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Joined: 05-Jun-2005 Zodiac: Elder
Realm: Ganado, Navajo Nation, Arizona
Disclaimer: I LOVE bagpipe music! Having said that, this is pretty good stuff. Hats off to Dr. Bob Griffin, a church planting pastor in Wyoming, for compiling these.
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison? A. Shoot one.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A. People cry when you chop up an onion.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a ball into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the Ducks.
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Q. What's the difference between the Great Highland and Northumbrian Bagpipes? A. The GHB burns longer [but the Northumbrian burns hotter]
Q. What do you call bagpiper with half a brain? A. Gifted.
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an In-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus? A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you've been hallucinating.
Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe? A. Add vibrato.
Q. What's the definition of a gentleman? A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
Bonus: Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead Bagpiper in the road? A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
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Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost. -- John Quincy Adams
Do your duty in all things. You cannot do more, you should never wish to do less - Robert E. Lee
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved - Romans 10:13 (KJV)
The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble, and he knoweth them that trust in him - Nahum 1:7 (KJV)
Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road? A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune? A. Someone is blowing into it.
Q. Why do pipe bands march when they play? A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
One day a piper left his pipes in clear view on the backseat of his car. When he returned he was shocked to find the rear window broken and another set of pipes beside his.
"I've just washed my kilt and I can't do a fling with it."
Q. Why don't pipers polish their shoes? A. So nobody will see up their kilt.
Q. What's worn under the kilt? A. (to a man) Same as you only bigger. A. (to a woman) Nothing lass it's in perfect working order.
Q. How do you put a twinkle in a piper's eye? A. Shine a light in his ear.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a ball into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the Ducks.
Hmmmm . . .
I thought the definition of "perfect pitch" with regard to bagpipes is if you can pitch them into the dumpster and land them right on top of the accordion without hitting the sides.
Q. What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.
Dear Lord, lest I continue in my complacent ways, help me to remember that someone died for me today. And if there be war, help me to remember to ask and to answer "am I worth dying for?" - Eleanor Roosevelt
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
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