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MDF3530 
Posted: 20-Oct-2008, 03:20 PM
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Hello, everyone!

I've returned from my trip to Charlottesville. My friend's wedding was very nice. As the best man, I gave the toast. Nate has been like a brother to me for almost 25 years and I hope he's as good a husband to Tannis as he has been a friend to me.

I did do some sightseeing. Friday I drove along the Blue Ridge Parkway and got some awesome pictures.

URL for the pics: http://flickr.com/photos/mdf3530/

Gabby, I'm sorry to hear about your friend.


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DesertRose 
Posted: 20-Oct-2008, 11:18 PM
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Hello all. sorry I have not been around much. Have had family visiting my home and that has taken all my time. I am hoping life will soon get back to normal now.

Gabby, my sincere condolences to you and your friend's family.





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leenie 
Posted: 06-Nov-2008, 12:15 AM
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Oh Gabby, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Know that my thoughts are with you.

Gwenlee it sounds like you had a wonderful time, wish I could have been there. Our Highland Games were canceled this year and don't know when they will if ever be held again...
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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 07-Nov-2008, 02:52 PM
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Thank you for your kind words, they are very much appreciated!

I have a problem to accept all the losses I have experienced during the past few years. I know I need to move on and this is what I always did and will do again but it's awfully hard to be so tough. It started when my husband left the family about 8 years ago. I had the luck to meet another man, who was the love of my life. I was very protective to my heart and this relationship grew slowly but constantly. He had to go to a distant city for a job for half a year just when we realised how much we meant to each other. Still there were the weekends. Me being a single Mom had no chance to follow him to share his daily life at that time. But I knew this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We were looking forwards for his project to end in about two months when he would return "home".
But this never happened. He was killed in a car crash on his way from me to his job in the late night hours.
I needed to move on because time never stands still and I had to care for my children. I learnt to live with it but grieving is still part of my life. It's been two years now and the pain changed but never faded though I let go he will always be a part of me. There's nothing I could do about it.
I carried on, with life, job, friends and family.

But his year I lost two more persons in my life and I feel I can't bear any more losses and it's getting harder to handle them, too.

Maybe it's this time of the year, the grey and dark November days and nights. But I seem to loose too many dear persons and it's getting harder to escape this big back hole.

I have always been optimistic, I always loved to laugh and I never gave up and never will. You know, we women are very closely connected to Mother Earth and we carry her warmth and strength in our hearts. But even the strongest ones sometimes feel weak and hopeless. And like being unable to carry even more.

I also know that on the other hand I'm blessed with my own wee family. I have a wonderful second family who is so very precious to me, too. There are the daily little wonders and joys along the way which I see and enjoy.
I'm trying to remember that nothing and really nothing in life happens without a special reason and even the worst things carry a message for us. New doors open, every obstacle we overcome is turning into a milestone. We are learners for all our life - I just wished that at the moment I hadn't to learn as much as I have to.

I'm sure you all know these dark times and how it feels when your spirits are down and dark clouds seem to cover the sky.
But even then the light is there though we can't see it. Even then there still tare he sun, the moon and the shining stars at night, even if I can't see them at the moment. Even then I know that our Creator has a plan for me and I need to have trust. I know some day I will understand.

But for today how could I handle the darkness?

Sorry to sound so much like whining. I will be back to my optimism, I know. Maybe I needed to "vent" and it's you who had to "listen" though you've never been asked if you were willing to. So maybe I need to apologise here.
But let me say "Thank you" for listening.

Mike, I enjoyed looking at the link you posted and I'm glad you seemingly had such a great time.
Rose, I know you enjoyed to have your family visiting you - and that you will enjoy the quieter times as well.
Gwenlee, I'm glad you had a wonderful time at the Highland Games! And leenie, I sure hope yours will take place again next year.

You all stay safe and take care!



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valpal59 
Posted: 07-Nov-2008, 04:25 PM
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hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif to you Gabby.
I am so sorry for all of the loss you have gone through so recently. There is no need to apologize and I will gladly listen to you "vent" anytime you need to. I hope that the darkness you feel lifts very soon and remember that we are all here for you. You are an amazing person.

