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Posted by: valpal59 04-Feb-2009, 01:33 PM
DEPORT HER TO AMERICA !!







The Rambo Granny of Melbourne, Australia
Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot off their testicles.

The old lady spent a week hunting those men down -- and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way, said Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp. Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: 'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.'

Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth , 33, lost both his pe*** and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the hotel room where he and former prison cell mate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled pe***, police said. The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to, Detective Delp told reporters. Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through.

The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped in broad daylight by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row. "When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the Law would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either-- because I've got me a gun and I've been shooting' all my life. And I wasn't dumb enough to turn it in when the law changed about owning one."

So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos', Tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel.

I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them, the oldster recalled.

So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door and the minute the big one, , opened the door, I shot 'em right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went in and shot the other one as he backed up pleading to me to spare him. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in.

Now, baffled lawmen are trying to figure out exactly how to deal with the vigilante granny. What she did was wrong, and she broke the law, but it is difficult to throw an 81-year-old woman in prison, Det. Delp said, especially when 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for Mayor.

DEPORT HER TO AMERICA --- WE NEED HER !!






Posted by: valpal59 04-Feb-2009, 01:53 PM
Cemetery Gate

I just wanted to get the day over with and go down to Smokey's. Sneaking a look at my watch, I saw the time, 1655. Five minutes to go before the cemetery gates are closed for the day. Full dress was hot in the August sun. Oklahoma summertime was as bad as ever--the heat and humidity at the same level--both too high.

I saw the car pull into the drive, '69 or '70 model Cadillac Deville, looked factory-new. It pulled into the parking lot at a snail's pace. An old woman got out so slow I thought she was paralyzed; she had a cane and a sheaf of flowers--about four or five bunches as best I could tell.

I couldn't help myself. The thought came unwanted, and left a slightly bitter taste: 'She's going to spend an hour, and for this old soldier, my hip hurts like hell and I'm ready to get out of here right now!' But for this day, my duty was to assist anyone coming in.

Kevin would lock the 'In' gate and if I could hurry the old biddy along, we might make it to Smokey's in time.

I broke post attention. My hip made gritty noises when I took the first step and the pain went up a notch. I must have made a real military sight: middle-aged man with a small pot gut and half a limp, in marine full-dress uniform, which had lost its razor crease about thirty minutes after I began the watch at the cemetery.

I stopped in front of her, halfway up the walk. She looked up at me with an old woman's squint.

'Ma'am,may I assist you in any way?'

She took long enough to answer.

'Yes, son. Can you carry these flowers? I seem to be moving a tad slow these days.'

'My pleasure, ma'am.' Well, it wasn't too much of a lie.

She looked again. 'Marine, where were you stationed?'

' Vietnam, ma'am. Ground-pounder. '69 to '71.'

She looked at me closer. 'Wounded in action, I see. Well done, Marine. I'll be as quick as I can.'

I lied a little bigger: 'No hurry, ma'am.'

She smiled and winked at me. 'Son, I'm 85-years-old and I can tell a lie from a long way off. Let's get this done. Might be the last time I can do this. My name's Joanne Wieserman, and I've a few Marines I'd like to see one more time.'

'Yes, ma 'am. At your service.'

She headed for the World War I section, stopping at a stone. She picked one of the flowers out of my arm and laid it on top of the stone. She murmured something I couldn't quite make out. The name on the marble was Donald S. Davidson, USMC: France 1918.

She turned away and made a straight line for the World War II section, stopping at one stone. I saw a tear slowly tracking its way down her cheek. She put a bunch on a stone; the name was Stephen X.Davidson, USMC, 1943.

She went up the row a ways and laid another bunch on a stone, Stanley J. Wieserman, USMC, 1944.

She paused for a second. 'Two more, son, and we'll be done'

I almost didn't say anything, but, 'Yes, ma'am. Take your time.'

She looked confused. 'Where's the Vietnam section, son? I seem to have lost my way.'

I pointed with my chin. 'That way, ma'am.'

'Oh!' she chuckled quietly. 'Son, me and old age ain't too friendly.'

She headed down the walk I'd pointed at. She stopped at a couple of stones before she found the ones she wanted. She placed a bunch on Larry Wieserman, USMC, 1968, and the last on Darrel Wieserman, USMC, 1970. She stood there and murmured a few words I still couldn't make out.

'OK, son, I'm finished. Get me back to my car and you can go home.'

Yes, ma'am. If I may ask, were those your kinfolk?'

She paused. 'Yes, Donald Davidson was my father, Stephen was my uncle, Stanley was my husband, Larry and Darrel were our sons. All killed in action, all marines.'

She stopped. Whether she had finished, or couldn't finish, I don't know. She made her way to her car, slowly and painfully.

I waited for a polite distance to come between us and then double-timed it over to Kevin, waiting by the car.

'Get to the 'Out' gate quick. I have something I've got to do.'

Kevin started to say something, but saw the look I gave him. He broke the rules to get us there down the service road. We beat her. She hadn't made it around the rotunda yet.

