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Celtic Radio Community > Ye Ole Celtic Pub - Open all day, all night! > So, You're A Cannibal


Posted by: gaberlunzie 12-Oct-2007, 12:56 PM
So, you're a cannibal.

The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!

Pull the pin and count to what?

Which wire was I supposed to cut?

I wonder where the mother bear is.

I've seen this done on TV.

I can make this light before it changes.

Nice doggie.

I can do that with my eyes closed.

I've done this before.

SSSHHHAARRRRKKKKK!

Watch out for that trUUUUCK!

The ice is safe.

It's so tame I can put my head in its mouth.

Hey, man, gimme a match. I can't see but I think my gas tank's empty.


Hell's Angels ? Then why are you all dressed like one of the Village People ?

Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.

Dad, why the apple on my head ?


biggrin.gif biggrin.gif Anyone knows some more?

Posted by: TheCarolinaScotsman 12-Oct-2007, 01:46 PM
I am reminded of a joke my uncle told me way back during the beatnik era.

A man was driving down the road when he saw a fellow hitch hiking. By his clothes and facial hair it was obvious he was a beatnik. The man stopped and picked him up. As they were driving done the road they came to an intersection and stopped. The driver looked to his left and asked the beatnik if anything was coming from the other direction. The beatnik said, "Nothing but a big dog, man." As the man stared across the intersection, his car was crushed by a bus. When he woke up in the hospital, he was in the same room as the beatnik. "I thought you said there was nothing but a big dog!" "Yeah man, a Greyhound."

Watch out for those big dogs, man. rolleyes.gif

Posted by: haynes9 12-Oct-2007, 02:08 PM
Absolute classics, Gabby! I'll see if I can add some others down the line. Great stuff!

Posted by: Robert Phoenix 13-Oct-2007, 04:24 PM
The blade isn't that sharp.

It's not loaded

My acme order is in! (Wile E. Coyote)

Posted by: stoirmeil 13-Oct-2007, 05:11 PM
"I been picking these mushrooms all my life."

"Hey guys! I got the answer key from last year's final exam!!!"

(celtic-themed last words) "Ha ha, look at the big hairy queer over there in the plaid skirt!" rolleyes.gif

"I believe I've set some kind of record." (Dylan Thomas, after downing 17 shots in quick succession and just before passing out.)

"This wallpaper is atrocious. One of us has to go." (Oscar Wilde -- apocryphal, possibly not true, but my favorite last words in history.)

Posted by: gaberlunzie 14-Oct-2007, 07:32 AM
I've got some more...

Why am I standing on a plastic sheet?

Are you pregnant or just plain fat ?

Bob, you have any grenades left ? Throw me one...

Come outside and say that, Tyson.

Diamonds... Gold... Sapphires !!! Terry ! Terry, we're rich, we're rich, we're fabulously wealthy !!!! ...Terry..... Terry ??

Don't shoot, it's me...

"DO NOT OPEN"

Posted by: Rindy 16-Oct-2007, 09:39 AM
These are so good... Gabby & stoirmeil. Thanks for posting them.

Slainte

Posted by: Robert Phoenix 16-Oct-2007, 08:36 PM
I can't sleep.
~~ James M. Barrie, author, d. 1937

Posted by: sisterknight 17-Oct-2007, 08:16 AM
did i do thaaaat?-steve urkel

Posted by: Robert Phoenix 17-Oct-2007, 03:59 PM
Ouch!

Posted by: Lady of Avalon 17-Oct-2007, 07:27 PM
Engage! --Captain Jean-Luc Picard-- STNG

Posted by: sisterknight 18-Oct-2007, 07:50 AM
beam me up scotty- cpt.kirk

Posted by: crazykiltedcelt 19-Oct-2007, 07:21 AM
hold still this won't hurt a bit!!!

Posted by: stoirmeil 19-Oct-2007, 10:20 AM
"Wait a minute, I think I see the problem!"
(French aristocratic engineer, lying at bottom of stuck guillotine looking up)

Posted by: gaberlunzie 19-Oct-2007, 10:42 AM
"Honey, would you please give me a fork?"
(The man who was said to own the first toaster)

Posted by: gaberlunzie 19-Oct-2007, 11:40 AM
Just remembered another one: laugh.gif

Inscription on a tombstone:
"I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK!"

Posted by: ogdenmusic 31-Oct-2007, 12:37 AM
Let the Chickens Loose

Posted by: John Clements 31-Oct-2007, 08:35 AM
Etched on W.C. Fields tomb stone:
“I’d rather be here, then in Philadelphia.”

