Pub humour, Jokes o'plenty

[tartangal]

Maggie,
  LOL. That's not only a joke, that's every woman's dream.Sigh! If only!!
                          Jules

[free2Bme]

LOL!

I saw a bumper sticker on a car this morning: "Since my divorce I need THREE men to Keep me HAPPY! One to cook, one to clean, and one to mow the yard!"

[free2Bme]

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish" says the genie.

The Welshman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Wales."

With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in Wales was forever made fertile for farming.

The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country. Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye,'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France.

The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

[tartangal]

LOL!!!


                         Jules

[barddas]

OUCH! WHHHEEW  That was funny Free2bme!

[Jimmy Carbomb]

I bow to the Queen of Janetania!

Bwaaahaaahaaaa... that's funny!

[free2Bme]

Ther's no need to bow, a simple kiss of my ring will suffice

I will try not too post anything too controversial - but I could not pass that one up.

[MDF3530]

I've heard that one before but it's still funny !

[free2Bme]

This is one only fellow Scadians will understand and appreciate - a new definition for PMS! (its baaaaaaad)

http://www.ebaynham.com/Merchan....de=sanr

[free2Bme]

Your daily humor:

Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?
A: Why should he go out when he can get bombed at home!


***


The recent referendum in Iraq has confirmed Saddam Hussein as president for another seven-year term by 100% support.

An old man voted No at the first instance but was so worry about the consequence. He therefore went back to the voting station and told the administrator: "Look, I am such a old man and have probably made a mistake by putting the X at the wrong position, I beg you not to punish me and
wish to correct my mistake". The adminstrator said to him, "Don't worry, we have corrected it for you already".

[Jimmy Carbomb]

Saddam's doctor called a meeting of all the Saddam look-alikes.

"Men, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news. The good news is Saddam is still alive. The bad news is he lost an arm."

[Jimmy Carbomb]

AUTO REPAIR:
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET:
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

EXPOSURE:
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right br_ast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your br_ast is hanging out." he says.
She looks down and says, "OH MY G_D, I left the baby on the bus again!"

KNITTING:
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

IN A VACUUM:
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY:
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:
"I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M.
~Signed, The Blonde"
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note....
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"

[barddas]

Quote (free2Bme @ April 02 2003,6:46)

This is one only fellow Scadians will understand and appreciate - a new definition for PMS! (its baaaaaaad) http://www.ebaynham.com/Merchan....de=sanr

Oh that WAS bad... Too funny!!  

[tartangal]

What's a Scadian??

  Am I stupid or just from a different country? I've never heard that word.
                        Jules

[free2Bme]

SCA = Society for Creative Anachronisms (aka people who wear funny clothes and try to re-create the middle ages)

Scadian = someone who is a member of the SCA who dresses in funny clothes and tries to recreate the middle ages.

The whole entire world is divided up into kingdoms, and each kingdom is divided into shires. It is much like a social organization, but only more so.  www.trimaris.org is the kingdom that I belong to.