Val


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rarosagreeta 
  Posted: 07-Nov-2008, 04:37 PM
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wow thats life saying how important you are and at times it tells you in ways that are hard to live with, i didnt read your post untill after i posted ageless and now it relates to you especially because the heart you have is so big right now with both pain and joy that life is almost putting a stop on your aging and telling everyone around you that these trials before you will never stop who you are to be always for the people you have and the loved ones you've lost, thats the higher blessings we see.
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 08-Nov-2008, 07:11 PM
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Dear Gabby,

Life hasn't been easy on you lately my dear and yes it's good to let go or you will explode like one friend of mine told me just a short while ago when all I could see was despair. And as you know though I did not experience as many loss as you and another friend of mine who is a member here as well, I did lost one good friend just before we left for our trip.She was a scotswoman very dear to me. She died suddenly.

Even if we try to understand there is no answer and there will be none unfortunately to all our questions as to why it happens, to me there is only one logic answer...that's part of life. Death is part of it, either we like it or not nothing will change that fact, we all have our destiny and as you said in your previous post there is the importance to cherish what we have and tell our loved ones that we care and love them everyday.

Like you I'm a tough one who grew up hiding and keep her emotions in check all the time. Crying was not for me unless alone in my bedroom in silence. Even today I can't show emotions especially in front of my dad as you know.
But I guess that what makes us strong as well Gabby, we are able to deal with hard situation because of our optimism and positiveness no matter what.
We are of the same cloth and I know that for all that you went through in your life you will find light soon and will be able to go on.

Anytime you feel that you need to talk, write to me anytime or here in the forums, like I said to someone here, writing heals the soul.

LOA hug.gif hug.gif smile.gif


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leenie 
Posted: 08-Nov-2008, 11:09 PM
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Oh Gabby...you don't ever have to apologize for venting your thoughts and feelings here...after all that you have been through in the past few years, you need to have someone who will just listen to you. Any time you need to do that, I would be glad to listen..
Sometimes it's easier to tell a stranger things than it is to talk to friends or family...Sometimes we are embarrassed and maybe other times we don't want to appear weak or silly...I know that's the case with me...
Loss is never easy and it takes a lot of time to ease the pain and we never get the answers to "Why us?" Hopefully one day all will become clear, until then we just have to pull ourselves up and get on with life as best as we can...

hug.gif Hope you feel better soon, Gabby
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MDF3530 
Posted: 09-Nov-2008, 04:29 AM
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Hi everyone!

Last night, I went to my 8th grade class reunion. It's hard to believe that it's been 20 years already. It was really nice seeing the classmates who were able to attend. I haven't seen some of them since graduation. Time has changed all of us. All of us guys have less hair, It was especially nice to meet up with one of the guys. He and I used to practically be joined at the hip. If people saw one of us, there was a good chance the other was not far behind biggrin.gif . We just lost touch in high school, but we exchanged phone numbers and email addresses.

I only go to my 8th grade reunions because I didn't like any of my high school classmates.
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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 09-Nov-2008, 09:45 AM
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Mike, I hope you will keep in touch with your old school mate this time. Having been that close during your school time it has to be so great to have met him again. It will make your life a lot richer.

Oh my dear friends what can I say but a heartfelt "Thank you" from the bottom of my heart for all the hugs and your kind words.
All of you are right.
Right because sometimes it really is easier to talk to a "stranger" because we might apper weak to others. Like you said, leenie. Life is very demanding, so you have to be fit and able to give 100 % at least at work; being a single Mom I still have to be strong for my sons who are grown up but still come around for an advice or an open ear evry now and then. Being family mans to be there for each other in good and bad days, to stand up for each other, to rely on each other, to love each other. Some values I tried to teach my sons and obviously it worked so far. And amazingly changes take place - so it has been always been me to care for them but recently they start to care for me and to pamper me like it was up to them now to give back a bit of what hey had received. As I never gave them the felling I expected things like being grateful or being obligated it's great to see they do though - by free will.

But when you HAD to be tough for all your life - and there you are right, LOA, we are of the same cloth indeed - you have to be careful not to end with a wall hiding your heart, with bitterness or with being unable to show any feelings. It's a matter of self - protection in order not to get hurt again or to be able to keep up with life which is a good thing in general. But it should never stop you feeling love and warmth as well as hurt and sorrows. Very much kind of a permanent acct of balancing.

Val, I'm not an amazing but a very normal person who just tries to be who I am. But I was very moved by your big, big compassionate and kind heart. Thank you dear. YOU are special.

rarosagreeta, what can I say? Reading your kind note made me speechless. You are so right what you said about life and age. I was very touched by your words.