This may not have been his last words, but Mickey Mantel said:
“If I knew I was going to live this long. I would have taken better care of myself.”

Posted by: sisterknight 31-Oct-2007, 09:19 AM
poison ivy??? i thought it was just a pretty flower

Posted by: Robert Phoenix 05-Nov-2007, 08:39 PM
Beethoven, Ludwig van (1770-1827)
"Friends applaud, the comedy is over."

Posted by: Druid_of_Ark 11-Dec-2007, 11:43 AM
And as any Arkansas Redneck knows the most famous last words are...."Hey Y'all watch this!"

Posted by: piobmhor piper 14-Jan-2008, 06:30 AM
I'm not fat, I'm big boned.

The Check is in the mail.

I'm from the government, I'm here to help.

Live life on the edge, run with scissors!

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye, Then it's a sport!

Posted by: bigdissaved 14-Jan-2008, 08:32 AM
Stick this pin in the outlet, lets see what happens...

Mom, its ok. its just a small cut...


Yes dear, those pants DO make U look fat.......


who needs first aid, WE'VE GOT BEER!!!!!


bartender, last one pls. ( after that drink, the guy was a stiff, and so did the barkeep...)


Im thinkin more........ to come

Posted by: Druid_of_Ark 14-Jan-2008, 08:40 AM
Robert L. Ripley's Museum was so popular that people were going in and not coming out, to solve this problem he posted signs with an arrow that said, "See The Egress" well people followed the sigh to a large door and there wasa a sign that proclaimed "Egress" so they weht through the door. Well as most learned people know Egress means exit!

Proving the adage of P.T. Barnum, "There is a sucker born every minute."

Posted by: piobmhor piper 14-Jan-2008, 06:34 PM
When in Rome do as the Romans do

When in France...go back to Rome

Posted by: Druid_of_Ark 14-Jan-2008, 07:22 PM
When in France head back to Scotland to defend against the Romans and their ways. The Romans are the Borg Collective and their religion was used to assimilate the world. Resistance was futile because the Scots were too busy with fighting each other to fight the Romans.

Posted by: piobmhor piper 15-Jan-2008, 04:27 PM
QUOTE (Druid_of_Ark @ 14-Jan-2008, 08:22 PM)
When in France head back to Scotland to defend against the Romans and their ways. The Romans are the Borg Collective and their religion was used to assimilate the world. Resistance was futile because the Scots were too busy with fighting each other to fight the Romans.

But the Scots out lived the Romans!

Gee I found this cup made of lead. I think I'll drink form it till I'm dead!

Posted by: Druid_of_Ark 15-Jan-2008, 04:35 PM
Aye Laddie we outlived the Romans only to be absorbed by the Klingons, the English Cling onto the Scots to keep us form being free. Saor Alba!

Posted by: piobmhor piper 18-Jan-2008, 06:45 AM
I can only help one person per day. Today isn't your day, and tomorrow does look good either!

Posted by: Druid_of_Ark 18-Jan-2008, 08:54 AM
Complaints are handled by our Customer Care Specialist Helen Waite, so if you have a complaint go to Helen Waite. Thank you!

Posted by: piobmhor piper 18-Jan-2008, 02:08 PM
In the words of my grandughter Pthhhhpppppppp! She loves raspberries.

Posted by: Druid_of_Ark 18-Jan-2008, 05:45 PM
There is the story of the two lovebirds that went on a Safari in Africa, well the Lass asked her Husband if he thought she was Sweet, he said yes. The next day he could not find her anywhere, so he asked the Guide if he had seen her. The guide replied, "Yes And she was!"

Posted by: pretentiouswombat 01-Feb-2008, 10:55 AM
She has such a nice personality.

It's just a little zit - no one will notice.

The light was still yellow when I went through it, officer.


Posted by: Nara 01-Feb-2008, 01:19 PM
"Yes, Mom, I can hold it." said by my tiny-bladdered son, way too late. and usually in the middle of rush-hour traffic.


Posted by: pflanary 04-Feb-2008, 11:48 AM
Here kitty, kitty--small child at the zoo as she slips through the bars.

Posted by: Druid_of_Ark 04-Feb-2008, 09:46 PM
Hey this water is a bit warm for my bath, and whats with the carrots and greens in my bath, is this some kind of Crazy African Tradition?

Posted by: pretentiouswombat 14-Feb-2008, 05:45 PM
Just a little stick. (what nurse or doctor hasn't said that to a patient?)


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