that I read many moons ago. It's about the scientific application of punishiment.

Evidently there was a boy who managed to get into serious trouble at school. So much so, that he was sent home with a note from the principal. Of course his Mother was furious, sent him to his room and was told to stay there until his Father returned home from work. The was sweating bullets for the rest of the afternoon.

Upon the Fathers return home, he was apraised of the situation and promptly went to see his son. After a brief discussion, it was mutually decided upon a punishment. In the days of this story corporal punishment was used. The was required to go to the backyard and select a number of switches to be used for his punishment of various dimnesions. After selecting the prerequiste number, the son returned to his room and for the punishment to be meted out.

The Father then closed the door and proceeded to test selected switches on the bed. Father and son then proceeded to test the switches. The first was too stiff, that would leave bruises which the Father didn't want to do. The second was to flimsy, it would leave cut marks. They went through all the switches is this manner to select just the right one. All the Mother could hear was the whacking that was taking place and was worried.

After going through all the switches, discussing the pros and cons for each one. It was jointly decided that none would be acceptable. To end the conversation the Father said, "I don't want a repeat performance of this kind of testing. I don't think it will be necessary will it? I would sure hate to have to go a select the right switch my self and have to use it. It is important that you understand that the rules are there for your protection, you may not understand it now, but you will when you get older".

One of the things that I drive home to my kids is that I don't want them to make the same mistakes as I did while growing up. They can benefit from my mistakes and make less mistakes of their own. I want them to be better than me.


"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing."

John Powell