'Kevin, stand at attention next to the gatepost. Follow my lead.' I humped it across the drive to the other post.

When the Cadillac came puttering around from the hedges and began the short straight traverse to the gate, I called in my best gunny's voice: 'TehenHut! Present Haaaarms!'

I have to hand it to Kevin; he never blinked an eye--full dress attention and a salute that would make his DI proud.
She drove through that gate with two old worn-out soldiers giving her a send-off she deserved, for service rendered to her country, and for knowing duty, honor and sacrifice.

I am not sure, but I think I saw a salute returned from that Cadillac.







Posted by: piobmhorpiper 05-Feb-2009, 08:57 AM
QUOTE (valpal59 @ 04-Feb-2009, 02:33 PM)
DEPORT HER TO AMERICA !!

And when you are done with her send her up to Canada!

Posted by: valpal59 08-Feb-2009, 08:19 AM
What is Butt Dust???

What, you ask, is 'Butt dust?' Read on and you'll
discover the joy in it!

These have to be original and genuine No adult is this
creative!!


JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his
new baby sister . After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is
one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was .
Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more . Melanie said,
'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties .
Mine say five to six . '

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night . 'I
love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my
bedroom window . '

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain
killer . She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle . Seeing her
frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to
open it for her . Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does
it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the
hiccups . 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my
teeth cough . '

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked:
'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were
hugging and kissing in a restaurant . Without taking his eyes off them, he
asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried .
When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know
what'll happen with this bed when I get married . How will my wife fit in
it?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story . His dad
read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the
city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt . ' Concerned, James
asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an
elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew . Tammy looked at her for a
while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget . . . .
this particular Sunday sermon . . . 'Dear Lord,' the
minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on
his upturned face . 'Without you, we are but dust . . . ' He would have
continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening
leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year
old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

Posted by: Camac 08-Feb-2009, 11:27 AM
valpal59

Just goes to show you that you don't want to mess with an "Aussie Shielah" blow you unmentionables off. Good for her they ought to give her a medal at least.


Camac.

Posted by: valpal59 27-Feb-2009, 09:41 AM
Just had to share this.

Val

Michael's Night
True Story -- Worth
Reading!!!

At the prodding of my friends, I am writing this story. My name is Mildred Hondorf. I am a former elementary school music teacher from Des Moines , Iowa . I've always supplemented my income by teaching piano lessons-something I've done for over 30 years. Over the years I found that children have many levels of musical ability. I've never had the pleasure of having a prodigy though I have taught some talented students.

However I've also had my share of what I call 'musically challenged' pupils. One such student was Michael. Michael was 11 years old when his mother (a single Mom) dropped him off for his first piano lesson. I prefer that students (especially boys!) begin at an earlier age, which I explained to Michael.

But Michael said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him play the piano. So I took him as a student. Well, Michael began with his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor. As much as Michael tried, he lacked the sense of tone and basic rhythm needed to excel But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I require all my students to learn.

Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he'd always say, 'My mom's going to hear me play someday.' But it seemed hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Michael off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled but never stopped in.

Then one day Michael stopped coming to our lessons. I thought about calling him but assumed because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming. He was a bad advertisement for my teaching!

Several weeks later I mailed to the student's homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise Michael (who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital. I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify. He said that his mother had been sick and unable to take him to piano lessons but he was still practicing 'Miss Hondorf I've just got to play!' he insisted.

I don't know what led me to allow him to play in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be all right. The night for the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives. I put Michael up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my 'curtain closer.'

Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed. Then Michael came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he'd run an eggbeater through it. 'Why didn't he dress up like the other students?' I thought. 'Why didn't his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?'

Michael pulled out the piano bench and he began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart's Concerto #21 in C Major. I was not prepared for what I heard next. His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the ivories. He went from pianissimo to fortissimo. From allegro to virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart demands were magnificent! Never had I heard Mozart played so well by people his age. After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was on their feet in wild applause.

Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Michael in joy. 'I've never heard you play like that Michael! How'd you do it? ' Through the microphone Michael explained: 'Well Miss Hondorf . .. Remember I told you my Mom was sick? Well, actually she had cancer and passed away this morning And well . . She was born deaf so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special.'

There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening. As the people from Social Services led Michael from the stage to be placed into foster care, noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy and I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Michael as my pupil.

No, I've never had a prodigy but that night I became a prodigy. . . Of Michael's. He was the teacher and I was the pupil for it is he that taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a chance in someone and you don't know why.

Michael was killed in the senseless bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in April of 1995.


Posted by: jayhenson 27-Feb-2009, 10:53 AM
On the subject of "kids say the darnedest things..."

