Seniors, Old Farts And Just Growing Old!, Attaining "Senior" status

I'll be 66 in Sept. and I still work and still enjoy it 99% of the time. The one thing I find though is my patience is not what it used to be especially when it comes to stupidity.



Camac.

I'm not even there yet and I simply DON'T have patience at all (tolerance 0) actually in regards of stupidity especially the ones that insults my intelligence by acting subtly stupid in thinking that I won't notice...by the age of 66 I'll probably commit murder if I don't control myself...

LOA

I used to think I was becoming more patient with age. Then I realized that I just do not give a sh-t!!!

Slàinte,    

Patch      

Patch;

You hit it right on the head.

Camac.

Oh my WORD, I just found this thread today and y'all are killin' me! My stomach hurts from laughing... Killer the Jack Russell, husbands that become 92, and bless your hearts wheelchairs that stick! Thank you for sharing, man. The screensaver on my computer says "He who can laugh at himself shall never cease to be amused" and I swear by that. Next time I'll tell y'all how I flooded my downstairs studio last week when I started filling with soapy water a sink of dirty dishes upstairs...

My first visit here I ought to share that I am 51. My knees crapped out on me a year ago and when I went for x-rays the technician said 'well honey, what's brought you here today?' I grinned and said "I TURNED 50 AND FELL APART!" She laughed and said 'Join the club.' If any of you are baseball fans, you'll understand this: I walk like Braves manager Bobby Cox before he had hip replacement surgery. Graceful I ain't.

But happy I is! Our youngest child married and flew the coop so I've discovered a joy few warned me about: the Empty Nest Syndrome is the best thing since sliced bread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to be this witty?

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff the "Wonder Dog", and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say, and we're working on new ones everyday!!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

You are lucky! I was approaching 45 when I began falling apart. As for the "empty nest" syndrome, I wandered around the house for a bit but then I settled in nicely! Now, nearly 20 years later, I have become a crusty and opinionated old fart!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

Twenty years ago at seventeen my oldest daughter packed her bags said love you and good-bye and moved 3000 miles away to Vancouver to work and go to school. My youngest I practically had to throw out but she got the message and off she went. I love the empty nest as I can do what I want go where I please and if I want Be a miserable old Fart and it don't upset nobody. Freedom is glorious.


Camac

Two patients limp into two different American Medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The first patient sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
The second patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The first is a Senior Citizen.
The second is a Golden Retriever.


Slàinte,    

Patch    

Patch;

As one old Fart to the Chief Old Fart; Let me tell you of my morning so far.
I arose at my usual time, Half past sunup. Stood up put my glasses on and stretched. I then proceeded to the Loo and emptied the old canteen. Then I started brushing my teeth only to have the head of the tooth brush snap in half. Must have been defective. I then washed my face and turning to get the towel stubbed my right baby toe on the bathroom door. That hurt. While hopping around the bathroom turning the air blue I knocked my glasses flying to land,yep in the john which I hadn't flushed yet. Recovering my glasses and cleaning them I walked down the hall to the kitchen for my morning coffee. Fetching my favourite mug I put sugar and cream in it then poured the coffee. Not in the mug but into the sugar bowl. Forgetting the coffee I went to my little office area and as I sat down the chair shot out from under me and my butt hit the floor with a very audible thud. I think I should have stayed in bed hidden under the covers. If this is a forecast of what the rest of the day will be like I'm going to lock myself in the closet.


Camac.

That is not a good start!! This IS Monday! That tops anything I can recall. I hope the day/week improves!

Slàinte,    

Patch    

God man you're making me laugh so hard I'm hardly able to see the screen so full of tears are my eyes....

That's the laugh I needed today...I can't wait to be an old fartess too it seems a lot of fun...

LOA (still laughing)

Oh, I've had the Fart Makeover now! I have been wearing my hair (shoulder length) a medium brownie-red for years. Got sick of it -- suddenly it looked just rusty to me, and I had let it grow out over the summer to give it a rest, not thinking how grey it was underneath. Had my horrifed hair girl lop it all off to the gray roots -- that is, less than 2" layers all over, only to see that the top was far more salt than pepper, and the back and sides are pure salt! When you keep it colored, you just can't tell . . . So I looked and looked at the color, and I was kind of tickled but I wasn't quite brave enough to let it stay that way, but put in a medium blonde color for the first time in my life to ease the transition. Most fun choosing a new lipstick shade to go with it, brighter and more bodacious.

All here at work are very complimentary -- especially all the over-50 ladies with short, light-colored hair. I guess now I have to learn the secret old-fart handshake.

Camac -- you missed one move. You didn't drop what was left of your toothbrush in the toilet with your glasses. Try and get it tomorrow morning.

stoirmeil;

This morning I got up put on my glasses my robe and shoes used trhe john flushed it and put the lid down took my classes off and put them in the robe pocket, used a brand new toothbrush and put the towel over my shoulder. As to coffee I waited till I was dressed and went out for it.
Played it safe all around.

Camac

I'm only 48, but I feel very very very old today, my right hip hurts, my knee hurts and my feet are aching, it's 9:20 and I could go for a nap, I wish I had a recliner in my office like Ulsterscotnutt does.