Got Any Funny Church Memories?

[Elspeth]

Most families have funny stories that took place in church. What are yours?

One I remember is after I came back from camp when I was about 11. We were asked what we learned to which we responded a song. We were asked to sing it for the congregation. We tried to tell them it wasn't a good idea, but no one would listen. So, my friend and I got up in front of the church and sang.............


Granny's in the cellar
Lordie can't you smell her making biscuits on that dirty old dirty stove
In her eye there is a matter that keeps drippin in the batter
And she whistles while the *SNIFF* goes down her nose
Down her nose, Down her nose
And she whistles while the *SNIFF* runs down her nose.


We tried to tell them........

[aklassie]

One of my best memories was when my sons were little. We were going to a little church in Ga. My youngest had a toad in his pocket. My mother in law made him leave it outside. Michael, my son thought the toad needed to learn about Jesus and cryed when he had to leave it.

[cscunningham]

Sort on topic.

When I was about 6 I was visiting my cousin, some how the conversation got around to girls. I told my cousin I did not like girls. She turned to me and said your prejudice. In a very serious voice I turned to her said, no I am not, I am a Protestant.

Some 40 years later, this still get brought up a family reunions.

[TheCarolinaScotsman]

As a proper minister's wife, my mother said she could never understand why people couldn't make their children behave in church; then she had me. One memory that stands out, I must have been about four years old. I was sitting on the end of the pew next to the center aisle. Now at four years of age, sermons can be very long and tedious. It was a warm summer day (before AC) and my mind was wandering as a small boy's mind is wont to do. For some reason, I became focused on how far it was across the aisle to the other pews. I wondered if I could turn a somersault all the way across the aisle. I was sure that I could, but there was no way of knowing without proof. I must have sat patiently for all of two minutes before deciding that I couldn't stand it anymore and "had" to find out if I could turn a somersault across the aisle. I still don't know if I could have done it. I was half way across when a hand reached out and snatched be back so fast I had trouble focusing on my mother's scowl. I was firmly held till the end of service when my mis-adventure was firmly dealt with. I probably behaved a whole week before getting "distracted" again.

[Ceciliastar1]

My favorite memory was going to daily mass with me, my brother, and my grandma. Well it was during the summer and it was hot. It was during the consecration (the most important part of mass) when all of a sudden a mouse ran up the center aisle. My brother, Tom, ran out of the pew and chased the mouse all the way up to the altar and around it and back into the sacristy. A few minutes later Tom came out and came back to the pew (the mouse was nowhere to be seen). I can only imagine how my grandmother felt. Haha!

[talleyrand]

I don't think I was old enough to be in kindergarten, but I was close so we'll call it 4. The church was in the basement of the grade school (K-8) and my Mom was part of the Alter Society and this was the day they were cleaning church. There was a neat looking red box on the wall, with a little white lever... Of course, I pulled it but nothing happened so I went about my business of crawling under pews and staring at candles and statues. Then a whole bunch of kids started pouring out of the staircase and out the doors. My mom grabbed me and we went and stood outside with everyone else. I didn't understood what was going on but I did see a kid that lived down the street and told him all about cleaning church, candles, that red box and I was busted. Apparently they had just installed the fire alarm a few weeks before I tested it for them.

It must be in the blood though because I've had a nephew do the same thing, except at my sister and brother-in-law's work when he was 5ish and just a few week's back my son (2.75) reached up and got his hand on the lever at my work before I stopped him.

Otherwise, my favorite memories involved Fr. Jim and Fr. Frank. Fr. Frank had a basset hound, maybe it was a beagle, and during all school masses Fr. Jim would bring it over and let it loose toward the end. I thought that was the greatest thing when I was in grade school.

[Gordon]

My fondest memories of church really didn't involve anything at church but rather, the drive there. Myself, 2 sisters, and 3 cousins would all spend weekends with our paternal grandmother at her condo and on sunday mornings, we'd get up bright and early for a big breakfast then all pile into her Pinto. It was a squeeze but I always thought of clowns and the circus when we did it.

Gordon

[Siobhan Blues]

My husband 'did a funny' a few months ago. He operates the sound booth for the church services, and sits up in a booth in the center of the balcony while he operates the equipment. He's a deacon too and they take turns saying the prayer before the offering is taken up - they walk up to the podium where the preacher usually stands and say the prayer there.
Well, Reid's turn came on a day when he was in the sound booth, so for fun he did his prayer over the sound system - no one could see who was doing it! It was like this big booming voice from heaven blessed the offering - people were turning EVERY which way trying to figure out where the prayer came from!


This post has been edited by Siobhan Blues on 16-Jul-2004, 11:42 AM