My 5yo nephew was over at my parents (his grandparents on his moms, my sister, side) house when I stopped by to visit. He is fairly rambunctious and likes to wrestle and roughhouse like any 5yo (he is a HUGE fan of Pokemon and Bakugan and such). He was in my mom's lap and was starting to get too playful so my mom said he couldn't wrestle around with her. He asked "why..is it because you're too old?" We all chuckled as mom (who is 63) politely explained that it was because she was all soft and gentle like a loving grandma. He thought about that and said, innocently and matter-of-factually " well, you look old". We all laughed and he hopped in my lap as I am always a good source of roughhousing for him. Mom then asked "well, what about Uncle JayFrog (my name, for which there is a story for another day), isn't he too old? He got out of my lap, walked over to my 67yo father and started rubbing the wrinkled skin on his hand and said, "no, he doesn't have this kind of skin yet.."

He is so freakin smart and observant that is is scary sometimes....

Peace

Jay (a.k.a. Uncle JayFrog)

Posted by: Perkeo 27-Feb-2009, 03:49 PM
Stupid Tickets

A good Samaritan who helped push three people out of the path of a pickup truck before being struck and injured has gotten a strange reward for his good deed: A jaywalking ticket.

Family members said 58-year-old bus driver Jim Moffett and another man were helping two elderly women cross a busy Denver street in a snowstorm when he was hit Friday night.

Moffett suffered bleeding in the brain, broken bones, a dislocated shoulder and a possible ruptured spleen. He was in serious but stable condition Wednesday.
The Colorado State Patrol issued the citation. Trooper Ryan Sullivan said that despite Moffett's intentions, jaywalking contributed to the accident.

Moffett had been driving his bus when the two women got off. In the interest of safety, he got out and, together with another passenger, helped the ladies cross.
Moffett's stepson, Ken McDonald, said the driver of the pickup plowed into his stepfather, but not before Moffett pushed the two women out of the way.
When he awoke in intensive care, he learned of the ticket. "His reaction was dazed and confused. I was a little angry," said McDonald.

The other man also was cited for jaywalking, while the pickup driver was cited with careless driving that led to injury. Sullivan said the two elderly women haven't been cited but the investigation is ongoing.


Posted by: Donajhi 04-Mar-2009, 10:44 AM
Can I adopt "Rambo Grannie", Please..................

Posted by: valpal59 10-Mar-2009, 08:26 AM
Cancel your credit card before you die..........(hilarious!)

Now some people are really stupid!!!!
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family MEMBER: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'


Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: ' Sure.' (Fax number was given )


After they get the fax :

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help...'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'



(Priceless!!)
And you wondered why Citi is going broke and need the feds to bail them out!!



Posted by: valpal59 15-Mar-2009, 10:14 AM
Love this



*Boat Compromise*

My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her, "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"

Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."

Posted by: valpal59 15-Mar-2009, 10:21 AM
Love Maxine.

This may be the best
Living Will I've Seen




I,__________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Sex
Martini
Cold Beer
Chocolate
Chicken fried steak
Cream gravy
Sex
Mexican food
Chocolate
French fries
Chocolate
Pizza
Sex
Ice cream
Cup of tea
Chocolate
Chocolate
Sex
Chocolate


It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!

Posted by: valpal59 15-Mar-2009, 10:28 AM
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark."

"You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen done in my entire career.



Posted by: Camac 15-Mar-2009, 10:33 AM
valpal59;

Am old sailing buddy of mine said once that he was going to put one request in his living will and that was the morning after his first night in hospital if he woke up and junior wasn't at attention PULL THE PLUG as there is no sign of life.



Camac.

Posted by: valpal59 18-Mar-2009, 10:37 AM
This is me. wink.gif

My Forgetter!

Forgetter Be Forgotten

This is really cute

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

When I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there';
When I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I say 'who the poop was that?'

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke.
It's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

CAN YOU RELATE?

Posted by: valpal59 31-Mar-2009, 01:48 PM
This Would Work:



This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"

I thought this was the BEST idea.!



Dear Mr.President,

Patriotic retirement:

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;

pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.



All this and it's still cheaper than the "bailout".




Posted by: Faerydreamer 31-Mar-2009, 05:01 PM
QUOTE (valpal59 @ 04-Feb-2009, 02:33 PM)
DEPORT HER TO AMERICA !!

I must agree that we need her here. The criminals get three meals a day, a bed to sleep in, and a warm place to stay and they do not always have to work for it. Yes, some prisons require you to work but there are some times or places that you do not have to. We need to treat more criminals like what they are. Isn't the saying "an eye for an eye"?


Posted by: valpal59 03-Apr-2009, 12:22 PM
I just had to share this. It would have been something to see.

The Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
>
> I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have
> two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one
> I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
>
> When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a
> few sessions with my students. It helps them get over
> shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids
> bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they
> catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any
> boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in
> to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
>
> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
> outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of
> the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
>
> She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my
> baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his
> birthday.'
>
> 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love,
> and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke
> grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella
> cord.'
>
> She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and
> I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder
> with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
>
> 'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying
> and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand
> behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house
> for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is
> doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
>
> 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
> but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
> Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like
> this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the
> wall..)
>
> 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept
> in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and
> spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has
> her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing
> away. It was too much!)
>
> 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push,
> push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting,
> but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out
> comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they
> all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so
> there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out,
> the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
>
> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned
> to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever
> since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I br
> ing my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle
> Wife' comes along.