All your kindness and to see that some of you can relate in that depth and seriousness is a precious gift.
You are the best. I was reaching out for a hand in my darkest moments and I found more than only one to holld mine and even more.

Blessings to all of you and again - thank you. I just wished or language had better words to express feelings.
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stoirmeil 
Posted: 09-Nov-2008, 02:43 PM
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Gabi -- I am just reading this part of the Gathering Place. People have said so much already, and so well -- I don't know what I can add to it. What is in my heart is very simple, but I wish it so much -- I wish I could be there now and cook up a big, beautiful meal full of all good things with you for a lot of people, all your family, and then build a fire with a sweetsmelling wood and sit with you by it, with some good wine, and just talk and talk, and probably cry too, until some of the November grayness starts to lift. It is a hard time of year when you've had such losses, and haven't yet really worked all the way through them. I am sending you the best kind of hug I can, and the fragrance of Zimt, Gewuerznelken and Fichtenadel, and light from my own candle burning day and night until Yule.

I know you have thought of this already, but I'll say it anyway -- you have very good health care in your country, which I have had occasion to know, and if you are getting into more of a depression than you should be dealing with alone, I know there is good compassionate care waiting for you. It may be time -- just look in your heart and ask.
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gaberlunzie 
Posted: 11-Nov-2008, 01:40 PM
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stoirmeil, dear, thank you so much for "painting" this beautiful scene for me. I would be more than happy if it came true some day. Know you're always welcome!
Thank you for the hug, the light of your own candle which is especially precious to me and your advice. I won't forget about it.

For now I remembered that it always made me feel whole again when I was outside; lifting my face to the sun (well, today it was pouring rain but that was okay), running with the wind; taking a deep, deep breath, touching a stone, a tree's bark, listening to the sound of the river. I remembered when I get lost it's always Mother Earth who gives me energy. I need to feel her touch and she nurtures and heals me. When I feel one with her and all creation and the cycle of nature, being a small, small part of it - I regain strength.

I'm still hurting but doing better. I still haven't worked through it all but at least I'm trying to and doing it the best I can.

But enough of me - how is everyone else doing?
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 17-Nov-2008, 08:45 PM
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Hi all,

This week has been one of hell again for me, well it's been like this since my return from vacation actually. I don't know if it's everything at the same time or it's just that I'm overdue for my injections.But this past 3 weeks was one migraine after the other so that now I'm at the point of exaustion.It's the second time the doc ask me to stop gradually the antiepileptic medication and after a month or so that I do. The migraines come back full force and more painful.

I know that I'm a bit anxious for friday is my appointment for my shots.
And I also know that I don't have the choice to go...and then after I'll be myself again...for me it's kind of weird to say for I almost sound like a drug addict or something...which in a sense I am for if I don't have or take my medications regularly I end up sick for days...

It would so much fun just to have the power to change ones head like one change a used bulb light...(sigh) maybe for my next life.
Meanwhile I must live with it and make the best of the moment I don't suffer and enjoy the day like today.

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MDF3530 
Posted: 23-Nov-2008, 06:39 PM
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Hi everyone!

I'm a bit winded right now. I'm at my parents' and was pulling out all their Christmas boxes and helping put up their outside lights. They did the ones on the bushes while I hung the icicle lights on the gutter.

Yesterday, I cleaned my apartment and went to 5PM Mass at my church. Normal Saturday stuff for me.

I talked to my friend Nate today. He said that he and his wife aren't going anywhere for the holidays. That's understandable though. They just got married and paid for the wedding themselves. I told him I'd call his mom on Thanksgiving. She's been almost a second mom to me.

LoA, I hope you are feeling better!

Gabi, you're right. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger. I've had some problems in the past and the words of encouragement I've received on this message board have been very comforting to me.
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LadyOfAvalon 
Posted: 23-Nov-2008, 07:50 PM
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QUOTE (MDF3530 @ 23-Nov-2008, 06:39 PM)
LoA, I hope you are feeling better!


Thank you MDF3530 I will get better.
I went to the neurologist on Friday for my injections and unfortunately he had increase the shots to 20 so he increase them for on the previous one I had 18. My head is still sore and my brow and temples where only in that area I received 10. Also, I cannot stop the antiepilectic anymore I must continue to take them.

But in a week or so I should be back to my normal self. I try to relax by going to bed early and during the day read or I log in here for a while and read some posts here and there and enjoy the music. Though I still have a bit of work to do on the computer it is not like working in the office.

LOA
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