Posted by: valpal59 13-Apr-2009, 07:42 AM
A guy is driving around the back woods of
Georgia and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style
house: 'Talking Dog for Sale '

He rings the bell and the owner appears
and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the back yard and sees
a nice looking Beagle sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Beagle replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of
hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'

The Beagle looks up and says, 'Well, I
discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to
help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the
toughest branch of the armed services...the US Army Special Forces.
You know the reputation of them Green Berets.'

In no time at all they had me jetting
from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world
leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was
one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger. So, I decided t o settle down.

I retired from the Army (8 dog years is
56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some
undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a
batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm
just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and
asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why
on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he 's such a bullshitter. He
never did any of that stuff. He was in the Navy.'

Posted by: valpal59 16-Apr-2009, 12:31 PM
Who knew?
Eliminate ear mites. All it takes is a few drops of Wesson Corn Oil in your cat's ear... massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.

Kills fleas instantly... Dawn Dishwashing Liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas.

Rainy day cure for dog odor: Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.

Did you know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately-without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers?

Did you know that Colgate Toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 tablespoon horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product was never been advertised for this use.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes... cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus : Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine Mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection... to prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear Nail Polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer... if menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover: Just pour a drop of Elmer's Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt's Tomato Paste boil cure... cover the boil with Hunt's Tomato Paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters... to disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine , a powerful antiseptic.

Vinegar to heal bruises... soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Quaker Oats for fast pain relief... it's not for breakfast any more! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
































Posted by: valpal59 27-Apr-2009, 07:50 AM
I'm impressed.

This is incredible. 4th, 5th, and 6th graders.

You need to watch it to the end.

It was at the US Naval Academy.

I think these girls from Kings School District in Ohio do a lot of practicing….

Unbelievable!


Click and use sound.


http://soonereyo.blip.tv/#1826380

Val

Posted by: InRi 27-Apr-2009, 11:19 AM
Hi Val

Really impressive... I've got no words.
I have to be careful that I don't trip over my own feets while I'm going wink.gif and these girls put ropes between their feets while they jumping... - and it looks really fine!

http://vodpod.com/watch/1511049-kings-firecrackers is once more to watch...

Regards

Ingo

Posted by: ranger 29-Apr-2009, 07:37 AM



Mayonnaise Jar &Two Beers...

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.


They agreed that it was..

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.


The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.


He then asked the students again if the jar was full.


They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.


Of course, the sand filled up everything else.


He asked once more if the jar was full.


The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.


The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life..


The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.


'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.


The same goes for life.


If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.


Spend time with your children.


Spend time with your parents.


Visit with grandparents.


Take time to get medical checkups.


Take your spouse out to dinner.


Play another 18..


There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.


Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.


Set your priorities.


The rest is just sand.


One of the students raised her hand and inquir ed what the Beer represented..


The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.




Posted by: valpal59 30-Apr-2009, 07:26 AM


'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.

'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !

'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'


By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :


Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis , set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card.

In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.

Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.


My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow).

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.

It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.


I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'

When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.


I never had a telephone in my room.

The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.


Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.


All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.

On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.


Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.


If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.


Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.


How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.

Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records What about 78 RPM records.
15. S& H greenstamps (or Blue Chip stamps)
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young

If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older

If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!


I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.



Posted by: valpal59 13-May-2009, 01:10 PM
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple" The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.


The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."


"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you crazy!?" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

And from that moment..."we have lived happily every after."

Posted by: Glasgowlass 14-May-2009, 05:04 AM
I didn't know where else to post this so here it is. This is very bad news for the city of Oshawa ontario.

"Why is this happening when we build the best trucks in the world?"

-- GM retiree Pat Creighton

OSHAWA -- Charles Bottomley, Harry Bottomley, Pat Creighton and Bill Kress.

There's more than 100 years of service -- and four generations -- who have worked proudly and continuously at General Motors here in Oshawa.

A father, a son, a daughter and a son. Or in the case of Bill Kress, he, his mom, his grandfather and his great-grandfather. But later today the streak will end with him.

After today Oshawa no longer will have its famous truck plant, which set quality standards and produced more than 10 million of the vehicles since 1965.

And his family's century-long chain will end when that last truck rolls off the line. His 2,600 co-workers face the same fate -- leaving General Motors in Oshawa with just 3,800 workers, down from the high of 18,000 in the 1980s.

For Bill's mom, Pat Creighton, it's going to be difficult no longer having those bragging rights, since her family has worked without intermission or interruption at General Motors since 1908.

"My grandfather, Charles Bottomley, was an original who worked even earlier for Sam McLaughlin at the McLaughlin Carriage Company," she says.

She is glad he is not around to see this day. Same goes for her dad, Harry, who retired after 35 years in 1970. Pat was proud to continue that legacy when she went on the job in 1955 and retired in 1989.

'A SOMBRE WEEK'

Her son, Bill, continued the tradition by putting in 26 years. At 49 he didn't quite make it to retirement.

And, sadly, there will not be a fifth generation. "It has been a sombre week," he says.

"It's upsetting," adds Creighton, now in her 70s and very upset at the state of the soon-to-be bankrupt company she and her family have been so proud to have been affiliated with for so long.

GM spokesman Stew Low says the last truck should be completed at about 11 a.m., after which there will be a ceremony including the raffle of that truck, with proceeds going to Sick Kids, to a worker or retiree.

Low, too, is saddened, saying of the workers: "They have worked really hard and have done everything that was asked of them." No matter which way you cut it, he says, "the market for pickup trucks in the United States has contracted," which is the harsh reality of it.

Who knows what the future holds as the entire global auto sector restructures. Will there be a GM? Will the pensions be covered?

"It's scary," Creighton told the Toronto Sun editorial board at a special meeting this week at the McLaughlin Gallery here.

She was one of several retired and current workers from both GM and Chrysler who attended, along with Mayor John Gray. And she did not pull any punches.

"We just laid down and said rape us," she said of Canada in the changing economy. "I don't call it free trade and it's certainly not fair trade. How can we compete with people making $4 a day?"

'SOLD DOWN RIVER'

The fact that a truck plant is remaining in Mexico, as well as several in the United States, is disgraceful. "We can't compete with offshore -- especially when they have no environmental laws," she said. "And now all the jobs are off to Mexico, India, Russia, Korea and China. The truth is they sold the Canadian people down the river."

CAW Local 222 president Chris Buckley agrees: "We need to remind our workers that this has come about through no fault of their own but because of bad decisions by General Motors and years of government neglect to deal with the realities of trade imbalances."

GM should be "hanging their heads in shame because they are closing the best truck plant in the industry."

Former CAW president Buzz Hargrove adds, "The fact that GM is continuing to make trucks elsewhere is an insult -- especially when they agreed to keep it open."

Hargrove has always talked of the import issue and "right now in Canada we import 28% from foreign countries while most of these countries we import from don't buy anything from us. It doesn't make any sense to me." He added most European countries have their import quota set at 12% and others at 5%. In Canada he believes if it was set at 17%, North American vehicles could better compete.

"They should put tariffs on imports immediately since they have had a free ride since the 1960s," says Creighton.

Or, she says, do it the way we are doing it by closing down all the plants, put the workers on the dole while countries without proper labour or environmental laws grow their wealth while our politicians talk about the new green economy.

"Why don't we just tell the truth?" asks Creighton. "We now have lost our industry -- auto, textile, steel and softwood lumber. What is this new economy they are talking about? Please tell me what it is because I don't see it."

What she does see is her family legacy sailing off into the sunset today with the closing of the GM truck plant.


Posted by: valpal59 14-May-2009, 07:24 AM


A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.
Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.
'I'm sorry; sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, and then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'


Posted by: valpal59 18-May-2009, 10:07 AM
Loved this....

FORMS ARE GOING FAST- SIGN UP TODAY!
Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to
his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen
to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's
provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the
United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen
is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five
years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the
process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an
excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have
stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures
I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter
would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges
throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome
car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I
still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent, (hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status
rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA )
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!!
Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040.

Posted by: Arabella 21-May-2009, 12:45 PM
"It is fitting and proper that we devote one day each year to paying
> special tribute to those whose constancy and courage constitute one
> of the bulwarks guarding the freedom of this nation and the peace of
> the free world." President Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1953
>
Just in case shes right.
>
>by Pam Geller
>
I am a student of history. Professionally, I have written 15 books
> in six languages, and have studied history all my life. I think
> there is something monumentally large afoot, and I do not believe it
> is just a banking crisis, or a mortgage crisis, or a credit crisis.
> Yes, these exist but they are merely single facets on a very large
> gemstone that is only now coming into a sharper focus.
>
> Something of historic proportions is happening. I can sense it
> because I know how it feels, smells, what it looks like, and how
> people react to it. Yes, a perfect storm may be brewing, but there
> is something happening within our country that has been evolving for
> about 10 - 15 years. The pace has dramatically quickened in the past
> two.
>
> We demanded and then codified into law the requirement that our banks
> make massive loans to people whom we knew could never pay back? Why?
> We learned recently that the Federal Reserve, which has little or no
> real oversight by anyone, has "loaned" two trillion dollars (that is
> $2,000,000,000,000) over the past few months, but will not tell us to
> whom or why or disclose the terms. That is our money. Yours and
> mine. And that is three times the $700B we all argued about so
> strenuously just this past September.
>
> Who has this money? Why do they have it? Why are the terms
> unavailable to us? Who asked for it? Who authorized it? I thought
> this was a government of "We the People," who loaned our powers to
> our elected leaders. Apparently not.
>
> We have spent two or more decades intentionally de-industrializing
> our economy. Why?
>
> We have intentionally dumbed down our schools, ignored our history,
> and no longer teach our founding documents, why we are exceptional,
> and why we are worth preserving. Students by and large cannot write,
> think critically, read, or articulate. Parents are not revolting,
> teachers are not picketing, school boards continue to back
> mediocrity. Why?
>

We have now established the precedent of protesting every close
> election (now violently in California over a proposition that is so
> controversial that it wants marriage to remain between one man and
> one woman. Did you ever think such a thing possible just a decade
> ago?). We have corrupted our sacred political process by allowing
> unelected judges to write laws that radically change our way of life,
> and then mainstream Marxist groups like ACORN and others to turn our
> voting system into a banana republic. To what purpose?
>
>
Now our mortgage industry is collapsing, housing prices are in free
> fall, major industries are failing, our banking system is on the
> verge of collapse, Social Security is nearly bankrupt, as is Medicare
> and our entire government. Our education system is worse than a joke
> (I teach college and know precisely what I am talking about.) The
> list is staggering in its length, breadth, and depth. It is
> potentially 1929 x 10. And we are at war with an enemy we cannot
> name for fear of offending people of the same religion who cannot
> wait to slit the throats of your children if they have the
> opportunity to do so.
>
> And now we have elected a man no one knows anything about, who has
> never run so much as a Dairy Queen, let alone a town as big as
> Wasilla , Alaska . All of his associations and alliances are with
> real radicals in their chosen fields of employment, and everything we
> learn about him, drip by drip, is unsettling if not downright scary
> (Surely you have heard him speak about his idea to create and fund a
> mandatory civilian defense force stronger than our military for use
> inside our borders? No? Oh, of course. The media would never play
> that for you over and over and then demand he answer it. Sarah
> Palin's pregnant daughter and $150,000 wardrobe is more important.)
>
> Mr. Obama's winning platform can be boiled down to one word:
> Change...radical change. Why?
>
> I have never been so afraid for my country and for my children as I
> am now. This man campaigned on bringing people together, something
> he has never, ever done in his professional life. In my assessment,
> Obama will divide us along philosophical lines, push us apart, and
> then try to realign the pieces into a new and different power
> structure. Change is indeed coming. And when it comes, you will
> never see the same nation again.
>
> And that is only the beginning.
>
> I thought I would never be able to experience what the ordinary,
> moral German felt in the mid-1930s. In those times, the savior was a
> former smooth-talking rabble-rouser from the streets, about whom the
> average German knew next to nothing. What they did know was that he
> was associated with groups that shouted, shoved, and pushed around
> people with whom they disagreed; he edged his way onto the political
> stage through great oratory and promises. Economic times were tough,
> people were losing jobs, and he was a great speaker. And he smiled
> and waved a lot. And people, even newspapers, were afraid to speak
> out for fear that his "brown shirts" would bully them into
> submission.
>
>And then he was duly elected to office, with a full-throttled
> economic crisis at hand [the Great Depression]. Slowly but surely he
> seized the controls of government power, department by department,
> person by person, bureaucracy by bureaucracy. The kids joined a
> Youth Movement in his name, where they were taught what to think.
> How did he get the people on his side? He did it promising jobs to
> the jobless, money to the moneyless, and goodies for the
> military-industrial complex. He did it by indoctrinating the
> children, advocating gun control, health care for all, better wages,
> better jobs, and promising to re-instill pride once again in the
> country, across Europe , and across the world.
>
> He did it with a compliant media - Did you know that? And he did
> this all in the name of justice and...change. And the people surely
> got what they voted for. (Look it up if you think I am
> exaggerating.) Read your history books. Many people objected in
> 1933 and were shouted down, called names, laughed at, and made fun
> of. When Winston Churchill pointed out the obvious in the late 1930s
> while seated in the House of Lords in England (he was not yet Prime
> Minister), he was booed into his seat and called a crazy
> troublemaker. He was right, though.
>
> Don't forget that Germany was the most educated, cultured country in
> Europe . It was full of music, art, museums, hospitals,
> laboratories, and universities. And in less than six years - a
> shorter time span than just two terms of the U. S. presidency - it
> was rounding up its own citizens, killing others, abrogating its
> laws, turning children against parents, and neighbors against
> neighbors. All with the best of intentions, of course. The road to
> Hell is paved with them.
>
As a practical thinker, one not overly prone to emotional decisions,
> I have a choice: I can either believe what the objective pieces of
> evidence tell me (even if they make me cringe with disgust); I can
> believe what history is shouting to me from across the chasm of seven
> decades; or I can hope I am wrong, close my eyes, have another latte
> and ignore what is transpiring around me.
>
> Some people scoff at me; others laugh or think I am foolish, naive,
> or both. Perhaps I am. But I have never been afraid to look people
> in the eye and tell them exactly what I believe - and why I believe
> it. I pray I am wrong. But, I do not think I am.
>
>
> About the author via Google...
>
> Pamela "Atlas" Geller began her publishing career at The New York
> Daily News and subsequently took over operation of The New York
> Observer as Associate Publisher. She left The Observer after the
> birth of her fourth child, but remained involved in various projects
> including American Associates, Ben Gurion University and being Senior
> Vice-President Strategic Planning and Performance Evaluation at The
> Brandeis School.
>
> After 9/11, Atlas had the veil of oblivion violently lifted from her
> consciousness and immersed herself in the education and understanding
> of geopolitics, Islam, terror, foreign affairs and imminent threats
> the mainstream media and the government wouldn't cover or discuss.
>
>
> Since many of you enjoy senior citizen status or will sometime in
> the not too distant future, I thought you might be interested in this
> information.
>
> IN GOD WE TRUST
>
> Everybody that is on this mailing list is either a senior citizen, is
> getting close, or knows somebody that is.
>
> Most of you know by now that the Senate version (at least) of the
> "stimulus" bill includes provisions for extensive rationing of health
> care for senior citizens. The author of this part of the bill,
> former senator and tax evader, Tom Daschle, was credited today by
> Bloomberg with the following statement.
>
> Bloomberg: "Daschle says health-care reform will not be pain free.
> Seniors should be more accepting of the conditions that come with age
> instead of treating them."
>
> If this does not sufficiently raise your ire, just remember that
> Senators and Congressmen have their own healthcare plan that is first
> dollar or very low co-pay which they are guaranteed the remainder of
> their lives and are not subject to this new law if it passes.
>
> Please use the power of the Internet to get this message out. Talk
> it up at the grassroots level. We have an election coming up in one
> year and nine months. We have the ability to address and reverse the
> dangerous direction the Obama administration and its allies have
> begun and in the interim, we can make our voices heard! Let's do it!

Posted by: valpal59 27-May-2009, 08:52 AM
A Letter from Granddad: (Well
Stated!)

John is 63 years old and owns his own
business.

He is a life-long Republican and sees
his dream of retiring next year is now all but gone. With the stock
market crashing and all the new taxes coming his way, John knows he
will be working for a good number more years.



John has a Granddaughter. Ashley is
a recent college grad. She drives a late model car, wears all the
latest fashions, and also likes going out and eating out a lot.
Ashley campaigned hard for Obama, and after he won the election she
made sure her Grandfather (and all other Republican family members)
received more than an earful on how the world is going to be a much
better place now that Obama won the election.



Ashley recently found herself short
of cash and cannot pay her bills, again. As she has done many other
times in the past, she e-mailed her Grandfather asking for some
financial help.

Here is his reply:



"Sweetheart,

I am replying to your request for
more money. Ashley, you know I love you dearly and am sympathetic to
your financial plight. Unfortunately, times have changed. With the
election of President Obama, your Grandmother and I have had to set
forth a bold new economic plan of our own...the 'Ashley Economic
Plan'.



Let me explain. Your grandmother and
I are highly productive, wage-earning tax payers. As you know, we
have lived a comfortable life and in return have forgone many things
like fancy vacations, luxury cars, etc.



We have worked hard and were looking
forward to retiring soon. But this plan has changed. Your president
is significantly raising our personal and business taxes. He says it
is so he can give our hard earned money to other people.



Do you know what this means, Ashley?
It means less income for us. Less income means we must cut back on
many business and personal expenditures. One example is, we were
forced to let go of our receptionist today. You know her. She
always gave you candy when you visited my office. Did you know she
worked for us for the past 18 years? I can't afford her anymore.
That is a taste of the business side.



Some personal economic affects of
Obama's new taxation policies include none other than you. You know
very well that over the years your grandmother and I have given you
thousands of dollars in cash, tuition assistance, food, housing,
clothing, gifts, etc., etc. By your vote, you have chosen another
family over ours for help. Judging from your Email requesting more
money, I recommend you call 202-456-1111. That is the direct
telephone number for the White House. You yourself repeatedly told
me I was foolish to vote Republican.



You said Mr. Obama is going to be the
people's president and is going to help every American live a better
life. Based upon everything you have told me and things we heard
from him as he campaigned, I am sure Mr. Obama will be happy to send
a check or transfer money into your checking account. Have him call
me for the transaction and account numbers, which by now I know by
heart.



Perhaps you now can understand what I
have been saying for all my life: those who vote for the president
should consider what the impact of an election will be on the nation
as a whole, and not just be concerned with what they can get for
themselves (welfare, etc.). What Obama voters don't seem to realize
is all of the "government's" money he is 'redistributing' to illegal
aliens and non-taxpaying Americans (deemed "less fortunate") comes
from tax money collected from income tax-paying families. Remember
how you told me, "Only the richest of the rich will be affected"?
Guess what, honey? Because of our business, your Grandmother and I
are now considered to be the richest of the rich. On paper, it might
look that way. But in the real world, we are far from it. But, as
you said while campaigning for Obama, some people will have to carry
more of the burden so all of America can prosper. You understand
what that means, right? It means that raising taxes on productive
people results in them having less money. Less money for everything,
including granddaughters.



Congratulations on your choice for
"change". For future reference, I encourage you to attempt to add up
the Total value of the gifts and money you've received from us over
the years, and compare it to what you expect to get over the next
four years from Mr. Obama.

Remember, we love you dearly... but
from now on you'll need to call the number referenced above when you
need help.

Good luck, sweetheart.



Love,

Grampa



PS: How was your recent trip to
Jamaica? I have never been there but I hear it is lovely this time
of year."

Posted by: Patch 27-May-2009, 10:47 AM
That is priceless!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: Patch 27-May-2009, 10:53 AM
On the meaning of "Political Correctness"..... You gotta admire the
fact that this award-winning definition came from a good ol',
All-American...... Aggie!





Sometimes you are encouraged about our country's future when you see
something like this. Specifically, there is an annual contest at
Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of
a contemporary term. This year's term was "Political Correctness."
The winner wrote:

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional,
illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous
mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is
entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

(This guy has nailed it.)

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Posted by: InRi 08-Jun-2009, 08:40 AM
The oldest European man celebrated yesterday during a military ceremony his 113th birthday. Henry Allington is the last still alive founder of the British Air Force. He celebrated within the circle of his family, friends and members of the British Navy on board the war ship "HMS President".
"It is wonderful, never I would await such a honor" said Mr Allington, who undergone three centuries. Asked for the secret of such a long life he answered: "Be so good as you can."

Well then! Congratulations.

Ingo

Posted by: valpal59 15-Jun-2009, 07:38 AM
Pastor's wife's parable.....

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of
the land called America, having lost their morals, their
initiative,
and their will to defend their liberties, chose as their
Supreme
Leader that person known as "The One".


He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no
meaning; but
He hypnotized the people telling them, "I am sent to save you.
My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous
ego,
and my association with evil doers are of no consequence. For
I
shall save you with Hope and Change.

Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who
preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that
all he
has built must be destroyed." And the people rejoiced, for
even
though they knew not what "The One" would do, he had promised

that it was good; and they believed.
And "The One" said "We live in the greatest country in the
world. Help me
change everything about it!"
And the people said, "Hallelujah! Change is good!"

Then He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats." And the
people said "Sock it to them!"
"And redistribute their wealth."
And the people said, "Show us the money!"
And then He said, "Redistribution of wealth is good for
everybody"



And Joe the plumber asked, "Are you kidding me? You're going
to steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??" And "The One"
ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's
personal records were hacked and publicized.



One lone reporter asked, "Isn't that Marxist policy?"
And she was banished from the kingdom!

Then a citizen asked, "With no foreign relations experience
and
having zero military experience or knowledge, how will you
deal with
radical terrorists?" And "The One" said, "Simple. I shall sit
with
them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are;
and
they will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!" And
the
people said, "Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can
beat our
weapons into free cars for the people!"


Then "The One" said, "I shall give 95% of you lower taxes."
And
one, lone voice said, "But 40% of us don't pay ANY taxes." So
"The
One" said, "Then I shall give you some of the taxes the
fat-cats
pay!" And the people said, "Hallelujah!! Show us the money!"

Then "The One" said, "I shall tax your Capital Gains when you
sell your homes!" And the people yawned and the slumping
housing
market collapsed. And He said, "I shall mandate employer-
funded health care for
EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give
every
person unlimited healthcare and medicine and transportation
to the
clinics." And the people said, "Give me some of that!"

Then he said, "I shall penalize employers who ship jobs
overseas." And the people said, "Where's my rebate check?"

Then "The One" said, "I shall bankrupt the coal industry and
electricity rates will skyrocket!" And the people said,
"Coal is
dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don't care for that
part
about higher electric rates." So "The One" said, "Not to
worry. If
your rebate isn't enough to cover your expenses, we shall
bail you
out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over!"

Then He said, "Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted.
Let's grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education,
free
lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed
housing..." And the people said, "Hallelujah!!" And they
made
him King!

And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs
and ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off
workers.
Others simply gave up and went out of business and the
economy sank
like unto a rock dropped from a cliff.
The banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a
crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support.

Then "The One" said, "I am the "The One" - The Messiah - and
I'm
here to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone
will
have enough!" But our foreign trading partners said unto
Him, "Wait
a minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You
will
have to pay more..." And the people said, "Wait a minute.
That is
unfair!!" And the world said, "Neither are these other
idiotic
programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist
state
and a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!"

And the people cried out, "Alas, alas!! What have we done?"
But
yea verily, it was too late. The people set upon "The One"
and spat
upon him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once
mighty
nation was no more; and the once proud people were without
sustenance or shelter or hope. And the Change "The
One" had given them was as like unto a poison that had
destroyed
them and like a whirlwind that consumed all that they had
built.
And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in
anguish,
"Give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!" But
it was
too late, and their homeland was no more.










Posted by: Faerydreamer 05-Jul-2009, 07:13 PM
All I can say to that one is "WOW" That sounds all to true to what we are going through now in this country.

Posted by: valpal59 09-Oct-2009, 07:53 AM
Just had to share this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAdHtlGdyrE&feature=youtube_gdata

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